Age gaps

[le****]

I have a general rule that if I am old enough to be their father I'm not really into it and definitely will not approach them. However if they come to me and pursue then I may consider it but that's unlikely

[ey****]

24 minutes ago, Wim121 said:

I understand what you’re saying; but that’s working off the premise that all 18 year olds are innocent and should be protected, then anyone 25+ isn’t. To me that’s absolute nonsense; I’ve encountered people that before they’re twenty have had more sexual experience than someone a decade older. Conversely, many years ago, I had a partner in her late twenties who was a virgin when we met and I didn’t find out til later on. It’s a bit blinkered to have massive assumptions based upon an age.

this is kinda why I drill on context.

Though sexual experience is somewhat of a moot point.  Kinda - a difference between someone who is 21 is sexually active at college/uni with people around their own age doesn't mean someone 35 initiating a relationship with them is automatically right (nor, does it automatically make it wrong - for the sake of balance) equally of course someone 40 who is new to kink can of course be manipulated due to their naivety on the subject.  But the risk is heightened with younger people.   

This is where I kinda again mention things like context and risk profile.   

[li****]

Coming from experience I just left a big age gapped relationship sometimes it’s not the best the older person will try to act the age of their younger partner and it doesn’t work out or they just don’t act their age and expect the younger to be more mature naturally and take on a bigger role and responsibility when us females under the age of even 23 are still developing

[Ka****]

As someone on the younger end of this spectrum, I do like older people to an extent as kink partners because they’re likely more experienced than the younger people. However I also feel weird because there gets a point some of these people are close in age to my mom and dad and so when the post nut clarity hits I’m just like… oh… lol

[Ch****]

2 hours ago, Wim121 said:

I can’t see why they wouldn’t accept you, but I agree that a relationship either drama from families is tiresome to navigate

Yeah it definitely is.

[Si****]

As long as both parties be themselves and not overreach or underplay their age it should be fine. My age is my age, its attractive to those who seek it. Knowing ones self & staying true to that makes it work.

[Wi****]

3 hours ago, fififufu said:

Still emotional with the hyperbolic language I see. As others have commented, there is a great deal of evidence that those under 25 haven't reached full maturity. Their brains are still developing. Yes I think there is a power imbalance between full adults and those whose brains are not fully developed. This specifically affects things like decision making, impulse control, cognitive analysis and risk taking. All relevant to relationships. One party has a fully developed prefrontal cortex and one doesn't. Gosh, who might have a significant advantage?

Stop trying to gaslight, it’s rather pathetic and it makes any point of yours null and void.

[Wi****]

3 hours ago, fififufu said:

Also kindly stop suggesting I've said or implied things that I haven't. It's rude.

I haven’t implied anything. I asked you to explain.

So you’re correlating maturity with power, which is laughable and sticking to your bigoted incorrect nonsense

[Ja****]

As a freshly 27 year old, I love going after older men 40+. Being young and full of energy in bed that really excites older men, which in returns excites me

[w4****]

Ill say this and leave it alone, all this argument about prefrontal cortex and brain development. Most of you in here are living in a country that was established by young 20 year olds. Alexander Hamilton was 20, James Madison was 25, Gouveneaur Morris was 24. Wars have been lead and fought through millenia by young 20 year olds.

Wisdom comes from experience, a person who has had to grow up fast due to a shitty childhood can be 10x more mature and responsible than a 35 year old who has had their hand held by parents. I have served with soldiers at 19 years old that make most average citizens look like toddlers. They are mature beyond their years capable of forward thinking on consequences to their actions and take calculated risks not reckless ones.

At the end of the day, if they are of legal age and they are making a decision to be with someone older. Let them, it can either be the love of their life or an experience to learn from. Their lives aren't affecting any of you at all. You aren't in the bedroom with them.

[Deleted Member]

7 hours ago, Wim121 said:

I haven’t implied anything. I asked you to explain.

So you’re correlating maturity with power, which is laughable and sticking to your bigoted incorrect nonsense

My response was science based and your response "bigoted incorrect nonsense". But no hyperbolic emotional reactions here, no sir.
Sure.

[Wi****]

21 minutes ago, fififufu said:

My response was science based and your response "bigoted incorrect nonsense". But no hyperbolic emotional reactions here, no sir.
Sure.

Tyst isn’t hyperbolic, it’s an accurate observation of your behaviour.

Your approach isn’t scientific, it’s hateful and hypocritical. I would explain to you in an example about past negative views on other choices like swinging or homosexuality, but you just won’t understand and you can’t see your own stupidity, so there’s no point in bothering.

[Deleted Member]

35 minutes ago, Wim121 said:

Tyst isn’t hyperbolic, it’s an accurate observation of your behaviour.

Your approach isn’t scientific, it’s hateful and hypocritical. I would explain to you in an example about past negative views on other choices like swinging or homosexuality, but you just won’t understand and you can’t see your own stupidity, so there’s no point in bothering.

You seem to be coming from a very defensive place. Thats my accurate observation.

[FE****]

OK, you two are going around in circles.  Agree to disagree and move on.

[da****]

Yesterday at 10:59 AM, Wim121 said:

Then he wasn’t a great person and you just dodged a bullet. How don’t you see that?

If someone loves you, they won’t abandon you just because their family dissuades them and pressures them away from the relationship with you,

That person has just proven they won’t be the partner you want that’s in your corner. Choose better.

Ooohhh.... I so want to agree... But when we are talking about ***s and early 20s, particularly genZ and alpha when they are old enough...

This is an age where we are only just learning g that we can make adult decisions.... 18 years of "mummy knows best" doesn't just switch off with the click of a switch

Plus living conditions... Most 18-25 year olds live with their parents, are in full time education and/or struggling to find work

That makes them pretty dependent on their parents ...

And we all know "my roof my rules" or something variation of it....

They may have wanted to resist, but still been too dependent on their parents to survive 🤔

[da****]

Yesterday at 11:56 AM, eyemblacksheep said:

age gap often comes down to context.   I don't automatically say folk with an age gap is predatory, but if you are constantly swinging from one younger/newbie to another it probably is.

Remember the age of consent exists so young adults can explore sexually with each without being prosecuted - not so a 50+ year old can bang 19 year old after 19 year old. Even if it's "legal"

The brain is still developing and people are generally considered adolescents until they are around 25.   And this is to remember both ways.   It's why something like someone 50 with someone 30 is much less likely to attract concern than someone 30 with someone 20.

Myself.... I tend more to be interested in folk late 20s, with no upper limit.   If someone is below 25 then I see things differently if they've been involved in kink/lifestyle 3-4 years than if they're new : someone 22 who has been going to fetish events since age 19 would be a different kettle of fish to someone 24 and new.  

The age of consent has nothing to do with exploration... It is the age at which your country believes you have matured enough to give informed consent, and identify and navigate risks safely....
By the definition of consent, if you are at risk of being manipulated, you should not be consenting at all... Regardless of your age 🤔

[Kd****]

I had a horrid experience with someone over 20 years my junior and it was not just the cheating girl but the way my son and others treated me too. Never again.

[da****]

14 minutes ago, Kd8fmx said:

I had a horrid experience with someone over 20 years my junior and it was not just the cheating girl but the way my son and others treated me too. Never again.

Admittedly I had a similar issue... I was 30, told my parents he was 18... I was branded "sick" because he was a "child".... At 18.... Been old enough to vote for 4 years, old enough to fuck a d marry for 2 years, but yeh, sure, let's call him a child 🤦‍♂️

That didn't stop me though, at the end of the day we were having fun together and were really good for each other

[Wi****]

1 hour ago, daddy4u30 said:

Ooohhh.... I so want to agree... But when we are talking about ***s and early 20s, particularly genZ and alpha when they are old enough...

This is an age where we are only just learning g that we can make adult decisions.... 18 years of "mummy knows best" doesn't just switch off with the click of a switch

Plus living conditions... Most 18-25 year olds live with their parents, are in full time education and/or struggling to find work

That makes them pretty dependent on their parents ...

And we all know "my roof my rules" or something variation of it....

They may have wanted to resist, but still been too dependent on their parents to survive 🤔

Completely see your point but I guess it comes down to integrity. Even when I was that age and living at home, I told off my family when needed.

It’s sad really as some people continue that way their whole lives, my grandfather even did that to my Grandmum after they were married, his family came first, which is just plain wrong.

[Wi****]

1 hour ago, daddy4u30 said:

The age of consent has nothing to do with exploration... It is the age at which your country believes you have matured enough to give informed consent, and identify and navigate risks safely....
By the definition of consent, if you are at risk of being manipulated, you should not be consenting at all... Regardless of your age 🤔

100% !!

[ey****]

1 hour ago, daddy4u30 said:

The age of consent has nothing to do with exploration... It is the age at which your country believes you have matured enough to give informed consent, and identify and navigate risks safely....
By the definition of consent, if you are at risk of being manipulated, you should not be consenting at all... Regardless of your age 🤔

yes and no

the thing is though, most people who are new/naive/etc or going through sub frenzy or so on - don't realise that they are naive or that someone is trying to manipulate them.  

These then become something the other person, who should be more experienced, to take on board.  Are they in a position to consent freely? Do they know 'no' is an option? Can they say no without consequences and are they aware of this? 

Cos like, the whole "they're 18 therefore legal", "they didn't safeword", "they said I could do anything", "they didn't expressly give it as a limit" etc etc are all often used as get outs - and while all technically correct, doesn't mean the behaviour was appropriate.  

[da****]

Hi! It is 100% scientifically true that someone under 25’s brain has not finished developing. They will not be able to make the same levelheaded decisions as a stable adult whose brain is finished. Additionally, there is undoubtedly an imbalance when dating someone who is in their 20s and 10+ years younger. They are still figuring their lives out. Dating someone who has had time to establish themselves physically, mentally, logistically is way different than being with someone who is fresh out of school lol. I can say 10000000% that while I was a legal “adult” in my late ***s/early twenties, I was incredibly naive and made traumatic decisions with the men I chose to spend time with. Additionally, there was always something wrong with them. I find that the people who pursue younger partners often have something significantly “off” about them. That being said, I myself have a lot off about me, which is why I like older partners. Reached this conclusion through lots of therapy lol. Furthermore, if a couple has a significant age gap, they must both be overall stable in their lives. That way they are more likely making clearheaded decisions & there is not any sort of imbalance in the relationship caused by the gap.

TLDR - both people *need* to be stable - mentally, financially, etc etc. Much harder to be when you’re in your 20s, I see the most issues in age gap relationships when it is a young adult and someone significantly older. Speaking from personal experience, too.

[da****]

In the US 18 is pretty much legal age of consent and considered "adult". Good luck getting out of legal contract like student loans because "young and naive". This is why I loathe when people refer to someone under 18 as a "young adult". NO. No they are a CHILD in the eyes of the law, PERIOD. (Nice try those trying to equivocate in behalf of Mr Epstein, but NOPE, it's a binary fact:
A: person is 18+
B: person is underage 🔞
That said, 18+ need to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for themselves. YOU. ARE. AN. ADULT.
I don't hear any adults saying "oh gosh, don't let me make adult decisions because I'm naive". The law is designed to protect ***, not adults, from CONSENSUAL acts.
I hear PLETHORA of about "MY RIGHTS!" but NEVER about "MY RESPONSIBILITY".
Now "no means NO" and EVERYONE has legal duty to observe consent.
But equally its incumbent on individuals to clearly approve or deny consent.
Now there are power imbalances THROUGHOUT LIFE and people are 100% going to utilize them. Once again it's incumbent upon individual to navigate them as an adult. It's ILLEGAL under many circumstances to use position of power to coerce including obviously kids. But this is about adults doing ADULT things.
Thanks for coming to my FET TALK.

[ey****]

It's interesting how much talk about age gaps is being done like a limbo - you know... like some folk would go lower if they could.

Let's temporarily ignore the "but it's legal" 

Let say in your territory the age of consent is 18 - pretty simple, pretty common.  So it's OK basically for a 50 year old to hang outside of college's looking for 18/19 year olds to hit on (as many in this thread imply. "It's legal!")   

The government lowers it to 16, in line with other territories - are you still happy to be hanging outside of schools looking for someone younger?  What if aligned with parts of South America and went to 14.... there becomes a point here where you kinda then sit with a "OK, it's legal - but yeah, no... that's not right." and goes back to an original point that the lower AOC is basically so young adults can explore sexually *with each other* and not be groomed 

But what if the government decides to raise it but with stipulations? I know the US already has some similar laws - ditto for Canada - so if they extended the "Restricted by Age Difference" and it meant someone 18 couldn't consent to someone more than 10 years older than them, and that unrestricted didn't kick in til, say, 23 - who would, as a middle-aged man, defend their right to bang 19 year olds? Or how would you view those who did?

Of course reverting to what I said above - context is important - the idea that the clock strikes midnight on someone's 18th birthday and they're suddenly 'fair game' is very nuanced and lacks full context

[co****]

My wife and I are 23 years apart and it’s never been an issue at all for us but a lot of people do make ignorant comments about it.