Go**** Posted December 16, 2020 Posted December 16, 2020 It seems to come up in discussion several times too many about informed choice. If you are given full information you then have the right to choose but when information is held from you then that choice is removed and therefore so is respect and really is that kind? Recently I had been chatting with someone where we really hit it off and we met and it was amazing. He then became unwell the days afterward so we continued to chat until a message came over a week later which told me of an illness he had and he wanted time to deal with it. This is all well and good and I wish him a speedy recovery. With this one situation information was withheld either intentionally or not but nonetheless was withheld and therefore took my choice away as to whether I wanted to get involved or not. My choice would have been to discuss and then make an informed choice but that was not granted. I also understand that it can be difficult to talk to someone new about your health as there is *** it can frighten them off, but that is their choice and withholding compromises trust, respect and above all your own safety. This happens all too often where we are meant to be within a community of openness with trust and respect. I have many conversations with a friend where we discuss a lot together and one of the topics we discuss is of people portraying that they want a relationship where in fact they are just looking for a fuck, again this takes away your choice and seems to happen all too often. Another is that they chat, you get on great, meet set further meets, issues arise with that person (like they werent there when you were chatting or meeting) and they decide without discussion that they can't meet further. If you are just looking for NSA or have issues trust the person you are conversing with discuss and allow the recipient the choice to make an informed decision.
typhoon2 Posted December 16, 2020 Posted December 16, 2020 Omission is as bad as commission, if the information is pertinent. While openness is not always the best policy, honesty certainly is and if prospective partners 'forget' details then their entire credibility is undermined. It need not mean the complete loss of trust but certainly encourages pause for thought.
MrHulk Posted December 16, 2020 Posted December 16, 2020 I have to agree with you with this one I have seen it way to many times and its not good on any level, Sorry to hear about all this but thank you for opening up about it
Go**** Posted December 16, 2020 Author Posted December 16, 2020 (edited) 15 minutes ago, typhoon2 said: Omission is as bad as commission, if the information is pertinent. While openness is not always the best policy, honesty certainly is and if prospective partners 'forget' details then their entire credibility is undermined. It need not mean the complete loss of trust but certainly encourages pause for thought. Totally agree prospective partners should be discussing pertinent information Edited December 16, 2020 by Dee1111 typo
Bambi1288 Posted December 16, 2020 Posted December 16, 2020 May I have your permission to post this on my wall?
dizzydeano69 Posted December 16, 2020 Posted December 16, 2020 Couldn't agree more. And not being ssxist but it always seems to be the guy that does the above.. not always but I would say 90% of the time This happens a lot with normal 'relationship' start offs... But I also have to agree that any person should be given the full info as to anyone's intentions and their future plans and/or choice they wish to make down the line.. it's only fair.
Go**** Posted December 16, 2020 Author Posted December 16, 2020 7 minutes ago, Bambi1288 said: May I have your permission to post this on my wall? Yes you do
Go**** Posted December 16, 2020 Author Posted December 16, 2020 6 minutes ago, dizzydeano69 said: Couldn't agree more. And not being ssxist but it always seems to be the guy that does the above.. not always but I would say 90% of the time This happens a lot with normal 'relationship' start offs... But I also have to agree that any person should be given the full info as to anyone's intentions and their future plans and/or choice they wish to make down the line.. it's only fair. I couldnt comment on the stats only on my own experiences and yes you are right it also happens in vanilla relationships too, but within the BDSM world I dud expect more honesty as to what was looked for
dizzydeano69 Posted December 16, 2020 Posted December 16, 2020 I know what you mean. I don't know stats.. just a guess..haha.🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️ But im definitely with you on the BDSM side of things as there has to be a whole lot more involved (openess, trust, respect, loyalty etc) moreso than a vanilla relationship. So sorry about your own experience and hope things work out for you.xx
Go**** Posted December 16, 2020 Author Posted December 16, 2020 Just now, dizzydeano69 said: I know what you mean. I don't know stats.. just a guess..haha.🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️ But im definitely with you on the BDSM side of things as there has to be a whole lot more involved (openess, trust, respect, loyalty etc) moreso than a vanilla relationship. So sorry about your own experience and hope things work out for you.xx Thank you, I am good and things all work out the way they are meant to x
dizzydeano69 Posted December 16, 2020 Posted December 16, 2020 Sorry dee I don't know how to tag you..😆😆 Just a beginner here..lol.x
Go**** Posted December 16, 2020 Author Posted December 16, 2020 2 minutes ago, dizzydeano69 said: Sorry dee I don't know how to tag you..😆😆 Just a beginner here..lol.x lol me too first posting, click on the quote button
dizzydeano69 Posted December 16, 2020 Posted December 16, 2020 1 minute ago, Dee1111 said: lol me too first posting, click on the quote button Aaahhhh.. I got it now.. Duh..😆😆 Thanks.
Go**** Posted December 16, 2020 Author Posted December 16, 2020 2 minutes ago, Bambi1288 said: Thank you 💕 Your welcome Beautiful
Bo**** Posted December 16, 2020 Posted December 16, 2020 Some call it radical honesty.....disclosure,unconditionally......yes may lead to judgements,but that again is a choice informed from personal beliefs. Having been made aware of the sort of approaches made by some ,whilst they may be 'honest' definitely lack respect and manners. All to often truth takes a back seat in pursuit of desires.........i applaud your posting to highlight this,hopefully some may stop n think....... Big tribeVibe......life,love,n,unity🙏
SP**** Posted December 16, 2020 Posted December 16, 2020 Great topic Dee. I agree, there are definitely certain things that need to be discussed so you can make an informed choice or not. Whether it be like you say illnesses or whether its just a one off meet. Ive chatted with guys and they say they are looking for LTR but can tell from the way chat is going that its only going to be a fuck and then nothing after it. It does put me off arranging to meet
Go**** Posted December 16, 2020 Author Posted December 16, 2020 22 minutes ago, Boldbald said: Some call it radical honesty.....disclosure,unconditionally......yes may lead to judgements,but that again is a choice informed from personal beliefs. Having been made aware of the sort of approaches made by some ,whilst they may be 'honest' definitely lack respect and manners. All to often truth takes a back seat in pursuit of desires.........i applaud your posting to highlight this,hopefully some may stop n think....... Big tribeVibe......life,love,n,unity🙏 I much prefer the honestly and disclosure and if judgements are cast it is not a reflection on the one disclosing but on that one judging as really we have no right to put judgement upon anyone I totally agree and with hope that some will read and think about how they decide to either disclose or choose by being informed
Go**** Posted December 16, 2020 Author Posted December 16, 2020 9 minutes ago, SPANK135 said: Great topic Dee. I agree, there are definitely certain things that need to be discussed so you can make an informed choice or not. Whether it be like you say illnesses or whether its just a one off meet. Ive chatted with guys and they say they are looking for LTR but can tell from the way chat is going that its only going to be a fuck and then nothing after it. It does put me off arranging to meet all too often Beautiful and thankful for the insight
Deleted Member Posted December 16, 2020 Posted December 16, 2020 My attitude would be different to yours and partly it’s an age thing, but not just that. I just assume potential partners are likely to have some health problems.  I wouldn’t expect people to tell me about them before we met. Sometimes people feel that talking about their health issues can be tedious to others, others may feel embarrassed or *** being judged. Perhaps it also seems irrelevant before you know whether something is a going concern or not. My arthritis can impact on what activities I can take part in, but I’d be unlikely to mention it apropos of nothing because it’s just boring. Likewise, talking about my ADHD invites a whole host of judgement and stigma. Obviously, I’m not shy of discussing these things, but others are. Sometimes a little empathy is called for.
Go**** Posted December 16, 2020 Author Posted December 16, 2020 2 minutes ago, Lockfairy said: My attitude would be different to yours and partly it’s an age thing, but not just that. I just assume potential partners are likely to have some health problems.  I wouldn’t expect people to tell me about them before we met. Sometimes people feel that talking about their health issues can be tedious to others, others may feel embarrassed or *** being judged. Perhaps it also seems irrelevant before you know whether something is a going concern or not. My arthritis can impact on what activities I can take part in, but I’d be unlikely to mention it apropos of nothing because it’s just boring. Likewise, talking about my ADHD invites a whole host of judgement and stigma. Obviously, I’m not shy of discussing these things, but others are. Sometimes a little empathy is called for. I also agree with that side of the coin Lock as I was extremely ill for a long time and it bored me silly talking about it when chatting with new people. But I am sure if you were entering into a relationship it would be something you would be discussing with that potential person therefore the disclosure is important for your safety in that partner knowing what you are capable of to avoid injuries. Love and blessings Beautiful
blackwes748 Posted December 16, 2020 Posted December 16, 2020 While I agree full disclosure and honesty are a must, I also think that this can take time to surface. I believe in initial chatting, there is the thrill of meeting someone new, discussing life details, desires and kinks and I think everyone wants to share the best of themselves. But after that initial thrill, with chatting progressing, openess, honesty and building of trust commences through the sharing of all pertinent information. I would hate to find myself in the same position as you did, only finding out something extremely important that should have been discussed, long before you met.
Deleted Member Posted December 17, 2020 Posted December 17, 2020 In some ways I agree, in others I don't. I agree that honesty and integrity are absolutely vital in all walks of life and deliberately misleading someone of your intentions is completely wrong. But alas even that comes with a caveat. I'm a sadist, I enjoy *** play, I enjoy abduction and CNC, I enjoy creating situations that completely screw with someone's sense of reality to cause them to think that the knife I've just used has actually cut them (even though they know I don't like *** play) that the branding iron I just pressed against their skin was really red hot (even though it left no mark). That the gang scene we were doing was real (even though it was just me and her). If I give full disclosure of all the finer details, the scenes won't work because she will know exactly whats happening. The example you gave about the person with the illness. At what point do you think he should have told you? During the first message? During the first week? Just before you met? Or should he have done what he did and explained it at the point it affects you? You call it informed choice, and you're right it is, by being informed about someone's health up front you get to decide whether or not to speak to them. Of course, because of the information in their profile you've already made the decision whether or not to speak to them based on age, gender, race, religion or sexuality, so why not add in an unseen condition over which they may have no control and let that define them too? Thats called DISCRIMINATION! I get it, we all know what we are looking for, and everyone' should be given the choice whether to engage or not. People should be open qnd up-front about what they are here for: Online Only, Friends (with or without benefits), want to have a kinky chat, want to meet (or never want to meet), are having an affair or lookin for a poly situation, have experience or have no experience..... SAY IT!!!! And to some extent medical conditions do come into it, of course they do, I wouldn't want to find out the person I've just suspended by their ankles has hypermobility after their joints have become dislocated, it would be prudent to mention it before we play so that I can make adjustments. Equally if someone has had a bad experience or trauma, I'd want to know that before we play too, as that might cause me to adapt the kind of play we do or at least check in more often. But I don't need to know any of these things to talk to them. I have met lots of people within this lifestyle and made a great many friends (some who are sadly no longer with us) because I don't allow an illness, mental or physical, or previous negative experience to define the person. So whilst I agree with the intent of this post, and I agree with being open, upfront, truthful, above board and wholeheartedly support Informed Consent, I think we need to be careful how much we demand of others qnd we don't ostracise members of our community because of something over which they have no control. You only need to know of something if it affects you, and in this case, thats exactly what happened. He became ill and at that point it affected you. You've been informed about the illness, and now you have all the information you need to make your "informed choice", Choose wisely!
Go**** Posted December 17, 2020 Author Posted December 17, 2020 7 hours ago, blackwes748 said: While I agree full disclosure and honesty are a must, I also think that this can take time to surface. I believe in initial chatting, there is the thrill of meeting someone new, discussing life details, desires and kinks and I think everyone wants to share the best of themselves. But after that initial thrill, with chatting progressing, openess, honesty and building of trust commences through the sharing of all pertinent information. I would hate to find myself in the same position as you did, only finding out something extremely important that should have been discussed, long before you met. It was an important factor therefore full disclosure before meeting was important
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