Where do I begin? How do I break the ice?

[kandeekayne]

Hey guys i am kk and I am new to the bdsm community...I’ve been interested always, though I had no idea that it actually had a name until quite recently. Anyway...I have found myself in a situation (after looking for these traits in many guys ) where I am becoming close to a guy who has a very dominating personality, which turns me on...but he also wants to be completely dominated, which also turns me on. Lol I’m trying to be patient with him and learn a little at a time bcuz he is very shy about what he desires. He thinks I will judge and maybe stop talking to him if he divulged his darkest desires. Thing is tho that I know for a fact that unless he wants me to eat or drink ***. Shit. Or vomit then I couldn’t do that but I don’t have many limits other than that... so anyway my question is basically this: Where do I begin with him? Do i just jump into it or what. I don’t know what to do first to break the ice

[dg****]

That depends on what dynamic you are wanting the relationship to go over time. Personally I think if you just didn't just lay everything out for him and just started getting more and more kinky when you do see him he would just assume you have always been "crazy" in bed. If you do forewarn him, It may cause anxiety of sorts affecting performance or even worse...he may not be comfortable vocalizing what makes him uncomfortable and feel like he needs to do whatever to make you happy instead of him. Then he is trapped having an experience he didn't want to have and probably won't enjoy

[Koby-8348]

Build Trust?

Are you seeking something short and sweet? Or something long-term? If it is the latter, than continue to communicate with him and slowly build your relationship.

He will need time to feel completely comfortable with his kinky interests,  when he does he will eventually share his darkest desires !!

This is also opportunity to learn more about you and your needs. Keep asking each other questions- What does "Completely Dominated" mean?

 

[Dreamaway]

Time to get drunk and fess up, I'll tell you mine if you tell me your's. You must be able to correctly judge his moods and personality in order to pick a sensible moment to broach the subject though. However I will say that some people are quite content with how they are and won't wish to break their mould per se. Also, the depth to which he wishes to be dominated here is important too, although this is not a position you're comfortable with, if all he means is you going on top while making love then I think your progress with him adopting the reverse and dominating you may not happen. Without knowing you both personally it's very difficult to talk specifics. Whatever, good luck. X

[Mo****]

Just a word of advice... Do both of you a favour and take the time to understand where his insecurities about his kinks come from, and make sure you can offer him the security he needs before you push him to come out of his shell.

I was in a very sexually oppressive relationship for best part of 15 years before I met my ex. My ex pushed me to open up about kinks that I felt embarrassed and ashamed about, and despite all the effort she put into making me feel comfortable about it, no sooner did I open up and start developing some confidence to embrace my desires, she brutally betrayed my trust which left me in an even worse state of mental health than I was before I met her.

Have fun exploring and learning about each other, but most importantly respect each other's boundaries!

[lippy101]

Being completely honest and open with someone is the scariest thing in the world but also the most liberating we all wear a mask in life few people get to see who we truly are and simplest answer is if someone truly loves you they will never judge you

[kandeekayne]

Well I don’t exactly know what completely dominated means bcuz of the fact that I can’t get him to tell me exactly what it is that he wants...however I really just meant that i know his desire is to be dominated on a severe level. I’m looking for a long term something and I’m assuming he does as well. We have only been talking and hanging out for a little over a month so there is a lot for us to learn about each other and a lot of room for trust to build. He is very reserved about his kinky desires! I feel like they must be dark but I want to know bcuz I am almost certain that they are very similar out at least merge with mine and I think we can work it out to both or

[BamBam831333]

Keep on doing what instincts tell you. If its the correct moment it will all happen, but if not, don't let it get you down. Just recoup and move on to the Guy that works. I mean it will be what it is either way. Stay confident and true to you and what you want, A True Dom will take notice and be comfortable with his vulnerabilities and express them. Have him take a kink assessment test http://bdsm-limits.com/
You take it too and show him to allow him to say he'll do it. Just a suggestion... Enjoy 😉 wish for the best for you...
Hay also I do Shibari/Kinbaku art of Rope bondage, Domineering 101 and mentoring, if this guy is real enough and wants more of a education on all of BDSM, you know where to find me... Have a great day...