How to find a play partner??

[Deleted Member]

I’m looking for some advice from people with more experience navigating kink and D/s spaces. I’m struggling to find a Dom and/or play partner locally, and I don’t know many people in my area who share similar interests.

It often feels like I’m the one doing all the traveling or compromising to keep connections going, and I’m starting to feel stuck and unsure how to change that pattern. I want to keep exploring safely and intentionally, but without burning myself out or settling for situations that don’t feel right.

If you’ve dealt with limited local options, distance dynamics, or building connections later rather than earlier, I’d really appreciate hearing what worked for you (or what didn’t).

[St****]

I've been having the same issue 😭 everyone I click with is too far.

[ye****]

Hi! If you get any dms that tell you could you fill me in too? I’ve had this question as well :(

[Lo****]

kink is about trust, need and communication, make sure you tell them how you feel and what you do and don't like. make sure you put up good boundaries and say what is expected. if your getting burned out then there are red flags, step back and see what is wrong or making the red flags.

[Th****]

I'm super new here, but would also like that advice as a newcomer to the scene.

[ta****]

Yes. Same. Struggling to find someone consistent to play with. Have slowly been introduced into BDSM with restraints/whips and cuffs. Slowly learning. But also open to new kinks. I’ll try most things at least once.

[Ch****]

I’d suggest looking into local kink groups. Not every state allows it to be open so you’ll have to do some digging if your location is like that. But local groups offer mentoring (in the form of munches) and play scenes. Depending on your location will determine if the play parties are non penetrative in nature. They been also be informative on the kink side, because those doing impact play or rigging are generally nice enough to answer questions when not in the middle of their craft.

I’ve had decent luck with online apps like tinder or bumble but I put in my profile that I’m looking for a specific dynamic. Those apps don’t allow blunt advertisement to certain bdsm phrases so the chain emoji or “not vanilla” are common bypasses to that.

[si****]

I read ur post , i think the best thing to do is to connect only with people within a certain distance that could be comfortable for both of u . U can also make friends far away but just to wide ur social network in case u travel to their places to meet them . And about finding a dom . It depends on how u expose ur “ submissiveness “ to ur partner, a dom man “ in bed “ likes to take control but some doesnt like to escalate it right away , then u can verbally directing him and verbally teasing him and showing him how sub u are , that will rise his confidence to take his don game to next level and next level ect until u both find ur limits .

[ta****]

I’ve been open to going with a play party but hard and would prefer to go with someone else as partners to start!

[Da****]

I completely can relate, I am from a small town in central mo, I choose to pretty much find a partner over 2 hours away. But locally its not a common thing, and the ones that are in the lifestyle either have a partner or are not my type.

[al****]

Same

[Ba****]

Well the „best“ answer to your question i can give you is; luck+initiative and if local isn’t a thing you need to move or do long distance
You may also want to look into alternative sub-cultures around you, even if you have no local bdsm spots you could get lucky if you have a local goth or punk scene
It’s where i got most of my experience despite having quite a few kinky communities within 2h around me
They tend to be relatively openminded and already have some overlapping aesthetics in their fashion

But I’m mostly commenting just to say compromise can not be a one-sided thing

[Me****]

Try going to events, munches, possibly poly dynamic to satisfy your different needs until you find someone that's able to satisfy them all/ enough for mono if that's your wish. Patience and not letting your impatience override your vetting process. This lifestyle can be just as alienating as it can be rewarding, patience and openness to looking outside the norm go a long way.

[sp****]

Interaction is key 

[Ae****]

Definitely recommend going to events and even Raves if there are any on in your area. Good place to meet people that generally have a less prudish worldview

[Di****]

Honestly I’ve got no idea, I’ve been on here for a good while and still nothin 🥲

[MZ****]

Agree to meet half way before meet up know what each other need and want set boundaries and make rules if any

[ke****]

Admitting that you are interested in something with a little extra flavour makes it very different and dificlut

[ya****]

I feel like it's about location and what exactly you're looking for. Often groups in the area have meet and greets that might help a bit. It also takes time to find a good partner. I'm currently still looking in NW Arkansas

[Lo****]

Are there any meet and greets or munches in you area? If nit perhaps you could start one. I ran a kinky bookclub for years. Covid caused it to end. Good luck in your search.

[Sa****]

Solution 1) move to a highly populated location Solution 2) I'm still trying to figure it out XD. Even something as vanilla as "I want to eat someone" is tough to find if you're not in a populated area, or if your job or hobbies don't make you meet people who are your age and available.

[Di****]

I mean Boise is getting extremely populated recently so I don’t think that’s the issue there. But I really wouldn’t know though

[St****]

100% use the actual Fetlife site. You'll get further there than here, tho the site is a bit hard to navigate, but theres a section to find local events, groups, and all that. I recommend attending some munchs in the area to meet individuals and go from there.

[de****]

All in all, it seems you’ve got solos advice that is coming your way here helen.
Id sum it up through filters, you might want to tweak those. Munches are good (never been to one due to being an introvert) and distance, wet those in your profile. I never travel more than 70 miles, but i drive alot so do you.
Last but not least patience and comunicación, your young, beautiful and willing to submit.
Don’t let some spazzy ‘dom’ ruin that for the partner you deserve.
Happy hunting

[ye****]

Yesterday at 07:39 PM, StarKing01 said:

100% use the actual Fetlife site. You'll get further there than here, tho the site is a bit hard to navigate, but theres a section to find local events, groups, and all that. I recommend attending some munchs in the area to meet individuals and go from there.

I’ve tried that but it really seems to be very iffy most of the time, no one responds or they really don’t try at all, any help on finding someone on there?