Debating about leaving the lifestyle

[Ma****]

Im writing to get some help from my fellow community members. My last partnership went beyond basic play. Despite having limits and boundaries, I was physically & mentally ***d. Before you say anything, im not new to this lifestyle. Im having a hard deciding whether I want to stay in this lifestyle. Im scared to evwn look for a new partner. Any advice

[me****]

Hiya! Are you okay?

[Da****]

Well, unfortunately, he didn’t sound like a good person. Need to have somebody who will listen and respect what you enjoy and what you don’t.

[aa****]

Take a needed break from the lifestyle for your comfort and safety to get back aligned. The real partners will understand.

[le****]

Im truth there are many mentally unstable people in the community. Not everyone's bad. But in this world theres a lot of messed up guys. They dont understand the mental aspect of things or how to support a sub. They just want full control like your a sex robot not a person who chose a sub life style and chose to submit which is a massive trust thing. Its more than dating at that point and we know it. But the dom has to be respectful of his sub or the sub will be burned out and run away and ruined to a life style she enjoys.

[mo****]

Unfortunately there's Doms out there that don't pay attention to limits or boundaries and that's just not right. I was brought up to respect boundaries and respect women and some people take that as a weakness. My suggestion would be take a break live a vanilla lifestyle for a bit then when you are ready come back to this lifestyle.

[Scottishdombull]

I know how you feel one relationship went beyond than basic play but the breakup for what I read on what happened to you was tough and it drained me totally. Like you I thought to just leave.
In the end, I took time away I would suggest that you take time to take stock and if you do come back you come back afresh and will not be burden on what happened in the past.
Which we all learn on what happened in the past

All the best

[MR****]

Start off slow
Sexy eyes
Trying to start over myself

[Pi****]

Take some time , self reflect .. Pause your account . Do not look for any Dom .
It's a new year , new you every day .

[countrymomma2013]

how do you make sure that a dom respects your boundaries. i was in one relationship where he took full advantage and didnt respect my boundaries.

[mo****]

3 minutes ago, countrymomma2013 said:

how do you make sure that a dom respects your boundaries. i was in one relationship where he took full advantage and didnt respect my boundaries.

First you have to make sure he respects you. Because if he doesn't respect you he will not respect your boundaries. Once you figure that out sit down and talk to him make sure he knows what you're boundaries are and make sure he will not cross them.

[Dragoonstat45]

First of all anyone that you’re gonna make a long-term relationship. They have to respect you first as a person. Another thing is find out about them. I have really good friends in this community in Arizona I can usually go to them and ask, but also prepare a list of questions you want to see them answer. Kind of like a little test to see if they’ll respect your boundaries and your limits.

[Scottishdombull]

6 minutes ago, countrymomma2013 said:

how do you make sure that a dom respects your boundaries. i was in one relationship where he took full advantage and didnt respect my boundaries.

Not all Doms are like that. It is true that they are ..... that distasteful amount if people who has no concept that boundaries are to respected. If it is agreed that boundaries are bent not broken that would should be agreed by both the submissive and Dominant

[Am****]

Take it one day at a time. Your not having true bdsm if you don’t get tired of it at times. It’s sometimes a challenge and sometimes makes you wonder if this is what you want

[Si****]

I wish you the best with everything, it comes down to trust, respect & honesty.

[al****]

I ended up taking a 15 year break from the lifestyle. Sometimes You just get burned out and need to step away. Unfortunately I went from one extreme to the another and married the first vanilla guy I met. Someone with no dominance in them all. I was miserable for many years. I found out that you can’t really change who you are deep inside. I’m still a die hard submissive whether or not I’m actively participating in the lifestyle.
Take a break if you need to. Recoup and regain your balance. Come back to it if or when you are ready.

[TimberTara]

Life has ups and downs. There are no guarantees and you realize you’ve made a mistake and walk away and do better.

[Ba****]

Please do not confuse staying with or being with a certain someone or person as the "lifestyle". Not saying that you do, but just a reminder, that person(s) is not the "lifestyle". You may need to step away from them, the lifestyle, or both.

That being said deal with your issues or they'll deal with you. Other people can respect our boundaries or not but the only one that ultimately can enf4rce them is ourself. If you can't enf4rce your own boundaries, well let's just say there are some that can smell that the way sharks smell *** in the water. They'll always be waiting for you.

Edited January 8 by BadBunnyWanted

[Ly****]

You could always talk to people. Taking a break for a while.Sounds like the best course of action

[FETMOD-TF]

I have done some housekeeping on this thread and have removed several posts due to propositions which are not permitted in the forum. If you wish to chat to a member please reach out privately and not ask for private messages in the forum.  Any further propositions will be removed.  Thank you to those who have offered genuine advice and stayed on topic. 

[MR****]

Well it's not about the life style
It's all about finding the right person for each other.

[Cade]

I think it helps to remember that one person does not represent the entire community. What was done to you isn't actually BDSM or kink, so perhaps considering it an example of such dynamics seems erroneous. Take your time to heal. If you're not getting what you need from this culture, there is nothing wrong with leaving it.

[Ch****]

honestly, until ll your feel comfortable in your own skin and able to keep yourself happy with or without it. I feel like it would be hard to try to sure that was someone else to help them be happy

[at****]

This lifestyle is truly about respect, loyalty, and commitment. With two people or more people into this world and decide to play in the ways that they wish to play and explore.. they surely go into it with some thought and rules of engagement. The term safe word can be laughed at but should be respected whether it’s a word a phrase whatever it may be, but there could be a simple no or stop but one must respect and no where the emergency stop button is and if you have a partner that you see is starting to push those boundaries more and more and more than you allow them to do that without discussion They feel that it’s right and it’s safe to do that. You can’t allow it because to them it might seem normal and next thing you know your in situations where you’re being hurt physically mentally and now you want out completely.. and I can’t condemn a person for saying I want out because you’ve been ***d. But you have to stand up in this type of lifestyle and be able to immediately say oh no we’re going too far or OK what we just did. We’re not gonna do that again.. I find myself in those situations that because I want to push my own boundaries. Let me take a little bit further and that’s fine but perhaps at the end I’ve said OK well we just did. I’m at my my limit. I don’t wanna go there again. These are discussions that people must have with each other. If you cannot have open honest discussions, then you do definitely not need to be in this lifestyle.. I believe today’s society is becoming more and more free and acceptance of the lifestyle but there’s a good few that use and *** it. Those are the ones that need to be stopped.. the only way to stop them is to deny them from doing it and you need to step away from them because they do not listen. Just my input just my thoughts.. don’t let a bad player take away what might be your happiness and your wants and needs just look for a new player. Happy hunting.

[Sq****]

Approach vetting more effectively, utilize the wrongs and regrets to not put yourself in a position like that in the future. Don't settle or rush anything. If you have to go, then Gods***d.