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Mental vs Physical

wo****

By wo****
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LazyPirate

LazyPirate

Posted
1 hour ago, Walther said:

It’s actually not that complex a concept. If a dom is catering to a subs will, then the sub is in charge....not the dom. Also known in bdsm as ‘topping from the bottom’. But in modern bdsm and the people here want to take the ‘dominance’ away from Domming. And on dry dominance into mutual compassion. It defeats the entire purpose of being attracted to a strong, confident, ***ful, authority figure as a dom and reduces it to “my dom or my sub is my equal”. Their dom will cave in as soon as the sub shows ANY signs of weakness intellectually, physically or emotionally.......to that i say, that’s not a dom/sub dynamic, that’s a girlfriend/boyfriend dynamic. People here are butt hurt because I’m proving they are not doms or subs.

I’m sorry, but again bs and potentially dangerous. Am I supposed to thrash a submissive because it’s my right, and even though they have called a safe word I won’t stop? Am I supposed to ignore that they may have some trauma in their past which could cause them to have flashbacks and trigger something mentally? Am I supposed to ignore health concerns and cause them deliberate suffering that will have real world negative consequence?

I’m talking from having currently engaged in 2 TPE dynamics (virtually due to Covid) as the Dominant where there are no feelings involved, but it doesn’t mean I immediate cave in to the slightest sign of weakness, and unless a yellow (or slow down) or red is stated or indicated then I will continue to push my submissives.

Deleted Member

Posted
8 hours ago, Walther said:

She implied certain things with her context. Her post to me is clearly coming from ego.

You are highlighting ego in someone else’s post - can you see the amount of ego reflected in yours? Just above you’ve written the statement “People here are butt hurt because I’m proving they are not Doms or subs”. You’ve proved nothing of the kind, simply asserted your own view. As Firewitch did. 🙄

Deleted Member

Posted
(edited)
21 hours ago, Walther said:

No, when you are courting for a relationship this is the initial trust determining and building period. This it the conversation period of d/s goals and hard limits. AFTER this initial courting period you negotiate with the dom the terms and decide if you want to enter a d/s dynamic. Once you agree then the power is ALL the doms so long as they don’t break the negotiations (hard limits). Those that think the D/s relationship is ‘equal’ after that are delusional or misguided. The dom takes FULL power as per the negotiations. If the sub is breaking negotiations because of say needy ‘emotions’ or ‘intellectual’ stimulation then the sub is breaking the D/s power dynamic because they are demanding the dom relinquish power to cater to the subs intellect or emotion. Once this happens the sub loses respect for the Doms power and the D/s dynamic is gone. This is what the BDSM community calls “topping from the bottom”. What’s stopping the Dom from outright abusing the sub? The built trust /love at the beginning, the negotiations, but technically if the dom destroys the sub physically, mentally or emotionally, then the dom can not have their pleasure of using the sub again. Respect is earned, not demanded. The proof is it is easily lost and next to impossible to regain. If you automatically respect someone, they could turn out to be a ***er which puts your life in danger. Also, if you demand respect or make it automatic, it removes the ability for the other person to give it voluntarily on their own free will. What people should do is give each other ‘common courtesy’ in order to work as a relationship and a society.....again without expecting it for the reasons stated above. The dom is courteous towards the sub, so as not to render them unusable to the dom (or to the subs regular vanilla life and relationships). I maintain that if a sub is looking for a dom that will treat them the way they want to be treated, f*cked the way they want to be f*cked, you’re not actually looking for a dom. You are looking for a boyfriend/girlfriend that tops, to which you are topping from the bottom. I’m 47, I have been kinky since I was young, I have been body piercing myself since 1987 others since 1992, I have been both a dom and a sub in various relationships with men and women since 1989. Those of you that doubt my experience and expertise on the subject, that’s your assumption based on your insecurities towards the truth.,

I used to swim, apparently quite well and there was talk when I was a lad of possibly with commitment eventually making it to the British team. As such I know a little about the history of swimming and it's development especially over the last 90 years or so.

 

In 1933 for the first time some crazy fool went Into a pool and to everyone's horror started developing the butterfly. Shock, horror amongst all the traditionalists who immediately tried to have this new fangled style banned. Over time however more and more attempted the butterfly, and eventually it became as accepted as the more traditional forms of swimming; the breastroke, front crawl etc. So just as in the bdsm/kink community as I've seen a couple of times there seems to be two camps, those who are new wave, shall we say and the traditionalists. Which is right and which is wrong? There is no answer to that as both are right, depending of course on your own personal viewpoint. Do I as an accomplished swimmer have more right to the pool compared to a complete newbie? No of course not but whichever stroke that newbie chooses to learn first is completely their decision be it front crawl(tradition) or the butterfly(new wave). 

 

I've seen this happening more and more the last couple of years since I stepped in and I've seen some state that the new wave, of which I'm a member are diluting and somehow taking away from the values and views of the traditionalists, which annoys the shit out of me. It would be my choice how I wish to conduct myself, which protocols I wish to accept and just because I may choose a different style to yours that does not devalue your traditions, which incidentally I do respect. You choose your own path as I choose mine and just because I move in a different direction it does not demean or devalue your important beliefs as you are still free to follow your old school, traditionalist way of kink. So please don't tell me I'm doing it wrong, please don't tell me I don't belong here as I have a huge vanilla side(Which others have) and value those vanilla traits I hold onto, my way is merely different to your way,  and as a wiser man than I once said to me "tradition is merely the opinion of men long since dead." 

 

We are all different and as such will see things differently. I enjoyed reading your words as it opened up another way of thinking, another lesson to be learned but one thing was missing from your words. Something I believe is so so important. With respect as I don't mean to be rude, your post lacked any emotion, any empathy, any feeling and what are we as human beings if not those with emotions? Emotion does come into play, for me and many like me but that does not mean I view your way is wrong, or less than mine. Just different 😊.

 

Hope all that makes sense.

Edited by Deleted Member
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Deleted Member

Posted
2 hours ago, Primal*** said:

I used to swim, apparently quite well and there was talk when I was a lad of possibly with commitment eventually making it to the British team. As such I know a little about the history of swimming and it's development especially over the last 90 years or so.

 

In 1933 for the first time some crazy fool went Into a pool and to everyone's horror started developing the butterfly. Shock, horror amongst all the traditionalists who immediately tried to have this new fangled style banned. Over time however more and more attempted the butterfly, and eventually it became as accepted as the more traditional forms of swimming; the breastroke, front crawl etc. So just as in the bdsm/kink community as I've seen a couple of times there seems to be two camps, those who are new wave, shall we say and the traditionalists. Which is right and which is wrong? There is no answer to that as both are right, depending of course on your own personal viewpoint. Do I as an accomplished swimmer have more right to the pool compared to a complete newbie? No of course not but whichever stroke that newbie chooses to learn first is completely their decision be it front crawl(tradition) or the butterfly(new wave). 

 

I've seen this happening more and more the last couple of years since I stepped in and I've seen some state that the new wave, of which I'm a member are diluting and somehow taking away from the values and views of the traditionalists, which annoys the shit out of me. It would be my choice how I wish to conduct myself, which protocols I wish to accept and just because I may choose a different style to yours that does not devalue your traditions, which incidentally I do respect. You choose your own path as I choose mine and just because I move in a different direction it does not demean or devalue your important beliefs as you are still free to follow your old school, traditionalist way of kink. So please don't tell me I'm doing it wrong, please don't tell me I don't belong here as I have a huge vanilla side(Which others have) and value those vanilla traits I hold onto, my way is merely different to your way,  and as a wiser man than I once said to me "tradition is merely the opinion of men long since dead." 

 

We are all different and as such will see things differently. I enjoyed reading your words as it opened up another way of thinking, another lesson to be learned but one thing was missing from your words. Something I believe is so so important. With respect as I don't mean to be rude, your post lacked any emotion, any empathy, any feeling and what are we as human beings if not those with emotions? Emotion does come into play, for me and many like me but that does not mean I view your way is wrong, or less than mine. Just different 😊.

 

Hope all that makes sense.

It was the lack of any emotion or feeling towards real people like me (subs) that has chilled me to the bone. I completely agree with you about two different groups of thought. This comes up time and time again. I do not disrespect an alternative view, but I cannot respect an individual who writes and responds as he does towards others.

Phoenyx

Phoenyx

Posted
15 hours ago, Walther said:

It’s actually not that complex a concept. If a dom is catering to a subs will, then the sub is in charge....not the dom. Also known in bdsm as ‘topping from the bottom’. But in modern bdsm and the people here want to take the ‘dominance’ away from Domming. And on dry dominance into mutual compassion. It defeats the entire purpose of being attracted to a strong, confident, ***ful, authority figure as a dom and reduces it to “my dom or my sub is my equal”. Their dom will cave in as soon as the sub shows ANY signs of weakness intellectually, physically or emotionally.......to that i say, that’s not a dom/sub dynamic, that’s a girlfriend/boyfriend dynamic. People here are butt hurt because I’m proving they are not doms or subs.

This is really just the superficial---what a casual outside observer might see.  Some subs are attracted to "strong and ***ful"; others are not.  A true Dom/me though, is the one that is always one step ahead.  They can "read" the feelings, desires, and emotional state of the sub, simply by observing the cues---eye contact, vocal tone, body language, choice of phrasing, etc...  They can know what the sub wants, even before the sub realizes their own desires.  Doms don't cave at signs of weakness; they use them as guides, as to where to move next.  This is how the Dom/me touches that place deep within the sub---that emotional nerve center, that causes the sub to melt and submit.  The sub may never need to say a word.  It is all about trust.  If the sub knows that the Dom/me will take them where they wish to go, they will relinquish total control.  Remember, it is a power exchange.  It is not about the Dom/me taking all of the power for themselves.  It is about accepting that gift, returning it, and accepting it again, in a continuous cycle.  The more energy that flows around that loop, the more intense the scene.  It is true, that the Dom/me is giving the sub what the sub truly desires.  In turn, the sub provides the Dom/me with what the Dom/me truly desires.

As for "topping from the bottom", taxi operators don't like back-seat drivers either.

Deleted Member

Posted

It’s so good to have an expert here as otherwise we would have all wondered what those words mean!

Deleted Member

Posted
5 hours ago, Curvykate said:

It’s so good to have an expert here as otherwise we would have all wondered what those words mean!

Good, because a lot of people here tend to conflate sub and dom with ‘compassion’. Which is the furthest thing from ‘control’ and ‘punishment’.

Phoenyx

Phoenyx

Posted
7 hours ago, Curvykate said:

It’s so good to have an expert here as otherwise we would have all wondered what those words mean!

@Curvykate, Did I detect just a hint of sarcasm?

@Walther, If you cannot catch this not-so-subtle subtlety (sarcasm) how can you expect to master the nuances of BDSM play?  You have obviously watched a lot of scenes.  Yet, you seem to know little-to-nothing of the underlying mechanics of the dynamic.  For one, you confuse "compassion" with "empathy".  Empathy is the ability to feel what your sub is feeling, as you assert your dominance or inflict your "punishment".  It is not a weakness.  It is, in fact, your guide---one that enables you to take the scene to ever-higher levels.  You would do well to receive some formal training.  However, I suspect that you would be unwilling to do that, as the first week-or-two of such training would involve serving as a slave.  "Why serve?", do yous ask?  It is to properly calibrate your empathy circuits.

I can sense your frustration.  Your BDSM relationships have proven short-lived and unfulfilling.  And, I can see why.  From your own words, it is all about you getting-off.  If your sub receives anything in return, it is purely by accident.  Sure, there are those who are attracted to your particular style.  But, you have shown yourself to be one-dimensional.  The sub soon finds the relationship to be more abusive, than rewarding.  I am sure, by now, you already have an angry rebuttal composed in your head.  If so, let me leave you with this:  If you are unwilling to learn, why am I wasting my time with you?

Deleted Member

Posted
On 2/4/2021 at 4:54 PM, Phoenyx said:

@Curvykate, Did I detect just a hint of sarcasm?

@Walther, If you cannot catch this not-so-subtle subtlety (sarcasm) how can you expect to master the nuances of BDSM play?  You have obviously watched a lot of scenes.  Yet, you seem to know little-to-nothing of the underlying mechanics of the dynamic.  For one, you confuse "compassion" with "empathy".  Empathy is the ability to feel what your sub is feeling, as you assert your dominance or inflict your "punishment".  It is not a weakness.  It is, in fact, your guide---one that enables you to take the scene to ever-higher levels.  You would do well to receive some formal training.  However, I suspect that you would be unwilling to do that, as the first week-or-two of such training would involve serving as a slave.  "Why serve?", do yous ask?  It is to properly calibrate your empathy circuits.

I can sense your frustration.  Your BDSM relationships have proven short-lived and unfulfilling.  And, I can see why.  From your own words, it is all about you getting-off.  If your sub receives anything in return, it is purely by accident.  Sure, there are those who are attracted to your particular style.  But, you have shown yourself to be one-dimensional.  The sub soon finds the relationship to be more abusive, than rewarding.  I am sure, by now, you already have an angry rebuttal composed in your head.  If so, let me leave you with this:  If you are unwilling to learn, why am I wasting my time with you?

😁🙏🔥🙏😁

Deleted Member

Posted
1 hour ago, Firewitch said:

😁🙏🔥🙏😁

You know me Fire, never sarcastic! ☺️😛

Lillyth

Lillyth

Posted

 

On 04/02/2021 at 2:33 AM, Walther said:

Dom equals Dominant. Sub equals Submissive

I would like to ask what you think it is that makes the sub wish to submit?

Do you think it is because they have maybe found a Dominant that absolutely intoxicates them, as they have taken the time to know them inside and out? They know what their sub is feeling and thinking, often times before they even know themselves and therefore has made them want to offer their submission to that person?

Maybe it is because the Dominant has taken the time to do this that they are able to bring out the best in their submissive and help them grow so that they may thrive and succeed beautifully in their submission (thus pleasing their Dominant more and more) and also as a person out in the real world. 

As has been said before, each has their own path and way of doing things but I could never offer my submission freely to someone who lacked the depth, or desire to own me mind, body and soul....  by..... knowing me..... mind, body and soul.

  • 1 year later...
ch****

ch****

Posted
This observation is critical to the highest achievement. I am new to this having just signed up but even before I read this insight I mentioned this on one of my
Profile categories. If you don’t recognize and act with this in mind, you will not reach your partners, yourself, and everyone!s potential. Sex doesn’t originate below the waist but between the ears. This is where magic and mystery shape the outcome and fulfillment for all. All mammals are able to perform the mechanics, only
Humans can conceive of and meld the added dimensions , to the best of my knowledge. Let your partners in on your mind and motivations and want to know theirs. Without this m o you will leave too much on the table that should not be left out, when it is you only have two dimensions.
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