After Care

[Rahulforf]

Is aftercare a must after every play or does it depend on the individual. I know it could be important for some.

[Hexy]

Deppends on the individual, but it should always be offered and in both ways. Sometimes the D type needs a little loving too to help them with potential drop.

[Deleted Member]

For me it's essential, not only for the partner but as Hexy points out it settles the mind, and helps with the drop. Cuddles n snugs, affection and fluff bring balance to the whole experience.

[ca****]

No aftercare = no play.

[Fotoman]

For me it’s essential it doesn’t matter what you do it can be you most brutal session or your softest! You give cuddles, talk to them, make a drink or then food if you live with them

[kree90]

For me, it's super important.

[LanceH]

For a continued relationship, yes. The level is dependent on the person and type of activity....but at least showing some care about welfare is highly important

[Deleted Member]

Definitely especially if the session involved receiving ***ful *** or inflicting *** and limits are pushed.A passionate kiss and cuddles and conversations where the Domme/ Dom expresses love and affection for their attentive sub. A nice warm sensation of being appreciated ( Beautiful)

[Kiwifruit]

Super important for me. I'm not into feeling like a piece of sh*t afterwards. I need to know that I'm still human afterwards. Not as much, during haha.

[Wo****]

7 hours ago, Rahulforf said:

Is aftercare a must after every play or does it depend on the individual. I know it could be important for some.

Depends for me. What kind of play, who with, the intensity....

I need less with @Boldbald, maybe because he's with me. I do need holding sometimes, just held in his arms, skin being stroked, often with tears falling but I think just having his quiet strength to sink into is enough.

[li****]

It depends on the individual some don't want or need it and for some they need it after every play. 

Me personally I need it after every play, a few times I've gone in to sub space during a play and after that I need some intense aftercare!!! Where I need a cuddle and skin on skin contact even down to just Sir talking to me and to hear his voice just to bring me back to reality. Other times it's mostly just a cuddle and a chat about the play and my stuffies normally get a cuddle also lol. Chocolate for me too helps me get that kick I need to bring my levels back up!! Sometimes I will drop but that normally happens if we've had a particular intense play scene and or I've gone in to sub space.But after care again depends on what the individual needs and wants!! 

And I agree it's not just always the sub that needs after care a Dom will need or want it after also. It definitely helps with the connection between you both that's what I feel anyway.

Edited February 1, 2021 by lil-monster
Added more

[Tr****]

Very much depends on the dynamic and people involved but generally I think there should always be some kind of aftercare. Every sub, slave or little I have met has had the same complaint that a previous Dom had not given them appropriate aftercare.

[se****]

Depends on how rough your play is , they may need the reassurance of care.

[Phoenyx]

It may not even be from actual play.  For me, "Dom space" could come from simply hosting my BDSM nightclub show, or volunteering as a DM at a fetish event.  Just the ambient energy would be enough.  Later, I would have to drive home, with my head still in that place.  My decision making was not the greatest.

[Deleted Member]

I’ve met some who don’t care for it and actually hate it and want more of a pump and dump situation but for me I don’t like that and for others they need the aftercare cause the session can be so extreme and severe borderline that they need some aftercare afterwards to not result in any psychological damage. I’ve read about, posts here, about especially new subs experimenting with an extreme Dom and doing *** and extreme bdsm with no regards to their needs limits feelings and need for affection and connection and come down after the session they were left traumatized and with a bad taste of bdsm. Ofc that’s kind of have to do with something else but in those cases I’ve seen they didn’t get the aftercare they needed even withstanding the *** and harsh sex etc. I think it balances the real harsh and degrading experience to be more digestible. While others love to be degraded and hate aftercare so it really depends on the individual. To each his own.

[li****]

Depends on the person

[Nyxx230]

I would say aftercare is always a must, but the way in which the it’s carried out can be different.

[Sa****]

Must be always and also depends on the person and agreement, like is very diferent for each Sum OR bottom, ex, in Ddlg maybe cuddles, Hot coco and cartoons Will be a gud after care or in a Pet Just being calleg gud... (enter name or girl/boy) and some pats on head. The Dom/Domme who aboid or dont give the importance and rightful place to it (and yes is a right/must do to a sum/bottom) on my Personal opinion is a big red flag and jus a Dom/Domme wanna be.

[Phoenyx]

There is one scenario that surprisingly, has not been mentioned.  It involves the sub who may actually be rather dominant in their "normal" life.  For that person, the crash from sub space can be quite hard, and often immediate (especially if it is their first time).  They become filled with guilt, remorse, self-doubt, and a host of other negative emotions.  They have just gone through a daunting experience, that is totally out of their character.  It has been a catharsis.  They need reassurance, to again feel in-control of their life.  Think of the session as the surgical removal of a psychic tumor, and aftercare in terms of post-op recovery and healing.  If handled properly, the whole experience can prove to be empowering, rather than just another source of shame and self-doubt.

[ol****]

On-line aftercare needs thinking about as well. in these strange times  working out how to give it needs discussuon before play.

[ch****]

After care is super important in every situation. The aftercare it’s self might change based on the scenario but should not be neglected.

[Rahulforf]

Thank you all for the inputs and suggestions, they are very helpful. Could I get some suggestions for online. Talking is one thing we could try, anything else you might want to suggest please.

[Lu****]

It is imo always a must to build more trust

[Gentle_Femdom]

On 2/1/2021 at 10:24 AM, lil-monster said:

And I agree it's not just always the sub that needs after care a Dom will need or want it after also. It definitely helps with the connection between you both that's what I feel anyway.

I feel this is especially true if you're a couple that switches roles.

@Phoenyx brought up this point too; that the Dom can feel insecure in the choices that they made and may need reassurance(s) that they were successful in completing their role.

For example, in my last session with my partner (as Sub), I learned from him that in-the-moment he had a great time, but afterwards he was in a lot of *** from over-stimulation. *** is not part of our sessions (a big no-no for both of us) and it made me feel like I failed him. He ended up reassuring me that I didn't... that I simply need keep how much stimulation I'm doing in mind for future sessions. 

 

On 2/2/2021 at 8:17 AM, Phoenyx said:

There is one scenario that surprisingly, has not been mentioned.  It involves the sub who may actually be rather dominant in their "normal" life.  For that person, the crash from sub space can be quite hard, and often immediate ... They become filled with guilt, remorse, self-doubt, and a host of other negative emotions ... They need reassurance, to again feel in-control of their life.  Think of the session as the surgical removal of a psychic tumor, and aftercare in terms of post-op recovery and healing.  If handled properly, the whole experience can prove to be empowering, rather than just another source of shame and self-doubt.

This was true for me after being a Sub for my partner the first time. I'm a very independent sort of person that strives to not need help. After a session where I was completely ***, it juxtapositioned my identity and left me feeling hopeless. My partner saw my conflict well after our session and guided me towards Affirmations... to prove to myself that I'm not a hopeless mess. He got me out of sub space with prolonged aftercare (checking in with my feelings several times a day, for several days) because there was no way I was going to be able to get out of sub space by myself. 

Since then aftercare for me consists of chocolate, cuddles, and making-out (sometimes). Hearing his heartbeat always makes me feel better after our sessions (for reasons unknown to me). His aftercare is much like mine but includes watching movies he likes/ playing games he's good at.

 

Just like how consent needs to be discussed before sessions, aftercare needs to be addressed. I agree with @oldfellow that it should be talked about beforehand, whether in person or online. 

But if a chat like that cannot happen (for some reason), I'd recommend erring on the side of caution and assume aftercare is needed until you know your Sub better/know the signs of "it's/everything is okay" vs "I'm not mentally out of the session".

 

On 2/3/2021 at 3:07 AM, Rahulforf said:

Thank you all for the inputs and suggestions, they are very helpful. Could I get some suggestions for online. Talking is one thing we could try, anything else you might want to suggest please.

Pour them with compliments.

Give them specific examples of when you were (especially) pleased/ excited/ proud of them from what they did or how they performed in the session.

Tell them how much it would please you if they did something nice for themselves... like take a bubble bath, wear something yummy (comfortable), ate a sweet they don't normally do, etc.

In other words emphasize how important their own Self-Care is for you/the session in completing each session with you.

 

Type and intensity of aftercare may vary, but it's invaluable in building trust (just like what @LukeFireburn said).

[Deleted Member]

I'd say it depends on the level of intensity. If you plan on rearranging their insides then yes obviously, but if its chill slow passionate sex I wouldn't say its as essential but maybe a little aftercare is good for both afterwards. Reasons I say this are obvious, rough play often results in me treating my sub as a slave for example which can be very draining for her. I always run her a nice bath after with a bath bomb and candles along with her favourite music. Then I sit with her while she has her bath so we can talk things out and just enjoy our time together. This is what I consider after care for both people participating because its always good to show a bit of a loving side after any rough play. Vanilla passionate sex though, I feel its an aftercare of its own. Its calm and not very violent in any way so I'd say its not as essential, but if your partner is still drained then I recommend doing something nice like cuddling or fetching them a nice coffee or something along those lines