First meet. D/s

[Odd-1086]

I don't know about everybody else, but when I have a job interview, I'm look at it as I. 8nterveiwing who my new boss will be. Who am I going to be working for, and am i going to like working for them. There's no point changing jobs just to be in the same miserable situation that's made you look in the first place.
So, when a Dom and a sub meet for the first time. Is it considered to be un submissive to interview the potential Dom. What do other people think. I get told that I have a bad attitude. Is this correct or not?

[se****]

If it is a first meet, I would assume it is part of the vetting process. A D/s relationship doesnt even exist until after vetting, negotiation, agreement, and full consent. So I am not sure how anyone can be viewed as "un submissive" when they are not anyone's submissive at a first meet for the most part. If multiple people are telling you that you have a bad attitude its either not a good fit or you do. Based on the words in your message you may have a misunderstanding of how this all works.

[Ri****]

Absolutely, you're being interviewed by the sub, too. You're interviewing them as much as they are you, especially if you have never met in person. A perfect example was I went to meet someone today for a first time meet up, not 10 min he took a call ok fine maybe something important. I walked around, and he followed talking want and sat on a bench after about 20 min that clearly was not a family emergency or anything that couldn't wait. I started walking back to my truc, packed the dogs up, and got in to leave he finally paused his conversation long enough to ask if I was leaving. Well, yes, you came to meet me. This clearly shows how interested he was in me, how much respect he had for me, and what being around him would be like. Why would I waste my time and energy on some like that. Sorry for the rambling, but yes, you're being interviewed, too.

[Ta****]

I consider it part of the vetting process which doesnt end just because you meet them in person. The vetting process isnt like a written exam, all done online. It continues past the 1st, 2nd, 3rd & further meetings until you feel confident your vetting process is complete.

[Odd-1086]

I get the feeling that some of the people that I have had conversations with on this site (doms) That if your not immediately obedient then your not submissive. Or is this just me and my tainted belief that 90% of so called Dom's are merely scammers. I keep waiting for some genuine interaction.

[Bu****]

You decide when you are ready to submit. For me that takes a lot of trust…but when I am ready it’s meaningful. If they won’t wait for me, then see ya. I am submissive by choice, not passive by nature.

[Ri****]

15 minutes ago, ButterflyAngel11 said:

You decide when you are ready to submit. For me that takes a lot of trust…but when I am ready it’s meaningful. If they won’t wait for me, then see ya. I am submissive by choice, not passive by nature.

Exactly, it's the subs choice tif and when to submit. Every sub is different there's no one way to do things for example, I prefer to see a Dom in action with other subs first if I do I'm more likely to trust you sooner but if not it's going to take time for me to trust you and definitely not happening without meeting in person but agin that's me and every sub is different.

[Odd-1086]

I wishni could communicate how much of a problem pleaser. How satisfaction that I get from service and giving pleasure. I can't seem to do that on the net. But i can't seem to get replys either.

[se****]

27 minutes ago, Odd-1086 said:

I get the feeling that some of the people that I have had conversations with on this site (doms) That if your not immediately obedient then your not submissive. Or is this just me and my tainted belief that 90% of so called Dom's are merely scammers. I keep waiting for some genuine interaction.

I understand where you are coming from now and yes it can be likened to a job interview. If people are expecting you to "be submissive" early or being ***ful, that's an issue. You go at your s***d and your comfort level. ButterflyAngel11 said it beautifully ... submissive by choice, not passive by nature. These things are not easy, and some of them take a lot of time. Please be careful out there.

[Daddybrains]

A Dom isn’t a sub’s dom until the sub says so. Before that you’re just two people. Consenting to the meet-up isn’t consenting to the dynamic - and consent to the dynamic might take more than one meet-up.

[wb****]

41 minutes ago, Odd-1086 said:

I get the feeling that some of the people that I have had conversations with on this site (doms) That if your not immediately obedient then your not submissive. Or is this just me and my tainted belief that 90% of so called Dom's are merely scammers. I keep waiting for some genuine interaction.

You are not alone in this.
Looking back on what “they wanted” or expectations were I don’t think the ones I met were little d dom not actual Dom.

[Odd-1086]

Just read your profile. Daddy brains. It's telling that your the first dom replying to this. It's also telling that on your profile you mention ***. To ve honest, I don't know what straight male Dom's have to put up with.
I have one line to someone making excuses why they think having a sub is expensive.
I'm financially self sufficient. I do not want or have a need to be a financial burden on any dom. I do exp3ct to be welcomed, have a feeling of ,belonging, and trust the dom explicitly.
The mere mention of ***, is a no from me......

[No****]

Thats a good way to look at things. I cant imagine the stress. I work fof myself

[Ca****]

Those are the ones that think being a Dom is a Master it is what it is there's plenty of faux freaks in the world time weeds them out

[Br****]

The first meeting should always be treated like a get to know you interview type situation. Both people need to know that they're compatible with one another

[Ho****]

5 hours ago, Odd-1086 said:

I get the feeling that some of the people that I have had conversations with on this site (doms) That if your not immediately obedient then your not submissive. Or is this just me and my tainted belief that 90% of so called Dom's are merely scammers. I keep waiting for some genuine interaction.

Saying you have to be obedient before you know them tells you that either they don't know about trust and vetting, or they hope you don't. Dangerous people to get involved with.

[wb****]

Your and Andrew in Japan’s thread about performative vrs embodiment d/s goes well with your thread here Odd-1086, I think.

I personally think the dom’s (performative) are those who come into a first meet up wanting immediate submission. Where as a Dom (embodiment) will come to the first meeting knowing you both are just seeing who the other person is face to face.

The performance dom are those who come here thinking a sub is someone who is going to let them do what they want. The performance subs probably will, they shouldn’t but 🤷‍♀️. Little dom wont understand what a sub who embodies this life needs and provides. Just like to fake subs don’t know what a real Dom needs and provides.

A true Dom is seeing if you are a good match for them. Someone who wants a real D/s relationship in any capacity will know submission takes time. Just as you need to see if they are a good match.

[ey****]

So while - kinda - meeting for a coffee (etc) isn't something I'd equate with a job interview - I get the analogy and agree with where you're coming from.

So in a job interview there is a two way process - is the candidate right for the company, and is the company right for the candidate.

The same is true for any form of dating reference.  Like, coffee is coffee - but it's still right for groundwork of not just am I the right sub/dom/partner for them, but are they right for me.

As a side note, I guess.
With job interviews there is a problem where someone who is desperate for a job will apply for anything (hell, depending on territory if they don't apply for just anything, they lose access to support/benefits) which means even if it goes to interview, job offer, acceptance it won't be a company they are happy work for.
Same is true for reaching out to people on dating sites. Whilst you might need to speak a little to know if someone is right for you; some will just message anyone and hope for the best.

[ChocolateRopeBunny]

In my opinion there's no way you should be in any kind of committed D/s relationship/dynamic without having met in person. With that in mind, to your question, no it is not unsubmissive to ask the pertinent questions you need in order to feel comfortable with the person you're attempting to choose to have some sort of autonomy over you. Both individuals need to be safe and comfortable with their decision of each other. If you're feeling rushed they're not the person for you no matter what side of the slash you're on.