Not every Dom deserves your submission

[Se****]

This isn’t a flex. It’s a reminder.

Submission is not about being eager, compliant, or endlessly available. It’s about discernment. About noticing how someone holds themselves, how they listen, how they respond when nothing sexual is happening.

A good Dominant isn’t revealed by how much they want from you.

They’re revealed by what they don’t rush.

How they handle your boundaries.
How they react to hesitation.
How they behave when you say “not today”.
How safe you feel being honest, rather than impressive.

If you’ve ever felt like you had to earn kindness, or perform submission to keep someone’s interest, that wasn’t depth - that was imbalance.

Real Dominance creates space.

It doesn’t consume it.

If you’re a sub who values self-awareness, communication, and steady leadership over noise and theatrics, you’re not “too much” or “too slow”. You’re selective. And that’s a strength.

You don’t owe your submission to anyone.
You offer it - when it feels right.

And the right Dominant will never pressure you to prove it.

Do subs agree?

SD

[Fu****]

Thank you 😊

[Mi****]

Often times I feel intimidated and required to agree or be compliant. It takes a lot of nerves for me to say no, and I don’t think I will ever be comfortable with it. But my boundaries are there to protect my health. You are a wonderful and wise Sir 🩶

It only takes one good Dom, to realize how poor the rest have been.

Thank you and blesses.

[x_Missy_x]

100% this is such good advice. It’s easy to get carried away being new in the kink world. Everyone is so free and open and kinky but I’d say there are many more predators hiding amongst us as the lines of bills, kink and *** are blurred.

To stay safe in the community you must take huge personal responsibility to be discerning, watch and learn and above all question. Instinct is a massively beneficial tool, so listen to it and instead of jumping into relationships or dynamics, take it slow, learn about yourself and any potential partners. Also make friends with other submissive kinksters and build a community that will have your back.

[la****]

This is a great reminder.

[sa****]

👏👏👏👏

[OneDeviantMind]

Very well articulated and accurate assessment of what it is to be a good and responsible dom. Also, an excellent reminder of what it means to be submissive. Submission is a gift that is earned and given freely, not ***d or guilted out of you. With a good connection and mutual respect, both roles can experience very satisfying results.

[AlphaWolf_01]

I love the way this is stated, it puts the true mind set for the D/s relationship into words.... It's more than sex, it's the responsibility of making sure safety, and trust are at the forefront of the relationship!! At least IMHO

[d_guglieme]

So, you are saying that I am not being unreasonable when I think twice when dommes expect to be called "goddess" and such?

[AlphaWolf_01]

12 minutes ago, d_guglieme said:

So, you are saying that I am not being unreasonable when I think twice when dommes expect to be called "goddess" and such?

What you call a Dom/Domme is between you and them and should be a mutual agreement!! These relationships are more give and take then most vanilla ones!

[Ni****]

You have some valid points, and I appreciate your intention... it is true without question that not every Dom deserves submission. A real Dom understands that submission is a gift, not something that is taken. That whi h is taken nonconsesually is by definition *** and ***. When the Dom/Sub dynamic is healthy, submission is very much about being eager and compliant, but it is a logical non sequitur to conflate eagerness and compliance with being endlessly available. In addition, being endlessly available need not be assumed to be something that is bad in and of itself. It is a mistake to assume that the only state in which always available can exist is a state deficient in discernment. From this submissive's perspective, being eager and compliant are rooted naturally in my very identity, they are not products of demand, they are products of supply and it pleases me deeply to supply them in a manner that is always available. That remains true independent of the quantity of demand for those traits that already define me. They are results of who I am at my core and flow from me freely. In fact they are wholly voluntary and organic and often apparent nonsexually as well. Any good Dom understands that nothing in a healthy Dom/Sub dynamic is ever taken absent consent. For that to even be done is criminal, and yes i am aware that it happens a lot - too much. I think that the real culprit in such circumstances though is an occurence of failure much earlier in the relationship - something that also happens a lot - too much in fact and that is no coincedence ... thatvis the failure to create an agreement that outlines the rules, boundaries, roles, and expectations between partners in a power-exchange relationship that serves as a tool for communication, establishing safe words, and clearly defining hard/soft limits.
"The BDSM contract" if you will.. the existence of a well crafted one creates
the trust and structure of a healthy Dom/Sub dynamic by opening the dialogue, defining the terms, assumptions, preferences, safe words, responsibilites, expectations, limits
Contents: Typically includes agreed-upon safe words, specific responsibilities for the dominant and submissive, and a, list of the participants. That's too often bypassed completely or half-assed, which is a virtual guarantee for downstream conflict

[Ch****]

Not every sub deserves my domination. 🤷🏽‍♂️

[Ni****]

...completely agree