Trust

[Am****]

How do we trust people from here or dating sites to actually fallow through with what they said they do? I’ve had all kinds of people not show up for a meet up in public to get to know each other and stuff. I get this happens to everyone but I’ve lost trust

[Mi****]

True, basically I like to do some calls and videocalls just to be sure that the person really exists and then, who knows?

[Deleted Member]

U need to ask for voice notes then do video chat and then organise a meet up.

[fa****]

Don't know why ppl don't show up in a public place, this has also happened to me, it's a safe place to meet and get to know someone, I can't do video chat cause of having a wife

[Ba****]

There can be many reasons for this, and there is nothing you have done wrong. I would recommend talking a bit more, not just kink but also vanilla things. Talk about your kink interests and theirs for sure, but also talk about regular life things. Lets be real, meeting a stranger in public is scary for some. So you need to work to not be a stranger, and instead a compatible partner. Be sure to get an actual phone number, and connect off of these apps too for a period. Its a red flag if they will not. It can mean they are married and lyeing. Some may just need validation, and may bread crumb too. You need to figure out if they actually really want to see you. Be clear on communication and expectation. You do not want a pen pal, but you want to be certain both parties are comfortable meeting, and you also need to give them time. Building trust and vulnerability takes time. Some need more time than others. Ghosting today is common, unfortunately, and its usually because some folks are just scared or afraid of rejection. Make them know you really want to see them, but also make sure they know you also want to see them as a human. You are also a man, so be a gentleman and be sure they know you are paying. Meeting in a public place is the best way to go about things for sure, but it can take time. The question is, are they worth the effort? If one is hesitant, or cold feet, perhaps a local munch with other people in the community will be better at first. Then if all is well, meet again alone but also public. When they like you, you will have no doubt and you will know they are coming. Keep your head up, and do not be discouraged.

[Ma****]

I think that the trust the somebody who's up stems from hope. Normally when you trust somebody to do somthing its on a bases that you know them or the other person has somthing to loos for not doing what they say. But when it come from strangers there's nothing tethering them or yourself from following through ir not since the only loss is that you dknt get to know that person.

[Tr****]

I was puzzled, and I saw your post which resembles a lot, it happens couple of times now.. even shared cell number and when time to meet.. no show, didn’t even picked the phone.

[Deleted Member]

Live by 2 rules; If it seems to good to be true, it is. Trust no one.

[ge****]

You spend time building a connection and chemistry, and indeed not only building your trust in them, but their's in you, rather than diving right in there to meeting - it really is that simple.
.
I've been using sites like this for around 10 years now and have met my fair share of people, not once have they not shown up - because I always spend time getting to know them and building that trust.

[ki****]

I find that getting to know a person a bit *before* setting a meet can help weed out those no-shows. That's just my personal experience though.

[mr****]

Sometimes you just have to step out and see what happens

[Za****]

i don't even get to talk to people for more than a week , i don't know how you people keep contact , hahahaha

[FE****]

Moderator Note:

I have removed several replies in the "me too" answering.  Most have been there, the OP was about  "

"How do we trust people from here or dating sites to actually fallow through with what they said they do? "

Please stick to the OP.

[Go****]

As one or two have said, you need to build a rapport with them, chat here and see how your connection develops. It doesn’t need to take forever, but a little bit of patience goes a long way in feeling confident that they’ll turn up. 

I have also been here some years, and I’ve only been stood up once, years ago, when I didn’t trust my instincts that he wasn’t going to show up. 

[Bo****]

Honestly, if it’s at the point where you are starting to feel disappointed or discouraged I would just recommend taking a break from reaching out to people—just as a little refresher so you can come back with more enthusiasm. There really is no way to prevent being stood up, but what you can do is fill your cup so it doesn’t drain you.

[Cl****]

It's seriously impossible. Even the ppl that seem the most enthusiastic could just be into the fantasy of an idea. It's so hard to tell anymore

[Bg****]

That’s a great question! As the saying goes, “without risk, there’s no gain.” Dating or one night stands, etc. are the same things. The best way you earn trust is to have trust for yourself. Trust your decision, trust your ideas, and instincts.
What I know about trust is to trust myself first and never trust others for what they say, but trust their actions. Whenever I hear, “don’t judge me,” I always say, “we need a jury before any judgement.” Don’t let the voices of your own thoughts be your jury. Let what you see be the witness and let the moments be your evidence. Only then you can make a judgement of whether to stay or let go.
My bad for the rambling but thank you for letting me respond to your post.

[mr****]

I only been using sites like this for 2 years and met plenty of women and never been stood up and I think that’s because of one thing building report and VIDEO CHAT!!!!!! if they won’t video chat they won’t show up PERIOD for a meeting because their either not serious catfish fake or just want validation

[Cl****]

I don't like video chatting but will verify with live snaps and I'm very real and willing to meet with the right person

[ha****]

i've been on multiple dating sites/apps since basically turning 18 (coming up on 15 years), and of the thousands and thousands of ghostings i think i can count the people who ACTUALLY met up with me on two hands. i honestly have no idea, it's.. really hard to trust anyone to not hurt you

[Dr****]

Luckily I've never had this issue but I've always been good at building a relationship with people long before suggesting we meet up.

[Shilo66]

1 hour ago, mrwindell said:

I only been using sites like this for 2 years and met plenty of women and never been stood up and I think that’s because of one thing building report and VIDEO CHAT!!!!!! if they won’t video chat they won’t show up PERIOD for a meeting because their either not serious catfish fake or just want validation

I second this.  

I too have never been stood up if I've been video chatting first. 

With a video chat you get to pick up all the little cues / signs that tell you if the other person is genuine for you... or not. That is, if you can be honest with yourself and DON'T IGNORE any red flags. 

If someone is not prepared to video chat, then as mentioned previously, walk away, because it means they're not serious about you or having a relationship.

[mr****]

You really can't judge someone until you meet them. Online personas don't always reflect the person fully.

Meeting in public *is* the litmus test. If they actually show up, it means they're willing to put in the minimum effort. If they dont show, it's a huge red flag.

[mr****]

@Shilo66 great point that I left out video chatting helps break the ice and makes the first meeting more comfortable and not feel like a blind date

[Ba****]

Well you don’t trust
Trust is for people you know
You gamble, optimally without expectations
That way most surprises will be positive

And try to remember that “life can happen” and most people feel things like guilt and shame so one person not showing up for one meeting may be accidental