Trying to get hubby into being a dom

[Li****]

Hey guys
I am a sub but my spouse is super vanilla. Ive tried explaining to him about subspace and provide easy ways for him to help me get there. To like turn off my brain but he just doesn't seem to get it. ( Like not even the non sexual confidence and dom energy im craving)
If there was advice you could give him for how you act/what your brain goes to when being dominant - please share.
Hes the love of my life and hes trying but I'm drowning lol

[No****]

You can’t make him something he isn’t

[St****]

Hey So! Domminance can manifest in many different ways, and it can and usually does come back to what kind of love language you cultivate with your partner, as well as what they feel comfortable showing to you sexually and non-sexually. When you say domminance do mean you are interested in recieving a specific vibe from that domminance, or that you want them to be domminant at all-

[ho****]

He’s gotta experience some life changing shit that awakens it from with in…. Low key not exaggerating. Get his testosterone levels checked?

[BigDaddyCNY]

If he's trying, he needs to try to find a mentor.

[ho****]

Just now, BigDaddyCNY said:

If he's trying, he needs to try to find a mentor.

This advice too 🤌🏻🤌🏻

[St****]

Also of course keep in mind that being Domminant or Submissive is of course not the same as being a Top or a Bottom. A Top can initiates and engage with providing pleasure, and a Bottom Recieves, you can be a domminant bottom of course the say way you can be a submissive top, giving pleasure as service or domminance as a reward, like you said- turning your brain off and enjoying

[Latino151]

Honestly the best thing you can do is try to guide him and tell him what he can do to help you. Ask him what are his thoughts and go from there. For me I just let my mind run wild and take control whoever I'm with

[lu****]

Ok so I been a active dom for 9 years. And I do have a sub.. even the active part sounds odd,cause truthfully luv being a dom is mindset it's not a "lifestyle" or a "hobby". Being a dominant man or woman vice versa is a natural instinct. It's not I wake up one day and I'm a dom. It's something he as a man or master would have to accomplish nothing you can "mold him in to" hope it helps luv. If you or him have any questions feel free to pm me

[Widowkj]

Try and exercise. Tell Em you're going to try an exercise. And then don't tell him what. Try being bratty and C if he will exert some dominance over that everybody has a different trigger. Some of us can turn it on and off, and others can't.
If you have kids, have you ever seen him exert gentle Dominance with the kids? Try those buttons. Note do not attack him or his manhood, or anything that will cause him to push you away.

[Ni****]

You need to take full control to sub space somebody. Switch their brain off, do the thinking for them.

[Meerkat]

for me, that mindset isn't so much about controlling your partner, but that you know and feel "in your heart" that they NEED you to guide them, and I am helping them. whether they are your puppy, or your brat, or the submissive in bed, the mindset for me is that I'm guiding them where they are unable to think clearly for themselves. Benevolence that sometimes needs discipline to correct their path that only I can see clearly. I am guiding you but I'm not babying you. you WILL understand the direction and the guidelines I'm laying down for you, even if it requires a cold distant hand or the warm sting of my palm, I will help you achieve what you cannot see for yourself. You don't need to understand the why, only that I know what's best and so you should listen and not question. I look at you as if to say "oh you silly thing, why are you still questioning me? I'm doing this for your own good".

for me, that is the general idea of the mindset. but what you two are trying to achieve or your boundaries is completely dynamic towards the situation. for example, telling you what clothing you should wear because only I know how attractive you are in it. but a lot of times it's not something that's out in the open it's little things like putting your hand on their lower back and guiding them to sit in one chair instead of another. softly correcting them verbally when they make their own choices.

however you wish to execute it, the sub should always have the triggered mindset of "thank you, I was obviously being silly for not listening" or "they must love me so much to be guiding and helping me" or "I feel seen and appreciated from their strength"

if the sub cannot be triggered in that way then the Dom obviously isn't triggering her properly. as silly as it is to say that! that is why experimentation on both the DOM and the sub are very important because those specific triggers need to happen. Hope this helps in some way. ;D

oh, And if anyone else has anything else to add or they wish to correct feel free to collaborate!

[Ste501172]

You've had some very good advice from other commentators on here but it boils down to two things can he dominate you and does he want to? People confuse anger and aggression with being a dominant but it is set with rules, protocols, limits and understanding of both your partner and yourself and your sexual or regular roles within the dynamic and aftercare.
I'd show him some videos and material to give him a better visual understanding of what you want and what you want his role to be. If he responds great, but as I know myself and others have pointed out, it is a state of mind and who you are that makes a person a Dom, good luck.

[Li****]

48 minutes ago, BigDaddyCNY said:

If he's trying, he needs to try to find a mentor.

I don't mean to be obnoxious but where would one even find such a thing and ( if you were his shoes) wouldn't you be insulted?
Thanks for the input!

[Li****]

51 minutes ago, StrawberrySwitch said:

Hey So! Domminance can manifest in many different ways, and it can and usually does come back to what kind of love language you cultivate with your partner, as well as what they feel comfortable showing to you sexually and non-sexually. When you say domminance do mean you are interested in recieving a specific vibe from that domminance, or that you want them to be domminant at all-

Thanks for your input! I feel like im not picky. I suppose of i had to pick one of the two i feel like it would be a vibes thing? But honestly just any sort of commanding of life would be a good step 😅

[Li****]

51 minutes ago, horizontalgirraffe said:

He’s gotta experience some life changing shit that awakens it from with in…. Low key not exaggerating. Get his testosterone levels checked?

Appreciate the input - levels are fine according to drs 🤷🏻‍♀️

[ak****]

Get over here

[So****]

same girl. i talk online to other guys. hope this helps

[BigDaddyCNY]

36 minutes ago, LilAttentionWhore said:

I don't mean to be obnoxious but where would one even find such a thing and ( if you were his shoes) wouldn't you be insulted?
Thanks for the input!

When I needed to learn to weld, I found a teacher. The same with any other area of expertise. The mentor can provide experienced instruction. If you struggle to find one, access to a knowledge base like this place or even YouTube can help. As far as finding a mentor? Local munches can be a good way to network and find one. Some creators will offer personal consults. Doms can be trained. As far as him being insulted? Presentation is everything. If he views it as a game or skill to be mastered rather than an inadequacy, he's less likely to be insulted at the suggestion of finding a teacher or seeking knowledge.

[ch****]

Well said

[Ci****]

Hmm ive been in a similar situation and the answer is....dont push him. Give him some ideas and allow him time and space to think and find what interests him. Allow his interests to form organically. Support all of his ideas and fantasies and do not judge if he comes to you with a scenario or fantasy. Give the man time! I know its hard but communication and friendship always have to come first.

[Ch****]

Cinnamon is right...remember that the underlying message will be "I want you to change who you are for my sexual pleasure" whether you say that or not, whether you intend that or not. He needs to become a dom for himself before he'll ever have "dom energy"...the rest is just a bunch of acts. Acting the dom, or doing dom acts, especially if he's just trying to fo it for you, will likely fall flat. It has to come from his fantasies about himself. Hopefully he'll see something that triggers that.

[au****]

Just mak him your sissy and get it over with.

[Ba****]

While I instinctively agree with the first comment, before I answer this properly, you say you’ve explained subspace and easy ways for him to help you get there. Can you explain what this is to you? You might get better help if we know what it is you are looking for.

[au****]

He’s not dominant sorry but maybe he really is a looking to be dominated you may want to explore what he wants I just making an observation is all just spank his ass and see .