Sexual urges

[DY****]

After divorcing (19 yrs), my libido was so high and even more so as I learned about kink. It’s been over 4 years now and I realised it’s been a while since I’ve noticed myself having any sexual urges at all.

About 6 months ago, it clicked that I’m unfortunately more attracted to men than women. Experience has shown me that men aren’t good and, despite others telling me there are “good” men that exist, I have never seen any evidence of this. I think my sex life is over! Reaching orgasm on my own has always been difficult to a point where I often give up with frustration.

Has anyone been in a similar place and come out the other side or is working on acceptance a better use of my time?

[Gi****]

Congrats on your divorce! Use this time for exploration and building that confidence to pleasure yourself. Your sex life is not over you just have to pivot and what better way then to do it with yourself. Also orgasm doesn’t always need to be the goal. Just getting to know your body through touch is a great way to get comfortable with your relationship to sex. Take your time and explore. Wishing you the best!

[Bl****]

There are good, respectful men of course. Unfortunately you haven’t been lucky enough to meet one yet. When you do, he will re-ignite your desire and libido. A healthy online interaction will help too. Be open and don’t give up.

[ne****]

Congrats on the divorce! I agree with what Girl6Knicks said. I’d add to encourage incorporating toys into your play. The Lem is darn good and Lovense has some terrific stuff. There’s a lot out there. Explore and experiment. I am almost done with my divorce (33 years) and my libido is super high! I understand your concerns. Good men are difficult to find. But there are some who have done the emotional work and don’t make their ego their personality. Concentrate on yourself. Your next partner will pop up when you least expect it. Keep going!

[00****]

I got for hours at a time

[pu****]

Hunks are rare. A good hunk; Who knows?

[00****]

Do t look now,but uhmm

[No****]

Hey 👋 same same ! I had good sex once. And these men are ugh not attractive not masculine. I havent had sex in three cause i tried and it was god awful’

[00****]

Ladies you they are some men like myself treat sex more of a work of art than just s***dy rabbit worried about no one but himself. To see a partner totally enjoy themselves with a word said nor *** of judgements. Just her body reacting to the very touch ,texture, firm grip, the arch of her back, guys do t pay attention, most want to get theirs and say oh my bad. Im different I enjoy it but I take with it

[sa****]

Another one that just hasn’t been satiated. I definitely don’t have any desire to satisfy myself. My toys haven’t been charged in almost 2 years.
And I agree with the post about men not being attractive, masculine there’s a handful of other things as well.

[Un****]

Mmm, I think it really depends on what your sex life has been like. If it’s always followed the same pattern, then in the end physical attraction matters very little if everything feels the same. Sometimes it’s not that desire disappears, it’s that you need something different.
Exploring new things, situations that give you excitement, even a bit of adrenaline… things you may have never considered before. I say this because even being young, you can get bored when everything becomes predictable.

[ma****]

I've been (and still am) in the same place as you. I wish I could just find a guy i can trust and love and settle down, but I've been shown time and time again that that's not going to work. i wish i had better advice, but I think all i can say is trust your gut. instincts aren't always right, but they exist for a reason. i hope you find someone you trust enough to let in. you're so, so fucking strong.

[Th****]

Sometimes hormonal changes and / or grief can temper with the libido .

Congrats on your divorce: now is the time to find out who you are, what you like and respond to without being someone else‘s canvas. Try new stuff, be open, cultivate that relationship to your self.

„No good men out there,“ becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. If you believe in love, are open and do your inner work, it will find you, sometimes unexpectedly, Sounds cheesy but it is true

[Sh****]

Congratulations on your divorce

[ey****]

I feel if you can be acceptant of yourself / your situation that is a good start.

There are good men, but ultimately if you do wish to get into another relationship, sexual intimacy, etc etc. then being 'good' isn't the only charecteristic they need, they also have to be the right person for you / what you're looking for.  The biggest sign someone is wrong for you is that they'll argue how they are a good man etc.

Congrats on the divorce, and I hope you kinda can come to a situation whereby you're happy either way  

[Cu****]

Congrats on your divorce.
I think you should use this time to explore yourself, watch some porn and relearn what your turn ons are, variety in your exploration is important, touch yourself in new ways, tease yourself with goal of enjoyment not orgasm. No one is perfect and there are a lot of shitty people out there, just focus on replenishing your energy to feeling the most you, and your vibration will attract what it is you seek overtime. Giving up on your desires is a downwards spiral that will eventually go deeper than libido and the struggle will get harder. Never loose sight of you. Stay strong queen.

[Gareth_Switch]

I agree with the others here. After recovering from a loveless marriage, I do find being single is a blessing. xx

[st****]

There are good men out there, they are hard to find but they exist.

[DY****]

Thank you for the feedback everyone. I’ve been single over 4 years now so I know what I like/don’t like and who I am now. I think reflecting on my experiences, just sex is so easy to come by that I just don’t want it. I want deep intimacy and connection and, in my heart, I don’t believe that men are capable of it. Men are exactly who they are unfortunately. I’m going to try and distract myself with a large project and come back to the issue in a few months time with a fresh head about it

[Wi****]

As men share more information they refuse to be discarded after a long-term relationship and they definitely won't let it happen a second time For me it's been almost a year I will have sex but I will not commit For me it's been almost a year I will have sex but I will not commit What is the haystack method?

[Wi****]

Excuse the heiress as I am using voice to text and I did not Proofread

[DarkArts1066]

I’ve always had a genuinely high sex drive - since my ***s, and somehow found myself in a sexless marriage, sleeping in separate rooms for three years before we finally called it a day.
Sex for me was only if my Wife wanted it, and then it was only ever oral on her, then she would get up and head for a shower, leaving me to finish myself off - every time.

When I was finally single and the world was once again my oyster, I was both excited to be back out there, and hesitant in case I fell into a similar situation again.

For me, it was a period of experimentation, -of engagement with other people, but only ever on a casual basis.
Simple rules.

Chat before meeting.

Meet publicly before going any further.

Never having anyone back to my house…. (I had a stalker once, who broke into my house. I found her sat at my kitchen table drinking my red wine…😳)

And perhaps the most important of all, concise, transparent conversations about what we BOTH expected to get out of our collusions…. Including safewords and aftercare where appropriate.

Eleven years on, and I am still happily single, and very satisfied -in every way. 😉

[DY****]

13 minutes ago, DarkArts1066 said:

I’ve always had a genuinely high sex drive - since my ***s, and somehow found myself in a sexless marriage, sleeping in separate rooms for three years before we finally called it a day.
Sex for me was only if my Wife wanted it, and then it was only ever oral on her, then she would get up and head for a shower, leaving me to finish myself off - every time.

When I was finally single and the world was once again my oyster, I was both excited to be back out there, and hesitant in case I fell into a similar situation again.

For me, it was a period of experimentation, -of engagement with other people, but only ever on a casual basis.
Simple rules.

Chat before meeting.

Meet publicly before going any further.

Never having anyone back to my house…. (I had a stalker once, who broke into my house. I found her sat at my kitchen table drinking my red wine…😳)

And perhaps the most important of all, concise, transparent conversations about what we BOTH expected to get out of our collusions…. Including safewords and aftercare where appropriate.

Eleven years on, and I am still happily single, and very satisfied -in every way. 😉

Congratulations on your divorce. Your life now is what I could have whenever I want, it disgusts me. Clearly, my post wasn’t about how using other people’s bodies makes is fulfilling to you. Thanks for the mansplaining and helping me prove my point. Take care

[at****]

In my late 20s after my divorce I was very angry with men after finally coming to terms with a date r@pe from my ***s.. and I dated women exclusively for about 6 years … even “coming out” to my close family and friends . But then something started happening… first some attraction grew for a guy at work… then I met a guy and he was handsome, gentle and kind.. even cried with me when I told him about the incident. He was an amazing person and he showed me that there were awesome men out there. They are sometimes hard to find but if you let go of “he’s gotta be over this tall, or this weight, or this income” you’ll find him! I’m with someone now who treats me like a queen. Not with a lot of *** but with actions. He’s not tall or wealthy and at first I almost missed out because of my own shallowness but I’m sooo happy I gave us a chance. He’s a wonderful friend and a fantastic lover. So next time someone pays attention to you that you don’t think is your “type” ask yourself why. Maybe they’re a bit plump, a little thin, a bit nerdy ( in my experience nerds are the BEST LOVERS) or too tall or too short, maybe a different color than you are used to.. think about giving him or her some of your time to get to know them. You may just be pleasantly surprised!

[Si****]

Is this satire? You've never met a good man? lol, wtf? Definitely choose the bear in the forest. It's destined...