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*** is something close to my heart when it comes to a D/s relationship. From an outside point of view BDSM is full of *** and ***, but can be accepted only with consent and for a submissive to have a full understanding of what is going to happen.

What is ***?
Simply defined, *** is the following:

To use wrongly or improperly; misuse: to *** one's authority.
To treat in a harmful, injurious, or offensive way: to *** a horse; to *** one's eyesight.
To speak insultingly, harshly, and unjustly to or about; revile; malign.
To commit sexual assault upon.
To deceive or mislead.

Having spoken to quite a few female submissives they have been subjected to some form of *** and I believe all Dom/me need to be so careful when it comes to taking control and involving your sub in certain activities.


Quite right but there are other forms of *** within the community that are less black and white, and for me it's the Doms responsibility to look for the warning signs. I met and arranged to meet irl a wonderful young lady who it seemed was a perfect fit, our kinks matched, and we got on well. However after some chat, and less than a week before we were to meet it became apparent she may have been at that time struggling a little with mental health, and for me that made her ***. I may have been wrong but I just couldn't take the risk of causing her any emotional anguish, and thereby causing myself the same so I called it off. Do I regret? Yeah a bit, as it's been a while since I last felt the touch of a woman, but at that moment it was the right thing to do. For me submission MUST be given willingly and from a clear, stable mind, if not then again I believe that is ***. What if further down the line she regretted her actions, or it made her emotional state worse? Not for me, and let's not forget those regrets can lead to severe outcomes and even legal action. Not only do we have a very real responsibility to care for those who share space with us, but we also have a responsibility to be absolutely sure, that the submission or play is 100% consensual and understood. Sadly however there are those "men" that specifically target those amongst us who need support and protection, and take advantage of that emotional turmoil they may be feeling. These shitehouses know who they are, and it's the responsibility of all right minded players to actively watch and confront if needs be. It sickens me how some are, just to satisfy their own needs, with no thought for the very real consequences that sometimes can come crashing back, sometimes years later. Scum.


I've found the same thing, however it's just an act and through it all the sub is always in control as a dom it's my job to make her feel how she wants too feel. 


One of the best times I had was with a friend who told me she had a burglar/ fantasy. After I spoke to her about certain things she text me one night and said "doors not locked if you wanna break in... Ps do your worse" 

So I did. She loved it, I loved it and I'd love to do it again. She didn't but had she said the safety word I'd have broke character straight away and made her feel safe and comfortable. I've had some use the safety word after I've bit them slightly lol. 


Imo a, dom sub relationship is completely opposite to ***. 


I find communication, trust and mutual respect are the basis for a wonderful Ds dynamic. After care is also important.


It really is very reassuring to see so many Doms with such a healthy, respectful and dare I say professional approach to this. It’s lacking with some site users. I’ve been messaged with some rather crass intros also some rather terrifying proposals. If I were *** or easy to coerce I would have felt very intimidated and ***ful. I keep heading back to the forums to view threads/posts like this so I can continue to learn about others (and of course myself). In any BDSM relationship, I view the core values to be Trust, Respect, Patience, Humanisation & Communication. Without it, whether you are a Dom or a Domme, behaviours presented without the above is abusive. 


INFORMED consent.

It can still be abusive if the person agreeing doesn't fully understand what they are agreeing too.  There are new comers who have been led down a dangerous path because their ***r has convinced them that *** is a normal part of the lifestyle and that they shouldn't be practicing it if they disagree.  The desire to fit in, the desire to be in a relationship, the unwillingness to question or admit they've made a mistake will make a lot of people 'consent' to something that they don't really understand.  An ***r will latch on to that and use the "but you consented" argument to continue their ***.

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