Getting emotionally attached to your Dom/Sub

[Deleted Member]

My sub/slave recently told me that she is afraid of developing an unhealthy, or even romantic attachment to me (Dom). Does anybody have any experience dealing with this issue? Or do you have advice for how to proceed? 

[ey****]

basically

tell her you will respect that boundary, and mean it.

[Deleted Member]

Unhealthy or even romantic ... quite far from one another in my eyes.
What does she consider unhealthy? Why?
Why is she afraid of romantic?
You must communicate!
Ask her, be 100% open and honest with her and ask her to be the same towards you.
There can be a lot of underlaying issues and many can be solved by talking about them, having someone seriously listening and showing real concern and care.
Only tell her and do what you really mean!

[Deleted Member]

Communication is at the center of our relationship. Openness and honestly is encouraged and whenever a issue arises we talk about it.
Due to her emotional baggage she is having issues not falling into an emotional dependence. It's linked to her trust issues i guess. So far my only option is to take the thing slower and introduce enough pillow time to discuss emotions.

[Deleted Member]

My question: what to do if your sub falls in love with you or what if one of the two develops strong emotions for the other one?

[RandomChance]

"Searching" answered that just about as well as can be expected. The question seems to contain an assumption that falling in love and/or developing strong emotions are somehow inherently negative or undesirable. That isn't the case at all.

Your specific relationship may be based on an agreement that those things are verboten, and that's one thing. In that case, it would seem the only options in the event of undesired emotional attachment are to either take some time off from seeing each other, or just call it off altogether. I strongly doubt additional pillowtime is going to have the desired effect.

The trick here is that, except in casual, occasional top/bottom arrangements or in situations where it is strictly understood from the outset, a strong emotional bond between a D and an s is the rule more than the exception, and that bond can often look a whole lot like love.

Subs open themselves up and make themselves achingly *** to their Dom. In turn the Dom, in the process of learning the sub and earning the sub's trust, makes himself equally ***. In a healthy and functioning D/s relationship there is often more emotional openness and frankness than you see in many, if not most, marriages. The sub has to have so much trust in the Dom, and the Dom equally has to have such complete faith and trust in the sub, that a strong emotional bond is a natural consequence. It doesn't always end up being romantic love, but it does quite often. And even when it doesn't, it can *look* like it at first. Emotions are funny things, and just like a tiny green shoot just breaking through the soil, sometimes you have to wait a bit for it to mature before you can tell exactly what it is.

[Ch****]

I know this is a serious topic, but is anyone else chuckling a bit because the accompanying picture says "Dum"? Is that a Freudian slip? Methinks a brat may be at play here.

[Me****]

To quote myself... “there is nothing kinkier than loving your victim”

[slavewife]

depending on what you have discussed its so easy to fall for ya Dom or visa versa, i did and got told would never go anywhere had to suck it and deal with it , now i have my connection and now soul mate nothing better to have but we talked and chatted and is what we both want and we happy fucking play bunnnies now 

[Mi****]

I think its important to have feelings between the two. A sub needs to feel she is safe and cared for and a dom/domme needs to understand their slave/sub on an emotional level as well. Without that level of the relationship could make the process hard to deal with. 

[House-Black]

A relationship between Dom/sub has the potential of being one of the most passionate experiences you will have. Emotions, mental and physical actions are all enhanced and heightened so when the right two people in the lifestyle meet, you have the potential of creating the perfect storm.
Of course connection needs to be there, the spark has to ignite and both will have their minds open to letting their emotions free.
My sub and I met on a well known social platform through our lifestyle accounts...for a year we were long distance. Over 3 years ago now she moved in with me and both have never been happier living our lifestyles 24/7.
For us, Passion is a necessity for Bdsm.
The chance for attachment is always there.

[Deleted Member]

I think, boundaries are key from the outset if you don't have any intention of it progressing beyond whatever has been discussed and agreed upon.. on the flip side a dom/sub dynamic can be extremely passionate and intense for some. It really varies based on what both parties are okay with, and if it doesn't align a discussion needs to be had.. 

[Deleted Member]

I'm super thankful for the great comments and input from everyone. My main ***, since i like her and care for her, but i do not love her, is that she might get heart broken. I would prefer to not to break our beautiful bondage. Regardless, I will talk to her about it, and if she is willing to suffer emotionally as well as physically (as she is right now) we will carry on our intense and thoughtful relationship.

[He****]

On 4/23/2021 at 11:59 PM, althatpressure said:

I'm super thankful for the great comments and input from everyone. My main ***, since i like her and care for her, but i do not love her, is that she might get heart broken. I would prefer to not to break our beautiful bondage. Regardless, I will talk to her about it, and if she is willing to suffer emotionally as well as physically (as she is right now) we will carry on our intense and thoughtful relationship.

I was under the impression from your first question, that you wanted her to be in love with you, but it seems you don't, and she doesn't want to anyway. So I'm a bit confused here. 

[He****]

So Metal, who's the victim you or her, lol

[Deleted Member]

6 hours ago, Hels1920 said:

I was under the impression from your first question, that you wanted her to be in love with you, but it seems you don't, and she doesn't want to anyway. So I'm a bit confused here. 

Actually i think she might be falling

[Deleted Member]

Set some firm boundaries with each other about what is and isn't going to be a reality (relationship/no relationship). Personally, subdrop or the missing them low I experience the first few days after play can cause me to crave my dom and his attention, this I have previously confused with feelings and emotions but outwith that I'm very level headed about the arrangement. Fortunately, my dom was also level headed or we'd have both found ourselves in a relationship we didn't want/need.

[Deleted Member]

On 4/21/2021 at 4:17 PM, Subsluta said:

depending on what you have discussed its so easy to fall for ya Dom or visa versa, i did and got told would never go anywhere had to suck it and deal with it , now i have my connection and now soul mate nothing better to have but we talked and chatted and is what we both want and we happy fucking play bunnnies now 

Awesome is a definite plus

[Pu****]

On 4/14/2021 at 6:19 AM, althatpressure said:

My question: what to do if your sub falls in love with you or what if one of the two develops strong emotions for the other one?

Is this not the intended goal? For someone to love and cherish you? Who else could love you more than the person who knows all your darkest thoughts? Whether you are the Dom/me or sub. I am  genuinely curious  and want to know,

[He****]

Yes I was thinking the same, unless it's just a game to some people.

8 hours ago, Punky1985 said:

Is this not the intended goal? For someone to love and cherish you? Who else could love you more than the person who knows all your darkest thoughts? Whether you are the Dom/me or sub. I am  genuinely curious  and want to know,

 

[VirginSub]

I need some help ASAP! I’m met somebody while traveling for work six hours away on a dating site. I have never ever swiped right on an apparent obvious Dom profile. I just had a wrong impression about the whole lifestyle. I have been trying to date ‘vanilla’ for many years and it seems like I was on a hamster wheel so I decided i’m going to try something different. So we have been talking and I have been sharing extremely intimate parts of my life with him and feel a strong attachment already. We haven’t even physically met in person because he didn’t want to rush into things when we had matched online and I had to leave town to go back home. I am so frightened of the emotional attachment and the *** of abandonment. I don’t have casual sex and when I am in a relationship that is sexual there is so much emotional attachment for me. Help! How do I make this just an experience and not get attached?

[Ceejayuk]

I do not know you in real life, perhaps you may need to ask this to someone who knows you. From my point of view, from what you have wrote, I am not sure you can make this just an experience as such, you say you already feel a strong attachment, yet have not even met this person. If you like them and get on, it will only naturally get stronger, not sure there is a way to avoid it, its just the way it goes sometimes.

Bottom line, only you know if you can control your feelings or not, though I have to say, if you are already struggling to control your feelings about this person and they are only wanting something casual, then I would avoid. I see no way of that ending well. However if like yourself, they can see things possibly going further in future then it maybe worth the risk.