Submissive embodiment how to?

[SapphicScientist]

Background
I have a play partner who is new to kink and affection in general, they've been curious they want to reach their potential and explore, and I've been teaching them what I know how to do well, but based on how submissive they are I think they could supercede my current abilities, but I think I could teach them if I only had the words.

Question:
I recall watching and playing with submissives who move in a submissive manner, the way they receive touch and tune in to energy, are right there with you or a few steps ahead no matter how unexpected your moves, accomadating you all the way like a little butler carrying your bags as you walk and apply your makeup from them, it's more than leaning in to touch and sort of guiding the hands with the body, it's more than making those lovely moans and noises? It's more than just appreciation itself,, but basically using the equivalent of a study method to tap in to everything tat the touch and scene and roleplay has to offer. Do you you know what I'm talking about? I'm looking up "somatic embodied receptive surrender" to no avail? What words are used to describe this body language? Are there books that discuss this? Videos that showcase this well? Books or articles that explain this way of being?

More than just surrender and letting go of shame but using multiple methods to find surrender and receptiveness, pursuing it?

[Ba****]

Well i‘m not sure what you are trying to say, so far i assume you are trying to do some sort of mixture of high protocol D/s and new age spirituality with a unexperienced sub who shows a lot of potential(?¿?)

What do you mean with „supersede your current abilities“??
What’s wrong with just teaching them what you know and then learning the „rest“ together??
You know that you’re not expected to be omniscient and omnipotent right??
You are not, your partner is not going to be and nobody is perfect

After a quick search i could probably throw a dozen book titles about submission at you but since i haven’t read any of them i would prefer not to
Just gonna say you are better of learning the relevant „body language“ by observing your partner directly in a variety of situations rather than buying general books on pseudoscience

Not sure if this is helpful or not but maybe start by thinking about what exactly you want to do, tell your partner to do the same and talk about is to then go from there

[tr****]

It seems like you’re trying to mold the two of you into an ideal dom/sub dynamic before looking at how you guys interact as people. There’s no such thing as a “perfect” dom or sub, and neither of you should be trying to be. You don’t need to put on a performance in your private sex lives, just enjoy what you’re into and worry about dynamics later.

[ti****]

What feels right for both of you is the “perfect” way. Learn each other.. talk to each other.. bond in a way that you both enjoy.. you are not the “teacher” you are a student. Learn from your sub.. talk to each other to see what works and what doesnt..

After all we are individually different no book can tell you how they feel.. no person can say your doing this right (spiritually) because as unique as we are so is you energy flow…

I suggest (I’m a touch caregiver so take that into consideration) leaning into connection… learn to read their body.. not their words… your sub WANTS to do what you do and sometimes they don’t say yes or no AA much as their body does… respect, consent, communication, feeling, and protection is your DUTY… have fun..

[Daddybrains]

It’s possible to overthink this. As the advice goes, “eat when hungry, sleep when tired.” There’s more than one template for submission! One template - the one you might seek - is like water without weather. It’s passive, receptive, yielding, conforming. But you also want the anticipative aspect: harmony, synchronization, 80% directionally correct action by the bottom / sub based on the subtle cues, the person, patterns, and the situation, before the more overt cues are even in the conscious thoughts of the top / dom. The simplest word for this second thing is “empathy” and IMO it isn’t learned — but can be honed.

My worldview isn’t big on “sub training” though. YMMV.

[my****]

I have no idea what you’re going for. I can say my perfect sub walked like a bumblebee flies and I had to check up to avoid slamming into her. So full of life and always wanted to be touched, but couldn’t walk in tandem.

[SapphicScientist]

15 hours ago, Barthold said:

Well i‘m not sure what you are trying to say, so far i assume you are trying to do some sort of mixture of high protocol D/s and new age spirituality with a unexperienced sub who shows a lot of potential(?¿?)

What do you mean with „supersede your current abilities“??
What’s wrong with just teaching them what you know and then learning the „rest“ together??
You know that you’re not expected to be omniscient and omnipotent right??
You are not, your partner is not going to be and nobody is perfect

After a quick search i could probably throw a dozen book titles about submission at you but since i haven’t read any of them i would prefer not to
Just gonna say you are better of learning the relevant „body language“ by observing your partner directly in a variety of situations rather than buying general books on pseudoscience

Not sure if this is helpful or not but maybe start by thinking about what exactly you want to do, tell your partner to do the same and talk about is to then go from there

It's not high protocol D/s but I'm sure this can be incorporated into it, the metaphor (hence the use of the word "like") with a butler is describing what this feels like to be on the recieving end, someone walking in step with you smoothly enough not to wobble a makeup mirror is very freeing.

The phenomenon I'm describing is a way of receiving and participating in touch, usually when it's described, people tend to get spiritual in their descriptions, so perhaps it has some linkages to that.

What i mean by superseding my abilities is, as a switch this method of reception is something I catch in moments or can achieve when working with a skilled lead, but it's not ingrained in my bones well enough to teach as well as I'd like. What I'm doing is exactly that, teaching them what I know and then learning the „rest“ together, this I'm asking about is the "rest" ,, for us to learn,, together

I know I'm not expected to be omniscient and omnipotent, I'm just trying to give someone a gift of knowledge and self understanding through providing them a sort of playground and the information they need so can experiment

I don't use the word perfect here, but it seems that some people have decided to think I'm using a completely different method of interaction than I do, I'm wondering where this is coming from? Are people allowed to try things? To teach each other without people thinking there's some sort of ballet teacher esque unhealthy dynamic going on that they need to correct?

Of course I do what I can to observe and atune to my partner, this is a two way street.

I've been experimenting with telling them what I'm going to do, they are new to this so they don't really know how to prepare, I try to explain different ways they can do so, and sometimes they can meet my actions, it isn't for a lack of desire or a lack of trying that they're not always able to, it's a lack of understanding, and I know practice helps! We already do that, but we can use knowledge as well. There exist specialists in this method of being, this question is for those specialists, to speak on their methods etc. I know this knowledge is available because this is a subject of study for which there is academia, I know some people don't believe in mixing study with kink, but you will note this is posted in a forum entitled "kink academy".

And yes, I too am exhausted by the bandwagon slop kink books that make it harder to find the good ones. I've been in the scene long enough to know the magic that can be cofostered, thus I ask the community when my current knowledge runs dry. It's so sad to me that some people think that kink can only ever be this small little game, if that's what you want, great! But to try to limit the possibilities by drawing an edge, not for safetys sake but for one's ego, is sad.

My tone in this is friendly, I'm just trying to achieve clarity.

[Ba****]

9 hours ago, SapphicScientist said:

It's not high protocol D/s but I'm sure this can be incorporated into it, the metaphor (hence the use of the word "like") with a butler is describing what this feels like to be on the recieving end, someone walking in step with you smoothly enough not to wobble a makeup mirror is very freeing.

The phenomenon I'm describing is a way of receiving and participating in touch, usually when it's described, people tend to get spiritual in their descriptions, so perhaps it has some linkages to that.

What i mean by superseding my abilities is, as a switch this method of reception is something I catch in moments or can achieve when working with a skilled lead, but it's not ingrained in my bones well enough to teach as well as I'd like. What I'm doing is exactly that, teaching them what I know and then learning the „rest“ together, this I'm asking about is the "rest" ,, for us to learn,, together

I know I'm not expected to be omniscient and omnipotent, I'm just trying to give someone a gift of knowledge and self understanding through providing them a sort of playground and the information they need so can experiment

I don't use the word perfect here, but it seems that some people have decided to think I'm using a completely different method of interaction than I do, I'm wondering where this is coming from? Are people allowed to try things? To teach each other without people thinking there's some sort of ballet teacher esque unhealthy dynamic going on that they need to correct?

Of course I do what I can to observe and atune to my partner, this is a two way street.

I've been experimenting with telling them what I'm going to do, they are new to this so they don't really know how to prepare, I try to explain different ways they can do so, and sometimes they can meet my actions, it isn't for a lack of desire or a lack of trying that they're not always able to, it's a lack of understanding, and I know practice helps! We already do that, but we can use knowledge as well. There exist specialists in this method of being, this question is for those specialists, to speak on their methods etc. I know this knowledge is available because this is a subject of study for which there is academia, I know some people don't believe in mixing study with kink, but you will note this is posted in a forum entitled "kink academy".

And yes, I too am exhausted by the bandwagon slop kink books that make it harder to find the good ones. I've been in the scene long enough to know the magic that can be cofostered, thus I ask the community when my current knowledge runs dry. It's so sad to me that some people think that kink can only ever be this small little game, if that's what you want, great! But to try to limit the possibilities by drawing an edge, not for safetys sake but for one's ego, is sad.

My tone in this is friendly, I'm just trying to achieve clarity.

Wait what „limit“, what „edge“ and which „ego“??
I personally don’t call BDSM a „lifestyle“ because that would minimize it from my perspective so i have no idea where the „small little games“ bit came from

But back on topic
I sadly it’s more topic of interest then a subject of study in actual academia, most relevant studies are on other things but have elements that could be related to the topics you or i might be interested in and sure the have been studies with BDSM in mind from the start but as far as i know they don’t number in the double digits yet
Also while the studies where almost exclusively done by medical professionals and psychologists most of the „bandwagon slop kink books“ where written be the specialists you mentioned
And i regret to have to inform you that „kink academy“ is a bit of a misleading name for a normal a** heavily censored forum with lots of words you can’t used and topics that can’t be addressed, not telling you to go away or something but i have seen some actually academic discussion of kink and trauma from a place of psychologist collecting data on „fetlife“ before and i most definitely scrolled past some spiritual things

The part on perfection was in part not just because of the „like a butler“ bit but the whole paragraph around it has some perfectionist undertone but mostly it’s just normal a** good general advice aka striving for perfection can be good but being too perfectionist usually isn’t