Writing

[my****]

I think those are two sides to the same coin but I have no idea how that equates to writing.

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, GabsGabsinG said:

I think we hide who we are when we aren’t pleased with who we are. Acceptance comes from within- if we accept ourselves and like ourselves, then we won’t have anything to hide, because, Dr Seuss said it best: those who mind don’t matter, those who matter don’t mind.
I’ve found that when I started accepting myself, and liking myself, others started, too. The more I like myself the more I’m liked. Which, with my ego, is a bit of a problem 🤣

Well said.

[Df****]

Maybe a strong paradox. Good question though (:

Perhaps it's a feeling like showing your diary to someone or being really silly, just because. Do things like that too show who you are?  Do genetics/therefore personality traits play a role in this? I'd ask suggestively. But hey. With good emotions towards our loved one(s), a strong will, enoigh time, we might be able to.

[Deleted Member]

I would say both are true. Maybe a mixture of both as well. I have found people do not want the truth, They are more comfortable with the fantasy. That is not just in the world of kink and fetish but all walks of life. Tell people the truth they either don't know what to do with it, don't trust it or run for cover.

[an****]

Survival. During early development (early meaning the beginning of each aspect, life, love, work, intimacy, etc.) shyness or a lack of openness (as a spectrum) develops from shame, disengagement, or disinterest of wants or needs (think of 'ego' being the polar opposite). I'm going to push back on the 'nobody's ever made them feel safe enough to open up' it is the exact opposite (personal observation) we have all found many individuals (seek them) that we felt safe enough to open up to, almost as a calling to become whole. After repeated negative experiences a lot of times new quick bonds form, then can feel fake, trust can become uncomfortable, calm can mutate into suspicion. Because avoiding being hurt again (or feeling stupid) is a filter now so everything positive may be seen as a veil or fake depending on the level of trauma and repetitions of letdown. The new damage of a failed relationship/task (even perceived failure) rein***s the belief of low value. Survival through shyness and seclusion are en***d. We all hide and *** judgement to a degree it's a core survival process. Even though people get up in front of thousands of people sometimes they are actually pretty shy and have to do extreme compartmentalizing to get through it and are utterly exhausted from social interactions. So that bubbly 'not shy' person may also be shaking and rocking in the car at break time dreading more social exposure at a party or even online. So its kind of hard to really know who is actually shy. The best thing to do is treat everyone like they are shy and uncomfortable, do check-ins, be appreciative, make considerations, avoid being creepy 😅.

[Ni****]

We all learn to wear masks of one kind or another to fit into the environment we live in but I believe we also all yearn for the right person to take the mask off for and truly be ourselves

[aaron_qld_au]

On this: I've been feeling kinda conflicted lately...

Does anyone find themselves wanting to experiment and do things at times that are completely out of their natural character? I'm primarily fairly caring and affectionate... and really want to look after my partner regardless of the relationship dynamic... but then other times, out of the blue, I just want to be completely not caring... and *** her until she's blue, spit, *** on and destroy.... and I hold myself back from expressing this... so I'm putting it on an online public forum. 😆🤦🏻 #anxietyFTW haha

[Li****]

I opened up one time to a woman about a sexual experience that had happened to me when I was young. I told her that a friend of mine basically took advantage of me due to the fact that there was a kinda hero worship thing going on. I had honestly blocked it out until I was about 30 and could look at it with grown up eyes. I told her that looking back, he had actually fucked the hell out of me. She just stared at me for a bit and then asked me if I was trying to tell her that I was gay or something.

[po****]

I was burned really bad from a 15 year relationship and will never go back to a level of vulnerability that I had given to my ex.

[at****]

I think we all hide who we are. To me there’s some *** of being judged and misunderstood. It’s not about safety to me but the fact I think many of the fetishizes are side of our evolutionary history that society wants hidden. And those who open those doors to the souls in smaller environments might be ostracized. We as a species I think don’t want to think about our past sexual relationships because many were taboo.

[da****]

I don’t think that there’s a one size fits all answer to that question. I know, at least for me personally, when I open up to people there is always this anxiety of not being accepted for who I am and being judged because there are some people in this world who will judge and who will not accept. I’ve had people who have made me feel really safe and that I have opened up to only to be hurt or had what I’ve shared be used against me later and so for me it’s a lot about trusting a person and feeling safe with them but a bit also about trusting myself and that my instincts and intuitions about this person aren’t leading me astray or into a situation I’m going to get hurt again.

[Ma****]

I wish I hid myself more honestly. I like who I am, but more often than not, those that enter my life don't stick around. I'm too honest, or they don't want to take the time to get through my walls because in my experience, everyone leaves. 

 

Don't misunderstand that I have insurmountable walls, because I don't. I will say exactly what I mean, and mean exactly what I say. I just don't trust easily because everyone leaves.

[Bu****]

For me, it's both. I know when someone will judge certain things about me, and if it's a situation where I'm not able to rebel against them without it causing problems, I tend to leave it alone. But there are moments where I tell them to kiss my a**

[AntXtreme]

Usually both. *** of judgment teaches people to protect parts of themselves, and a lack of safety or trust gives them no reason to risk being fully open. Most people reveal more of who they are when they believe they’ll be understood instead of punished for it.