What to expect at events/ clubs?

[Ao****]

Hi there!! I'm very new to the wide world of kink! And I've discovered that I live near a bdsm night club that does play nights! I would love to go but I've never been before, what should I expect? Is it a walk in and everyone's just kinda boning on the dance floor?/jk

But in all seriousness, what should someone wear? Bdsm gear? Street clothes?
How does someone get a play room? Can you just walk in and watch? Should I bring a partner or can I come in alone?
Thank you in advance for any advice I'm socially anxious and autistic so I wanna make the best first impression I can :) <3

[Mr****]

Most I know wear street clothes in, then maybe change into something spicier once arrived and inside. Rooms should be available if unoccupied and doors open - if there’s a chain across or closed, it’s being used. Females usually don’t have any issues getting in alone - that’s up to you. Single men typically need hosts to accompany them or vouch for them. My advice, be comfortable, be sociable, ask for consent to watch/join.. treat it like a normal bar where people just happen to be having sex.

[Deleted Member]

These events are very different from place to place. Some are fantastic. Others are down right grimy and can even be dangerous to go alone. Some events have dress codes and don't allow street clothes.

For your first time, it's not a bad idea to bring someone with you and just go to watch and see what your local scene is like. Maybe scene a little and get to know the community.

[co****]

Most clubs kinda have a buffer zone lol so like a regular dance floor and bar and then you can go to private rooms or play rooms for group play if that’s what you’re into or not, it’s mostly a regular club but with the option of having sex if you hit it off with the right person or couple

[km****]

Do you know if the event is listed on fetlife?

[ey****]

Whilst most clubs/events follow the same kinda system - the best thing is to look at the event listings and rules.

Some do require you to pay up front, especially if you need to be a member or vetted - some permit pay on the door

Usually play is confined to specific spaces (like the play room) so that you don't involuntarily witness, or become, part of someone's scenes.  Mind, there are also events exist which permit play anywhere

What to wear. Read their dress code.  Some events do permit street clothes, some are a smart black minimum, some require fetish wear - return to my first point

Most do permit people to attend alone, but that can be daunting if you don't know anyone. Or spot someone you do know and it makes you go eek

Playroom rules for watching again varies on venue. A lot permit you to watch, so long as you are not in the way 

[Mr****]

So always arrive and leave in street clothes. If you would like to get changed into fetish or sexy attire once you are inside you may do so. Most have designated areas where play is allowed and it is normally out of view of the entrance. Depending on the club some allow nudity all the time, some allow nudity while doing a scene and some require you to keep underwear on at all times. You can absolutely just walk in and watch but never open doors to play areas that are closed without permission. If people are open to being watched they will either be playing in a common space or will leave the door open. Just because someone is playing publicly though does not mean it's an invitation to interact with them. Wait until their scene is done to approach with any questions you may have. A lot of places also have people who will walk you through the dos and don'ts if you let them know it's your first time. Solo or partnered is up to you either is fine. I would plan not to play for your first two or three visits. Take that time to get to know the venue and the rules and other things like that.

[Mo****]

Wait, where is this?

[Mr****]

There are a bunch of different ones around the United States and I'm sure other countries

[Ed****]

Almost all of the dungeon spaces require a certain amount of vetting. Sometimes it’s handled through phone calls or text messages and emails. Our club actually does live vetting. Which I think is a little bit better. It gives you a chance to ask questions. It also gives you a chance to see the people that go to the dungeon are real people just like you. Just ordinary, average people who know how to be kinky and enjoy it. I’m sure if you look, you can find a place near you. You should also vet the dungeon. You need to find people to go to it. And ask them what they think about the space. Do some background check and find out why people leave. No place is perfect. But some places are better than others.

[un****]

13 hours ago, MrWrong00234 said:

So always arrive and leave in street clothes. If you would like to get changed into fetish or sexy attire once you are inside you may do so. Most have designated areas where play is allowed and it is normally out of view of the entrance. Depending on the club some allow nudity all the time, some allow nudity while doing a scene and some require you to keep underwear on at all times. You can absolutely just walk in and watch but never open doors to play areas that are closed without permission. If people are open to being watched they will either be playing in a common space or will leave the door open. Just because someone is playing publicly though does not mean it's an invitation to interact with them. Wait until their scene is done to approach with any questions you may have. A lot of places also have people who will walk you through the dos and don'ts if you let them know it's your first time. Solo or partnered is up to you either is fine. I would plan not to play for your first two or three visits. Take that time to get to know the venue and the rules and other things like that.

I would second this, particularly the part where you don't plan to play the first night. I didn't play until my 4th night, nearly 3 months after I'd joined.

The first night can be overwhelming, even if you think you know what to expect. I purposely planned not to play, (but told myself I could if I really, really, really wanted to, pretty please with sugar on top), mostly because it didn't seem fair to someone else if I played before I was ready.

I'm so glad I didn't put pressure on myself. It meant I took my own time.
I actually spent the first night practising saying no without apologising (which I never realised I did). It took 2 weeks of full time practising to stop apologising every single time I said no to someone. I didn't even go back to my club for another month or so, I was so overwhelmed.

But by doing all this work, I was in a great position to play when the right opportunity arose for me.

[ey****]

oh, on playing there's a myriad of preconceptions and scenarios

but, some people turn up to their first event(s) expecting to play - and then get disappointed they don't;   and yep, don't hinge expectancies on play

some people expect to play and then end up putting themselves into a situation not right for them in order to get some play - this never ends well

Like. You're an adult. You're allowed to play with someone if they suggest it, or if you ask or if something is happening like a demo inviting volunteers or so on... but also to kinda double ask yourself if it's right for you.    

 

alas locally we've had a few issues lately and it has been people rushing into play for the sake of it and getting carried away, crossing boundaries and... yep, it doesn't end well 

[Qu****]

It really depends on the space. Look them up on fetlife or their website. Some spaces are more focused on the sex side of things while others are focused on bdsm, some spaces may forbid sex all together.

[bo****]

I have both attended just to watch and scened at one here in DFW. Never interrupt a scene, but most will allow questions after if you are curious. Many who are scening love audiences. Wear whatever makes you comfortable. For my scenes, I am submissive and wear what my Mistress asks but I also have a robe that signifies when I'm in it, I'm equal. I love going to these clubs to get ideas for my own kinks. Definitely look the clubs up though because as mentioned, there are places that just aren't safe.

[Ao****]

Wednesday at 04:59 PM, kmcrochetlover said:

Do you know if the event is listed on fetlife?

It is actually! It's the crucible in Madison Wisconsin they have bdsm play nights from what I've gathered!

[Ao****]

Wednesday at 02:39 PM, colombull said:

Most clubs kinda have a buffer zone lol so like a regular dance floor and bar and then you can go to private rooms or play rooms for group play if that’s what you’re into or not, it’s mostly a regular club but with the option of having sex if you hit it off with the right person or couple

That's so comforting actually I do quite love to going to actual night clubs and that there's an obvious distinction between play and dance so I can't accidentally over look it :3!!!