What would make you join the community?

[Qu****]

As someone who's active in my local community it does surprise me the number of people on this app who aren't involved in their local community & don't seek out education. What would make you want to get involved? Demos, education (if so what kind), parties?

[jj****]

I tried it, but I didn’t like it. I found that it was mostly couples and the men were generally too pushy. It’s just not a great place to meet singles.

[Ka****]

I don’t even know how to find the community. I don’t like clubs or in your face sex. I’ve been to a couple low key munches and that is my preference. But as far as community. I’m more into staying with just Master. Perhaps finding a friend or two for discussions and camaraderie. 

[Fu****]

I suppose I just dont get the social aspect of kinky stuff?

[Ja****]

I think something to consider is that outside major urban centres like Manchester or London, there is significantly less going on (although it is better than it was). Great chunks of the UK are a long way from where a lot of this stuff is concentrated which then raises a number of practical issues in accessing them. My experience is that it tends to be very couples-dominated where a lot of people there will have known each other a long time and this can make it difficult to break into and quite hard to meet single people.

[sardonicus87]

Eh, where I live is rural, there's not no community, but there's not much of one. I don't need education (I've had plenty and they don't provide education on anything I haven't heard 9,000 times already). I'm not interested in rope, fire or wax, which seems to be the only demos ever done.

I'm not active because it's the same 5 legit kinksters and the same 10 non-kinky but otherwise sex-positive people. There's literally nothing there for me, nobody shares my kinks.

I also hate activities. Nobody can just chill and talk, everything has to be a stupid event/activity. If it's not education, it's board games. I hate that, and I also hate crowds.

Despite that, I've wasted my time attending in the past and I sporadically waste my time in the present and will in the future, because "that's the only way to meet people", even though nobody wants to meet anyone new, they're all cold and standoffish (but that's everything these days, not just kink).

How could you get me to go? Make it just coffee and talking, no education, no games, no activity, and make there be a chance that there might be an actual masochist in attendance that might be open to play partners, or otherwise make there be chill (re: not spastic people with 0 social skills/awareness) people who outnumber the spazes. Just actual normal people being normal, quiet and low-key. Basically, make munches exactly the opposite of what apparently everyone else but me demands.

[sardonicus87]

Also even then for me, that's just for basic attendance, I am not a "community" type of person, I don't need or want a crowd, I'm fine with a few close individuals as friends (of which I have none), so I am never going to be a group participant and drink the koolaid and do cheers or whatever. I don't get fuzzy feelings from "being part of something bigger" or whatever "community" is supposed to be.

[ma****]

I don't know how to get involved. I am nervous too. I have a lot of self image issues. I would love to be involved. I think that it might help when making partner decisions. I also don't drive. I would love to have someone who is more experienced to answer questions, like a mentor. Having an experienced friend would definitely help.

[an****]

My local community is an overlap of burlesque and theater scene people. It is a lot easier for new friends to view the event as a job fair, not a job, not a bar scene, not a smash spot, just a networking event splashed with Hot topic clothing and spicy entertainment. Go window shop (not hook up), be decent, make connections, the reality is the community happens outside events and the vast majority of people are just normal people outside the events. Couples are not your enemy just treat them like people not playthings and it all becomes a lot easier to manage. Everyone has a personality on display at the event same as a job fair or some other dress up event. Just remember that the connection has to extend past the event or meeting to become more than surface level with a character build. Expecting more than surface level for first encounters (applies to IRL too) can be disappointing but remember we don't deserve more than adequate effort for just showing up and standing in a similar area. Expect to receive the effort you give. Clothing/costumes is/are a huge signal for 'talk to me' or 'leave me alone' or 'I'm not trying to do this', so you can get a lot of attention if you are shy by just putting a lot of effort into your outfit. Back to the job fair idea, dress for the job you want. And be reasonably reachable, have a kink online presence or something you can give out that is safe and easy to share, think QR code or easy to search name or just active on common socials as the persona you bring to the fair.

[Qu****]

6 hours ago, sardonicus87 said:

Eh, where I live is rural, there's not no community, but there's not much of one. I don't need education (I've had plenty and they don't provide education on anything I haven't heard 9,000 times already). I'm not interested in rope, fire or wax, which seems to be the only demos ever done.

I'm not active because it's the same 5 legit kinksters and the same 10 non-kinky but otherwise sex-positive people. There's literally nothing there for me, nobody shares my kinks.

I also hate activities. Nobody can just chill and talk, everything has to be a stupid event/activity. If it's not education, it's board games. I hate that, and I also hate crowds.

Despite that, I've wasted my time attending in the past and I sporadically waste my time in the present and will in the future, because "that's the only way to meet people", even though nobody wants to meet anyone new, they're all cold and standoffish (but that's everything these days, not just kink).

How could you get me to go? Make it just coffee and talking, no education, no games, no activity, and make there be a chance that there might be an actual masochist in attendance that might be open to play partners, or otherwise make there be chill (re: not spastic people with 0 social skills/awareness) people who outnumber the spazes. Just actual normal people being normal, quiet and low-key. Basically, make munches exactly the opposite of what apparently everyone else but me demands.

Interesting take on the munches you've attended. While I do agree most are the same people, the ones I attend are more normal conversation and fairly chill. Yeah there can be some spastic people.

[Qu****]

9 hours ago, FuriouslyNick said:

I suppose I just dont get the social aspect of kinky stuff?

I can understand that, but assuming you're into bdsm, how do you get educated?

[Qu****]

11 hours ago, Katlynn6612 said:

I don’t even know how to find the community. I don’t like clubs or in your face sex. I’ve been to a couple low key munches and that is my preference. But as far as community. I’m more into staying with just Master. Perhaps finding a friend or two for discussions and camaraderie. 

Yeah in your face sex can be a bit much for a lot. But most dungeons that focus on bdsm tend to downplay the sex and will kick out people just looking for sex. As to how to find your local community try fetlife and look at the "bdsm events" not the ones labeled "sex party".