That's why I don't get these kinds of questions. Not everyone who is a masochist gets the same things out of it. Everyone's going to get something different, for some it's simple, for others more complex.

These questions basically boil down to "I don't understand how different people are Read more… different" or "I don't get how people like different stuff or in different ways than how I feel" or trying to make all of a group only like X for a specific one reason, or assume it MUST be deep and complex (which it needn't always be).

Especially with the way these kind of questions are worded, they're always loaded questions.

What we get out of it is pleasure, just that simple. We like the way it feels to cause ***. That's only slightly oversimplified, obviously the method of delivery matters too, just like because a masochist likes ***, that doesn't mean they enjoy stubbing their toe. Just like not all *** is the same, Read more… not all delivery is the same.

If it doesn't make sense, think about your own wording of masochism for you and how that sounds to non-masochists. "But *** hurts, how can that be pleasurable, how could someone like how it feels?".

Same thing for us, it's pleasurable for us to cause ***... what we get out of it just is pleasure. Asking us "but how" is like non-masos asking you "but how can you like it". Just do, that's it.

:1789049491,6522534, In my head, the term sadomasochism describes a type of play that is defined by the giving and receiving of *** and not an actual role. The person delivering that *** is the sadist. I know a couple of sadists, but I am not one. When I deliver ***, it is to Read more… provide that *** for my submissive. She is a masochist and derives her pleasure from that delivery. When my sadist friends deliver ***, it is the focus of their desire, regardless of the desires of their submissive (within their own consent dynamic).

Pretty much this. Though I am a sadist (not a sadomasochist), it's basically the non-D/s equivalent of a "switch", but for *** play. Sadism and masochism isn't, in itself, about dynamics... that's what D/s is. S&M by itself is just about ***. That's not to say power exchange dynamics can't also be a factor, but then you're not talking about sadists/masochists/sadomasochists but rather sadistic/masochistic/sadomasochistic doms/subs. A lot of people seem to not understand the difference, or treat everything in BDSM as if it's inherently "dom side" or "sub side", conflating D/s stuff with everything in BDSM. It's very "d/s centric/normative", which is rather annoying for people like me that don't care about roles or dynamics.

As far as I can tell, what few sadomasochists I have talked to, they "get the same thing out of it" as sadists when they're topping and the same as masochists when bottoming.

Tsatthoggua, Chthonian, Carpathian Forest and Belphegor

Honestly, the only time I've ever gotten messages from not scammers, is couples who clearly did not read my profile.

While I think a lot of people don't actually read profiles, I'm fairly confident a higher percentage of women read profiles than men.

Personally, I always read profiles. I'm not Read more… into wasting effort trying to craft a message that "stands out" for someone I'd never be interested in, or someone that explicitly says she's not looking for anything I am or explicitly says she's not into my kinks. Even then, how are you supposed to craft a personal/good message without reading a profile?

Of course, the rare occasion someone actually has filled out their profile and I can tell there's a chance we could hit it off (beyond stupidly rare) and I take all that effort and actually try... you know, doing the very thing so many complain that nobody does and they say they wish people would do, and it's wasted effort every time anyway. Inbox dry af. I'm convinced 99.9% of people don't even want to do anything more than just window shopping. Hell, probably 75% of them quit using sites anyway after about 48 hours, look once and leave.

Probably literally everything. Way too much to explain, it's why I don't talk about what my hobbies are (like philosophy, math, coding) because then they think I'm "boring" and "have no sense of humor", or how I ride motorcycles because then they think I like AC/DC or am some kind of "toxic Read more… masculinity real baiker brötherrrrrr".

It's like you can't say anything because it'll be used as an excuse to write you off without even trying, and then saying nothing they won't be interested because they don't know anything about you. It doesn't matter what you say, it's always taken the wrong way, almost on purpose. It's like they go in already determined to not find anything and make it a self-fulfilling prophecy where they can say "see, I knew it"... like no, you didn't even try.

It's definitely changed a lot over the last 10 years.

Nobody socializes in-person anymore. If it's just a purely social munch, no activities, then nobody shows up. This goes for anything, not just kink, the only way people show up is if there's some kind of activity, which they use to avoid Read more… actually socializing face-to-face. If there's social mingling time before/after the "activity", people only talk to those they already know and nobody new. If there's nobody they know, they just straight leave most of them. The ones that don't, if you just say hello or try to talk to anybody, they just stare at you like a deer in the headlights.

Even then, there's a lot less events where I am, mostly because people quit showing up. Nobody wants munches either, they want parties, but there's no venues here to have them and nobody wants to host. The only events that do come up, are hotel swinger and g@@ng-bang nbsp;s3x events. Anything actually social is rare and when it is, nobody shows up and the ones that do, don't socialize at all.

Online is even worse. Everything has become "Redditified" in that nobody socializes online either. The few real people that aren't bots, are all self-absorbed "karma farming". Everyone thinks they're a writer or model, only post for likes and attention. Post anything real or try to have real discussion and it's 99% responded to with sarcasm and snark. And that's again across everything, not just kink.

But specific to kink, aside from actual kink dying, it's pretty much 99% unicorn-hunters and swingers and vanillas, very few legit kink-minded people, at least online.

Heh, the responses of a lot of people here, particularly women, is why I hate on the treasure hunt (and vocally complained about it), all the ones that require you to view someone's profile to find them.

It's been many times I will view a profile necessary to get the treasure hunt thing, only for Read more… said profile to then view-bomb me for days or weeks.

It makes me not even want to ever visit anyone's profile at all (generally, not regards to treasure hunt) because I don't want anyone then getting mad at me just for looking at their profile or something.

Well, I also rarely message because discounting the obvious bots, scammers and real people who just want your ***/***, the only filters I have are women within 2 hours of me that are looking for men. That's literally it, and ALL the profiles are blank, no effort, no quality, and on the rare one has Read more… anything other than "lol I hate doing these", they're always looking for something highly specific that I am not.

So not only do I not get responses, there's literally nobody in a reasonable distance to even message with in the first place, and moving is not an opinion for me and long distance is not an option.

At least you guys are getting to the point of being ghosted, I never even get responses ever to my messages, and yes, they are always respectful and not entitled or anything women complain about all the time. They're "the right kind of message", and I haven't even had a response in over a year.

I absolutely loathe dirty talk, absolute hard limit. Moaning/groaning is fine as long as it's legitimate/real and not played up/overdone and as long as it's not stupidly annoying.

But absolutely no dirty talk, I hate that SO much. 🤮

If you find the solution, let me know. I'm not deaf, I have the opposite problem, sensory gating issues. There's literally nothing any group could do to make accommodations for that. So any group setting, I look tired (because I am) and come off as cold or standoffish because I can't hear someone Read more… talking at me over all the other noise. I literally cannot tune out the background, "tune-it-out" circuit irreparably broken.

And the answer is always "online sucks, go to munches", but noe there's not even a munch anymore where I am so, fn SOL over here.