Commitment, respect, and other rare birds

[Deleted Member]

I’ve been involved in BDSM for several years, though that doesn't grant me any special rank or advantage; it’s a continuous learning process that calls for extreme humility.
However, I’ve noticed for some time that many people coming into BDSM—whether on this app or similar ones—fail to grasp the meaning of commitment to one another, to their play partners. Respect is another quality that’s fading; people feel entitled to tell you what to do or what not to do without barely knowing you, and that’s not what BDSM is about. I admit I’m not one for protocol—I’m quite anarchic, actually. As a Dominant, I don’t believe in following rules others created for the rest of us to obey; that’s just not me. My guiding principles are respect, commitment, and empathy—and, of course, having a good time. We ought to reflect on this: do we want a place—a space—that turns into a battlefield, or one that is pleasant and friendly? Just my two cents for today, lol.

[oc****]

Yep. I don’t like the looseness of the scene cause people don’t care about diseases at all. There is no test for HPV for men so it’s only squeaky clean toys for now. Can’t stand these young horny men writing to me thinking cause I’m twice their age there’s a freebie with no commitment. Women want ROMANCE at least out of the bedroom, not straight sex

[PAULTOPS69]

Fair one. Think the word u need respect for each other!!

[Ob****]

16 minutes ago, oceanside44460 said:

Yep. I don’t like the looseness of the scene cause people don’t care about diseases at all. There is no test for HPV for men so it’s only squeaky clean toys for now. Can’t stand these young horny men writing to me thinking cause I’m twice their age there’s a freebie with no commitment. Women want ROMANCE at least out of the bedroom, not straight sex

They absolutely do not want romance, they just want instant gratification and as much attention as possible

[PAULTOPS69]

24 minutes ago, ObeyOmen said:

They absolutely do not want romance, they just want instant gratification and as much attention as possible

Agree most want gratification and as much sex as possible

[oc****]

No. They tell their girlfriends they want MORE than that from a man. I hear it in this scene all the time. Men delude themselves thinking women act like homosexual men

[Ob****]

17 minutes ago, oceanside44460 said:

No. They tell their girlfriends they want MORE than that from a man. I hear it in this scene all the time. Men delude themselves thinking women act like homosexual men

No they don’t. They tell their gfs about how they’re getting so much attention. You act like group chats aren’t posted and seen. Women delude themselves thinking men don’t see through their bs

[PAULTOPS69]

U do remember that this is a fetish sex site so gonna be a range of opinions and activities

[sa****]

Ahhh, the greatest kink of all- trust and consent

[Deleted Member]

Well, for me as an older woman,I do want some romance. But I also want to be on a cross or having fun with rope. I want both, and from what I've seen recently, it's like looking for a unicorn! My inbox is constantly messages by some guy who's horny and thinks it's my problem. It's definitely not my problem because that person is not my Dom. It will become my problem when someone is mine, and vice versa. As for diseases, that's what testing is for and condoms.

[la****]

2 hours ago, oceanside44460 said:

Yep. I don’t like the looseness of the scene cause people don’t care about diseases at all. There is no test for HPV for men so it’s only squeaky clean toys for now. Can’t stand these young horny men writing to me thinking cause I’m twice their age there’s a freebie with no commitment. Women want ROMANCE at least out of the bedroom, not straight sex

This is truth!

[la****]

59 minutes ago, Maliria said:

Well, for me as an older woman,I do want some romance. But I also want to be on a cross or having fun with rope. I want both, and from what I've seen recently, it's like looking for a unicorn! My inbox is constantly messages by some guy who's horny and thinks it's my problem. It's definitely not my problem because that person is not my Dom. It will become my problem when someone is mine, and vice versa. As for diseases, that's what testing is for and condoms.

Thank you for this!

[la****]

Let's not forget, it's ok to say thanks but no thanks, but adults don't need to ghost either. Bow out graciously.

[xR****]

This is an issue I have seen a lot. Now, I am super new to the scene (and looking to expand!) and I suck at apps like this, but, I have noticed a trend where someone will talk to me and I think we're vibing well; bear in mind I am super sexual but also like sensual and romance, too. They seem to be for it..discussing things, and I get to learn. Then bam! They delete their profile! Like, what? Why? And it can't just be a sex thing, cause I have zero issue putting out; and they reach out to me to start! Is talking an issue? Or laying some ground rules bad? 🤔

[PAULTOPS69]

Yh agreed trust consent respect

[ey****]

I think a main thing is that when anyone is new, they are often finding their feet

 

[Deleted Member]

I see that I wasn't the only one who thought that way.

[la****]

Common courtesy and treating people should be the norm not the exception in all situations in life

[la****]

Ha, typo that was supposed to say treating people with respect should be the norm

[la****]

I was a member over three years ago and it was not a bad place.  Everyone was always cordial and didn't try to tell you what to do as if they were your Dom.  Now it seems I'm seeing a lot more pushiness and aggressive men out here portraying to be Doms.  A submissive is not yours to command if you are not their Dominant.  Politeness will get you farther then commands when texting someone. Just my point of view.

[HOPE_MION]

I appreciate this perspective. Experience teaches us techniques, but humility is what teaches us how to treat people.

As a Dominant woman, I don't measure a submissive by how quickly they kneel or how perfectly they follow protocol. I pay far more attention to character—honesty, consistency, respect, and the willingness to communicate openly. Power exchange is built on trust, not entitlement.

I also believe dominance isn't about controlling strangers or demanding respect simply because of a title. Respect is earned through integrity, clear boundaries, and accountability on both sides. Commitment, whether for a single scene or a long-term dynamic, should never be taken lightly.

BDSM should be a space where people feel challenged, respected, and safe enough to grow—not a place driven by ego, drama, or unnecessary hostility.

Just this Goddess's perspective.