Is the Vibe Changing? The rise of ghosting, ***-requests, and profile turnover (even for paid accounts)

[cellofello]

6 hours ago, SlightTech said:

I recently joined and it has honestly been an exhausting experience compared to using FetLife. Dealt with more scammers in the past few weeks than I have at any other point in my life. The only thing that gives me hope is that I have talked to a couple genuine people on here that I enjoy talking to.

Scammers gonna scam. The site can only know about them by our reports, so it's inevitable that you will be contacted by a scammer who hasn't yet come to the attention of the admins and been asked to verify. It can take longer for that than I would like - I reported someone several days ago and haven't even received an acknowledgement of the report. I *** they're just overloaded. I've asked for changes to the reporting system that would make it easier to point them to the source of a stolen photo rather than just telling them they should take a look at the photo, with no clue as to what the reporter found wrong with it.

[qu****]

I found Fet 20 years ago. Was actice for a few years, left. Came back about 10 years ago, left.
I am back now with its app.
I absolutely hate the app and miss the web interface.
Each have their own problems.
But, as a female, I have seen dozens of the Deleted Account situation.
Rather that being ghosted, I deal more with those that pay no mind to my profile.
Even after establishing the profiles to not incorporate.
When I need to go back and add "looking for an Alpha Male" just to further rein*** that I am not here to meet submissive men, and yet that's what my inbox is filled with.

I have some very hard core kinks that most men want nothing to do with.
But, I completely understand exactly what you are saying. And it is for those reasons, until I see vast improvement, I will not pay for Fet again.
Hopefully the developers can get beyond the greed and provide an app that is more appealing, a safer space provided, and more concerned about its users, paid or otherwise.

[FE****]

8 minutes ago, quakertown37623 said:

I found Fet 20 years ago. Was actice for a few years, left. Came back about 10 years ago, left.
I am back now with its app.
I absolutely hate the app and miss the web interface.
Each have their own problems.
But, as a female, I have seen dozens of the Deleted Account situation.
Rather that being ghosted, I deal more with those that pay no mind to my profile.
Even after establishing the profiles to not incorporate.
When I need to go back and add "looking for an Alpha Male" just to further rein*** that I am not here to meet submissive men, and yet that's what my inbox is filled with.
Now, on the flip side, I have been a FinDomme in the past, I have been "taken care of" for my Domme experience.
For me, the person behind the screen, in all her vulnerability, I am seeking exactly what my profile states. While in search of that, if someone comes to me requesting a certain service, I will entertain the idea. However, I have never sought kick back from the type of men I am seeking.
If someone has a FinDomme fetish, who am I to judge? I don't. I never will.
I have some very hard core kinks that most men want nothing to do with.
But, I completely understand exactly what you are saying. And it is for those reasons, until I see vast improvement, I will not pay for Fet again.
Hopefully the developers can get beyond the greed and provide an app that is more appealing, a safer space provided, and more concerned about its users, paid or otherwise.

You don't have to use the app, there is a website.  Fetish dot com. Same sign in details

[li****]

I’m back ❤️… on on topic. Can someone explain your expected ROI on your subscription?

[Deleted Member]

July 27, quakertown37623 said:

I found Fet 20 years ago. Was actice for a few years, left. Came back about 10 years ago, left.
I am back now with its app.
I absolutely hate the app and miss the web interface.
Each have their own problems.
But, as a female, I have seen dozens of the Deleted Account situation.
Rather that being ghosted, I deal more with those that pay no mind to my profile.
Even after establishing the profiles to not incorporate.
When I need to go back and add "looking for an Alpha Male" just to further rein*** that I am not here to meet submissive men, and yet that's what my inbox is filled with.

I have some very hard core kinks that most men want nothing to do with.
But, I completely understand exactly what you are saying. And it is for those reasons, until I see vast improvement, I will not pay for Fet again.
Hopefully the developers can get beyond the greed and provide an app that is more appealing, a safer space provided, and more concerned about its users, paid or otherwise.

This app i terrible. My page is explicit hard limits, and all I get are people disrespecting my hard limits.I have blocked probably a thousand people. After this next part of my subscription runs out, i'm out.

[Kl****]

I dont see the point in paying if 60+% of the female profiles are tire kicker, tree shake, ghosting flakes and I say this from observation. Passport bro's is a thing because of the brainwashing happening here. Can't speak for other cities...it's full spectrum in Toronto.

[SlightTech]

July 27, lilpadawan said:

I’m back ❤️… on on topic. Can someone explain your expected ROI on your subscription?

There is none, it doesn't really seem like you gain anything by having a subscription other than a couple features that are unnecessary to meet and talk to people. It's clear that they don't really use the *** to improve the quality of the website or user experience.

Even though they have plenty of moderators on here, somehow bot accounts will stay active for hours or days after they have been reported, even when there are blatant guideline/rules ***s. The app and website are buggy. Like I have issues uploading pictures that I don't have on any other platform. Just sometimes it won't upload a picture from my gallery. I had to do the age verification like 5 different times before the website finally recognized that I actually did it. You have to use the website to view videos and certain photos by users. And the mobile version of the website is exhausting to use.

[ey****]

On 7/27/2026 at 3:39 PM, lilpadawan said:

I’m back ❤️… on on topic. Can someone explain your expected ROI on your subscription?

nobody should have an expected ROI on subscription because this is bred from entitlement and treats people transactionally - i.e. "I paid peantus per month therefore x amount of people should chat with me" 

The subscription is to unlock tools, that's it. 

[NocturnalVisitations]

This pretty much mirrors my own experience. For me the issue isn’t simply whether a subscription unlocks a few extra features; it’s whether the platform actually gives enough back in reliability, moderation and user experience to justify paying for it. When you’re still dealing with bugs, inconsistent notifications, obvious seller/bot-style accounts, moderation that can feel slow, and basic features being split between the app and website, it becomes difficult to see where the subscription *** is improving the experience.
The bigger problem is trust. If genuine users are paying while still having to navigate spam, commercial accounts, technical problems and inconsistent functionality, eventually you start asking what exactly you’re paying for. A subscription should make the platform noticeably better to use, not simply unlock a handful of features while the underlying problems remain.

[ey****]

10 hours ago, NocturnalVisitations said:

it’s whether the platform actually gives enough back in reliability, moderation and user experience to justify paying for it.

That in general is a very good vibe that - there are some expectations are more reasonable than others - but yep, is your user experience worth it

Like, no site will ever be bug free - but constant, or long lasting, bugs that affect the user experience are going to be a turn off

Seller/bot accounts are, sadly, something that will always go hand in hand with dating sites so sites will play whackamole. However, this doesn't mean it can't feel frustrating on top of everything else (the only real way around it is to filter for people who are verified only, and, even then, people who sell who are legit are used to having to verify)

Ultimately - there's a lot on the site which is done by folk on a voluntary basis, who just want to try to improve the community - and as great/admirable as this is - there does need to be some proper budget for proper support - cos like volunteers are only available until life or something they need to do to pay their bills gets in the way