Does the empityness go away? Can the deep connection happen again?

[la****]

I was in a LDR for the past 3 years but his job has kept him busy to have quality time with me.  Around a year ago we no longer do the different things anymore. We shared our deepest secrets with each other and I was going to move across the sea to be with him.  We would chat everyday for at least 30 minutes. He would call me at least once a week and we would video chat at least once a month. We became very connected and I fell in love with him. He would know that I had a bad day even without chatting with him and he would call to find out what happened.

I knew that we were growing apart from around August of last year.  Then his life got even more hectic because he had to take care of one of his family members from an illness this year. We put a halt on our Don/sub dynamic. He has told me that he still loves me but he could not provide for me what I needed anymore and he does not see anything changing.  We want to still be in contact with each other and I do understand about priorities and don't blame him for any of it.

My questions are....does the hurt and emptiness go away?  The feeling of being lost?  Would you ever give 100% ever again knowing you will get hurt again?

[Fe****]

I am in a similar situation. And it does get easier. I used to fight back my emotions but this time I just let it go and honestly it was so relieving.

My ex also wants to remain friends, which she was my best friend first and foremost, so I’m just happy to keep her in my life.

But the *** definitely will linger awhile. Time is the greatest healer they say.

With ✌️and ❤️

[la****]

He wad and still is my best friend.

[bu****]

It's hard to say if such happens again or not but some experience and stories are meant to make us different. I am sure with time you might find greater connection. A one that is just safe from all past due. Wish you luck

[la****]

Thank you

[in****]

In short, and certainly not to take away from the magic of the connection you built together, but yes. It is in human nature as part of our survival instinct to heal from emotional trauma and move forward. It is simply a matter of time. The amount of time is only what differs from each of us. Even the two of you will move on at different stages. And you don’t even know it, or maybe can’t even fathom it because of the turmoil your soul is in at the moment. But you’ll be happy building a connection with someone else one day, and so will they. And this will be a beautiful memory, but also a learning curve. It is human nature and time heals everything. Keep your chin up. The amazing thing is, you found that beautiful connection that life is all about. Many don’t.
Out of curiosity, did you guys ever meet in person at all?

[la****]

We never met in person. We really wanted to but I became ill 2 years ago and was still healing the at the beginning of last year.

[bl****]

no it never will unfortunately

[in****]

7 minutes ago, lacey62239 said:

We never met in person. We really wanted to but I became ill 2 years ago and was still healing the at the beginning of last year.

Again, not to take away from the connection you shared; I myself built a beautiful DDLg dynamic with an English girl, which built into a friendship and love, and what we planned to be a relationship which would encompass everything from our BDSM needs to a traditional relationship and partnership. We tried to meet a couple times but circumstances etc. prevented it and we eventually called it off this year.
My point is, that without actually solidifying that bond in person. Without claiming her in the physical sense, and without her having that feeling of being claimed in the physical realm by myself. It helps us. It is easier to move forward. Because all we have is the mind’s conception of what it would have been like to have that in real life with them. Those memories of touch, smell, presence… all that more powerful stuff. They linger on the soul a good deal longer. Without cementing those in your very being, the healing process will still be heartbreaking, but not as much as if you were a physical union on top of the soul connection.

[in****]

26 minutes ago, blondecupcake333 said:

no it never will unfortunately

It does. Sincerely. Time honestly does heal everything. That’s not just cold take on things. I’m one of the more sensitive beings out there and feel deep in my soul, but from experience of every trauma life can throw at you, and being an older mind. I can assure you, it all heals in time. Yes, we keep the memory and the feeling logged in our mind, but we always move on. It’s how humans are by nature to survive.

[Sq****]

I would seek professional help on this. I don't quite see the link to kink beyond there being a dynamic involved somewhere in all of that.

[la****]

1 hour ago, SquirrelandWrangler said:

I would seek professional help on this. I don't quite see the link to kink beyond there being a dynamic involved somewhere in all of that.

You don't see it because I didn't describe what we did in the video chats and I don't need to. I am into bondage and that's all I'm giving away.

[Sq****]

My sentiment remains: address this with a professional that specializes in these things.

[in****]

18 minutes ago, SquirrelandWrangler said:

My sentiment remains: address this with a professional that specializes in these things.

That isn’t sentiment. That sounds a lot like orders from an authoritarian standpoint. It’s like telling a woman to get chocolate on her period and be done with it. The OP is here, on this BDSM forum, because she wants the opinions of people in the kink community, because her connection heavily involved a dom/sub power exchange dynamic as a part of the bond. These opinions will be of value, as opposed to some “professional” who will charge her ***, who likely hasn’t felt what the OP has felt anyway, and has likely got the professional role through acquiring some sort of degree through human data studies online.
To dismiss the OP so nonchalantly is disrespectful tbh, and gives off a vibe of - “Your problems and worries don’t belong here, so don’t air them here.” That ain’t a cool vibe.

[to****]

Give yourself time to heal my friend the most important thing is to keep busy so your not constantly dwelling on it go out with friends ,exercise, read, cook or start a new healthy enjoyable hobby but keep busy time heals all wounds for me bikeriding makes me happy but that's my hobby we all have something different good luck my friend please 🙏 keep busy and engaged in life don't isolate yourself

[Ja****]

You two have to schedule the time for each other. My relationship is similar. She works Am and I work PM Monday through Friday we barely see each other. So we make time. Every the weeks we make a date night plan, every three months we make a weekend plan, just the two of us. Then every the years, when we can anyways, we take a trip for a week or two. Had to be a destination that we both agree on so we both have things that we want to do.

[Mr****]

Take this slowly. You know he needs time for family matters, which is a paramount concern for most people. That puts you a step ahead. Let him know that, yes, the distance hurts as does the slowed communication; but that's OK and you're willing to accept that (only if you truly are—never resort to lies in this) because you chose your Dominant and know that he has responsibilities regardless of anyone's desires.

Life hurts us all in countless ways and for many days; yet, through it all, the drowning fades—in the end, it pays.

A bit of a scuffed poem for you. Proceed to your Dominant and let him know that you will be there for him as he has been for you. But "memento mori" (bear mortality in mind) in this: pushing may mean the end of a beautiful thing, so above all else simply bring comfort and comfort alone.

[jinxed]

7 hours ago, lacey62239 said:

My questions are....does the hurt and emptiness go away?  The feeling of being lost?  Would you ever give 100% ever again knowing you will get hurt again?

It will! 100%! I experienced a similar situation (albeit not over three years as in your case) just recently and after giving up on a connection that couldn't grow due to the same reasons as with you, I was worried that I might remain caught up in the entanglement. And then I simply detoxed! I stayed away from this app, asked him to put me on "ignore" did the same with him, to really close it once and for all and after 5 days I was free. Now after two weeks my life is fuller than in a long time because instead of waiting for a message from him, I'm meeting friends, swim in beautiful lakes, sing on stage, go to brilliant restaurants with friends, and, and, and! Life is faaaar too short to not enjoy the hell out of it because of one loss. 
For me it was helpful to understand that the connection (given that it was only online as well) was simply a kind of @diciton to dopamine kicks from receiving messages or hearing something nice about myself, made more extreme through the phases of no contact in between those moments. Check out how your brain reacts to 'likes' on any given app and then you've got your answer: going cold turkey might not be for everyone, but I will say: I'm happier and more open to meeting someone new in some months from now than I have been in a long time! But for now: Ain't no feeling like being free! All the best to you! 

[ph****]

The dopamine hits for me (as someone who has ADHD and BPD) are always a ln issue long term in any relationship, whether it be vanilla or spicy. Most of my relationships since I started using this app have been long distance. I just ended my own relationship a month ago for similar reasons. We lived a drivable distance away from each other, so we were able to make plans to see each other. That happened successfully once. It was amazing and intense and hot. We talked by text almost every day before that, and afterward it lulled, but we managed to make it work until reality hit me. He had his own responsibilities to take care of, and he had his own health issues he was dealing with, and the last two times we tried to make plans, it didn’t work out. I was angry because of how he communicated that he couldn’t make it. Instead of telling me hours before he wasn’t feeling well, ne waited until I got into town to say that. After the second time, I realized it would not get any better. If he wanted me in his life he would have made more of an effort to let me in. The situation highly affected my mental health and my ability to function day to day. I had my own stuff going on, and I realized he just couldn’t be there for me and give me what I need, whether he wanted to or not, he couldn’t. So I let him go. The sadness is always there, it always stays with me, so I never fully recover. I feel those emotions at a higher magnitude than other people, and my rejection sensitivity kicked in hard. I’ve been working through learning better coping mechanisms for a very long time, but the empty feeling never fully goes away, and at the initial onset of heartbreak, it is physically ***ful. All that to say, you have to take it one day at a time. Keep yourself busy. Fill that space with hobbies or your friends or exercise. Whatever activity gives you joy. Focus on yourself, take care of yourself, and it will eventually get easier with time.

[Sq****]

6 hours ago, intellectualruffian said:

That isn’t sentiment. That sounds a lot like orders from an authoritarian standpoint. It’s like telling a woman to get chocolate on her period and be done with it. The OP is here, on this BDSM forum, because she wants the opinions of people in the kink community, because her connection heavily involved a dom/sub power exchange dynamic as a part of the bond. These opinions will be of value, as opposed to some “professional” who will charge her ***, who likely hasn’t felt what the OP has felt anyway, and has likely got the professional role through acquiring some sort of degree through human data studies online.
To dismiss the OP so nonchalantly is disrespectful tbh, and gives off a vibe of - “Your problems and worries don’t belong here, so don’t air them here.” That ain’t a cool vibe.

When it comes to mental health, it's not the best idea to take advice from strangers on the internet. That wasn't my first comment. I quit reading that halfway through because it's clear what you're trying to do while ignoring the first. Thanks for the input?

[bl****]

8 hours ago, intellectualruffian said:

Again, not to take away from the connection you shared; I myself built a beautiful DDLg dynamic with an English girl, which built into a friendship and love, and what we planned to be a relationship which would encompass everything from our BDSM needs to a traditional relationship and partnership. We tried to meet a couple times but circumstances etc. prevented it and we eventually called it off this year.
My point is, that without actually solidifying that bond in person. Without claiming her in the physical sense, and without her having that feeling of being claimed in the physical realm by myself. It helps us. It is easier to move forward. Because all we have is the mind’s conception of what it would have been like to have that in real life with them. Those memories of touch, smell, presence… all that more powerful stuff. They linger on the soul a good deal longer. Without cementing those in your very being, the healing process will still be heartbreaking, but not as much as if you were a physical union on top of the soul connection.

definitely not… not meeting ever in person is harder bc u have that what if we did what if that was my person.. it hits harder mentally when it was all a deep emotional connection not physical at all.. it doesn’t take physical intimacy for a woman to be in love.. and u are a man speak for the men but not us women we feel way more emotionally & u even proved yourself by saying u never met in person so it’s not that bad.. wrong.

[Fe****]

10 hours ago, lacey62239 said:

He wad and still is my best friend.

So far IME, that almost makes it oddly more difficult. Because there isn’t a clean break, no just missing someone that’s gone.

Losing the dynamic of having your best friend as your partner, but still having them as a best friend. I’ve noticed it’s more of an internal battle.

But honestly in the end it’ll be worth it, maintaining that connection and friendship imo can be beneficial for moving forward as we go on the next chapter in our journey.

[st****]

idk honestly i just got out of a 7 year relationship and i feel like my whole world is crumbling around me😭😭

[la****]

6 minutes ago, stevie-576 said:

idk honestly i just got out of a 7 year relationship and i feel like my whole world is crumbling around me😭😭

I'm sorry. 

[in****]

1 hour ago, blondecupcake333 said:

definitely not… not meeting ever in person is harder bc u have that what if we did what if that was my person.. it hits harder mentally when it was all a deep emotional connection not physical at all.. it doesn’t take physical intimacy for a woman to be in love.. and u are a man speak for the men but not us women we feel way more emotionally & u even proved yourself by saying u never met in person so it’s not that bad.. wrong.

Believe me. Cementing the bond in person and having to let go after that is much harder. But this is the cyber era after all and it seems a rarity that actual physical meets happen, and the cyber connection is elevated to almost reality status. Hopefully you’ll learn there’s so much more to a connection.