The death of kink

[Da****]

39 minutes ago, tsCthulUwU said:

This is a pretty tone-deaf take ngl. How are people suppose to find what they are into… when there is very limited irl opportunities. All my local BDSM clubs are filled with 50+ y/o swingers, of which I’m not into. I’ve had a few opportunities to explore, and I know what I’m into and what I’d like to explore more of.

And hate from the queer community? Literally I get cis men in my DMs turning full-on transphobic for not being okay with my genitals being called certain names or me having an issue being lumped in with crossdressers. Unless you meant “hate FOR the LGBTQ crowd” it just comes across like you have some problematic beliefs.

So is my experience invalid because I’m a cis male? Just because I speak my truth doesn’t mean it’s impossible or something that can’t happen. I think you cherry picked my words. I agree with the finding someone is hard. And I’m sorry you have to deal with men being so hazardous and toxic. Sadly a common thing. There are good ones out there. I think it all comes down to communication. If I told you the number of people that either fucked me over. Were abusive or just tried to use me up to this point. You’d be so dang surprised. Just keep trying.

[Se****]

9 minutes ago, tsCthulUwU said:

My point being its a trauma us women have experienced, at least on this app. Its not a matter of suffering olympics or who has it worse. Im empathizing with her on how she feels, and provided both feedback and constructive criticism.

As a Pleasure Dominate I empathize with her also! When I meet any new Submissive I try to have a conversation! And not just about Sex. I prefer to have fun outside the bedroom also! To simply “ use “ them for Sex really isn’t my style! And too leave them empty of emotional support would demoralize myself as well! I refuse to “ Hookup “! I prefer to treat others as l would have them treat me!!!

[ts****]

12 minutes ago, Dark_Agenda-83 said:

So is my experience invalid because I’m a cis male? Just because I speak my truth doesn’t mean it’s impossible or something that can’t happen. I think you cherry picked my words. I agree with the finding someone is hard. And I’m sorry you have to deal with men being so hazardous and toxic. Sadly a common thing. There are good ones out there. I think it all comes down to communication. If I told you the number of people that either fucked me over. Were abusive or just tried to use me up to this point. You’d be so dang surprised. Just keep trying.

Your experience is absolutely valid, I’m critiquing some of your points. Throwing around terms like ‘mental illness,’ I take issue with because I don’t see how it relates to kink or this app.

Then “hate from the LGBTQ crowd.” Maybe you meant “towards” instead of “from.” Maybe you had nasty encounters with people from said community, of which I want to note that I have too. We aren’t all saints. My interpretation of what you said is that a historically marginalized group is responsible for hating, when in reality its the other way around. Thus me starting my reply with the words “Tone deaf”

[Da****]

2 minutes ago, tsCthulUwU said:

Your experience is absolutely valid, I’m critiquing some of your points. Throwing around terms like ‘mental illness,’ I take issue with because I don’t see how it relates to kink or this app.

Then “hate from the LGBTQ crowd.” Maybe you meant “towards” instead of “from.” Maybe you had nasty encounters with people from said community, of which I want to note that I have too. We aren’t all saints. My interpretation of what you said is that a historically marginalized group is responsible for hating, when in reality its the other way around. Thus me starting my reply with the words “Tone deaf”

Perhaps you haven’t observed deeply enough from a psychology perspective? No offense. Mental illness is rife here yes. And it doesn’t take a mad scientist to see that. Did I say everyone. No. But it’s something underlying we all deal with in people occasionally. I really think you are removing the meaning of this post and making it personal based on internal feelings. Because everything I said seems attacked and taken wrong by you as if you are looking for conflict.

[ts****]

6 minutes ago, Dark_Agenda-83 said:

Perhaps you haven’t observed deeply enough from a psychology perspective? No offense. Mental illness is rife here yes. And it doesn’t take a mad scientist to see that. Did I say everyone. No. But it’s something underlying we all deal with in people occasionally. I really think you are removing the meaning of this post and making it personal based on internal feelings. Because everything I said seems attacked and taken wrong by you as if you are looking for conflict.

I mean yes I’m new to this app, but not to the scene as a whole. Maybe I don’t browse enough cis women profiles to come across the rampant mentally ill profiles, it just seems unfair to weaponize it even if it’s true.

I could rewrite what simplysica said verbatim, and it reflects the same point I’m trying to make. So then to avoid conflict and talking past each other, what did you mean when you wrote “hate from the LGBTQ community?”

[Da****]

5 minutes ago, tsCthulUwU said:

I mean yes I’m new to this app, but not to the scene as a whole. Maybe I don’t browse enough cis women profiles to come across the rampant mentally ill profiles, it just seems unfair to weaponize it even if it’s true.

I could rewrite what simplysica said verbatim, and it reflects the same point I’m trying to make. So then to avoid conflict and talking past each other, what did you mean when you wrote “hate from the LGBTQ community?”

I said what I said. I see a lot of hate all across the board and bias from the lgbtq community who if I’m not mistaken. Are supposed to be the warriors for all and acceptance? I don’t have to share my experiences here. But you clearly seem certain you need to pull my answers apart, find personal offense and make this about you. I don’t appreciate the subtle nuances of conflict. What answer do you want? Because no matter what I give you will keep digging at it because I’m cis.

[ts****]

7 minutes ago, Dark_Agenda-83 said:

I said what I said. I see a lot of hate all across the board and bias from the lgbtq community who if I’m not mistaken. Are supposed to be the warriors for all and acceptance? I don’t have to share my experiences here. But you clearly seem certain you need to pull my answers apart, find personal offense and make this about you. I don’t appreciate the subtle nuances of conflict. What answer do you want? Because no matter what I give you will keep digging at it because I’m cis.

I mean I have no problem with you being cis or your experiences. I have a problem with you calling out a historically marginalized community and prancing around like they’re a widespread problem.

Good to see my intuition was right though.

[Da****]

Just now, tsCthulUwU said:

I mean I have no problem with you being cis or your experiences. I have a problem with you calling out a historically marginalized community and prancing around like they’re a widespread problem.

Good to see my intuition was right though.

There you are reaching for more than my words mean. Just because a community is marginalized doesn’t mean they are exempt and that doesn’t mean my experience is generalizing. But thanks for proving my point. Please get lost.

[Longjohn-5206]

It has died simple as no one is genuinely interested in it no more just full of wannabes and when time comes they get scared

[ts****]

7 minutes ago, Dark_Agenda-83 said:

There you are reaching for more than my words mean. Just because a community is marginalized doesn’t mean they are exempt and that doesn’t mean my experience is generalizing. But thanks for proving my point. Please get lost.

I literally said I’ve had bad experiences within the community. I literally said “we’re not all saints.” Should I further add that I’ve been SAed by other members of the LGBTQ community? Its not a monolith.

That’s different from specifically calling out “the hate from the LGBTQ community” like it’s a rampant problem, moreso than the bigotry that exists against our community to this day. Thats why the community exists in the first place.

The paradox of tolerance is probably why you think we are so hateful.

[Laycette]

Can relate, just like many others. The only reason I am still here is that this and other datingvsites are NOT representative of the actual BDSM community. The ones populating these sites generally have no idea as many posts have pointed out. I think having this big influx of 'takers' does harm to us as a community, expressed through posts like yours. I have voiced this problem for a long time now too but people don't want to hear it.
Munches and other events are where it's at, where we can connect properly. Happy to talk with real others and mutually support. That's what is often missing - that community bond. It's not all about hookups and sex.

[wi****]

So many comment arguing about points that have nothing to do with the writers issue. The term selfish still comes to mind. Trying to defend their own insecurities rather than focusing on the point made by her. There are some great comments on here and I hope she reads them and can get back her strength and replenish herself. If u need a more personal conversation I am willing to be there for u In a positive manner. Hopefully u can ignore the rest

[Kinkyboy1980]

35 minutes ago, willwantsit said:

So many comment arguing about points that have nothing to do with the writers issue. The term selfish still comes to mind. Trying to defend their own insecurities rather than focusing on the point made by her. There are some great comments on here and I hope she reads them and can get back her strength and replenish herself. If u need a more personal conversation I am willing to be there for u In a positive manner. Hopefully u can ignore the rest

Absolutely spot on.

[dr****]

Then leave problem solved

[Kinkyboy1980]

53 minutes ago, Laycette said:

Can relate, just like many others. The only reason I am still here is that this and other datingvsites are NOT representative of the actual BDSM community. The ones populating these sites generally have no idea as many posts have pointed out. I think having this big influx of 'takers' does harm to us as a community, expressed through posts like yours. I have voiced this problem for a long time now too but people don't want to hear it.
Munches and other events are where it's at, where we can connect properly. Happy to talk with real others and mutually support. That's what is often missing - that community bond. It's not all about hookups and sex.

It's so frustrating especially when genuine honest people just get judged and labelled because of a minority that waste time of scam.

[M1****]

Thinking of deleting this app too. Pretty sure I’ve been on it for 2-3 months now and literally nothing. Zero, ziltch, nadda, not 1 connection 😔 what is the point in trying anymore? Why bother looking for someone who might be like minded when you put yourself out there over and over again and it’s just hollow…empty…
Pointless

[Kinkyboy1980]

18 minutes ago, M1sterHyde said:

Thinking of deleting this app too. Pretty sure I’ve been on it for 2-3 months now and literally nothing. Zero, ziltch, nadda, not 1 connection 😔 what is the point in trying anymore? Why bother looking for someone who might be like minded when you put yourself out there over and over again and it’s just hollow…empty…
Pointless

Totally with you. Its why I refuse to pay a subscription. Full of hollow and fake people.

[wi****]

I talk to plenty of people full of life love and vigor on this site. But i dont have expectations. Im honest and treat them like people. Talking with many women I get to hear about other people's "hey can I raw dog u" pick up lines or worse ones I cant even repeat and cant help but feel embarrassed. Wanna know why ur not getting the attention u want. U likely dont deserve it. Patience is key. Complaining about it on someones thread that has an obvious emotional situation they are dealing with isnt the way to win any points

[M1****]

@@willwantsit, nbsp;thanks for kicking a guy when he’s down. If ever I message someone all I do is ask how they’re doing and if they’d be interested in connecting. That’s it, no gross pickup lines or cheesy bullshit, just genuine attempts at getting to know someone in my area. And I never get a response or anything. I’m not interested in attention, I’m interested in connecting with someone who just MIGHT understand what it feels like to enjoy an alternative lifestyle. At least once a week I think about offing myself so I really don’t need someone like you telling me what I don’t deserve when you know nothing about me. Thanks a lot asshole 🖕🏻

[wi****]

And yet I see clearly why no one wants ur attention. Mental issues are a huge red flag to women. You should seek professional help and my advice, Dont use the kill urself comment to win an argument. Its doesnt work.

[M1****]

I don’t care about winning an argument dude 😔 thanks for being like everyone else

[Sp****]

This app is bad for the soul

[Ro****]

I get where you're coming from. There are other things to pursue but we stay

[FW****]

12 hours ago, Kinkyboy1980 said:

As a man, I feel this too. I wonder what women really want. If I am attracted to someone's profile and first attraction is always the photos. I will always read their profile, if I feel there could be a connection, I will send a respectful and polite message. However, not many reply.

I respond nicely dude. I’m actually wondering why I’m on here too. But I have met some very respectful men on here that I’ve turned into good friendships! Not all men are that way. 🙂🙏 not all women either!

[ts****]

14 minutes ago, FW87 said:

I respond nicely dude. I’m actually wondering why I’m on here too. But I have met some very respectful men on here that I’ve turned into good friendships! Not all men are that way. 🙂🙏 not all women either!

Same. It’s a lot of sludge to dig through, but the genuine connections and people are golden. Still searching for my dom in shining armor to give my key to, but finding something quality is preferable to rushing into things with the wrong person.