Are you really dominant

[Deleted Member]

I won't explain myself to you, simply understand this.
I won't pull, lead, *** you.
I am here to guide you
Accept my ***, or not, as is your will
Or not, and walk away

[bi****]

Nice question.

[Ya****]

A truly Dominant Man doesn’t measure Himself by how loud His voice gets, how many people obey or even by how harsh He can be.

He measures Himself by the weight he can carry while remaining true to His nature. It’s about being Himself, not playing a part.

Dominance is leadership… among other things. It is making decisions when they are difficult and remaining calm when others aren’t… a real Dominant Man DOES NOT allow others to dictate His behavior, He accepts responsibility for the people who trust Him. He must hold Himself to a higher standard than that which He would expect from anyone else.



In a D/s dynamic authority isn’t taken but is earned every day through consistency, competence and integrity of actions.

A submissive chooses to follow because they believe He will protect, challenge and help them grow….not because of ***.


To Me, a Dominant provides structure, direction, accountability and safety.

I set expectations, en*** boundaries fairly, I am consistent and make sure my actions are never mistaken for cruelty.

The strongest Dominants dont remind people they’re in charge… because they know that they are. Their actions and character make it obvious.

That is what being a Dominant Man means to Me.

[fl****]

Have you ever had a dog? I mean truly have a dog that you let off the leash with confidence that one word, one whist or one gesture generates the same response for it every time and the dog is calm, balanced, and doesn't easily get rattled. You control everything about the dog's life and yet there's no other version of their life in which the dog could be happier.
I know that the comparison tends to rub some people the wrong way but, while the needs and activities are very, very different, the mindset is almost the same.

[Pr****]

As a Pleasure Dom, I tend differently than a typical Dom I think. I create a safe caring space for my sub. I allow her to explore any sort of BDSM sub activities she may desire or be interested in exploring. I make those fantasies become realities. And allow by sub to safely completely and utterly submit to me. I control her pleasure. The when, how much, how often, and how intense the pleasure is my control. I like to leave my sub a trembling little thing that I extend great quantities of aftercare to when our time is nearing an end. I want my sub to be the “cat hanging on my screen door” where she has to have more. And it’s all controlled by me. So a little different I guess.

[Pr****]

Ok so I have to make another comment. First day around here and I’ve been reading. It’s kinda funny how many (mostly guys) are like “oh my prey, you long to feel the cuffs” and all that bs. lol.
Literally makes me laugh. A real Dom isn’t like that at all. And I am. So give me a moment and I hope I explain it well enough…

Let’s say male human “Doms” are lions in this instance. All I hear is how you hunt and prey and so assertive and all grrr and stuff. So adorable. You’re a hunter. Cool.

I’m a lion too. And as a Dom, I wait in the tall grass and my “prey” walks up and climbs into my mouth.

That is a Dom.

[Iz****]

Monday at 11:49 PM, MisiRae said:

Where can I speak to someone who thinks this way? I just started with wanting to learn. Scared to put myself out there tho. How do I know who is real and who's not?

Lots of brilliant articles written by True doms on FetLife. It’s literally ke the Facebook for the sex positive community. Plenty of doms and subs who lay out, clearly, how to look for a Real Dom, what words and behaviors are red flags and which ones are green flags. Also, writings for doms to pass on subs, who have no intention of ever wanting to let go.

[ne****]

Tuesday at 03:19 PM, Pr3ss_Paus3 said:

As a Pleasure Dom, I tend differently than a typical Dom I think. I create a safe caring space for my sub. I allow her to explore any sort of BDSM sub activities she may desire or be interested in exploring. I make those fantasies become realities. And allow by sub to safely completely and utterly submit to me. I control her pleasure. The when, how much, how often, and how intense the pleasure is my control. I like to leave my sub a trembling little thing that I extend great quantities of aftercare to when our time is nearing an end. I want my sub to be the “cat hanging on my screen door” where she has to have more. And it’s all controlled by me. So a little different I guess.

It's interesting what I conceptualized by your words.
I see it as being a very enjoyable experience in many ways. I'm thinking ice cold water is best, for a trembling mess.
Cramps caused by dehydration isn't fun at all, lol

[ch****]

I am definitely not dominant but I think one of the true marking traits is, not only taking what he wants but knowing almost before his partner does and doing it

[ea****]

Trying to play that role now

[Go****]

I’ve always felt like this is a weird dynamic that a lot of people play at but don’t live. Or a lot of people claim to live but are trying way to hard to act what they “think” a Dom is…

No offence to anyone intended of course!

But to me,
Being a Dominant man isn’t isolated to the bedroom/dungeon; in fact it has less to do with that than the rest of life. As important and wonderful as the sex part is.

I’ve never felt like the ultra “Alpha” vibe some guys give off or try to cultivate is even dominant; if anything it feels more dependent upon validation from others.

To me being a dominant man means being self aware, being aware of the world around me, having skills and wisdom and experience that allows me to navigate the challenges of the world like a champion. It usually means being g cool and calm and collected; not reacting to situations; but responding with intellect and professionalism.

Being a dominant man is more of a Sigma thing.
It’s not about showboating and dominating the people around you by being loud and pushy and throwing their weight around…

Any barbarian can do that.

Being a truly dominant man is about being extremely skillful, it’s about knowing how to apply leverage and be sensitive to the world around you and know exactly the right places to direct exactly the right type of energy.

Naturally dominant men don’t need to coerce, to pressure, to push, to apply *** to the world around them. They carry a presence that makes the world naturally bend towards them, makes women naturally want to open up and yield to the , to surrender themselves eagerly.

When it comes to actual BDSM stuff the most important aspects to cultivate and embody are creating a safe and comfortable space with exceptional communication and the feeling (and reality) of safety, support, and clear understanding of boundaries and body language. It also means being an extremely capable giver! Lot of guys get that sh*t backwards…

A sub surrenders herself to you not only for your pleasure. They do it for your pleasure; that’s such a great and beautiful gift. You owe it to them to show them it was well worth it and deliver pleasure (and/or ***) beyond their wildest dreams and greatest expectations; you should take their gift to you as a sacred offering and make it your duty to provide for them and protect them and give them more than they ever could have asked for. You should make ***y well sure that they are overflowing and exploding with endless orgasmic pleasure before you “get off”.

There’s more to say about the kinky stuff,
But in general - being a dominant man means being a noble, disciplined, wise, enlightened and capable warrior type wizard archetype in all dimensions of life.

Be the champion that your woman/women deserve brothers - anything less isn’t being a dominant man.

Be exceptional in all areas of life 🤜🏼🤛🏼

[ma****]

It all starts with trust. Actually, let’s capitalize it. Trust. Once you establish that, being a Dom means setting the frame. Being the solid anchor in the hurricane. No matter how much the sub might buck and brat and struggle through a loud mental load of a day, she knows with absolute certainty that you are always there. The rock in the storm. Once you establish yourself as that anchor, she wants to explore within it, even perhaps, push beyond those limits to see if she can be more than the incredible submissive she already is. Being a real Dom is a privilege and an honor, and I wish more vanilla men understood the difference.

[LU****]

Well said, thank you

[Si****]

Monday at 08:45 PM, HummingB said:

And I would argue that knows that overthinking means you aren’t living some part of your life true to yourself. True dominance is 24/7 because the subconscious is understood. Not discounting other views but simply pointing out a goal.

I wouldn't say that. I'm definitely dominant, however there are variations. While I desire to explore more of bondage and breath play, I've had a partner who was well versed in impact play, whereas I struggled mightily with my conscience when it mattered most and I've spoken to several Doms since and they've told me that there is a headspace to enter into.

[Yt****]

I thought I was dominant until the rejection and degrading and *** from exes an crushes an even family members fucked me up an in order to cope with all the *** an inferiority an thoughts of not being man enough or good enough started to turn me on instead of hurt because my brain needed to cope but it also made me submissive an enjoy letting other tak control so I dont have to worry or make big decisions

[fa****]

July 27, Tackyman24 said:

If it has to be explained on an app for it then were all in really big trouble

Well this is not a very dominant man response🤷🏻‍♂️🤦🏻‍♂️

[Do****]

I dont think its traits to dominance. It's how you feel you respond to things and what you like. Someone may like a guy that's verbal that give command. Some like the guy that give you a look or more laid back.

[le****]

Dominance comes in different ways for different people hence the specialised kinks but if to categorise some prefer more physical some prefer mental and often mixed and in different extremes

[Te****]

Most of the time I‘m not. It comes and goes in phases - but I can look a self proclaimed domme in the face and see the brat inside. I‘m most definitely a switch

[Au****]

Haha you have no idea how many men think they are dominant because they are BORN as men Tackyman24.

[DY****]

I’ve come to realise my idea of a dominant is someone that thrives on the responsibility of someone’s submission, the trust and power exchange. It’s why I don’t believe men are capable of dominance, only *** and intimidation under the illusion of consent

[DY****]

July 28, florin7979 said:

Have you ever had a dog? I mean truly have a dog that you let off the leash with confidence that one word, one whist or one gesture generates the same response for it every time and the dog is calm, balanced, and doesn't easily get rattled. You control everything about the dog's life and yet there's no other version of their life in which the dog could be happier.
I know that the comparison tends to rub some people the wrong way but, while the needs and activities are very, very different, the mindset is almost the same.

What a gross take. That starts with an A and ends with buse

[BL****]

You can only be truly worship and serve someone who is worthy of such praise.. yearning and respect is earned.. not taken by cruelty. False strength. Insecure people lash out unfairly.

[bl****]

To me, being dominant means taking the lead and creating a dynamic where my partner feels comfortable surrendering control because she trusts me. I’m decisive, attentive, protective, and I like setting expectations and holding someone accountable. I want her to feel desired and cared for, but also challenged and guided. The authority she gives me is earned through trust—it isn’t something I’m entitled to.

[Deleted Member]

Am I really Dominant? Yes. One reason is I place the welfare/happiness of my submissive equal to,or when able, ahead of my own.