Cnc

[Mi****]

Is sleep play considered cnc if it’s talked about before hand and to what point is it cnc as free use wouldn’t be cnc surely. Having an argument with a friend about this would love some in put

[Do****]

Rather than getting public opinions, you should thoroughly communicate with your partner. Just because some people consider one thing to be a part of cnc doesn’t mean others do as well. Cnc makes it seem like you can do whatever you want, but the subs still need to set their boundaries.

[gr****]

Depends on how you do it I guess. Is the person sleeping “staying asleep” and just taking it -freeuse. If you show up pull them out of bed and bind and ball gag them while they “resist” - cnc.

[da****]

By definition technically no but I think you should still have them say it’s okay at some point before you try that

[Ba****]

CNC is like an umbrella category. I consider free use, sleep, and the r play all in that category to give some range in degree of intensity. The way I've always explained it is CNC is anything where consent is not given in that moment. It does need to be discussed beforehand and plenty of boundaries placed so that it doesn't become NC.

[bl****]

I think the key is ‘talked about before hand’. I’d say Fuck yeah it is CNC if you both have talked about it and one fine day or night you or her wakes up being fucked! Mmmmm

[Lu****]

9 minutes ago, Domature said:

Rather than getting public opinions, you should thoroughly communicate with your partner. Just because some people consider one thing to be a part of cnc doesn’t mean others do as well. Cnc makes it seem like you can do whatever you want, but the subs still need to set their boundaries.

If you go by the strict definition of the words then sleep is cnc, since the sleeping partner is literally not able to consent in the moment.
However as Domature already said it depends on your own level of comfortablity and what Label you want to put on it.
My experience has been that mostly sleep falls under the "freeuse" agreement, but that is just personal experience so take it with a grain of salt

[Da****]

This depends on how the scene plays out in my opinion, if it is discussed that you can use the other while they are asleep at any time, that is free use somno while if the scene is meant moreso as a roleplay that falls under cnc. It is a grey area as others say since consent is not given at that moment. CnC is the roleplay that is about seizing control from someone, while free use is moreso having it given “willingly” without a false sense of duress/***/***.

[Deleted Member]

I would say that the partner needs to make that call and name it.

CNC and Freeuse are more, category terms. Imo, CNC denotes either mock *** and/or unwillingness to do a thing, but still having it happen to them.

Words like, No/Stop, being ignored on a pre-negotiated basis, with safe words in place of normal negation words and terms.

Free use, more a pre-negotiated set of sexual acts that can be performed on the subject with prior consultation, after the initial negotiation.

-or-

The subject views themselves as having no say in what partners approach them for sexual acts performed on them. Ie wearing a visible keyhole tattoo or marking or even jewelry that would inform anyone familiar with the concept that they are available for use.

Both of these free use(there are more variations) would still give the individual a lane to refuse specific sexual acts, like sleep/*** use.

Remember always that terms are just broad descriptors and words used to categorize a fetish or kink. They don’t come with universally agreed upon rule books.

My first question when a new, prospective partner states that they are CNC or Freeuse or any other term is: What does that mean to you?

CNC can be a simple as them wanting their wrists held down during missionary sex. Or as complex as a carefully orchestrated r*p* scene.

Pre-negotiation will tell you whether the partner views being take. While sleeping is Freeuse or cnc or r*** to them.

There’s just no other safe way to categorize, as that would be up to the subject involved to categorize themselves.

I would say, think of CNC as more of a vibe. Like no mean yes and often with a connotation of a perceived or outright statement of retaliatory *** for non-compliance. Ie…Get down on your knees and ____, or I am going to ____.

Freeuse is more of a lifestyle choice for how someone chooses partners, or a lack of perceived choice. But can also denote a specific agreement between two specific partners and even monogamous.

[De****]

CNC = consent is implied via previous conversation per scene or agreement.

So what you are describing is CNC it might be on edge of it. Free use is also technically CNC since it’s also implied. If you want to go as far as group TPE into it as well. CNC is a huge umbrella.

[Deleted Member]

Also to note. Everything Freeuse and/or CNC should be discussed beforehand. So if they identify as Freeuse, and it was discussed beforehand. It was an act relating to their free use.

Neither Freeuse nor CNC gives the right, implied or otherwise, to act freely in any way.

It’s confusing if you try and approach it logically and define terms by their literal definition. It’s all shades of grey until highlighted through open dialogue and communication.

You can’t assume.

But you CAN tell your friend that your Freeuse sub has already consented. So there isn’t really an argument for the CNC label.

[ca****]

The first c in CNC is consensual. It can't be consensual if you haven't negotiated it beforehand.

[ja****]

There was a time not that long ago where if your partner started engaging with you in bed it wasn't considered ***. But the definition has been expanded so much that anything goes for calling it non-consensual at this point

[Deleted Member]

Idk the rules of your particular arrangement, but I am very into CNC and my favorite thing is being woken up with him already going to town on me. Talk to them about if they are into that first before assuming though. I would think it would be included though. (Unless you're talking about your friend doing this to your partner, in which case I would absolutely get it okayed first)

[pa****]

To me, its not cnc because in my experience, my partner and I talked about it beforehand and I knew that turns her on and she told me her limits so while she is asleep, I still felt like everytime she was falling asleep, she knew there was a chance her being woken up while im already doing my thing

[Cu****]

2 hours ago, jaxnorth said:

There was a time not that long ago where if your partner started engaging with you in bed it wasn't considered ***. But the definition has been expanded so much that anything goes for calling it non-consensual at this point

That is less a problem about the goalpost being moved around than it is people nowadays being less afraid to call out the elephant in the room. The ***s were always happening, but before, people felt pressured to take it, deal with it, and not say anything. No longer. 🤷‍♂️

[Sp****]

I find having a written agreement for CNC is ideal. It has to be discussed to be considered consent lol and when you discuss it you go over the hard limits and what the scene you wanna play out is. Give the boundaries and the expectations ahead of time.

[Co****]

To get CONSENT. It's the first C in CnC. What's the point? To make sure it is not non consensual ie: ***, *** and ***.

It's about pre-negotion in general, not "immediate" pre-negotiation.

Why does everyone who questions consent think consent needs to be given DURING or IMMEDIATELY prior to each act?

[Vl****]

yes, they are asleep and therefore not consenting. ensure that clear consent was established for CNC prior to doing this. free use is a type of CNC imo. both require consent beforehand, both can be stopped immediately with safewords.

[Cu****]

I feel like CNC ends up virtually being a misnomer because a lot of people get hung up on the paradox of consented non-consensual play. And that discussion ALWAYS draws in devil's advocates making bad faith arguments. Maybe this kink should be renamed altogether. Something like, SARP (sexual *** roleplay) or consensual *** play. Loaded terms certainly enough, but maybe they steer the conversation away from the contradictory naming convention🤔

[Deleted Member]

57 minutes ago, JJL321 said:

It's only CNC if it's agreed upon before EACH AND EVERY TIME. It's not consent if they didn't explicitly and enthusiastically agree to so before falling asleep earlier that same day/night. It's also not consent if there are any substances involved when making the agreement as well.

I believe that's not really relevant to the question, but we're assuming in this context that they have a previously established relationship where they have an agreement whereby the dom can have sex with the sub while they sleep because the sub enjoys it, and that the dom is respectful enough to know when it is and isn't appropriate.

Now, to answer the question, yes I'd argue somnophilia is a type of cnc. I'd also argue it's a form of free use. Some might argue that cnc is a form of free use already, but when you trace literally any kink back it's entirely about establishing a power dynamic, and how extreme you want that dynamic to be on that scale.

Short answer: yes, it's cnc.

[lo****]

8 hours ago, LuckyCrow said:

I would say that the partner needs to make that call and name it.

CNC and Freeuse are more, category terms. Imo, CNC denotes either mock *** and/or unwillingness to do a thing, but still having it happen to them.

Words like, No/Stop, being ignored on a pre-negotiated basis, with safe words in place of normal negation words and terms.

Free use, more a pre-negotiated set of sexual acts that can be performed on the subject with prior consultation, after the initial negotiation.

-or-

The subject views themselves as having no say in what partners approach them for sexual acts performed on them. Ie wearing a visible keyhole tattoo or marking or even jewelry that would inform anyone familiar with the concept that they are available for use.

Both of these free use(there are more variations) would still give the individual a lane to refuse specific sexual acts, like sleep/*** use.

Remember always that terms are just broad descriptors and words used to categorize a fetish or kink. They don’t come with universally agreed upon rule books.

My first question when a new, prospective partner states that they are CNC or Freeuse or any other term is: What does that mean to you?

CNC can be a simple as them wanting their wrists held down during missionary sex. Or as complex as a carefully orchestrated r*p* scene.

Pre-negotiation will tell you whether the partner views being take. While sleeping is Freeuse or cnc or r*** to them.

There’s just no other safe way to categorize, as that would be up to the subject involved to categorize themselves.

I would say, think of CNC as more of a vibe. Like no mean yes and often with a connotation of a perceived or outright statement of retaliatory *** for non-compliance. Ie…Get down on your knees and ____, or I am going to ____.

Freeuse is more of a lifestyle choice for how someone chooses partners, or a lack of perceived choice. But can also denote a specific agreement between two specific partners and even monogamous.

This dude gets it

[lo****]

With me cnc should be on the more agg.ressive side/think mask kink stuff and free use is more care free/think like random quickie in the kitchen

…obvi all would have previous consent and there is a safe word used in life not play situations so I can be like nah gtfo lol ie: headache tired sad etc

Sleep is more free use to me cuz that’s just me. Sometimes I’m the one doing it to him🤷‍♀️

Just stay away from any closed fists and scary weapons for cnc..do like a hand covering the mouth..where “no” still means keep going until safe word for play comes out

[Ba****]

I think this one is more about the „why“ than the „what“
I very much doubt you‘ll find many men calling their morning bj CNC or free use despite technically qualifying as both

Oh and a decent rule of thumb:
everything you do to a *** person is either pre-negotiated, a medical necessity or criminal

[me****]

For me, CNC comes down to deeply knowing your partner and reading their signals.
My ex asked me to ignore verbal "no's" and crying during play, relying strictly on a safe word to stop. Eventually, as trust grew, she even wanted me to push past that unless I could tell she reached her actual limit.
Because I knew her so well and i was aware, I could easily tell the difference between play-acting and real distress. When you have that level of trust and calibration, you know exactly when to stop so things stay fun and never become scary.