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Messaging with a guy that says he’s interested in a LTR

By Deleted Member
in Kink Academy

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Deleted Member

Posted
How do I get him to open and for it to not just be sexual messages? Because I would love to have an actual relationship with a dom that’s not just about the sex.
ge****

ge****

Posted
Unfortunately the only way you have of knowing for sure is by taking time to get to know each other - however one easy way to test the waters early on is by avoiding sexual messages and just having a "normal" conversation or if you talk about sex/kink do so at a more intellectual level rather than a "this is what I'm going to do to you" one - likewise if you were to meet, don't make it *just* about sex.

In summary put the idea and trappings of a relationship first and kink second. If he truly wants something long term he will be doing similar.
ey****

ey****

Posted

So, if you think he has potential but keeps nudging sexual - tell him outright - that, you are interested in a LTR, if he is interested in a LTR then nudging sexual isn't the way to get to know each other and that if he is serious about looking for something long term he will nudge back a bit

Put in a couple of questions and example talking points and see if he can keep on track.   

To give a benefit of the doubt it might be the whole approach thing is new, but if you can nudge him on track then there's potential.   Obviously if you have to keep nudging him on track, then you are doing all the carrying in the conversation and that can be less appealing - but - it sounds like there's at least the potential to nudge him once or twice

BigPolly

BigPolly

Posted
I was about to say ‘make sure it’s clear in your profile’ but you already have done and other than that and guiding messages towards that there’s not a lot else you can do really.
You have to be patient on here to find what you’re looking for but stick with it 😊

Deleted Member

Posted
  • Author
1 hour ago, Newstart2020 said:

If that’s what he’s looking for then you wouldn’t have to get him to do anything, you would get the sense or feel that he’s looking for the same you are.

He is 100% correct! 👍

Suit

Suit

Posted

Are you 24/7? If you aren't 24/7 then there's no reason you can't sit down and just talk. Honesty is key if you can't manage it face to face then writing a letter is a good way of communicating. 

Hy****

Hy****

Posted
59 minutes ago, Suit said:

Are you 24/7? If you aren't 24/7 then there's no reason you can't sit down and just talk. Honesty is key if you can't manage it face to face then writing a letter is a good way of communicating. 

Disagree, even in 24/7 there needs to be room to talk and also renegotiate. Communication is key not only to a healthy relationship, but a safe and consentual one.

it****

it****

Posted
I have a rule I will not text or chat in the site for more than 3 days without doing a meet and greet at least. You can’t get a sense of the natural chemistry that is required to make a relationship work via text or chat! I have learned the hard way. Spent 6 months texting and chatting and it seemed like we were perfect for each other then we met and there was no chemistry! But never pay attention to what a man says but pay attention to what he does!
Hy****

Hy****

Posted
1 hour ago, Suit said:

Are you 24/7? If you aren't 24/7 then there's no reason you can't sit down and just talk. Honesty is key if you can't manage it face to face then writing a letter is a good way of communicating. 

One should be able to communicate such things even in 24/7 dynamics, it's the only way to ensure continuous consent.

Suit

Suit

Posted
1 hour ago, PuppetMasterC said:

Disagree, even in 24/7 there needs to be room to talk and also renegotiate. Communication is key not only to a healthy relationship, but a safe and consentual one.

I fully agree im just suggesting some people can feel out of place speaking up for *** of changing dynamics or for a whole multitude of reasons. I just suggest every single relationship only works with communication and trying to help her find a suitable way to express herself. 

Hy****

Hy****

Posted
5 minutes ago, fetishmanNY said:
Then their are guys like me that are dying to be in one

Find what makes you stand out as a person, be individual and genuine. That's my advice to anyone looking for another x

ji****

ji****

Posted
I am not convinced that everyone who is on these sites are interested in teaditional relationships (regardless of how they build their profiles). If he cannot commit, you must decide if the way it is, is good for you or not.
do****

do****

Posted
Others have said something close but no one is just being blunt enough.

Say what you want. Communication is the only way to get what you want.

If you want to be in a LTR with someone, tell them. Tell them that you appreciate those aspects of their personality and want to get to know them on a deeper more intimate connection and work towards a LTR.

If they don't reciprocate then there's your answer. If a Dom can't listen and make changes to your needs, they're not very good.
Nylon-Nellie

Nylon-Nellie

Posted

Communication is key for any relationship, no communication and there is no relationship. Tell him honestly and up front, simple really. Don't forget it has to be a two way wants from each other.

Deleted Member

Posted
  • Author
I met my Sub here. She and I just said those three little words. We want the D/S but we are good at establishing boundaries. The communication is key.
Ro****

Ro****

Posted
My dom wanted a LTR but wanted it to feel right between us. Right now since we haven’t really started anything as we are long distance and I’m still training it is mostly sexual, but we’ve said I love you to each other and talk about what we picture in the future.
  • 3 months later...
Ch****

Ch****

Posted
Well, if he is truly interested in a LTR, he would be asking more than sexual relations, and more focused on actual everyday Questions!

Deleted Member

Posted
  • Author
45 minutes ago, Chastity_slave1962 said:
Well, if he is truly interested in a LTR, he would be asking more than sexual relations, and more focused on actual everyday Questions!

This person knows what he is talking about!👍

  • 3 weeks later...

Deleted Member

Posted
  • Author
It’s been said that men think of sex every 8 seconds or so, and while this is true for the most part most men can and do place that nagging demon on a back burner for a majority of their mature adult lives. So don’t be offended or put off when a man is all about the sex right at that moment, give him a minute and maybe you’ll be surprised with a depth of personality that transcends and enlivens the sex that he is evolutionarily crafted for.
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