BDSM Involves Dominance and Submission, Not Inferiority and Superiority

[CopperKnob]

If Master True and his merry men are right, submission renders you incapable of coping with life. Your sexual preferences leak into your brain and make you ignorant, didn't you know? If you get off on dominance, you’d magically become superior, so if you want to make a grand success of your existence, all you need do is move to the left side of the slash.

Of course, there are benefits to this scenario. If you’re a sub, you don’t need a therapist or a life coach. Your Dom will do that shit for free.

I’m not sure which part of this situation grates me more: the fact that these self-professed Doms are willing to act as therapists or that they see subs as less competent than they are.

I’m healthy and fulfilled. I’m not about to let a man who knows less about my needs than I do rule over my life simply because he can use a flogger and gets his rocks off through consensual Machiavellianism. Your kinks do not make you a Dom. Your ethics and compassion do. Just as self-appointed leaders will eventually find themselves lording over nobody, self-titled Doms who don’t deserve the label eventually find they can’t attract a sub. Cue: much butthurt and whining because “there are no true subs on Fet.” Hell, there aren’t even any real women here. Now where did I misplace my vagina?

And make no mistake about it, there are subs on Fet. They just choose Doms who are guided by humility and selflessness.

Humility is hardly a sexy word until you put it into practice. A right sized Dom doesn’t try to cure, but supports. They gather information more than they provide it. They begin with a sense of uncertainty about their strengths and their subs. They earn submission because dominance is a verdict, not a self-applied label. Most importantly, they see their subs as capable adults. D/s does not compel me because I’m incapable of managing my life, but because it’s interesting and delicious.

BDSM involves dominance and submission, not inferiority and superiority. Sorry to break your Kinky Krystal Halo, but the shit that makes you hard is no indication of your supremacy.

Treating your sub as inferior teaches them that they are inferior. That’s not D/s. It’s toxicity. Just so we’re clear, if you presume your sub has less life knowledge than you do merely because they identify as a sub, you’re treating them as a second-rate person. Furthermore, if you think you have superior skills, science says you’re most likely pretty crap in that regard. Dunning Kruger said so, and so did his research.

I have a wealth of respect for Doms who epitomise their role, and none of them see BDSM as ego fodder or an opportunity to take. I’m a sub, not an idiot, and what I give, I give because it is deserved.

[Deleted Member]

All has been said, what can be added?

[Deleted Member]

Truth x

[we****]

Could have ‘liked’ this just for the title, but really glad I read on. So eloquently put, many thanks x

[MasterDe]

💯👌🏾 Felt that 👌🏾💯

[Th****]

Great Post as usual Copper, we don't see enough on humility 😁👍

[Leisa]

Once again you render me humble. Thank you for another post that should resonate with both roles.

[RAMB]

I like that,i am new,i am i believe considered a switch,i if i am lucky going to have a dominant,really considered a switch at the same time if that is possible?she is coming from washington with her son,she lives with her mother,i am sure that she helps to run her,little domain pretty well,but as i have told her,i am a retired therapist,phycologist,and social worker,i own my own home as well and run my home very well,she will be my dominant,because i chose it,this will be a equal,relationship,i dont know how she lives where she is at,we just met on line and i hope that it works out well,and i am not getting scammed again,it looks good so far and she will be preparing to come here soon,she her self is really considered a switch also,but i will consider her my dominant,but since i am the one with the income here for now,and i own the home,i am used to running things and if she proves to be superior and able to take charge,i will allow her to do so,little history about me i was in the army for 31 years and a and used to supervising solders,especially in time of war,plus being a drug and alcohol *** counselor in chicago for 9 years,as well as a trained therapist,and phycologist,i was basically in charge,again?i am new into bdsm,and still learning on my own,she has put her self as being a dominant so this mabey?mabey situation has not come about yet but it should be interesting?to find out how this is going to turn out,so i agree on this is that if she proves to be worthy of being a dominant i will welcome her with open arms and let her be in control so this sub has a lot to learn

[4R****]

Brilliantly stated!!!

[Leisa]

17 minutes ago, RAMB said:

I like that,i am new,i am i believe considered a switch,i if i am lucky going to have a dominant,really considered a switch at the same time if that is possible?she is coming from washington with her son,she lives with her mother,i am sure that she helps to run her,little domain pretty well,but as i have told her,i am a retired therapist,phycologist,and social worker,i own my own home as well and run my home very well,she will be my dominant,because i chose it,this will be a equal,relationship,i dont know how she lives where she is at,we just met on line and i hope that it works out well,and i am not getting scammed again,it looks good so far and she will be preparing to come here soon,she her self is really considered a switch also,but i will consider her my dominant,but since i am the one with the income here for now,and i own the home,i am used to running things and if she proves to be superior and able to take charge,i will allow her to do so,little history about me i was in the army for 31 years and a and used to supervising solders,especially in time of war,plus being a drug and alcohol *** counselor in chicago for 9 years,as well as a trained therapist,and phycologist,i was basically in charge,again?i am new into bdsm,and still learning on my own,she has put her self as being a dominant so this mabey?mabey situation has not come about yet but it should be interesting?to find out how this is going to turn out,so i agree on this is that if she proves to be worthy of being a dominant i will welcome her with open arms and let her be in control so this sub has a lot to learn

Just be careful. You’ve raised so many red flags.

[CopperKnob]

4 hours ago, RAMB said:

I like that,i am new,i am i believe considered a switch,i if i am lucky going to have a dominant,really considered a switch at the same time if that is possible?she is coming from washington with her son,she lives with her mother,i am sure that she helps to run her,little domain pretty well,but as i have told her,i am a retired therapist,phycologist,and social worker,i own my own home as well and run my home very well,she will be my dominant,because i chose it,this will be a equal,relationship,i dont know how she lives where she is at,we just met on line and i hope that it works out well,and i am not getting scammed again,it looks good so far and she will be preparing to come here soon,she her self is really considered a switch also,but i will consider her my dominant,but since i am the one with the income here for now,and i own the home,i am used to running things and if she proves to be superior and able to take charge,i will allow her to do so,little history about me i was in the army for 31 years and a and used to supervising solders,especially in time of war,plus being a drug and alcohol *** counselor in chicago for 9 years,as well as a trained therapist,and phycologist,i was basically in charge,again?i am new into bdsm,and still learning on my own,she has put her self as being a dominant so this mabey?mabey situation has not come about yet but it should be interesting?to find out how this is going to turn out,so i agree on this is that if she proves to be worthy of being a dominant i will welcome her with open arms and let her be in control so this sub has a lot to learn

RAMB, i worry about what you may be getting into

[4R****]

4 hours ago, RAMB said:

I like that,i am new,i am i believe considered a switch,i if i am lucky going to have a dominant,really considered a switch at the same time if that is possible?she is coming from washington with her son,she lives........

@RAMB Sorry but as the ladies above have said, what you're describing sounds incredibly dodgy and judging by your comment you've been scammed previously?? Just be very careful. Don't give any *** at all, no-matter what the reason and most importantly follow your gut. If it seems too good to be true it probably is. At the first sign of trouble, GTFO of there as quickly as possible. 

 

 

 

[RAMB]

You are right leisa she was just playing me she was not worth it

[RAMB]

Thanks guy your right

[CopperKnob]

7 minutes ago, RAMB said:

You are right leisa she was just playing me she was not worth it

Sorry RAMB

[Leisa]

1 hour ago, RAMB said:

You are right leisa she was just playing me she was not worth it

I didn’t want to be right but I’m glad you figured it out rather quickly. Sorry

[ma****]

The empathy and support shown for fellow kinksters on this site is second to none.

[Gidorra]

I keep seeing domme profiles who are looking for "losers" - especially if they consider, or hold themselves out to be superior, or at least kind of a big deal, then why would they want to be seen with a loser at all, what could a loser possibly do for them? They would have to be un-interesting and useless almost by definition... well, often such profiles go along with a tribute request  

Just throwing it out there, but merely saying you are "superior" doesn't make it so. I have met many dommes whose lives are a complete train crash, and who do not have much going for them, other than being kinky af. It is hard to see why they would be superior to me, but I am always happy to be proven wrong. I have not met a single domme who is superior to me in any way, so it would be much better if those not really superior women left those skill/achievement/ability dick-measuring criteria out of the equation, as it really does not have anything to do with the Ds dynamic, and is simply unconvincing unless you can back it up. You don't have to be a loser to sub, or superior to domme someone... Actually, relationships tend to work best if you are at about the same level as your significant other, and you both gracefully overlook each other's short-comings. But you never know, maybe there are some men-hating 3rd wave feminists who view all men as losers.