An opinion please

[Ch****]

I am a kinkster I have all sorts of kinks. Have made some amazing freinds on here whos kink are not mine at all. I do not judge other peoples kinks no matter what they are jntill now.

I have come across a kinkster who's kink is pretending to be disabled.

As a disabled person this makes me so angry.. disabled  people are not a fetish we have feelings also.

I know we should not kink shame but this is something that I don't think should be feishised. 

Iv done research on it for a while after watching a documentary about it  while researching how to do kink safe as a disabled person safe.

 

Was wondering if any 1 else as an opinion. 

If people want to chat with me privately feel free to pm me

[CopperKnob]

I come across this in my line of work as opposed to anythink kink related. From that perspective its typically to do with past trauma, attachment style and taking on the 'sick role'
Whether theres an underlying mental health concern, i don't know, some do end up with a diagnosis of a PD (normally narcissitic)
The adults I work with certainly get something from it, never known it to be kink related, though never thought to have the conversation

[ge****]

Hmmm a difficult one and I can understand why you may find it upsetting.

I guess a lot may depend on how this person's kink is playing out and what their pretence involves, not to mention the drivers behind it.

For instance if it's something they see as "fun" or somehow mocking/humiliating either them or others, then definitely it's upsetting and something to be questioned.

In fact the more I think about it the more I'm not sure what would motivate someone to have that particular kink, but then I think that about quite a few kinks that I roundly accept might mean something to others even though I can't see it myself. I guess the answers really need to come from the person concerned as to what it is that drives their particular kink.

Sorry that's not really answered your question, but can certainly understand why you might be upset by it.

[E-dUbBs]

I too fall into the disability category and cannot understand it as a thing to be fetishized.
I very much understand your feeling of anger charms.
on the flip side my time is too valuable to me to allow it to be something that bothers me
In my personal case (having Parkinson’s disease) I have a finite amount of time where my body is able to enjoy things before I gradually can’t so I just focus on that
Sad but true;

but knowing our previous conversations charms I understand and support your views and upset even if I’ve made my own skin too thick to be.

[Ch****]

@E-dUbBs ty for the kind words.  Im thankful  as always for your kind words.

As you have said we've talked about things before.

 

@gemini_manthey fount it not only kinky but fun. They were wearing leg braces an also using wheel chairs.

I honestly don't think it's fun or kinky to wear leg braces or ues a wheelchair. 

For a real disabled person neither wearing leg braces or using a wheelchair is fun. 

 

Also the none kink world will see them as pretending to be disabled to get *** of the government.  Witch gives bad name for genuinely disabled people.  In England it's not easy as it is to claim help from the government.  Never mind people pretending to being disabled. 

 

Yes I'm disabled I suffer from fibromailger and was suffering from it before I became masters partner.  I said I would not date a person knowing how ill I can get. Master spent weeks researching it an asking questions.  Then we sat down an spoke about it all an he said he knew what he was letting himself infor an still wanted to date me.  We've been togther nearly 5 years. He doesn't find me being ill or disabled kinky in any way at all.  When I'm suffering he will say no playtime at all. Master can tell how I'm feeling an how ill I am by the way I react to how I react even from  a hug.

When I'm ill master does his best to look after me. Even if all we do is lie on the bed an listen to a audio book

[VILKDUJA]

I can absolutely understand your views & feelings on this. However, it may be worth noting that such things can be a result of Body Identity Dysphoria, or BID, or Somatoparaphenia, which are both deep - rooted emotional disorders & can cause quite intense emotional *** & suffering for those afflicted. Pretending to actually be disabled is sometimes a way for that person to find relief or an outlet for their emotional suffering. Indeed, in some instances, some are not even aware that is what they are suffering from. This does however usually manifest itself in everyday life rather than just as a form of a sexual fetish, although that is a part of it. For those who do merely use it as a fetish, I think it possibly points to a different type of pathological or psychological disorder, but I feel still has mental health implications. It's a very tricky area, I'd say "grey" rather than just black or white, & personally I couldn't engage with someone using it merely as a fetish & would be inclined to feel similarly to you about such a person - although not being physically disabled myself, I guess it's fair to say I probably don't feel it as strongly as yourself. Nevertheless, it is worth bearing in mind the possible mental health link.

[Tonypampers]

I have severe depression and other issues I do my thing to sooth me make me happy in my nappy

[Ch****]

2 hours ago, Sparklehorse said:

I can absolutely understand your views & feelings on this. However, it may be worth noting that such things can be a result of Body Identity Dysphoria, or BID, or Somatoparaphenia, which are both deep - rooted emotional disorders & can cause quite intense emotional *** & suffering for those afflicted. Pretending to actually be disabled is sometimes a way for that person to find relief or an outlet for their emotional suffering. Indeed, in some instances, some are not even aware that is what they are suffering from. This does however usually manifest itself in everyday life rather than just as a form of a sexual fetish, although that is a part of it. For those who do merely use it as a fetish, I think it possibly points to a different type of pathological or psychological disorder, but I feel still has mental health implications. It's a very tricky area, I'd say "grey" rather than just black or white, & personally I couldn't engage with someone using it merely as a fetish & would be inclined to feel similarly to you about such a person - although not being physically disabled myself, I guess it's fair to say I probably don't feel it as strongly as yourself. Nevertheless, it is worth bearing in mind the possible mental health link.

I totally understand if it was body dysphoria.  That is a mental disability.  Iv seen an read about were people will cut of there own limbs.

 

Me seeing a disabled person on here pmd them welcomed them an said them said I was disabled an its a good place to be for a disabled person.  I used to hide my disability due to a few things that as happened to me in the vanila world. But been on here iv had nothing but support an frendship from other people with my disability an other disabled people.  @E-dUbBs being 1 of the people who have supported me.

 

Only to be told that wore leg braces an used a wheel chair as they got of on it an did it for fun.

 

I saw a documentary  a while back that a disabled report did on how people fetishise disabled people. I research everything that I'm interested in. This documentary made me angry. It's on YouTube.  

 

Like I said if any 1 wants to pm me an talk about the subject feel free

[VILKDUJA]

@Charms, that being the case with the person whom you welcomed, to be doing it to " get off on it" & "for fun" I can completely understand your anger regarding that, especially so in your situation. Though the person in question likely hasn't even given it a thought, I would find it demeaning, disrespectful & bordering on ridicule, though they quite possibly wouldn't mean it in that way at all. You are right when you say there is nothing "fun" whatsoever in being in that situation for real. I think the fact that they can "get off on it" still begs the question as to whether they have a form of PD they're not aware of, some kind of mental health issues to a degree. Otherwise I would be very uncomfortable knowing such a person if they hadn't. I would advise just trying to move on from this person & try to forget about them, don't let the anger eat you up. Thankfully, incidents such as this seem to be very rare, the vast majority of people & things going on here are teeming with positivity & all that is good, wholesome & enjoyable within the community in general. It'll leave "a bad taste" as it were for a while, but the richness & goodness of other choices on here will soon remove that for you.

[Ch****]

@Sparklehorseiv had a moan an got some opinions an now I will move on. Just wanted to make sure me being angry was not me just being angry for no reason.

 

Theres so much more positive things an people on here. We  will always find something that we don't like . I will not let it ruin my fun from being on here.

 

Iv had so much positive experiences from being on here an made to many great freinds. People who don't judge me . Iv made a few great friends specially 1 who as been my rock when I was in a dark place an they helped me an id of never meet them with out being on fetish.com. 

 

Also being on here as helped me with gaining confidence an to make me rule my disability not my disability rule me.

 

Also hi I'm charms. Nice to meet you

[VILKDUJA]

@Charms Well done you. It's great to know that something such as this can have such a positive effect on someone's life in general & help in day to day life.

  Lovely to meet you too Charms. Obviously, I'm Sparklehorse - a bit lost in here usually & not entirely sure where exactly I belong 🤣 but love it & glad I'm here.

[BadDesires]

Wow this is certainly a minefield of a topic. Not something I totally understand but hoping I can add some perspective.
I can certainly see why disabled people would struggle to accept such a kink, they understand the real struggles without any escape or choice.
If I was to try and compare to another more commonly accepted kink which I confess I don't totally understand, you could say it's like those who are into sissification, but some see it as being disrespectful to woman and it tends to be seen with degrading negative tones.
People from a slavery background may struggle with a Dominant/Slave dynamic.
Having a Raw emotional connection to these scenarios ***s you to challenge them in a different way to those who understand
There is a vast spectrum in the world of kink including the wierd and Taboo.
A common theme in Submissives is wanting to feel *** and in control of there dominant. My guess is a disability fetish is a much more extreme way of intensifying that sensation.
What your comments do highlight is that while we explore these kinks we can sometimes be short sighted in our perspective, we only see the fun fantasy and should maybe show some respect to the people who's lives are impacted negatively by these scenarios.
At the same time we should also be aware people are less likely to focus on the negative as it's a mood killer. I don't think it is easy to channel this negative energy in the right way so you're less likely to see people posting about any of these realisations they may discover exploring such kinks.

[Ch****]

On 11/11/2021 at 3:04 PM, Sparklehorse said:

@Charms Well done you. It's great to know that something such as this can have such a positive effect on someone's life in general & help in day to day life.

  Lovely to meet you too Charms. Obviously, I'm Sparklehorse - a bit lost in here usually & not entirely sure where exactly I belong 🤣 but love it & glad I'm here.

Hi lovely to meet you also.

 

Yes this place is awesome. 

 

I'm often in the lobby if you want a chat. Or drop me a pm.

Being on here is the 1 place I belong an fell normal.

 

[Je****]

I really feel for you in this post but I can also relate to how it can be unsettling. 

 

Sorry for dragging the tone, but as someone who has been r***ed, I can never ever understand how some people enjoy this as a kinky thrill (CNC). It has been and was the most traumatic experience of my life and I do not see any kind of thrill in someone taking a bit of my soul away, never mind engaging in role play to do with it. I think it is one of them things you don't really understand to be unnerved by unless (god forbid) it's genuinely happened to you in RL.

I think this is kind of the same here. People enjoy role playing disabilities / vulnerabilites in physical or mental health? I don't understand it very much but I can see why someone who is or has been in some way disabled feeling uneasy about it. It is something you went through, which has altered your life / changed your way of living. So to see people playing this out can be shocking to those people. I think it is a form of medical play though? I, again, am unsure. 

But much like my "experience" with what I do not understand, (nor ever will), I know and accept that some people get a thrill from this. It is their kink and I respect that it is what they want, however by not personally agreeing with it, I make sure I keep any dealings with anything/one to do with it, well away from me. That way I don't need to know/see/read/hear about it and that protects me from it, and allows someone to freely go about their life with what they enjoy doing.

I think that is very much the case here, and I understand you and feel for you, I really do. Just one of them things that we need to swiftly move past and leave it well alone if we don't agree I guess. 

Edited November 18, 2021 by JenniferTP
typo corrections/grammar

[Re****]

It is a very difficult one.
We are in a community where we are supposed to be non judgemental of other people's fetishism.
I would say this person may not have known of another person's disability after all we all role-playing. Some subjects however, when chatting to new potential partners need diplomacy in understanding each other and not the me me me attitude to what me wants. After all if we all were the same with the same likes and dislikes life would soon become very boring.
This is just an opinion and is not meant to cause any offence to anybody

[Dancingbear225]

I wonder if it's a kink to portray themselves as disabled or something along the lines of Munchausen Syndrome? I really don't know, but that's what came to mind when I read the post.

[Ch****]

On 11/11/2021 at 3:04 PM, WULFRIC-1801 said:

@Charms Well done you. It's great to know that something such as this can have such a positive effect on someone's life in general & help in day to day life.

  Lovely to meet you too Charms. Obviously, I'm Sparklehorse - a bit lost in here usually & not entirely sure where exactly I belong 🤣 but love it & glad I'm here.

Hi sorry iv not replied been ill. If you ever want a chat drop me a pm

[VILKDUJA]

11 hours ago, Charms said:

Hi sorry iv not replied been ill. If you ever want a chat drop me a pm

Thank you & absolutely no need to be apologizing. So sorry to hear you've been ill, I hope that you are recovered now x

[Koby]

An unpopular opinion but each to their own.

I don't feel comfortable with it but there are a lot kinks I feel uncomfortable with. I would hope someone would recognise my unease and never discuss the particular kink ever again!!

[Ch****]

On 12/6/2021 at 10:15 AM, WULFRIC-1801 said:

Thank you & absolutely no need to be apologizing. So sorry to hear you've been ill, I hope that you are recovered now x

Sadly I'm never going to recover part of my disability but I have good an bad days.

 

Weather effects me an its rather rubbish were I am. Does mean iv gotten out of lots of DIY an shopping. My master is awesome.  He's done lots. Iv just slept an rested. Did buy him food. A feed master is a good master.

 

Hope your doing great

[Du****]

This is a really important point and I’m glad that you’re expressing your anger. You’re asking for others’ opinions so I’ll give mine, though of course it’s no more or less valid than anyone’s: what I’m reading from you is your dislike of being objectified. I 100% agree with that, and whilst I get that everyone has their kinks and it’s fine, we don’t want to be treated as mere objects as a result. It’s by no means the same experience but personally I don’t care for being seen as ‘just a pair of feet’; nor do I like young men wanting to tick ‘cougar’ off their list. Neither is a protected characteristic, it’s just irksome - but like you I want to be seen and respected as a person. I’m not comfortable with fetishisation of people of colour either, and I sometimes wonder how it is that “So, are you into [names ethnic group] guys?” is such a common question*… though all of this is slightly different. You’re talking about having your situation appropriated. I guess in consensual fantasy/role play it’s usual to pretend to be something other than what we are. ABDL, for example, puppy play, slave/little, Mommy (ahem 😉), even r*pe - or, let’s call it CNC; but within the privacy of our bedrooms, hotels, woodland clearings, Honda Civics, etc, we can do and be whatever we want. Fetishising *you* as a disabled person, no, I don’t think that’s okay at all. Role playing a situation consensually, hmmm, I think it’s different. I would put that in the same category as a great many other kinks I see on here: Have Fun But Not For Me. But I’m sorry you were made uncomfortable.

(I have NEVER done it in a Honda Civic. Dear, I have standards 😂)

*PS I’m into Really Good Manners, is what I’m into. Never mind anything else. That’s my fetish. It gets weirder but I’ll keep that to myself!

[Ch****]

11 hours ago, DuchessFeuille said:

This is a really important point and I’m glad that you’re expressing your anger. You’re asking for others’ opinions so I’ll give mine, though of course it’s no more or less valid than anyone’s: what I’m reading from you is your dislike of being objectified. I 100% agree with that, and whilst I get that everyone has their kinks and it’s fine, we don’t want to be treated as mere objects as a result. It’s by no means the same experience but personally I don’t care for being seen as ‘just a pair of feet’; nor do I like young men wanting to tick ‘cougar’ off their list. Neither is a protected characteristic, it’s just irksome - but like you I want to be seen and respected as a person. I’m not comfortable with fetishisation of people of colour either, and I sometimes wonder how it is that “So, are you into [names ethnic group] guys?” is such a common question*… though all of this is slightly different. You’re talking about having your situation appropriated. I guess in consensual fantasy/role play it’s usual to pretend to be something other than what we are. ABDL, for example, puppy play, slave/little, Mommy (ahem 😉), even r*pe - or, let’s call it CNC; but within the privacy of our bedrooms, hotels, woodland clearings, Honda Civics, etc, we can do and be whatever we want. Fetishising *you* as a disabled person, no, I don’t think that’s okay at all. Role playing a situation consensually, hmmm, I think it’s different. I would put that in the same category as a great many other kinks I see on here: Have Fun But Not For Me. But I’m sorry you were made uncomfortable.

(I have NEVER done it in a Honda Civic. Dear, I have standards 😂)

*PS I’m into Really Good Manners, is what I’m into. Never mind anything else. That’s my fetish. It gets weirder but I’ll keep that to myself!

I get the cougar thing so much or be my suga mommy.

 

Om like do you people know how rubbish it is to collect disability ***. It covers myself and pays for things I need. I don't have cash to be no ones suga mommy.

OK maybe my dogs get to go to the groomers but that's as far as suga mommying I'm going with. By treating my babys for pamper time every so often.

I'm extremely grateful to get disability but dam its hard phone calls an interviews ect.

I am so much more than my disability spend a few hours with me while I'm at my worst. When I'm throwing up. Need to be dressed an washed an given meds. It's not glamorous at all.

I'm  lucky my master helps me so much an trust me he doesn't fetishis me at all when I'm ill.

Although there maybe a fetish for being sick but I didn't want to bring that up as a topic.( dad joke sorry)

[Du****]

1 hour ago, Charms said:

I get the cougar thing so much or be my suga mommy.

 

Om like do you people know how rubbish it is to collect disability ***. It covers myself and pays for things I need. I don't have cash to be no ones suga mommy.

OK maybe my dogs get to go to the groomers but that's as far as suga mommying I'm going with. By treating my babys for pamper time every so often.

I'm extremely grateful to get disability but dam its hard phone calls an interviews ect.

I am so much more than my disability spend a few hours with me while I'm at my worst. When I'm throwing up. Need to be dressed an washed an given meds. It's not glamorous at all.

I'm  lucky my master helps me so much an trust me he doesn't fetishis me at all when I'm ill.

Although there maybe a fetish for being sick but I didn't want to bring that up as a topic.( dad joke sorry)

Ha ha good one 😂 Yes, that’s it, your situation is not for someone else to dip in and out of, it’s your daily reality.

[Ami-babi]

As a person who has been in a wheelchair since birth. They COULD be pretending to be disabled for sexual gratification ie. They want to used as prey to be hunted. Because being disabled it would be difficult for us to get away. Or they could have a genuine MH condition (, undiagnosed) that even even they haven't realised yet called. Body dismorphia. Where they feel parts of their body don't belong to them. Either way. As long as they are not trying to use it to claim benefits as a scam or such things. I say let them.