Advice wanted from subs

[MysteryMilf]

Hey everyone.

i joined a few days ago and have been reading and learning all I can.  I’m on an adventure with my partner J to explore my desire to be submissive (as well as his foot fetishism).

 

last night we took my role of submissive the furthest we have yet.  It was very hot and I loved it. But 2 mins afterwards, I felt like crying.  I felt like the only person in the world, isolated, lonely and like I’d been ***d (which I clearly hadn’t - this was all my idea.  He doesn’t find playing the dominant sexy, but finds my excitement at it a turn on.)

 

Js response was perfect.  He was empathetic, supportive and suggested we take a break from exploring it further if I wanted.

 

my question is ; is this a normal response?  Is it about taking it slow and working through things gently, or is it a sign that I need to stop exploring this part of my sexuality?

 

Nb being a woman I have been in many situations (sexual and non-sexual) where I’ve done things I didn’t want to do and have struggled in the past to set and keep to clear boundaries (Eg say no) and feel of value enough to assert them.  Perhaps this is a trauma response? 
 

many tia x

[Tt****]

I'm no expert but it could be a form of sub-drop? I don't know if you've ever read up on it. I once had an experience like it when I felt a bit empty afterwards

[ey****]

yeah - this is likely to be a form of subdrop 

what you're going to find a lot in your journey together is a need to communicate how you are feeling and of course what you're ok with doing again, and what you're not.  Sometimes you will need breaks

After play having some comfort items - some comfort food, blankets, etc. may well help

[MysteryMilf]

Thanks for this folks - I’ve never heard of subdrop so will look I to it 😊 

[Deleted Member]

Talking from my own experience, this does sound like a trauma response. I don’t want to go into too much personal detail here but like many people on here, there is a history of sexual *** throughout my life and exploring my kinks initially and occasionally still now it can bring on a trauma response occasionally. I found therapy useful and my partner was supportive which also really helped. My inbox is open if you ever want to talk 💙

[Deleted Member]

A few comment on Subdrop which it looks like that’s what you have experienced and specially if it was after it has ended. Lots of communication On it’s the key to overcome its or you can experience them less if it’s trigger related. Communication on boundaries, things that might want to experience, and hard limits. If it was a trigger take a look what specific things it was and work from there. It’s Bess to have a few things that you might need that comfort you, make you happy. A few people have electrolytes/water to hydrate,
teddy bears, blanket, music, chocolate, movies etc

[Dancingbear225]

In the immortal words of Professor Lupin, "Eat some chocolate, it will help." Sounds funny, but it actually can help. I would suggest non dutched dark chocolate, it has more of the wonderful flavonoids that help you feel better.

[Deleted Member]

Crying in the midst or just after a scene has finished - it's your body saying "OMG too intense!". I've reacted like this before. But the things that you felt sound like something in the play triggered you. Some great advice from others about how to approach this going forward and your partner sounds a good un 😁. I hope you can work through this at your own pace with them and find a calmer aftermath so you enjoy submission.

[41****]

This is a perfectly normal and common response. I will rein*** what others have already said. Please look into sub drop. It is a semi-illusive term, since it is not fully understood or appreciated, but there is a lot to learn about it from other people's experiences. I wish you the best of luck.

[Koby]

2 Points - 

1) What is normal within BDSM?

Your experiences are unique, The relationships that you create will be unique. Subdrop is.....unique to you.The key with BDSM is to be you. 

2) Relationship Context

It's always important to see our connections within the context of a relationship. Like any relationship- kinky or otherwise they require time and space for growth!!

[TheApexPrey]

Yes this is sub drop. Important to know, important for Aftercare. You arent wrong in how you feel. Ive been there. The chemicals released in your brain during a session give you a "high" like a sugar rush you'll also crash down. Your guy did the right thing. It wont last long, and you'll feel good again. And crave that high again and again. You shouldnt feel bad babes. Embrace what you found as not easily reached. Sounds perfect to me ❤️😍. Xxx

[Dancingbear225]

It sounds very similar to the reaction caused after the release of adrenaline typical in the fight/flight response, which makes a lot of sense when I think about it.

[newPete]

I'm intensely interested in exploring a sub side to my sexuality. I'm a 66 year old hetero struck with ED and keen to meet a friendly dom in the Walsall area who can talk over the details of what would work for me/us. Keen to avoid the sub drop that I'd not heard about till this site. New to the site and would like to know what search terms to use . Suggestions most welcome