Sub/Dom Space - What helps you maintain it?

[Deleted Member]

As the title suggests, I’m merely curious to the differences in how people maintain a subspace or dominate space and to what similarities there would be. Do you do anything unique? Routine? Music perhaps?

Switches, do you find yourself using different tactics or is it more of a seamless transition during your scenes? Do you plan it out ahead of time or let it flow? What forms of after care would you say differ if you’re in one or the other space? Or are they the same?

[Deleted Member]

I try to stay in Dom space as much as possible, it where I feel the most at home. I turn it off around the kiddos tho.

For me, getting in that head space, it’s music, surroundings, and just feeling.

[MissTakenDeep]

I’m sure the answers will be different for everyone, for some people it’s not a state of mind, it’s who they are and I’ve known quite a few to never turn it off..for want of a better word. For me personally, the dynamics can actually change during an intimate/sexual exchange, it heavily depends on both my mood and partner. I find it easier to stay in a dominant mind set, but I think that’s because I struggle with the vulnerability of being in a submissive mind set unless I REALLY trust and feel safe with my partner, especially if it’s a male one. The sub space tends to be a space I fall into rather than create, and can don’t always find comfortable, while the Dom space is my automatic safety net/setting and I find my partners vulnerability automatically brings that out of me.

[ey****]

it feels there's a little bit of misunderstanding about what is meant by these terms.

When you are playing your body release endorphins - some of this can be the kinda raised euphoria of playing together and getting in the mood : the adrenaline pumping for one or both.

For the sub - particularly during pain or impact play the body goes into a kinda 'fight or flight' - it knows it is pain and so again, there's chemicals released to help with the pain.

Subspace is pretty much the feeling when these are released - as well as helping with the pain, they can make the sub feel floaty or lightheaded.

Domspace is often a more energetic high.

But they both have to be managed.  Subspace can impair judgement or decisions; this is when you run into problems when a sub feels they went along with something they wouldn't have consent to - there was a problem of Dominants starting play and then asking questions they wouldn't normally get agreement to.   

One of the purposes of aftercare is to readjust both individuals before they continue with their day - that both return to a kinda sound body and mind.

This is also where drop comes from - because these endorphin releases are addictive and so drop is often your body withdrawing from them - and also a kinda form of drop is wanting to play again to get those feelings back.

--

The best way to kinda maintain or prolong this is simply having more time.  If you've boxed off a day to play together, and both have a good level of trust, you can pretty much drift in and out of this all day : just remember regular breaks for drinks and snacks.

[Deleted Member]

I don’t think there is a misunderstanding, you asked how different people maintain a space. Each person enters/maintains a space differently.

I apologized if what I said made it feel like it was misunderstood. For me there is no high, it’s the control. It is one of the few things I can control, with everything in chaos being in that headspace is my safe haven. For my partner (Cherry) the sub space, because she has to control a lot of things while I am away, it is the being controlled.

[St****]

2 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

it feels there's a little bit of misunderstanding about what is meant by these terms.

When you are playing your body release endorphins - some of this can be the kinda raised euphoria of playing together and getting in the mood : the adrenaline pumping for one or both.

For the sub - particularly during pain or impact play the body goes into a kinda 'fight or flight' - it knows it is pain and so again, there's chemicals released to help with the pain.

Subspace is pretty much the feeling when these are released - as well as helping with the pain, they can make the sub feel floaty or lightheaded.

Domspace is often a more energetic high.

But they both have to be managed.  Subspace can impair judgement or decisions; this is when you run into problems when a sub feels they went along with something they wouldn't have consent to - there was a problem of Dominants starting play and then asking questions they wouldn't normally get agreement to.   

One of the purposes of aftercare is to readjust both individuals before they continue with their day - that both return to a kinda sound body and mind.

This is also where drop comes from - because these endorphin releases are addictive and so drop is often your body withdrawing from them - and also a kinda form of drop is wanting to play again to get those feelings back.

--

The best way to kinda maintain or prolong this is simply having more time.  If you've boxed off a day to play together, and both have a good level of trust, you can pretty much drift in and out of this all day : just remember regular breaks for drinks and snacks.

This makes perfect sense. Thank you from a newbie. I experienced my first sub euphoria experience last year, something I have never felt before. Aftercare for both is very important x

[Deleted Member]

I would say the most important thing is communication, through experience i got to know that each person might be into this but have a total different idea of it, talking about it all and starting step by step till the whole idea sexually and daily wise i mean is clear is important.
For the other point, for me i d say that also talking about it is important, but no planning is required, when it happens it happens, that s the fun of it

[Da****]

Honestly for me domspace just comes like flipping on a switch for me I’ve heard others say it’s different but it’s not music or anything it’s just like putting something out of me and making it alive I kinda enjoy the ease of this switch as before going into dom space I really am just far too laid back

[Mo****]

I think Domspace/subspace should always be turned on. I think when you get into a natural flow where you aren’t just a D/s scene, you’re a D/s couple, then it really has a lot more to do with energy and need and that means that s*** can go down in the Lowe’s Parking lot if lumbar is on sale and Daddy gets excited 🤷🏻‍♀️ lol

[Deleted Member]

Tuesday at 07:56 PM, Mouth46 said:

I think Domspace/subspace should always be turned on. I think when you get into a natural flow where you aren’t just a D/s scene, you’re a D/s couple, then it really has a lot more to do with energy and need and that means that s*** can go down in the Lowe’s Parking lot if lumbar is on sale and Daddy gets excited 🤷🏻‍♀️ lol

Exactly, being a serious dom/sub couple is completely different as you let it take over every aspect of daily life and if sir decides he wants something then no matter where we are sir is getting what he wants but the excitement of someone seeing turns me on so dam much so it's a win win 😜