Newbies Beware !!!!!

[MostHandsomeOnFetish]

I thought this was gone be a good learning experiencing for me I’ve always been into kinky stuff and BDSM but some of the people here can not be so welcoming and harsh especially the people who has been doing this for a long time and this is all knew to me I really don’t know much and I was feeling optimistic and very open minded but so far all I’ve have been was badgered and demeaned because I didn’t know this or I didn’t know that or because I was doing this and it was an pretty bad eye opening experience for me  because I was looking forward to a more welcoming community I was willing to learn I thought the more experienced people would have been more kind and more Into showing and teaching the younger or newer people the right ways and things to do and it has not been what I thought it was gone be a lot of them can be rude and some are nice I just thought I would share that with a lot of the people who’s joining and are curious. 

Edited July 17, 2018 by BbcVon

[Deleted Member]

I know how you feel. I got told by a 20+ woman to delete my account. There are people like that, you just have to ignore them as best as you can and try to find someone who is patient and understanding. I don't have much PW experience, but I have learned a few things. Let me know if you have any questions, and I'll see if I have any knowledge to give.

[Kingkamsin]

All sites get trolls. Free ones are renowned for it. Just laugh at them and ignore. I have probably forgot more than some know lol. I have only joined this site today having looked at others. It ain't my first rodeo and won't be my last. Stick with it mate...

[Deleted Member]

A good place to read up if ur new is the forums and what others have written about their experiences. Asking the right questions and listening to their answers... another good place to learn is the submissiveguide.com site... it will help dispel some myths about the lifestyle some new members to it may have... a lot of ppl here are very welcoming and willing to help and teach if u approach them in the right manner. If not they will just think of u as someone not worth their time or knowledge... use the site in the right way u will learn a lot and then some more Happy learning x

[Avie]

Please look into munchies near you. They are friendly meetings for kinksters. If you are not feeling very confident about how you will be welcome then talk to the organiser so they can look out for you and introduce you to others. Nobody is born knowing everything and rude people are not worthy of your time, your anger or any other emotion they evoke. Please take care and always think and practice: SAFE, SANE AND CONSENSUAL!

[3S****]

Unless people say on their profile that they enjoy helping new people to the scene i wouldn't expect them to help you. Also demeaning people can be a part of BDSM, so you learned that already and that you don't like it.

Sorry to hear you've had a shit time on here though. I find the no thanks feature useful and do not have a go at anyone who messages me on here, occasionally i remind guys to read profiles before messaging people but never in a nasty way.

[Fimus]

Only advice I can give is to be crystal clear on your profile as to what you want. The guys and girls here tend to know exactly what they want and, if your profile does not fit, they will usually let you alone

[Deleted Member]

That's a real shame you feel like that.. presumably you mean through messages? I've not seen any posts in the forums by you, or seen you in the chat rooms..(of course that doesn't mean you haven't been in..just not at the same time as I have)

I personally like this site a lot, admin deal with trolls promptly and there's the report function if someone crosses a line.

There are some here though that aren't what they present themselves as, as there are on every site..and I wouldn't be surprised to find they didn't know the answers to your questions so just gobbed off to  get rid of you. This is one reason it pays to read a profile before messaging, and not just assume someones interests or reasons for being here match your own.

For what its worth the majority of people I've spoken to here, newbies or otherwise are friendly and more than happy to help someone genuinely searching for answers..of course not being privy to what you sent..its impossible to know if they're reactions were warranted or not..you may have offended ..believe me most of my inbox messages are detritus at best.

Try not to take anything personally, and just persevere..as someone said, use the forums and articles to clue yourself up a bit..read responses from members, it's easy to see who has actual knowledge and who's just playing the part..and ask anything else you want to know on the forums, or perhaps mail posters whose thinking fits in with yours.

 

Edited July 17, 2018 by Deleted Member
Typos

[Deleted Member]

I wouldn't normally post but I was online last night. All you did was brag about using and abusing subs. When people tried to give you guidance  (what to read ) advice on where to start you dismissed everyone. What you were saying about subs made people feel uncomfortable and yet they were still willing to give you help and advice. 

[Lombardo43]

Umm.Talk about 2 sides to a story!

[Deleted Member]

5 minutes ago, Lombardo43 said:

Umm.Talk about 2 sides to a story!

There's always two sides to every story, and usually somewhere in the middle lies the truth..thats not casting blame on one side or another, but I've spent time in the chat rooms.. it can be pretty intense, especially if someone isn't "conforming" to the general consensus, it can be dismissive, in fact it can be downright vicious, but..it can also be welcomimg, nurturing and informative, depending who's in..unfortunately sometimes it feels like certain people think the rooms, especially the lobby, are their own private fiefdom and people are afraid to ask questions because they get told off for interrupting or not following protocols, which is difficult when they don't know what they are being as their new, and often so eager they rush straight in..(I seem to have wandered off track..oopsie!)

 

[Kayla890]

Hi I’m new to this I used to be on kinkd has that app now gone can anyone tell me! :) thanks xx

[3S****]

2 hours ago, Kayla890 said:

Hi I’m new to this I used to be on kinkd has that app now gone can anyone tell me! :) thanks xx

Use the search feature on your phone to see if it does.

[ey****]

it's quite a different story from most of the other newbies who've said they've found this site welcoming - so my initial knee-jerk was "what have you done wrong" and then I scroll down through the thread, and, boom - there it is.

Generally the kink community is supportive. However, there are always a lot of newbies who come over entitled or that they already know it all OR that their version of the lifestyle is so radically different from reality (like a stranger wanting subs to abuse) that, really, help takes somebodies time and effort - so - it's careful where it's spent.

Maybe take a couple of days out, do some learning off your own back - and come back and try again.  (or don't)

[MostHandsomeOnFetish]

6 hours ago, PussyKat said:

I wouldn't normally post but I was online last night. All you did was brag about using and abusing subs. When people tried to give you guidance  (what to read ) advice on where to start you dismissed everyone. What you were saying about subs made people feel uncomfortable and yet they were still willing to give you help and advice. 

I don’t use and abuse subs I ask what they want from me and I ask if they have any limits I am respectful and usually most of the young girls I encounter my age like to be humiliated, degraded, basically treated horribly that’s all I was talking about I wasn’t bragging I was just stating my experience and what I mostly knew I’m mature for my age I’m not stupid I’m not disrespectful I’m willing to learn but your a grown women your not gone want what a 19 or 18 or 20 year old girl wants your more experienced like a fine wine I respect you but the sense of me feeling attacked for stating and sharing my personal experience with y’all made me defensive things could’ve been handled a different way than belittling me.

Edited July 17, 2018 by BbcVon

[Deleted Member]

This reminds me of that joke about the young bull at the top of a hill and the old bull who reins him in. 

Did you never stop to consider that the more mature ladies have been  18,19 and 20? Do you think people  mature and gain wisdom from a string of great decisions and happy experiences? 

Even doms need to learn restraint. 

In the old days a young bull was yoked to a stronger, older bull so they'd be trained to work effectively. My advise honestly is slow down, take time to read, listen and observe. 

Yes boundaries can be pushed but don't confuse boundaries with expectations and responsibilities. 

[Deleted Member]

Forgive me if I am wrong Von but ur very first comment in the lobby last night was that u are new and that u thought bdsm was about a sub having things done to them whether they wanted/ liked it or not. Which is why I wrote earlier about doing the research.... if u are new then how have u had experience in humiliation and degrading???

[Deleted Member]

7 minutes ago, subm0nKay said:

u thought bdsm was about a sub having things done to them whether they wanted/ liked it or not. 

😳 

[Deleted Member]

I'm so sorry you've had such a bad experience to be honest I only joined to say sorry on behalf of mankind to a young lady who I noticed had a very abusive message so I know what you're going through

[Jonnyboy973]

Don't worry let it go over you're head...try a guy more kinky and nicer too

[NewPrincessBrat]

On 7/17/2018 at 2:13 AM, Avie said:

Please look into munchies near you. They are friendly meetings for kinksters. If you are not feeling very confident about how you will be welcome then talk to the organiser so they can look out for you and introduce you to others. Nobody is born knowing everything and rude people are not worthy of your time, your anger or any other emotion they evoke. Please take care and always think and practice: SAFE, SANE AND CONSENSUAL!

I have seen some munchs links on Fet that will be happening in or around my area.How do I contact them?

[ey****]

3 hours ago, NewPrincessBrat said:

I have seen some munchs links on Fet that will be happening in or around my area.How do I contact them?

just look for the date, time, location and show up  

[NewPrincessBrat]

All it says for dress code is casual and not nude.How do I Introduce myself?...Hi I'm so and so 

[ey****]

1 hour ago, NewPrincessBrat said:

All it says for dress code is casual and not nude.How do I Introduce myself?...Hi I'm so and so 

this is heading off topic from the OP - but, in short - yes "Hello, I'm xxxx - I'm new..."