The Metamorphosis of Fet Members

[CopperKnob]

The Caterpillar Phase

When you join Fet you're a little nervous and cautious. You're trusting and naive and all you want to do is gobble up all the writings and images you see around you. You're the hungry caterpillar. You absorb everything.

This is when you get an inbox full of online Doms, webcam girls and basically predators. They know you are going to be more trusting and it's the best time to strike.

The Cocoon Phase

Then you hit the the 3-6 month mark. This is when you're not so new. You've been taken for a ride and you're quite safely cocooned. You have friends. You get messsages from real guys who are genuine as well as the usual "wanna 🦆?". At this stage, the Online Doms kinda wind down a bit.

Butterfly Phase

Finally you emerge as the social butterfly. You're active in the chatrooms and forums and by now you'll have a solid group of friends who will always have your back. Sadlly, this is when you hit the inbox dead zone. Now you have people asking you to "love" their stuff. or "can I ask you a question" or my personal death message "I know you get lots of messages but i wanted to say ..." Before you know it, you've blocked all the annoying people and the "could you read-ers" have been ignored enough not to come back and your inbox is dead.

This is when the butterfly either finds the unicorn to fly away with or becomes so jaded that they deactivate.

Of course, this is a cycle so one day the butterfly "babies" re-emerge under a new name and profile picture to start once again!

[ge****]

That's a lovely and fairly accurate analogy - except some of us emerge as moths and just hang round the bright lights bumping our heads off them every five minutes in perpetuity 😀

[Dagothdecker]

I'm in the caterpillar phase and it's so true. These financial predators all follow the same pattern too. Like there's a guide out there.

[ge****]

1 minute ago, Dagothdecker said:

I'm in the caterpillar phase and it's so true. These financial predators all follow the same pattern too. Like there's a guide out there.

Actually you'll probably find a lot of them are following a script - financial scams are big business unfortunately

[CopperKnob]

31 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

That's a lovely and fairly accurate analogy - except some of us emerge as moths and just hang round the bright lights bumping our heads off them every five minutes in perpetuity 😀

Is this why I have a persistent headache? I was putting down to the wine 😂

[ey****]

my kinda specific route went like this

When I joined this site I was already fairly established and grounded - ironically my first message on here from memory was from an ex asking what I was doing here.  I dunno, learning to skydive

Any road.  I joined another site for the fetish lifestyle and I did this having both attended fetish events recently, at the time, and waaaaay back (cos I'm old) but a lot was still daunting, y'know.   And there was an intention to do munches and that but I think it'd been around 3-5 months before I went to a munch. 

Prior to that, I joined some of the little forums on there and... yep... I posted something or said something on one of the splosh boards and had about 3 guys message quite quickly who all wanted to play.  That I think they were straight but were now kinda so desperate for any type of play I would do.

And. ahem. I had a bit think and was a bit like I know how hard it can be so I thought.... OK.  I would help.  But.

And Jesus.

My but was simple, I wasn't going to be out of pocket.  If they couldn't host, they paid for the hotel room - and - in their name, so they were responsible for any damage or clean up.  They could then either buy what they wanted to get messy with, or, send me the cash to surprise them.

You probably don't need to guess what happened next.   They couldn't host. Couldn't afford a hotel - and - had no budget for messy supplies : so in reality were approaching people asking them to do everything at their expense.  I ***y knaaaaaaaa

So anyway, I learned then quite quickly not to engage with fantasists.

Started going to munches. Met people. Made friends. Went to events. Played at *most* events to some degree - rarely with a random, usually with someone I'd friended through other routes (though a lady did once pay £50 for me in a charity auction.) and then... 8 years later, I'm on the cover of fetish DVDs.

Fuck.

Nobody else needs to be on the cover of DVDs in their journey. 

[Lo****]

I’ve gone through the cycle once, reemerged with an identical profile, but gone straight to cocoon with added cocoon and a bit more cocoon.

[Catsailor69]

CK this is SO true in a sense. In the “caterpillar phase” I too, learned the ropes. I found it wasn’t a free-for-all orgy of doing as I pleased. That not everyone was as they seemed and to slow down.
The “cocoon phase” was a time of reflection and really becoming educated about this lifestyle. Yes, it is different than any other. One that is either appealing or revolting to you. When I realized that it was for real and it has structure and etiquette, then I was ready. I began testing the waters with my newfound appreciation and respect for the lifestyle before the next step.
Then the “butterfly phase” or as Gemini_Man so aptly put it “the Moth Phase”. When I did spread my wings and ventured into the community. Being more sincere, safe and enjoying things more than I could have imagined. To truly find others that, like myself, live the lifestyle with sincerity and deliberately choosing the lifestyle. Bumping my head against the lightbulb, sometimes still being burned and sometimes enjoying the light and warmth.

[ge****]

Moth analogies aside, I think the key is getting the right mindset about sites like this and finding a level of acceptance that even as a butterfly you won't always be seen as one or find the nectar you seek - for me my prime use of the site is the forums and interacting with others that way, getting involved in interesting debates etc - if as a result of that I should happen to get to know people I want to meet then I see it as a bonus rather than making my aim to meet others.

[Catsailor69]

55 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

Moth analogies aside, I think the key is getting the right mindset about sites like this and finding a level of acceptance that even as a butterfly you won't always be seen as one or find the nectar you seek - for me my prime use of the site is the forums and interacting with others that way, getting involved in interesting debates etc - if as a result of that I should happen to get to know people I want to meet then I see it as a bonus rather than making my aim to meet others.

This is a most helpful and wise comment. Thank you for putting it in such a wealth and healthy perspective.

[Lo****]

1 hour ago, gemini_man said:

Moth analogies aside, I think the key is getting the right mindset about sites like this and finding a level of acceptance that even as a butterfly you won't always be seen as one or find the nectar you seek - for me my prime use of the site is the forums and interacting with others that way, getting involved in interesting debates etc - if as a result of that I should happen to get to know people I want to meet then I see it as a bonus rather than making my aim to meet others.

That’s exactly how I use the site at the moment. I’m not looking. I primarily just visit the forum to educate myself, learn about other’s experiences and share mine. I occasionally open my messages to men for a day or two to see if anyone interesting comes by (women can message for a chinwag any time).

[4R****]

58 minutes ago, Catsailor69 said:

for me my prime use of the site is the forums and interacting with others that way, getting involved in interesting debates etc - if as a result of that I should happen to get to know people I want to meet then I see it as a bonus rather than making my aim to meet others.

This!

[Deleted Member]

Wished I de known you in the Caterpillar phase X
Oh still in it!

[Deleted Member]

Caterpillar phase for me but have been on a fet website before so reasonably aware of what to expect. Important thing is not to rush into it headfirst. Take your time and find your way around. 

[Vi****]

Love this Copper, I popped out my cocoon had a fly around was overwhelmed and have just gone back into my cocoon for a little breather

[CopperKnob]

11 minutes ago, Vic1077 said:

Love this Copper, I popped out my cocoon had a fly around was overwhelmed and have just gone back into my cocoon for a little breather

Still holding out hope for the Unicorn