Visit but no messages

[Deleted Member]

Been here a little awhile now and find it strange how people  look at profiles but never reply to messages sent even tho it shows in our inbox. I'll answer anyone honestly as I'm trying to find new friends and contacts.

Come on lady's your here looking for something and it wouldn't hurt to answer a welcome message of first contact and don't just block without an excuse that's just playing mind games

 

Hope to be hearng from a few of you soon 😉😉😉

[BigPolly]

Ok we all need to accept that when people look at our profiles they might not be keen on what they see or what they read, that’s peoples prerogative & none of us should take it personally. Having a quick look at your profile there is a brief write up of what you possibly like & 1 pic of your torso so it’s not particularly inviting. Personally I rarely reply to anyone where I can’t see who I’m talking to (as it says on my profile) so maybe that’s your sticking point? Some people have quite clear ideas of what they’re looking for or how they are approached & yes this world is a bit of a lottery to find an exact match but it’s a case of ‘just keep trying’ Blocking someone is not ‘mind games’ it’s a clear indication that someone has no intention on interacting with you & some people find using a filter such as Blocking a safer easier option & again that’s their right, others just ignore the message rather than getting into conversation & giving the wron impression before they start. You’re right, people are here looking for something but if that something or someone isn’t you then don’t be offended just keep saying hi to people until you find the right one, there’s many on here & don’t expect instant results.

[Deleted Member]

Hi Bobby b, the looking at profiles and not replying, means that the person isn't interested, and won't reply. Females are inundated with messages...look at a few profiles and see the number of messages received by some, to get an idea. It's almost impossible to keep up with the mail. If every message were to receive a reply, imagine how long it would take. There is a life beyond this website. Not everyone has the time or the inclination to respond to each message. So, the norm is, your message is read, and if not replied to, then the receiver doesn't wish to take your contact any further. Everyone accepts this way of working, and moves on. To send someone further mail, because you didn't receive a reply, causes the recipient to take evasive action and ",block" you, to prevent further mail. Hope this clarifies the modern practice of non-communication.

[Deleted Member]

Sorry to sound patronising, but to just add a further note,that might help, make your contact message interesting. So many men write, "Hi", or "How's you?" , or worse. If there's no effort to engage in a relevant, interesting conversation, then you'll not receive a reply. It has to have something to do with what the person you've written to, is interested in. You have to "hook" the person and be genuine about what you feel and write about. The female mind works on a completely different level from that of a male, as you'll know from when you've had girl friends. Hope that's further help.

[Deleted Member]

Maybe I'm to polite to ignore people but yr right I guess you lady's get hit up more than men do

[Deleted Member]

As you can see from this post, this has come up before..theres all sorts of reasons people might not reply, that they bother to check out your profile...before choosing not to reply just indicates that their not interested. Personally I'll reply to most I'm not interested in with a personal thanks but no thanks, not all though, partly because as @Leatherdom2020 says numbers, and partly because sometimes the messages are so crude, or trite I don't want to trigger an on going correspondence when I know won't end well. Also worth bearing in mind some have filters that will stop a message being seen...based on distance, age, having a profile picture or even how many words the message contains..but ultimately, we all have a choice and are not obliged to reply to anyone we don't want to, for whatever reason.

[ey****]

Point 1.  You can't manipulate people into messaging you.  

Point 2. If someone has looked at your profile and not messaged you, want don't they like? Is your profile poor?  Are they just interested in finding craic about you? (and then disinterested when they see the poor profile, or leave after finding what they were interested to know) is it even something simple like they've noticed location won't work or that you're not what they're looking for or vice versa.

Point 3. If someone has visited you and you go to visit them and find they're local and interesting and you could be a match, drop them a line - if they're not interested then fair enough.

Point 4. You're another use whose sent out far more messages than received, the vibe this sends out is you'll mass message anyone and that's off putting.  You even have a bloody status up admitting this.  What this kind of shows is that you're not really that fussy, you just want anyone who'll have you.  And that's desperation which is never encouraging.

[Deleted Member]

I defo wasn't trying to get anybody to message me was only trying to get my head around how people work........

[Deleted Member]

The thing that pisses me off is one minute your having a conversation, then you get the “no thanks” message or expletives directed your way! Why??? Makes me think there are some nasty people on here If you don’t like somebody, tell them politely - doesn’t cost u anything

[ey****]

15 minutes ago, wanttodominate said:

The thing that pisses me off is one minute your having a conversation, then you get the “no thanks” message or expletives directed your way! Why??? Makes me think there are some nasty people on here If you don’t like somebody, tell them politely - doesn’t cost u anything

we've had a thread on this.  

Basically, "sorry, I'm not interested" DOES come with a cost.  Because while the person on the other end may reply with an "OK, no problem" - quite often they don't - whether it's asking more questions for "support", whether it's becoming nasty, whether it's coming back and trying again (with the SAME copy paste message) a couple of months later.  And that wastes the time of someone who has already said they're not interested.

A guy started messaging me and went from "Hi how are you" to "let's have an online relationship" in about 3 messages.  I pointed out that a simple read of my profile suggests (a) I'm not interested in an online relationship (b) I'm not interested in guys.

He bid me OK....

Then came back a week later!

I'd told him politely 'no thanks' and he came back anyway.

Mind, more humorously was the guy who 'no thanks' on me - who had dropped me a message asking about something, I gave an answer.  I got in from work the next day to find he'd been messaging throughout the day asking me to do stuff to him.  When I got online the messages were pretty rapid.  Obviously he was getting read receipts.  So eventually I replied "I'm busy, give me a little bit" and he hit the 'no thanks' button.  

They're not interested. Suck it up. Move on.  Have a little look as of if you were even what they wanted in the first place - and if you were but it wasn't obvious, improve your profile.  

[Deleted Member]

Sorry - don’t agree

manners cost nothing and clearly there are exceptions to this that unfortunately you have experienced

plus some on here have been rude and obnoxious- no class and can’t help thinking they are either frustrated or a nasty piece of work

each to their own I guess

[ey****]

13 minutes ago, wanttodominate said:

manners cost nothing

by the same logic, bawwing you don't get what you want is bad manners.  

[Deleted Member]

Not about not getting what you want, if someone doesn’t want to talk to you, then it just takes a polite message saying that

the trouble is we are all becoming keyboard warriors and hiding behind the pc/phone - very easy to be brave 

[ey****]

yep - and that's the problem, many particularly women get the keyboard warriors at them when they say "thanks but no thanks"

even 1 guy in 10 is too many.

So hitting the "no thanks" button tells the guy what he needs to know and saves her from further problems.

[Deleted Member]

But......

my point was I had started a conversation then got the “no thanks” message. She had replied previously so didn’t understand why she was like this unless there was something wrong with her

i would have politely declined - but I was brought up with manners unlike some on here

[ey****]

can be frustrating, I guess potentially an element that there became something they no longer liked, but that this wasn't obvious to you.  It is worth re-analysing your conversations.  Mind, if they did come over rude - they weren't someone you'd want to be with anyway.

Mind, suggesting there's "something wrong" with people who decide they don't want to talk to you any more isn't going to instil much confidence in others.  

[Deleted Member]

Believe me, I analyised the conversation and what started off good quickly changed, hence the strange comment

i will add that a previous sub I was talking to had the decency to say she couldn’t speak to me anymore - so that contradicts the argument wouldn’t u say?

[ey****]

10 minutes ago, wanttodominate said:

i will add that a previous sub I was talking to had the decency to say she couldn’t speak to me anymore - so that contradicts the argument wouldn’t u say?

Not in the slightest.  Somebody told you that she could no longer talk and you accepted it.  Well done, have a cookie.

Those who tell you they no longer wish to talk, via the No Thanks button,  may well have had previous bad dealings and don't wish to risk it again.  Some guys are reasonable, too many are not.

[Deleted Member]

Fair point 

thanks for the cookie -prat

[Deleted Member]

live in a small "community" pass people in the street say, hello,good morning,old people,young people,male, female,civility costs nothing ,I don't want to fuck any of these people and I'm not in desperation just because I talk to everyone, surely a community is built on conversation,the eyes see first,the tongue follows,I thought BDSM was an expression of self and surely, talking is part of that,coming on this site is daunting,interesting,and for me fun,we are not all the same,I've listened and taken on board from the more experienced members,but doesn't a Wiseman learn more from a fools questions than the other way around, I aim this question at NO ONE in particular ,I am still learning.respect.

[ey****]

I think there's lots of parallels with local communities - but when it comes to private messaging, it's less so 'saying hello in the street' and more knocking on someone's door and inviting yourself in.  No one has to stick the kettle on and you can be asked to leave at any time - whether that's because you're rude, have shit craic, or there's no neighbourly connection.

[Deleted Member]

I totally agree my anology about community,is more about people and reaction,I totally agree with what you say about no means no and the girls and a lot off men do get inundated and obviously can't answer every one,but as a "newbie" as this site likes to call us,I am learning all the time,this is an alien world for many,our bodies aren't perfect,or profiles aren't great but we free to find our way mistakes and all.respect.

[ey****]

the trick is... as I think you get... never stop learning.

 

[Deleted Member]

Thank you my friend well said . respect.

[3S****]

Blocking people isn't head games, it's a definite no.
Anyway if they are looking at your profile i would say that your messages are generating interest at least so that's a positive even though it is not leading to anything so far.