Open relationships. What works what doesn’t ? Share

[li****]

I wanna know what makes this new adventure fail and what makes it stay warm and fun without leaving other person or Vic versa , feel insecure . How do both partners maintain healthy relationships with in themselves?

[2a****]

Communication, trust, boundaries must be involved to be successful..

[he****]

Firt of all, trust! Without it, fails. Trust means use protection to preserve each other, aways talk and share, and respect each other decisions

[Lu****]

Success: trust, clear boundaries, open non judgemental communication.

Jealousy is normal emotional blackmail not ok.

Fail: breaking clear boundaries, poor communication and personal insecurity that isn’t being owned and dealt with.

[Cu****]

You gotta have a few rules that must be followed in my opinion, and everyone has one a little bit different..honesty, no behind the back shit, no f**king then telling about it..you got time to make a call b4 ya f**king...I mean if u gotta hide f**king someone while in a open relationship, then that's someone I definitely don't want on my team..

[ey****]

communication with your partner

making sure to still keep them knowing they come first

setting boundaries with each other and sticking to them 

[Deleted Member]

It works for us but I don't go out much. My biggest turn on is him going out with other women, f**king them and then I'm waiting for him at home to clean him. We tried the first time of him not telling me when he was going to meet someone. It didn't work for either of us. He didn't like lying and I had an uneasy feeling that I left work early. We tried again but me knowing everything that was happening. Like not keeping tabs on him just what day he was going. That time worked better. He did text me a little during that time but now I just leave him be when he is with someone. 

 

It was a lot of communication and working through feelings. Trial and error as well. A willingness to listen to the other and reiterate how they feel about the person they are in a relationship with. Actions also speak very loud about how a person feels. My partner will put our family first. He has canceled because one of kids is sick and didn't want to leave me home with everything happening. That says a lot about where his head is at. 

[Ro****]

For us: came without pressure, both wanted to do it instead of one "sacrificing" for the other. I'd say there are no formulas and each (open) relationship is and works differently. We had a monogamous relationship for almost 6 years and then went open. I'd say we have super good and open communication, and feel super secure with the other engaging with more people. Also, we have evolved with the topic, at the beginning were more "restricted" on our rules but little by little we were talking through them and adapting it alongside our understanding of our feelings in this new lifestyle. I'd say if you have good communication, trust, and are both interested, give it a go.

To begin this, we did a game: each of you will write 5 different scenarios, on a piece of paper, of what to expect/could happen, and you both need to think and tell the other how you'd feel in said situation. That helped us to create our first set of boundaries about what we were comfortable with 😊.

Hope it makes sense and best of luck!

[33****]

Jealous or insecure it’s not go work.. it depends on the person. If it’s mine how can I share an Vic versa.. all most like a f**k it mentally.. the bond has to be so strong on every level for it to work . What’s a open relationship? Sex? Or the mental comes into picture too cause that may be 💨

[Deleted Member]

Communication is KEY. Always explain to ur partner how u are feeling…and the partner has to try to understand and appreciate how u feel. If there’s a feeling of jealousy or being sidelined it’s really important to voice ur feelings ….a potential *** is being left for someone else …so best for both parties to have great communication….and whoever the 3rd party is RESPECT all pre established boundaries.
After that …let the fun begin ❤️

[Deleted Member]

When the damage is done there’s no fixing it. Been there a couple times. I’ve tried to insist on new things. But relationship fell apart.

[ja****]

This is a good question. I would say it’s trust. Trust makes open relationships work. My wife and I were monogamous for 20 years before deciding to become poly. During that time we developed the trust to know that our love cannot be overshadowed but love for another is not insignificant or bad.

[DeviantInside]

Speaking from experience of what has worked for me personally. I was in an 8 year DD/lg open relationship with someone 19 years older than me. We frequently went out on the London fetish scene to clubs and afterparties. We didn't necessarily play when we went out, either with each other or with others, however it was always an option. We did have some ground rules though, that we would only play with others if we were both happy about it and that we would always be safe, we also had some things that we kept solely for ourselves. For me I think both parts were vital, both having good communication as to what each of you are ok about and what you wouldn't be, and also keeping what made your relationship special at the core in the first place. We also lived together so there were vanilla aspects of our relationship that weren't affected by kink in any way (a sort of hybrid 24/7 style relationship whereby the dynamic was an underlying current, not necessarily played upon at any time but that could be, which allowed us to enjoy each others company and interests on so many levels in and out of kink). I'm not going to say there was never any miscummunication but for the most part it worked very well. Obviously we did eventually split up, but it wasn't because we had an open relationship or any factors to do with that, still very good friends with her and speak regularly.

[gr****]

Well I have been poly for over 10 years. The key that I have found is real communication. Not just between you and the main partner. But all the way around. This means that everyone needs to talk. Everyone needs to be able to communicate. You also need to take issues and concerns to heart without criticism.

[je****]

We’re still figuring it out, but so far, communication is a must, not keeping secrets, awe aren’t required to interact with the others intrest but have found a little how do you do, get to know you helps with peace of mind

[Ricky4you]

I'm definitely taking this in! Appreciate the words also. My thing always was, how do you bring that up to your partner? I wanted to so many times with my ex wife and past gf's

[gr****]

58 minutes ago, Ricky4you said:

I'm definitely taking this in! Appreciate the words also. My thing always was, how do you bring that up to your partner? I wanted to so many times with my ex wife and past gf's

Rick bringing up a poly lifestyle is best done in the beginning. If they do not know you have these desires or needs. Then you get heavily involved. It makes honest communication difficult. However, it is best to set aside some time and actually talk to your wife about it. Do not act untill you both are ready and comfortable.

[Fl****]

Does you're significant other or you get jealous easily?

[ge****]

Some very good advice so far but one thing you really do need is a solid foundation to begin with - if you're going into this because either of you aren't happy in your current relationship and see this as a way to either enhance it or even escape from it, then you're setting yourselves up to fail.
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So having a stable relationship is key, because if it's not going into something like this will open up the cracks and turn them into ones that can't be papered over.
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As others have said having clear boundaries and limits and sticking to them is key, as is going at the pace of the slowest of the two of you.

[Deleted Member]

Do not expect people with fetishes to magically have an open mind about ENM. There are loads of people who claim to be open minded. Yet are clearly not.
It doesn't matter the gender or sexuality, there are people who will judge or treat you badly because you aren't monogamous. Experienced it here and in the real world. So be aware that your dating pool is tiny. In fact had prejudice from Poly people themselves. Wearing leather doesn't automatically mean your not vanilla.

[Deleted Member]

Don't assume everyone poly is open minded. Don't assume that for one second that on Fet that anyone else 💯 is not prejudice about something. Being ENM limits your dating pool massively. Research, research and research more. Connection communication and honesty is extremely rare. Good luck.

[li****]

This is great stuff guys!

[Ricky4you]

Like what I've read

[gr****]

13 hours ago, Fluffybottoms said:

Does you're significant other or you get jealous easily?

Jealousy is a balancing act. There will always be instances of jealously that crops up. Which is why communication is key. The person who is feeling jealous. Has to speak up and not in a combative way. Those who are not have to address the issues to help. But you cannot eliminate jealousy completely. It does happen.

[Deleted Member]

Setting up rules between you and your partner before doing anything with anyone else helps. You really have to trust your partner and vice versa. Things can go south pretty fast if you don't establish boundaries.