Message etiquette

[Vi****]

I wish to thank the OP because these posts always show the ass***es up for who they are. Makes me chuckle really, the vile gross behaviour just seeps out everywhere dosnt it. Making us all take note.

[ca****]

1 hour ago, Aranhis said:

And yet, after all that has been said already by all, I find myself reflecting now on how pitiable and sad it is that you view dates in such a way. Is that your experience of them? You've never gone out with somebody who didn't have an agenda, or without an agenda yourself? Has that contributed to the mindset you display today?

Also bare in mind, the op was speaking of initial messages and first discussions. Based in an online interactive setting not in real life. So all it is is grabbing their attention out if hundreds of other men, in that time you simply seduce them. Its just logical , how many messages a day do you think woman get like " you look incredibly beautiful or stunning " or a generic sweet compliment whilst they are polite they don't actual fuel a woman to be intrigued by you , not online. It's only a plan, a tool to get their attention. Unfortunetly an online environment does have them an inbox is not the same as talking to someone in person so it's logical to have a strategy. I bet you do in some form, you might use comedy to make them laugh, some creative way to bribe a smile out of them. I personally think most here are completely taking one sentence way to far and deep. I have spoken to ppl before and later they have come back saying , I couldn't stop thinking about your point or what you said. It annoyed me but it intrigues me about you and so on. I'm not sure why this type of process is being deemed bad. It's just a tactic and the battle of dating and it works but it certainly isn't the way many are just deciding what they want to. Many woman enjoy being provoked, it's pretty much thst simple

Why would I speak to ppl online without an agenda when my phone book is full off ppl in real life I can talk to. Or I will go to my fav cocktail bar and sit with with ppl there and chat all evening. I will often go out after a long day's work and join a random group, mainly women or I will sit alone. I'm happy alone also. I don't generally talk online for friends that's what real life is for

[BruiseWayne]

1 hour ago, cagedheart said:

It was also an essay and the debated part is only a sentence of around 6 words 😂 in which prior to said sentence which everyone seems to be triggered by I pointed out that I don't actually message online much and I will compliment them in general. I don't date off line much I don't need to but I do use it for mainly expression to be totally truthful. Keep in mind my explanation was asked for and it was based on Internet messaging. It was one line out of hundreds that's been targeted and trying to reply to all has split and confused some of its original meaning.

I don't actually understand your sadness. There is a reason I would be messaging a woman online. Do you just go around messaging random ppl to go out with ? Of course there's an agenda. Everyone has a readon for using online and at the time I was looking I wanted to date out of my circle and away but work was time consuming which then brought me online.

Those six little words sure said an awful lot about who you are, and at the risk of repeating myself, it's kinda gross. Trust me that's not that only thing you said that was unsettling either.

 

Your dismissive attitude isn't doing a whole lot to help your case here too. Being 'triggered' doesn't negate the justifiable reactions people are having to you and no one is being overly sensitive here in the first place. Honestly using that word that way just makes you look like more of a creep. All your backpedaling, half assed explanations, and giggling through this all are only making shit worse too. You've made it pretty clear that your 'agenda' is to mentally *** and manipulate women.

 

Edited August 10, 2022 by BruiseWayne

[ca****]

4 minutes ago, BruiseWayne said:

Those six little words sure said an awful lot about who you are, and at the risk of repeating myself, it's kinda gross. Trust me that's not that only thing you said that was unsettling either.

 

Your dismissive attitude isn't doing a whole lot to help your case here too. Being 'triggered' doesn't negate the justifiable reactions people are having to you and no one is being overly sensitive here in the first place. Honestly using that word that way just makes you look like more of a creep. All your backpedaling, half assed explanations, and giggling through this all are only making shit worse too. You've made it pretty clear that your 'agenda' is to mentally *** and manipulate women.

 

I have no intentions in reading your reply. You have had far to much of my time and respect. Now like I said before enough now. It's done

[BruiseWayne]

1 hour ago, Vic1077 said:

I wish to thank the OP because these posts always show the ass***es up for who they are. Makes me chuckle really, the vile gross behaviour just seeps out everywhere dosnt it. Making us all take note.

They really do seem to love telling on themselves too don't they? lol.

[ge****]

1 hour ago, cagedheart said:

Of course but the orgin of these quotes stem from a response I wrote to the op post on this thread which was predominately about messaging woman to connect in that manner. It was also an essay and the debated part is only a sentence of around 6 words 😂 in which prior to said sentence which everyone seems to be triggered by I pointed out that I don't actually message online much and I will compliment them in general. I don't date off line much I don't need to but I do use it for mainly expression to be totally truthful. Keep in mind my explanation was asked for and it was based on Internet messaging. It was one line out of hundreds that's been targeted and trying to reply to all has split and confused some of its original meaning.

I don't actually understand your sadness. There is a reason I would be messaging a woman online. Do you just go around messaging random ppl to go out with ? Of course there's an agenda. Everyone has a readon for using online and at the time I was looking I wanted to date out of my circle and away but work was time consuming which then brought me online.

The thing is though it's that one sentence that sticks out as coming across wrong (irrelevant of whether it was intended or not) in your original response - yes you make some valid points elsewhere within your essay, and I actually thought that when I first read your post not long after it was posted, though you also make some debatable ones.
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But that one sentence *is* undeniably the thing that stands out and isn't caveated really by what went before or after - and *does* (again regardless of intent) read very negatively for the reasons I gave further up (in spite of your sweeping dismissal of them based on stating I don't know the meaning of the words used - which is patently not true).
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Yes, I can even see *some* situations where violent disagreement can lead to a meeting of minds, but even so intentionally setting out to annoy or anger someone is for me, and countless others is not going to work and may actually provoke the opposite reaction to the one you are hoping for, as has been evident on this thread.
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As I said earlier, if you've found ways of making it work for you with *some* women then good luck to you - and I wish you all the best of British, but you do you and I'll do me 👍🏻🙂

[Du****]

1 hour ago, Vic1077 said:

I wish to thank the OP because these posts always show the ass***es up for who they are. Makes me chuckle really, the vile gross behaviour just seeps out everywhere dosnt it. Making us all take note.

Hear, hear. They can’t help but reveal themselves, can they? My thanks to OP also, and to the contributors who support others by calling out poor conduct when they see it.

[Attaboy4u]

BRB making popcorn for everyone, wouldn't want to miss this one....

[BruiseWayne]

2 hours ago, cagedheart said:

I have no intentions in reading your reply. You have had far to much of my time and respect. Now like I said before enough now. It's done

Wise decision. If I was you rn I'd just take the L and call it a day too.

[Je****]

7 hours ago, Aranhis said:

That's not domination, that's being an a**hole. You talk about the dishonesty of compliments, of "generic silver-tongued nonsense" and such, yet there is no honesty in disagreeing with something you do in truth agree with to serve your own agenda.

Just, wow. This is an open admission of putting your wants and needs above those of your target (victim?) and willingness to sidestep ethical considerations in an effort to attain your goals.

"Simply wanted her" in this context and with the framework of the replies and arrogance you present, sounds positively r*pey - a reason for not letting decent manners and good, positive honest communication get in the way of you having what you desired.

😂 No you really can't, but that's kinda cute. As an aside, have you ever tried just being honest? No manipulative "sweet talking" OR provocation? Y'know, in case somebody might like you (and your domination) for you are?

Aaaaaaaand we're back to r*pey.

MAKE her submit?? STEAL their choice??? Do you even hear yourself or how you sound? This is the behaviour you want to advocate as acceptable in the community, or anywhere at all? If that's what it means to be a skilful dominant then count me out, because it's f***ing sick.

I find myself wondering whether you are going to double-down or backpeddle... 🤔

However much you try to frame these sorts of words as arrogance, they will always be nothing more than boundary-ignoring, entitled, and R*PEY.

And yet, after all that has been said already by all, I find myself reflecting now on how pitiable and sad it is that you view dates in such a way. Is that your experience of them? You've never gone out with somebody who didn't have an agenda, or without an agenda yourself? Has that contributed to the mindset you display today?

Everything youve said 👌👌👌👌👌👌👌 a-f***ing-men. 

 

 

This man sounds dangerous. 

The second you manipulate someone for anything... well... the last thing it is, is showing dominance. 

 

Its cowardly and coercive and baby throwing dummy out kind of behaviour. 

Im astounded 😳😳😳😳

[Je****]

Ignoring the abusive behaviour... 

 

Back to the topic.. 

 

Hello for me just doesn't cut it here.

 

And il put emphasis on Here.

 

Bdsm in itself with its indepth learning, control, respect and overall presence.. i do expect more than a hello. Not for myself. But in general.

 

This place gives us time to go deeper into who we are. Our bodies. Practises. Dynamics and all things out of the societal norms. So yes Hi just doesnt cut it for me Here.

 

However. If i was on the likes of Tinder, which was previously mentioned (and i am), its soley / mostly based off physicals with the smallest bio known to man. 

So youre matching with someone on physical attraction. A hello is suffice fir this "every day real world" dating scene for me. 

I have specifically swiped with people and successfully matched on occasion and have received or given a hi.

As if at a bar. A hi with a smile. Pleasantries. Compliments and interests soon follow.

 

Some people ive had hellos with and their personality no matter how hard i pluck at things, is like a brick in the wind. Unnoticeable. 

Others have started Hi and gotten into discussions about things i like and enjoy and they also have. Like music, movies, food and drink and even gender and identity. 

Ive agreed to a pint with someone next week from tinder based off a hello and gender discussion. Clearly we are compatible in personality even if nothing else as a convo has easily led on between us both with great interest. Beyond physicals. We shall see how that goes. 

 

Good looking joe brick in the wind... no hot man or woman will keep my interest if theyve got no compatible personality. So i moved on. 

 

But tinder is a society known and "acceptable" dating site.. (not as misunderstood as bdsm sites even if it is known as a f*** buddy site ((tho thats not what im in it for)).. 

Where i expect nothing more than hello to initiate.

Bdsm as i said.. much much deeper.  More complex. More than that *** lust or magnetism based off looks. 

It typically takes way more than an appearance to participate in bdsm. Safely and accurately. You cannot communicate on a more complex level in line with the setting we are in.. id send you to tinder. 

I aint here for a fast hook up. Nsa sex and whatever else.

Some are and thats fine.. but i honestly believe this takes away from what bdsm is. Thats maybe my unpopular opinion of the day 🤷‍♀️

 

But that doesnt mean someone needs to come into my inbox all domly or subby.. asking things or demanding off me.. they need to be mature. Knowledgable. Have depth past looks. Have a personality. A good vibe. Mutual kinks and interests. Be respectful. 

Plus being my type *which my profile usually states* doesnt hurt. I dont reply to or approach those who i don't feel fit with me. Same i wouldnt expect people to try with me if i didn't fit them. 

And if they did approach me based ofd how i look.. i can tell pretty fast and convo is done. I am not a thing to look at.

I am a person with thoughts feelings emotions who matters. The min anyone provokes, manipulates or tried to coerce me is blocked and reported. 

 

Shady folks are everywhere. Least on tinder they dont hide it in the name of 'dominance'.

But we arent stupid here and community efforts and safety shines through and exposes the fakes and keeps the rest of us guarded.

Thats why i love it here.

And on tinder most people even if after a f*** are upfront. Again.. no manipulation. And that for me will always win me that someone who believes theyre entitled. 

[TeeJay_98]

On 8/9/2022 at 11:11 AM, cagedheart said:

I personally blame woman in general for this Unfortunetly. 

Consider the amount of times ppl have wrote interesting intros to be ignored or to get fake profiles.

I use to send funny, interesting intros, different and possibly thought provoking however like so many in this environent i got tired of the one liner responses and empty exchanges because in general woman online are far to delusional in expectations possibly created by the simple ratio factor. 

If I really like the person for whatever reason and I really want to get their attention. I personally will anger, annoy and provoke a response. Much easier to get their unbalanced attention. 

"I blame women".. How about you start blaming the men that have given decent men a bad name? You know the ones that have nothing better to say than "I'm going to own you" / "your my slut now"... Just two examples of first messages I've received this week 🤷🏼‍♀️... Maybe women are fed up with it, as much as you say you are. 

 

In regards to the fake profiles... Yes you spend your time messaging them, but you realise the majority of fake profiles are also men don't you? 😂 

 

Anger annoying and provoking a response. Well that one speaks for itself. Sociopathic behaviour 🚩🚩🚩

[Chloebear]

20 hours ago, cagedheart said:

I did grasp your opinion in which I respectfully gave an open, lengthy and honest answer reply to. The said topic in question here is about one little section that compromise of one sentence out of all that i said. I already noted prior to that part that in general , quote " I still however will try atleast some compliment " the now debated section is related to if I really like somebody or really wanted to get their attention I will use anger, annoyance and provoking tactics. Which if ppl would simply ask and not assume will see is not a negative mind set. Clarification - I will use my exact initial first approach to my previous submissive which ended in a wonderful 2 years real life relationship/dynamic but spawned from online. Ok so I first approached her disagreeing with a statement she seemed truly passionate about. I cared not for her statement and in truth I agreed with most of it however I needed to steal a few hours or moment of her time so I could be on her mind for a short while. So approaching her by disagreeing with her and rather blunty " angered " her. The arrogant manner in which i spoke " annoyed " her that I seemed so condecending about her strong feelings regarding it which in turn " provoked " a lengthy strong heated debate allowing me to steal her time and be in her mind for just a few hours. Which over the course of such I showed glimpses of my self which in turn made her intrigued about me and allowed her to see past the wall of men in her inbox. However my method was intentionally to anger her, to annoy and provoke her. My initial intentions was to minipulate the situation because I cared not for her statement I simply wanted her and those gave me an option to steal the time needed to be seen by her. Real life dating has a physical being behind it. A smile, a look a tone of voice or even how someone walks or holds them selfs. Online in this enviroment in a box on a screen. The words have to tickle emotions, irritate senses. I can sweet talk or charm my way into anyones inbox but that is generic silver tongue nonsense that actually does not really please anyone nor does it really trigger any true response. Anger a woman and you can see the fire burn in her eyes. An angry women is an honest woman. An annoyed woman is an erotic woman and a unsettled unbalanced provoked woman is easy to steal from and invade/conquer. If I had not spent the time initially angering , annoying, provoking my previous submissive I would not have been able to make her submit and share each other for 2 wonderful years. She would never have tasted who i am especially in this enviroment. It is called skill, effort and the foundations in how a skillfull dominant steals their submissives choice or begins to. Mark my words from the first moment of contact my dominance is working. You don't actually believe your self that you actually want to be butter coated in silver gloss. You know your self that you want a person to be able to annoy you, anger you and know how to provoke you, to make you feel. Just like I took the time to read a few posts and pattern to attain a small amount of knowledge about my previous sub before making my move on her passionate statement. This is nothing more than skill, nothing more than my dominance taking what it's going to take eventually. These judgmental opinions always believe of toxic manners , always scream or cry at words like minipulation yet that is the exact actions that transpire on a date. A woman perhaps dresses seductively or arousing and alluring ( form of minipulation ) a guy will be more gentleman like, well mannered ( form minipulation ) any woman online is guarded by her rituals and greedy needs for why she is here. Anger, annoyance and provoking unbalances that and they don't need to hold a negative tone. In many ways I would be classed or called sexist. That is a trait or characteristic I can't change and I wouldn't if I wanted to as its the backbone to my dominance. That alone can cause anger and provoke. For example a woman asked a question once about paying half on dates and I messaged saying no I would not except this. That angered her and she demanded an explanation in which again gave my an opportunity to provoke . Yes I took her submission too. It's called skillfull dominance nothing more , nothing else

Another narcissist….

[Deleted Member]

I cannot see what is wrong with a Hi or Hello. Its a greeting. Maybe introduce yourself but that should be all. I know im old school but. If i ever saw a pretty girl in a pub i would say hi or hello. Its just an initial acknowledgement that your intetested. A hi back means its resiprical. Simples. Then start a conversation surely ?

[ge****]

4 hours ago, RedandBlue63 said:

I cannot see what is wrong with a Hi or Hello. Its a greeting. Maybe introduce yourself but that should be all. I know im old school but. If i ever saw a pretty girl in a pub i would say hi or hello. Its just an initial acknowledgement that your intetested. A hi back means its resiprical. Simples. Then start a conversation surely ?

Yes but there's a world of difference between chatting to someone in the real world where you have all kinds of things to go on, body language, facial expressions, context, the immediacy of striking up an actual conversation (and being able to end it just as quickly if it doesn't feel right) and interaction on sites like this where you have none of those cues/queues.
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Ultimately though, there's nothing wrong with sending a "Hi/hello" type message, so long as you accept that the recipient may not respond and prefers something with a little more.

[Du****]

5 hours ago, RedandBlue63 said:

I cannot see what is wrong with a Hi or Hello. Its a greeting. Maybe introduce yourself but that should be all. I know im old school but. If i ever saw a pretty girl in a pub i would say hi or hello. Its just an initial acknowledgement that your intetested. A hi back means its resiprical. Simples. Then start a conversation surely ?

No. It’s not enough, and Gemini has explained why. I will add this: I’m bored to death of guys just messaging “hello”, with nothing in their profiles to even give a hint as to their personality. So I ask them to introduce themselves properly - and they give me only their name. That tells me precisely nothing, but when I point this out, they ask “what do you want to know?” FFS, men: I don’t *want* to know anything: I didn’t start the conversation, YOU did. Either engage my interest by observing something in my profile that attracted you, or tell me why you think I might be keen… or run along, because anything else is a flat-out waste of my time and yours.

[Deleted Member]

I can see your point if the profile is blank. Mine isnt. But i usually introduce myself with a " hello how are you today my name is Kev" is that not enough?  Men out number women greatly on sites such as this as do fake profiles of all sexes. So a lot of men get fed up writing lengthy intros just to be ignored time and a gain. Because i assume they are all pretty much the same anyway although quite a few are prob rude and vulgar in the first instance. 

[ge****]

1 hour ago, RedandBlue63 said:

I can see your point if the profile is blank. Mine isnt. But i usually introduce myself with a " hello how are you today my name is Kev" is that not enough?  Men out number women greatly on sites such as this as do fake profiles of all sexes. So a lot of men get fed up writing lengthy intros just to be ignored time and a gain. Because i assume they are all pretty much the same anyway although quite a few are prob rude and vulgar in the first instance. 

Thing is though "hello how are you today my name is Kev" gives a recipient not a great deal more than "Hello" really, but it's not really a question of whether it's "enough", more whether you think it's likely to attract a response, and whether you can accept if it doesn't get one.
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You don't have to write a lengthy intro either, just something that goes beyond "Hello" and demonstrates a genuine interest in the person you're contacting and doesn't come across as scattergun/cut and paste.
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Yes there is a huge imbalance between numbers of men and women on sites like this - but you actually take away the men that don't get it, who think "Hello" is acceptable, or sending a d**k pic, or descriptive sex messages and worse, and the imbalance all but disappears.
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Yeah it still doesn't guarantee a thing, but the fact you "get" it means that won't be a concern.
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There are also many ways of approaching the site beyond sending messages to people you've never interacted with before, I rarely send them and yet have had many interesting conversations with others in spite of that.

[Fa****]

17 hours ago, DuchessFeuille said:

No. It’s not enough, and Gemini has explained why. I will add this: I’m bored to death of guys just messaging “hello”, with nothing in their profiles to even give a hint as to their personality. So I ask them to introduce themselves properly - and they give me only their name. That tells me precisely nothing, but when I point this out, they ask “what do you want to know?” FFS, men: I don’t *want* to know anything: I didn’t start the conversation, YOU did. Either engage my interest by observing something in my profile that attracted you, or tell me why you think I might be keen… or run along, because anything else is a flat-out waste of my time and yours.

Yes. This 100%. You explained it so much better than I did. Thank you x

[Fa****]

4 hours ago, RedandBlue63 said:

I can see your point if the profile is blank. Mine isnt. But i usually introduce myself with a " hello how are you today my name is Kev" is that not enough?  Men out number women greatly on sites such as this as do fake profiles of all sexes. So a lot of men get fed up writing lengthy intros just to be ignored time and a gain. Because i assume they are all pretty much the same anyway although quite a few are prob rude and vulgar in the first instance. 

See, if you sent me this message the response you’d get would either be ignoring you or “fine” depending on my mood. 

The latter does not really start a conversation unless you reply with something to engage me and then the question becomes - why not just send the engaging message as the first message. 

If someone is going to go to the trouble of sending a first message:

a) know WHY you’re messaging the person and tell them. And I do not mean anything vulgar or sexual. 

b) give me something to work with that doesn’t give the option of a one word reply. 

[Deleted Member]

If i say hello and i dont get a reply no matter where or what the situation is then the other person is just plain rude. A no ta. Or a click of "this member says no thanks" isnt that hard surely? As i said im old school. Manners cost nothing. 

[Du****]

1 hour ago, RedandBlue63 said:

If i say hello and i dont get a reply no matter where or what the situation is then the other person is just plain rude. A no ta. Or a click of "this member says no thanks" isnt that hard surely? As i said im old school. Manners cost nothing. 

You are wrong. Sorry, but Freetobare has put it as plainly and succinctly as you could wish. A mere “hello” is uninspiring and unworthy of notice. I get that not all of us agree, but do yourself a favour and ask yourself if you are satisfied with the response rate you receive. If not - up your game, because it’s your fault.

[ge****]

1 hour ago, RedandBlue63 said:

If i say hello and i dont get a reply no matter where or what the situation is then the other person is just plain rude. A no ta. Or a click of "this member says no thanks" isnt that hard surely? As i said im old school. Manners cost nothing. 

No, they're not rude - and it isn't about manners either, they didn't ask for you specifically to message them, so why should they respond?
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Add to that, that many "no ta's" or "this member says no thanks" result in *** being sent back and you can understand why people may not respond - and based on a "Hello" type message they have no way of knowing if the sender is going to be the type that turns abusive or not.
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Look at it another way - do you reply to every email from a Nigerian Prince asking to send you *** with a "No ta"? Assuming you don't, is that rude? No different here.

[Da****]

I send a message that basically says what my sub and I are looking for,which is more than one sentence and ask how the receiver is doing and if it something that would interest them.. and 85% of the time ots crickets even after they may have looked at our profile... now I know women get A LOT of messages, but come on after looking at our profile how are is it to send a no thank you type of response.. I get the "hello" one word messages get no response, but seriously if you take the time to look at the profile and still nothing....

[Deleted Member]

All points noted. Be safe everyone x