Message etiquette

[th****]

So I’ve had the situation a number of times now, and I wonder if it’s a common thing.

Even in vanilla life, I find someone reading a message and not responding to be rude. Within the context of a prospective dom/sub interaction, I find it inexcusable.

I understand that we are all busy, and that on occasion things care get missed, but to me the polite thing to go is to at least respond saying that you are busy and will respond later. Failing to response for 24 hours plus (without explanation) just causes me to lose interest entirely.

It’s particularly perplexing when a sub has instigated the conversation. Or where you have allowed additional time (often a day or so) for response and none is forthcoming.

I understand from speaking to some of the female subs on here that they are inundated with messages, which would be in keeping with most of the other dating apps. As a result, I have ended up losing interest in almost every interaction I have had on this site.

Which begs the question: are my expectations too high? Or at the very least, should they be altered to reflect the reality of using this app?

[Deleted Member]

Absolutely. Non-response is just rude and unnecessary. Even worse, is not replying for days at a time and then trying to pick up the conversation as it was.

[StephanieRenee911]

I agree, it's rude. It only takes a second to short reply. You should keep your standards and not settle.

[Je****]

People aren't online 24/7.
They don't owe you anything. Sadly thats just how it is.
If for whatever reason they dont wish to reply and interact more, means theyve lost interest in you usually.
Just move on. Soemthing else will appear

[in****]

Expectations are way high

[london250490]

I find most interactions break quite quickly on this app, not sure why!

[Chilled321]

It's just how life is.
I experience the same, from friends as well as online dating

[Fa****]

You stole my title 😡🤣

[La****]

Don't invest so much energy or attention into one interaction. The way you project your value is through controlling who you do or do not give attention/energy to. There's always the next person. Shrug, move on, and don't pay any attention to people who don't reciprocate the enthusiasm

[MrSkyFeet]

While I wholeheartedly agree with you that it is, it at least certainly feels, rude. I have honestly come to expect it and now consider it par for the course on here, and online in general.

I completely agree that no one owes anyone a response, especially when the message was disrespectful, rude, demeaning etc. But to use my own experiences as an example, I have never sent a single message on this site that is anything but polite, friendly and respectful. But I get responses maybe 5% of the time, and it does feel rude.

I know that women get bombarded with all sorts of unwanted messages, and there's no way that they should have to deal with that. But that makes it all the more puzzling to me why a polite message gets ignored too.

At the end of the day I just put it down to the fact that people feel like they can act on the internet in a way they never would in person. So, sadly, I would summise that maybe you're right and your expectations are too high. They shouldn't be, but it seems that is the way of things.

[th****]

I find myself in the same position

[ge****]

There's another similar thread to this called "Ever Get Blocked For No Reason" which as it has grown covers a lot of the ground you cover.
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I have to disagree that in the context of an initial unsolicited message that you have sent that someone not replying is either "rude" or "inexcusable" and being honest thinking that it's either thing smacks of entitlement.
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People not replying is not rude - it's them protecting themselves against potential *** if they reply to say they aren't interested, or further messages if they open the gate by replying (if you send a message to someone and they don't reply, the site prevents you sending another message for a period of time).
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So to answer your ultimate questions yes I do think your expectations are too high, and yes I do think you should alter them.
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No-one, man or woman is entitled to a reply to an initial message, or any message for that matter - obviously the more an interaction/relationship develops the more it would be the polite thing to do to at least tell someone you're not interested in taking it further, but that doesn't necessarily mean it has to happen either.
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The best thing to do is accept that no response means no interest and move on.

[Deleted Member]

It’s a dating app. There’s gonna be a lot of non-replies. Just be cool with it and move along!!

[Deleted Member]

I think it’s normal to find it quite annoying or rude for someone not responding especially when they have instigated the conversation and I have the same issue of just loosing interest entirely because of this… i know I like attention and crave it a lot, i am trying to learn the reality of it all tho, that people get busy or that they can’t be social all the time but I do think if they are interested in you in any way they should be open about being busy and so on. I’m not sure if any of this helps but you’re not the only one feeling like that I guess.

[No****]

Nah, I totally agree on that, and outside of bdsm roles and especially in the male equivalent side, ghosting and generally the none existent interaction with the female sex is a big turn off and big enough reason to stop loosing time and energy and focus on something else...

[Ch****]

In my experience you just have to keep trying, if they are taking more than 24hrs then I doubt they are majorly interested. Keep trying, weeding out the bad ones, and you might get somewhere. But then again this app really isn’t the best place to come for great interactions.

[ga****]

It’s finals week people r super busy

[bu****]

Most messages I receive through this app are presumptuous, disrespectful and fail to recognize that I am a whole human first. I don’t know what or who you have been messaging, but I would definitely say that if you are a straight man ISO of a woman to play with or love, maybe start with treating them as equals even when (or perhaps especially) they identify as subs. I ignore 90% of what I see on this app for that reason, or because they clearly haven’t read my profile, or start with honorifics, pet names or sexual asks. Telling me you’d fill me with cum every day as an opening line is gross. It’s frankly easy and healthy to dismiss most of the attention I get here.

Also, there are so many more men than women here— are you actually trying to differentiate yourself? So many people drop into my dms with nothing for me to follow up on and lack basic conversation skills….

I don’t know if any of these things describe you.. it’s my short-lives experience here…

[Deleted Member]

My perspective— Yes, your expectations are too high. I’m of the mind that if one person finds another person interesting to talk to, sexually inspiring, etc. they will typically make this clear very early on. Most people on this platform are looking for laid back interactions rather than obligations or another chore to complete. With that said, it is completely reasonable for you to have a 24 hour timeframe for your willingness to continue engagement. Unless you are actively involved in an arrangement with another user or have at least met in person, a lack of response on a platform such as this is one is nothing to take personally. It likely may not be the best place for such a seemingly sensitive soul.

[Deleted Member]

I understand i say the same. A girl i liked msg me like 3 data after my 1 msg. Im still waiting for the second Replay..

[QXX666]

Oh dear, you are only the 1001th person asking the same old question!
Read forum plenty of answers…

[st****]

Even if you’re talking to a sub, no one owes you anything until you’ve made an explicit agreement and come to an understanding. This is entitled. Getting the attention of a sub is your privilege, not your right.

[Deleted Member]

My perspective— It may do you good to lower your expectations a bit. When one person finds another person interesting to talk to, sexually inspiring, etc., they will typically make this known very early on. Most on this app are seeking low pressure interaction rather than obligation or another chore to fulfill. With that said, it is certainly reasonable for you to have a 24 hour window concerning your willingness to continue engaging with someone. Unless you are actively in an arrangement with another user or have met in person, a lack of response on a platform like this one is nothing to take personally, and additionally may not be the best place for such a seemingly sensitive soul.

[Du****]

Yes, and yes.

[Om****]

First, your boundaries are valid. It may be that you want to try being upfront about it - “hey, just so you are aware, I have a supreme dislike of not being messaged back within about 24 hours. If something comes up and you are going to be gone longer than that, please let me know ahead of time if at all possible.”


Now, for my thoughts. Personally, I reply to messages when I have something to say. If the message in question doesn’t really have anything that I want to say in response, or it feels like the end of a conversation, I won’t reply to it. I have a dislike at the societal expectation that online conversations must continue indefinitely. All conversations come to an end, and online interaction is no different in that regard. Now, a new conversation may start with that same person, in which case great! But I’m rarely going to instigate that.

On top of that, people have all sorts of reasons for not necessarily messaging back. I have adhd. One of the symptoms of adhd is a lack of object permanence- if I’m not actively on an app, I very well may just forget that it exists for days or weeks at a time. I’ve gone months without talking to my best friend because we both have adhd and just….. forgot until something prompted one or the other of us to remember and reach out.

I’m the end, everyone is going to have their own things. If quick replies is important to you, that’s awesome! But it might be good to make that really clear so that you are on the same page with anyone you are talking to. ^_^