Message etiquette

[ey****]

9 minutes ago, Lady_Char said:

Oh I thought he was saying what do you expect but no response when you message hi and then when the recipient looks at the profile, there's nothing there?

nah, he says he messages all the F accounts to try to get a conversation regardless of if they've filled in a profile or not

[ey****]

you know the thing I hate about threads like this

it gets full of guys whining how they think things *should* be

while women try to say what they prefer and get ignored or argued with

men who generally do OK share what works for them and get ignored or argued with

it feels - do you actually WANT to meet anyone?

I know it's hard, of course.  But you're never going to make it any easier. 

[Deleted Member]

5 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

you know the thing I hate about threads like this

it gets full of guys whining how they think things *should* be

while women try to say what they prefer and get ignored or argued with

men who generally do OK share what works for them and get ignored or argued with

it feels - do you actually WANT to meet anyone?

I know it's hard, of course.  But you're never going to make it any easier. 

That's nonsense, this thread is specifically started by a woman who provides no significant personal information and then complains about others failing to use psychic powers to predict what she wants to talk about in an opening message.

[ey****]

11 minutes ago, Mathbro said:

So you're saying nobody should message OP? 

if you were to message them - why?

In her case she has no profile info, difficult, but she does have pictures, status updates and forum activity.  

Someone could message her with something like "I really like what you wrote on the forum" or something they like about her pictures other than "y u so pretty?" or, hell, given she is active on the site it wouldn't be too difficult to be conversational; "Hey, it's Newcastle munch next week - I'm thinking of going, do you ever go?" 

I think my point is if nothing stands out that makes you go "that is a talking point!" or "that interests me about them" there is very little reason to.  So when guys moan "there's profiles that are blank, what should I say?" it kinda suggests they're just messaging everyone rather than there being something that interests them about that person.  

[ey****]

7 minutes ago, Mathbro said:

That's nonsense, this thread is specifically started by a woman who provides no significant personal information and then complains about others failing to use psychic powers to predict what she wants to talk about in an opening message.

you don't even live in the same country - why do you want to message her anyway?  and I've given a bunch of suggestions someone could write to her - it's not like it's a completely blank profile. 

[Deleted Member]

10 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

if you were to message them - why?

In her case she has no profile info, difficult, but she does have pictures, status updates and forum activity.  

Someone could message her with something like "I really like what you wrote on the forum" or something they like about her pictures other than "y u so pretty?" or, hell, given she is active on the site it wouldn't be too difficult to be conversational; "Hey, it's Newcastle munch next week - I'm thinking of going, do you ever go?" 

I think my point is if nothing stands out that makes you go "that is a talking point!" or "that interests me about them" there is very little reason to.  So when guys moan "there's profiles that are blank, what should I say?" it kinda suggests they're just messaging everyone rather than there being something that interests them about that person.  

Very valid point. When people say they are planning to message a dozen, two dozen, a hundred accounts I always think... there are that many people here who really interest you??? Or are you just planning to message anyone and everyone? In that case, what is it your after? Can't be a real connection or you'd be more selective.

[Fa****]

33 minutes ago, SubFU said:

At the end of the day why does spelling a name wrong matter.I dont think a spelling mistake by the sender means that sender is incapable of strong emotions and honesty to the recipient of their message.How boring the world would be if we all were so perfect.The message its self is the main attraction.Our imperfections,mistakes,call them what you will,are what makes us beautiful,sexy,unique.I am not arsed if someone gets my name right.Send me a message,long,short,indifferent and i will be joyous that you took the time to message me.Lets just enjoy each others imperfections and not get hung up on boring ettiquete(oh dear hope i spelt it right or people will judge me or worse ignore me!!! LoL)

I didn’t say it meant they were incapable of strong emotions. 

But, what I feel it does show is a lack of awareness or ability to care that they are messaging a person. 

Anyone can make an error or a spelling mistake, hell I made one in one of my responses further up this thread and those who know me will know full well how much the inability to edit it is pissing me off. 

But something as basic as someone’s name when you’re putting out feelers to get to know them better, to me, sends the wrong message. 

I am fully aware not everyone feels this way, but I do. 

[Fa****]

34 minutes ago, Mathbro said:

That's nonsense, this thread is specifically started by a woman who provides no significant personal information and then complains about others failing to use psychic powers to predict what she wants to talk about in an opening message.

You’re very correct I provide limited personal information. 

However, I clearly stated I am looking for friendship and events/places. 

And, without wishing to sound antagonistic (although I’m pretty sure it shall be taken that way regardless), this:

“Kinky Confessions 

How did you get switched on to Fetish.com?

Through a friend on another site. 

What types of kinksters are you hoping to meet here on Fetish.com?

Open to “meeting” anyone to chat with and for friendship. But please don’t come at me with your self proclaimed brilliance, ability to make me c*m, disrespect (ie don’t address me as sub(missive) - I’m not yours) or boring “hi”. 

When did you discover you were kinky? Tell us about your journey through kink and BDSM.

I’m a relative kink virgin despite knowing about my submissive side for many, many years

What was your first kinky experience? What did you learn from it?

The experience isn’t relevant. But what I learned is that anybody can claim to be a Dom(me) but there’s a huge difference between a persons claims and their actual ability/dominant traits. I learned that you simply telling me you’re a Dom doesn’t mean I will submit to your every whim and that a “Dom” who begs and cajoles and pleads with you to try and get what they want is not only a huge turn off but also has no idea whatsoever about D/s dynamics. 

D/s: Dom/me or sub? Top or bottom? Caregiver or little? Owner or slave? Do you switch or are you unsure?

I definitely identify as submissive with a strong brat side. I don’t brat just for the hell of it though, it’s usually in playfulness although sometimes it’s to hide emotions. I also have a masochistic streak which is well hidden (unless we’re talking emotional masochism in which case I’m the biggest sadist in the book - to my masochistic side) until it is sparked into life by the right person. 

What turns your kinky brain and body on?

So many different things depending on my mood and who I’m with. But the most important is to turn my mind on!

What was your most memorable kinky experience? 

Wax play and fire play. I won’t discuss details on here, suffice to say I adore wax and fire terrified me!

Do you find talking about sex and kink easy or difficult? Why?

I can talk about it easily with pretty much anyone although I find it hard to verbalise what I want and/or need. Maybe I don’t know ?

Is physical appearance or fashion important for you and your kinks?

I really like a man to be taller than me. In my younger days I preferred a man with bigger thighs than me - not sure that’s possible now!

What do you like to read? Any favourite kinky authors?

Favourite kink authors: Lexi Blake and Shayla Black and Cherise Sinclair. I love the escapism, the romance and love between the characters and the “strength” of the dominant characters

What music do you like to listen to? 

I’m pretty easy going about music although something I can sing to is always good - unlike my singing. Enjoying country music at the moment.”

 is more than enough information to enable a person wishing to message me to say more than one word. 
 

And thank you @eyemblacksheep for “sticking up” for me x

[Deleted Member]

10 hours ago, gemini_man said:

The thing is both "effort" and "interest" are subjective things - ultimately it's down to the *recipient* of the message to decide if they consider the level of effort is enough to spark their interest enough to reply, not the sender of the message.
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If the sender of the message thinks otherwise then it suggests a level of entitlement and incorrectly set expectations on their part.
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It really doesn't matter how interested the sender of the message is, it's about how interested the recipient is, and if they're not, it really doesn't matter whether you've sent a simple "hi" or a well crafted message tailored to the recipient, it won't make the slightest difference.

What I meant to put across is that simply stating your not interested instead of ignoring might be helpful because I don't really buy that just saying hello, how are you? To someone means that your lazy and your not really interested in them but as you say its all in the hands of the recipient, I just wanted to put this across when it came to the question of etiquette.

[ey****]

9 minutes ago, Freetobare said:

And thank you @eyemblacksheep for “sticking up” for me x

haha, it's fine sorry I was kinda using you as an example in some ways - so, I tend not to hunt for new profiles or anything - incidentally I haven't been to Newcastle munch in ages (no reason, just diary) and probably not going next week (diary clash!) but it would be cool to say hi if we do end up at a munch together haha.   

But yep, aside from your info at the bottom I wouldn't call yours a "blank" profile 

[la****]

Its not a wrong thing to do tbh. You see, others might think i am annoying by writing everything from the start, like telling kink etc. When someone said "hi" they usually a person who like to take things slowly and enjoy it. Why not reply it? People actually being opened only if they know the opposite parties want to chat too.

[Deleted Member]

13 minutes ago, Freetobare said:

You’re very correct I provide limited personal information. 

However, I clearly stated I am looking for friendship and events/places. 

And, without wishing to sound antagonistic (although I’m pretty sure it shall be taken that way regardless), this:

“Kinky Confessions 

How did you get switched on to Fetish.com?

Through a friend on another site. 

What types of kinksters are you hoping to meet here on Fetish.com?

Open to “meeting” anyone to chat with and for friendship. But please don’t come at me with your self proclaimed brilliance, ability to make me c*m, disrespect (ie don’t address me as sub(missive) - I’m not yours) or boring “hi”. 

When did you discover you were kinky? Tell us about your journey through kink and BDSM.

I’m a relative kink virgin despite knowing about my submissive side for many, many years

What was your first kinky experience? What did you learn from it?

The experience isn’t relevant. But what I learned is that anybody can claim to be a Dom(me) but there’s a huge difference between a persons claims and their actual ability/dominant traits. I learned that you simply telling me you’re a Dom doesn’t mean I will submit to your every whim and that a “Dom” who begs and cajoles and pleads with you to try and get what they want is not only a huge turn off but also has no idea whatsoever about D/s dynamics. 

D/s: Dom/me or sub? Top or bottom? Caregiver or little? Owner or slave? Do you switch or are you unsure?

I definitely identify as submissive with a strong brat side. I don’t brat just for the hell of it though, it’s usually in playfulness although sometimes it’s to hide emotions. I also have a masochistic streak which is well hidden (unless we’re talking emotional masochism in which case I’m the biggest sadist in the book - to my masochistic side) until it is sparked into life by the right person. 

What turns your kinky brain and body on?

So many different things depending on my mood and who I’m with. But the most important is to turn my mind on!

What was your most memorable kinky experience? 

Wax play and fire play. I won’t discuss details on here, suffice to say I adore wax and fire terrified me!

Do you find talking about sex and kink easy or difficult? Why?

I can talk about it easily with pretty much anyone although I find it hard to verbalise what I want and/or need. Maybe I don’t know ?

Is physical appearance or fashion important for you and your kinks?

I really like a man to be taller than me. In my younger days I preferred a man with bigger thighs than me - not sure that’s possible now!

What do you like to read? Any favourite kinky authors?

Favourite kink authors: Lexi Blake and Shayla Black and Cherise Sinclair. I love the escapism, the romance and love between the characters and the “strength” of the dominant characters

What music do you like to listen to? 

I’m pretty easy going about music although something I can sing to is always good - unlike my singing. Enjoying country music at the moment.”

 is more than enough information to enable a person wishing to message me to say more than one word. 
 

And thank you @eyemblacksheep for “sticking up” for me x

So I dont know what your settings are but I don't see any of that on your profile. 

[Ceejayuk]

44 minutes ago, Mathbro said:

That's nonsense, this thread is specifically started by a woman who provides no significant personal information and then complains about others failing to use psychic powers to predict what she wants to talk about in an opening message.

Who is saying she is even talking about just this site specifically.

Also even if her profile was indeed blank, you do not need to be Psychic. 

 You can still say more than Hi without knowing too much about the person. You can list things about yourself, what you are looking for, asking them some questions like, what are they looking for, have they been to any events etc. I never send just Hi messages, I put a little thought in. Granted it is better if there is something on their profile you can build upon, however you can still send more than a "hi".

[Fa****]

5 minutes ago, Mathbro said:

So I dont know what your settings are but I don't see any of that on your profile. 

Apology accepted

[ey****]

28 minutes ago, Lady_Char said:

Very valid point. When people say they are planning to message a dozen, two dozen, a hundred accounts I always think... there are that many people here who really interest you??? Or are you just planning to message anyone and everyone? In that case, what is it your after? Can't be a real connection or you'd be more selective.

it feels like throwing darts at a board and hoping that one sticks and suddenly a jackpot and the problem with this approach is it means the rejection percentage is sky high - it also means you will message a bunch of scammers and also a lot of people who *might* have been interested but can see you're just throwing darts and maybe feel you aren't into them - especially if you end up juggling multiple  conversations

I know it sucks if you find someone seemingly perfect and write and they don't reply - but - if you find someone seemingly perfect it's also easier to demonstrate why they may be interested in you and it boosts the chances of at least getting a reply 

[Deleted Member]

3 minutes ago, Freetobare said:

Apology accepted

I'm not apologizing, your profile literally doesn't contain it(for me at least). 

[Je****]

I checked the Lady's profile. I can see all her status updates, confessions, photos and forum entries detailed on profile. 

It is all there clear as day.

[Catsailor69]

To be completely honest, I find having only one opportunity to message someone on here initially, creates loads of angst about the first message. If it were possible for a second before having the ability to message cut off (I understand a reasoning behind limiting initial messages) it might be helpful.

[Deleted Member]

43 minutes ago, Finally_Jen said:

I checked the Lady's profile. I can see all her status updates, confessions, photos and forum entries detailed on profile. 

It is all there clear as day.

So I tried to post a screen-shot but apparently most links are banned(lol). But rest assured there is no confessions section visible on my end. Which is interesting to me since it means there is either a bug in the code or the website is hiding content.  Does the OP have "show confessions" slider set? 

[iB****]

Look we’re all here to connect. But if anyone puts little effort towards a connection, why are we going to bother with ‘hi’…. Okay you can type on a phone. Cool.
Why are you messaging me ? What do we have in common that sparked your interest.

But some people need a little more back from a ‘hi’, and I’m not some stud so I don’t mind messaging whoever takes the time to message me … but if you have nothing to contribute then I’m already not interested. Be yourself. We’re all here to be kinky fckrs, so BE KINKY!

[succulent_sucker]

I think it can be alright because many time the person u message might not be active anymore or just to see if they'd even message at all

[ey****]

4 hours ago, Mathbro said:

So I tried to post a screen-shot but apparently most links are banned(lol). But rest assured there is no confessions section visible on my end. Which is interesting to me since it means there is either a bug in the code or the website is hiding content.  Does the OP have "show confessions" slider set? 

I didn't see the confessions at first either; but when scrolling down did find them - but like I say there was probably enough there to start something conversational that wasn't "hey"

I think if someone's profile is pretty much completely blank, you got nothing - but, leave it.   Because what interested you? Are they even active? But a little bit of activity can at least be what interested you and if it did interest you it can spark convo. 

[Fa****]

6 hours ago, Mathbro said:

I'm not apologizing, your profile literally doesn't contain it(for me at least). 

Oh I’m fully well aware you weren’t. 

I was being facetious but also trying to make you aware that you are actually in the wrong annoy me and an apology is actually warranted. 

You won’t, I’m well aware and that’s fine but frankly you’re kind of taking this thread on a tangent it wasn’t intended for. 

If you want to message someone with a bog standard “hi” without taking the time to work out why you are messaging them purely in the hope of getting a bite that is entirely your prerogative. 

I merely wondered if there were people out there who were interested in this initial form of communication whilst stating that it does nothing at all for me. 

What you can or can’t see on my profile is irrelevant (it’s all there) because you aren’t going to send me a message. 

[ge****]

7 hours ago, Adventure101 said:

Or, maybe long openers and detailed profiles are not everyone's cup of tea. Some people may actually prefer to get to know someone by having a conversation. The elitism in this thread is unreal.

Elitism? Or providing the benefit of experience, and what works for them?
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Yes, there is a balance to be found between a one word message and War And Peace, and what works for one person may not work for another BUT in an environment where most of the time you need to make yourself stand out from the crowd, sending just "Hi" or similar is not going to help you, especially if your profile details are equally limited.
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Ultimately though as I've said in other posts here it's down to each of us as individuals to decide on the approach that we use, both in messages and to the site in general, but with that has to come a level of acceptance that we may not get what we hope for from it, and may have to change that approach if we don't.
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No end of bemoaning how others use the site will change a thing.

[Deleted Member]

6 minutes ago, Freetobare said:

Oh I’m fully well aware you weren’t. 

I was being facetious but also trying to make you aware that you are actually in the wrong annoy me and an apology is actually warranted. 

You won’t, I’m well aware and that’s fine but frankly you’re kind of taking this thread on a tangent it wasn’t intended for. 

If you want to message someone with a bog standard “hi” without taking the time to work out why you are messaging them purely in the hope of getting a bite that is entirely your prerogative. 

I merely wondered if there were people out there who were interested in this initial form of communication whilst stating that it does nothing at all for me. 

What you can or can’t see on my profile is irrelevant (it’s all there) because you aren’t going to send me a message. 

 

It's actually relevant as it provides a reason, I talked to CS and apparently there is a bug but it goes beyond your profile. Thus we are both right. With your confessions visible if I were to message you I would try to add something relevant to the message but if you want better messages try adding more to your profile. Good luck.