Am**** Posted September 29, 2022 Posted September 29, 2022 50 minutes ago, UKConnection said: I've messaged many people here with full, witty, inviting, vanilla messages with pretty much no response. I sense that reverse filtering takes place so if I'm not what someone is looking (they think) then there is no courtesy shown. Its at odds when they say they're looking for friends. I am, too. A reply is appreciated but I do understand that many women get jaded by the sheer number of 'hi' messages. I thought more creative messages would illicit some kind of response though. Ho hum... I used to work in CS only in text. Each rep was expected to answer 8-10 messages an hour for 8 hours. It was a full time job. . An "attractive" young lass might get 200-500 messages a week. . Could you honestly say that you'd have the time to answer them all? I sure as hell wouldn't.
ge**** Posted September 29, 2022 Posted September 29, 2022 54 minutes ago, UKConnection said: I've messaged many people here with full, witty, inviting, vanilla messages with pretty much no response. I sense that reverse filtering takes place so if I'm not what someone is looking (they think) then there is no courtesy shown. Its at odds when they say they're looking for friends. I am, too. A reply is appreciated but I do understand that many women get jaded by the sheer number of 'hi' messages. I thought more creative messages would illicit some kind of response though. Ho hum... The thing you have to remember though is what you think is a "full, witty, inviting, vanilla" message others may not agree - so a degree of acceptance of that is required. . It's also not about "courtesy" when someone doesn't reply - there are many reasons that people don't as illustrated throughput this thread, which in the main boil down to self-protection, as they have no idea if that "full, witty, inviting, vanilla" message will turn into a "vile, abusive, butt hurt" one because the sender cannot take rejection. . The best thing any sender of messages can do is forget about them completely and accept that if they don't get a reply, they don't get a reply - any other expectation suggests an element of entitlement and can only ultimately lead to frustration.
UK**** Posted September 29, 2022 Posted September 29, 2022 @gemini_man My point for the OP is that there are plenty of us who put thought into our opening conversation. I have no expectations and fully appreciate nobody owes anything to anyone here. Any reply is however appreciated.
Da**** Posted September 29, 2022 Posted September 29, 2022 17 hours ago, Chloebear said: This is just expressing different opinions, it’s what makes a good discussion. It doesn’t mean there’s conflict or tension. It’s both ok and important to have and express different ideas on topics, especially in a reasonable way. It’s only when people get aggro and start attacking on a thread (or express something that’s harmful) that there’s an issue. I couldn't agree more.. I've been on the attacked side for disagreeing with a poster and voicing a difference of opinion... I'm not saying that the topic is bad, just that it also seems to end with everyone going in circles...
se**** Posted September 29, 2022 Posted September 29, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, Daddy-n-Paddy said: I couldn't agree more.. I've been on the attacked side for disagreeing with a poster and voicing a difference of opinion... I'm not saying that the topic is bad, just that it also seems to end with everyone going in circles... You may be right about going in circles, but it has opened my mind/eyes even more including your views. Also... reminder, most would not agree with my comments.😂😘 Edited September 30, 2022 by kiseu
Chloebear Posted September 30, 2022 Posted September 30, 2022 4 hours ago, UKConnection said: I've messaged many people here with full, witty, inviting, vanilla messages with pretty much no response. I sense that reverse filtering takes place so if I'm not what someone is looking (they think) then there is no courtesy shown. Its at odds when they say they're looking for friends. I am, too. A reply is appreciated but I do understand that many women get jaded by the sheer number of 'hi' messages. I thought more creative messages would illicit some kind of response though. Ho hum... Maybe not everyone finds them witty and inviting? 🤣 And really…. If they’re not looking for a person like you, as a friend or otherwise, then it doesn’t matter what you write because it won’t appeal… and those the package does appeal to will reply. I feel that it’s as discourteous to suggest that a non response is out of line - it implies you are owed a response because your message was somehow better than others? Or that you are owed reading and response time. There’s a few answers around this already, but in short, it resembles a kind of entitlement. Apologies if this reads negatively, I’ve had a very bad day and positive phrasing is not my friend this evening.
Da**** Posted September 30, 2022 Posted September 30, 2022 16 hours ago, kiseu said: You may be right about going in circles, but it has opened my mind/eyes even more including your views. Also... reminder, most would not agree with my comments.😂😘 I agree it has shed some light on things... the going in circles can drive me nuts...lol... and most people disagree with me too so.... works for me...lil
se**** Posted September 30, 2022 Posted September 30, 2022 (edited) 2 hours ago, Daddy-n-Paddy said: I agree it has shed some light on things... the going in circles can drive me nuts...lol... and most people disagree with me too so.... works for me...lil You made me think about circles in other general things as well. Thank you.🤗💖 Edited September 30, 2022 by kiseu
Ge**** Posted October 2, 2022 Posted October 2, 2022 I feel strongly about replying to messages. Im a genuine mature Dom over 30 years in the lifestyle. When i send my initial message its a genuine thought out replly biased6 on reading a Subs profile. Mainly as they have viewed mine. I see my message has been read yet no acknowledgement or reply. Not even a polite Thanks but No Answer thanks. That everyone is pure bad manners, impolite and pure ignorance in my book. We can all be something so be Nice!. Or when you messaging with someone and they suddenly disappear?? WTF.. would you just hang up the phone? No you say bye. Maybe im old fashioned or maybe i was raised right 👍
ge**** Posted October 2, 2022 Posted October 2, 2022 15 minutes ago, ShropshireDom70 said: I feel strongly about replying to messages. Im a genuine mature Dom over 30 years in the lifestyle. When i send my initial message its a genuine thought out replly biased6 on reading a Subs profile. Mainly as they have viewed mine. I see my message has been read yet no acknowledgement or reply. Not even a polite Thanks but No Answer thanks. That everyone is pure bad manners, impolite and pure ignorance in my book. We can all be something so be Nice!. Or when you messaging with someone and they suddenly disappear?? WTF.. would you just hang up the phone? No you say bye. Maybe im old fashioned or maybe i was raised right 👍 Can I very politely suggest you read back through the thread for some of the many valid reasons why people don't reply to messages none of them down to bad manners, impoliteness or ignorance. . Whilst I appreciate that on the surface it *could* be construed as those things, if you truly understand the reasons why people don't then you may not see it the same way.
Ge**** Posted October 2, 2022 Posted October 2, 2022 My comment is purely my opinion not based on what others may think or have written. That is what A forum is all about People post topics and others comment. Just because people have commented previously. Does that mean I'm not allowed my opinion, Surely not..
ge**** Posted October 2, 2022 Posted October 2, 2022 20 minutes ago, ShropshireDom70 said: My comment is purely my opinion not based on what others may think or have written. That is what A forum is all about People post topics and others comment. Just because people have commented previously. Does that mean I'm not allowed my opinion, Surely not.. Not suggesting you're not entitled to an opinion, because of course you are - and not suggesting those already written that I referred to are an absolute either - merely suggesting if you read them you may have a better idea of why people don't reply and why they are perfectly comfortable with that action without thinking it rude or ignorant etc. . You take from that what you will, your choice.
Ge**** Posted October 2, 2022 Posted October 2, 2022 From your original message and your suggestion i read the previous comments. How do you know i didnt already read them? My opion would still be the same. You shouldnt assume i havent read or not read any book.. your comment is irrelevant.
se**** Posted October 2, 2022 Posted October 2, 2022 (edited) 51 minutes ago, ShropshireDom70 said: From your original message and your suggestion i read the previous comments. How do you know i didnt already read them? My opion would still be the same. You shouldnt assume i havent read or not read any book.. your comment is irrelevant. Last week, I had a member sent me a creepy message after his 90 days, when I never responded his first message. Yesterday, I had a member (I BLOCKED) with a new account look at my profile. I had to report him. This is not the worst!! If you had a daughter, would you tell her to respond to every member who wrote a message to her, yet still knowing this is what she is going through?. I guess you are right... I am a very rude person, but I know I am protecting and keeping myself SAFE! Also, we can't tell the difference between Creepy and Normal in one message. Can you tell a difference from a $$$ to a good woman in a message?. Unisex, they can be any race, size, shape, age, and anything you can think of. Edited October 2, 2022 by kiseu
Ar**** Posted October 2, 2022 Posted October 2, 2022 34 minutes ago, ShropshireDom70 said: How do you know i didnt already read them? My opion would still be the same. Nobody knows/assumes whether you did or not. But when you tell a forum to be nice right after you've told everyone in a forum that in your book when somebody doesn't reply it "is pure bad manners, impolite and pure ignorance", don't you find that a little contradictory? Where is the consideration/compassion/understanding - the "niceness" in that comment? I don't think considering the lack of empathy shown it's unreasonable to have thought you may not have read earlier comments or given them due consideration. 2 hours ago, ShropshireDom70 said: When i send my initial message its a genuine thought out replly biased6 on reading a Subs profile. Mainly as they have viewed mine. If you're unaware, when somebody declines/unmatches you on the site's Quick Kink feature, they show up as having visited your profile. Bizarre, it shouldn't work like that, but it does. Even so, I can't get my head into the mentality of getting upset if I were to fritter my time away writing a detailed message to somebody who visited my profile and so if they were interested in me would likely have messaged or given me some indication... I'd consider it a peculiar way to waste my time, and certainly wouldn't take umbridge at somebody who didn't expect a message from me not replying to an unsolicited contact after they expressed exactly no interest upon visiting my profile.
ge**** Posted October 2, 2022 Posted October 2, 2022 4 hours ago, ShropshireDom70 said: From your original message and your suggestion i read the previous comments. How do you know i didnt already read them? My opion would still be the same. You shouldnt assume i havent read or not read any book.. your comment is irrelevant. Your choice and absolutely fine by me if you think my comment is irrelevant - however I stand by *my* opinion that it is neither impolite or ignorant for someone not to reply to an unsolicited message for the reasons given elsewhere in the thread - if you choose to think those reasons are either irrelevant or invalid then so be it
Deleted Member Posted October 2, 2022 Posted October 2, 2022 5 hours ago, ShropshireDom70 said: From your original message and your suggestion i read the previous comments. How do you know i didnt already read them? My opion would still be the same. You shouldnt assume i havent read or not read any book.. your comment is irrelevant. Well the presumption that you haven't read them stems from the fact you have stated an opinion which leaves no room for exception - something you wouldn't have done if you'd read the reasons myself an other gave an had the capacity for any kind of empathy. The kind of mentality that thinks what it thinks no matter how compelling evidence to the contrary may be. But of course, you do you.
Chloebear Posted October 3, 2022 Posted October 3, 2022 15 hours ago, ShropshireDom70 said: I feel strongly about replying to messages. Im a genuine mature Dom over 30 years in the lifestyle. When i send my initial message its a genuine thought out replly biased6 on reading a Subs profile. Mainly as they have viewed mine. I see my message has been read yet no acknowledgement or reply. Not even a polite Thanks but No Answer thanks. That everyone is pure bad manners, impolite and pure ignorance in my book. We can all be something so be Nice!. Or when you messaging with someone and they suddenly disappear?? WTF.. would you just hang up the phone? No you say bye. Maybe im old fashioned or maybe i was raised right 👍 The tone in your message here makes me wonder whether I’d reply… this tone would give me strong vibes of someone who wouldn’t react well to a no thank you. And you genuinely aren’t owed a reply - just like someone who chats me up and gives me their number isn’t owed a call back. Your choice to invest time is yours, not mine. I’ll say again, I think it’s rude to assume someone owes you their time over and above anything else in their life when you don’t know them. I will agree that ghosting is not acceptable. It comes mostly from an inability to face up to difficult conversations on one side of the relationship or dynamic in my experience.
Fa**** Posted October 3, 2022 Author Posted October 3, 2022 14 hours ago, ShropshireDom70 said: From your original message and your suggestion i read the previous comments. How do you know i didnt already read them? My opion would still be the same. You shouldnt assume i havent read or not read any book.. your comment is irrelevant. Your opinion is yours and you are perfectly entitled to it. However, responding to a forum thread telling the OP that it is rude not to respond to messages and implying that the OP is impolite or was not brought up correctly is frankly disrespectful and condescending. And indeed, had you off read the OP you would realise that your comment about not replying is actually off topic. The OP asked if people think it’s ok to send 1/2 word messages. It did not ask whether one should or should not ignore said messages. And yes, I started this thread.
Deleted Member Posted December 4, 2022 Posted December 4, 2022 Agreed, first impressions do count. I do begin my messages with a greeting, but I also incorporate the intent behind my message. Especially given the fact that another message can’t be sent until a reply is given, that is more incentive to ensure a good first message. Of course, this varies from person to person. I’m just happy to get messages, so if somebody sent me a simple greeting, I’d respond.
Recommended Posts