Is it true? Do women not look for nice guys

[li****]

10 minutes ago, GoodGirlBetterBrat said:

Maybe this is one of the ways you need to change, in my opinion at least. If you're changing yourself to be what someone else wants, you're basing a relationship upon a foundation of lies. You need to be yourself. That's the only way to attract the right person.

I totally agree with this. You have to be yourself instead of who you thing a person might want or need. Don't chase acceptance, be yourself and then you will find someone who will match with who you are and your desires.

[Ni****]

7 minutes ago, CuriousAmy said:

This is going to sound brutal but the truth often is. But… people are either interested in you or not, trying to ‘change’ to fit someone else’s ideal, isn’t going to work. Firstly you are who you are, secondly it’s misleading the person so even if it went beyond a first date, you are effectively manipulating someone, that’s not being a nice guy. They are going to spot the inconsistencies and it’s going to end badly.

No one is desired by everyone, sometimes we just have to look a little harder and wait a little long. It’s nothing to do with being a nice guy or not. Also, if I were you I would Google what people say about men who use the term ‘nice guy’, it’s not good. If you have that in your profile, it’s a major red flag to pretty much everyone.

I don’t have it in my profile, honestly I just didn’t know what other term to use for that type of guy, but I will definitely try to be myself but at the same time still being respectful

[cm****]

I would say women are often attracted to “bad boys” because they want an alpha to protect and fight for them. However they may also crave a more sensitive man for partnership. But there is no way to tell if someone is “nice” from a profile. So I think you are asking something different. Perhaps you are asking women that I am attracted to without meeting in person are not attracted to me, why? It might be a conversation to have with a close female/ gay friend and have them review your profile.

[ll****]

You're putting them on a pedestal. Just be yourself and the right person will come. There is only one thing we all know we are the best at in life, and that's being ourselves

[Ni****]

3 minutes ago, lleida616 said:

You're putting them on a pedestal. Just be yourself and the right person will come. There is only one thing we all know we are the best at in life, and that's being ourselves

I appreciate all the feedback

[Footking247]

Being a nice man is a basic thing you have to understand you will literally be better of being yourself to who you are instead of being nice just be respectful. Its not that they like jerks they just..like what they like if you not that don't lie to her or yourself

[do****]

I think women look for all manner of guys. Every person is different, has different desires, and different kinks.

[Deleted Member]

43 minutes ago, Humpy777 said:

Well my experiences now days you gotta beat cheat on your woman for them to love you & stay with you

What about you attracts women like this? Because therapy.

[Catsailor69]

38 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

One of the other problems is - what exactly does "nice" mean?

And this ties in with my other points

It's meaningless.

Stop kidding yourself that you are "nice" (most of us all try to be nice in our own definitions of it - and definitions may vary) and, kinda promote - who you are, what you like, what you would be like as a partner... some people will not like it, some people might and that is life.

 

To thine own self and others, be truly what you are. I agree 💯. Most “nice guys” portray a sense of being disingenuous and hiding something that lurks below. Being honest will appeal to some and not to others. I’ve always been happier with the ones that it honestly appeals to than any I could have had otherwise.

[Ni****]

6 minutes ago, domdaddyeric said:

I think women look for all manner of guys. Every person is different, has different desires, and different kinks.

I think that is well put

[lo****]

They like jerks and there's nothing you can do. Obviously your not a jerk. I'm getting there myself. Gotta call them bitches and hoes keep that pimp hand strong. They like it rough generally. So if your doing some light fluffy shit that turns them off. Idk could tell them you what you like about them or maybe say something negative and give a compliment about they looks or clothing tear them down a bit obviously they need to be at your level. Have fun

[ge****]

By very definition anyone that someone goes for they would surely consider "nice" surely?
.
The thing is though "nice" is a very subjective thing - and that's something you cannot define for the individual concerned.
.
So it's best to be authentically you and let others decide if that is what they're looking for.

[se****]

In general, I am a nice person. The way your thinking is basically I have no hope either! Seriously, do I look like the "Sex Vixen"?. Listen to the majority in "being yourself". They are correct... you are not going to be everybody's flavor. I'm not! Lastly, I do not advertise, or say a nice person. It is only when needed, like now.

[Sw****]

Like a lot of people had said saying that you are a nice guy in your profile does send up a red flag to women.
This is going to be a little out of the normal comment here but I met my late wife on another site and as we talked and told each other about our past relationships she had told me about how all of her ex's treated her the most recent before me. They were together for almost 2 years and towards the end of their relationship he was cheating on her. When she found out he told her that he wouldn't do it again. After my wife and I met for the first time she was a little skeptical to get into a relationship as she felt that I would do to her what her ex did and I told her that the only way she would be able to find out was to try and I had to prove her wrong that I wasn't like her ex. For almost 2 years there were times I would get told that I was acting like her ex or she would just hold me to a standard like him. Eventually I proved her wrong that I wasn't like her ex and all of the other guys that she dated in the past. We would have been together 6 years this coming memorial day weekend and would have been married 1 year on May 22nd of this year.

[Cu****]

1 hour ago, Redefine-Horizons said:

Seems there is an awfully lot of guys answering on behalf of women. Your opinion on how women think is invalid due to not being properly equipped.

Thank you! Please let women answer him, it’s our opinions that are needed most here (not to say that some men haven’t made fantastic points, thank you eyemblacksheep, loved your comments!)

Let me explain what it’s like for women, we get tons of men messaging us, many of whom do not fit what we are seeking. Many message repeatedly when we don’t reply, then claiming their nice guys and that we’re missing out. What are we missing out on exactly, someone who won’t respect our decision to not engage?

As a great singer once wrote ‘Women don’t owe you shit’ and whilst it’s true it goes both ways. I message men, sometimes they reply, sometimes they don’t. No one owes anyone anything.

If people choose to message each other then they should do so in a friendly manner and without pictures of their nether regions (something that seems to be a growing issue on here recently but that’s a whole other issue). If it leads somewhere, that’s great but if not, move on and forget about them. Life is too short.

[ey****]

as a complete aside.

women are looking for different things - a bit like men.  Y'know.... 

the concept of whether "nice" is a problem or not is a distraction.  Success and failure isn't down to whether you think you're nice or not but everything from approach to how you really hit it off and what value the other person gets from time or interaction with you. 

To a degree I won't say 'never change' but if there is a change you want to make you think might improve your prospects make sure it's something you don't rely on and would enjoy.  

(I did know a lady who was complaining about her boyfriend of the time being 'too nice' and the truth is the problem wasn't that he was nice.  I mean, he totally doted on her, anything she asked was never a problem and he would massively pre-empt things and do nice things for her - none of that was a problem.  The problem was they didn't have anything really in common outside kink.  They're both with more suitable partners now, the lady in question I've not spoken to in a while but the guy is a good friend and he is in a wonderful relationship with someone where... she both appreciates his niceties AND they have a lot in common) 

[Cu****]

27 minutes ago, loveandhate said:

They like jerks and there's nothing you can do. Obviously your not a jerk. I'm getting there myself. Gotta call them bitches and hoes keep that pimp hand strong. They like it rough generally. So if your doing some light fluffy shit that turns them off. Idk could tell them you what you like about them or maybe say something negative and give a compliment about they looks or clothing tear them down a bit obviously they need to be at your level. Have fun

You couldn’t be more wrong. That’s disgusting and if that’s what you do that’s disgusting, that’s straight up ***.

[ty****]

1 hour ago, enbydaddydom said:

this. so much of this. being nice does not equal entitled to attention.

OP didn't say anything about being entitled to attention.

[Ni****]

22 minutes ago, Sweetcountry2715 said:

Like a lot of people had said saying that you are a nice guy in your profile does send up a red flag to women.
This is going to be a little out of the normal comment here but I met my late wife on another site and as we talked and told each other about our past relationships she had told me about how all of her ex's treated her the most recent before me. They were together for almost 2 years and towards the end of their relationship he was cheating on her. When she found out he told her that he wouldn't do it again. After my wife and I met for the first time she was a little skeptical to get into a relationship as she felt that I would do to her what her ex did and I told her that the only way she would be able to find out was to try and I had to prove her wrong that I wasn't like her ex. For almost 2 years there were times I would get told that I was acting like her ex or she would just hold me to a standard like him. Eventually I proved her wrong that I wasn't like her ex and all of the other guys that she dated in the past. We would have been together 6 years this coming memorial day weekend and would have been married 1 year on May 22nd of this year.

I’m very thankful for All of these responses , I would say that I’m a loyal person, I firmly believe that cheating is wrong, but I understand your point, don’t act like everyone else because then she is gonna think of you like that

[Ni****]

17 minutes ago, tylertakeshistime said:

OP didn't say anything about being entitled to attention.

Yup all I asked was do girls still like nice guys, I’m not an attention seeker or anything like that, I’d rather avoid it, I just asked a question I was unsure about

[Za****]

All people mean by "being too nice" is putting another person before yourself. You yourself identify as a nice guy I assume, does that mean you're gentle? Does that mean you're caring? Those are not bad qualities, but there is no blanket statement that 100% of women will be into any one thing. Femme doms for example will love a nice guy..but idk what you're looking for.

I have been with partners who can be bratty or try to push the boundaries and love being discplined. I've also been with partners who are the total opposite. Care and kindness but with firmness. It just really depends. I wouldn't look at it as what "women" do cause while there are similarities, its the differences you wanna pay attention to. The best thing I can tell you is to be yourself, and to put yourself first. The nice thing about this app is a lot of people are upfront with what they're into already. Use that to your advantage and see if it jives with what you're looking for. Not what the other person is seeking. YOU.

Don't be too needy, too ready to brag about accomplishments or call girls sluts right off the get go wtf lol, just cause you read a girls profile stating they are into being degraded doesn't mean you approach them in that way. And the more practice you get the better, you might be talking to a girl in a poly situation already, or a girl looking for something else. Don't take it personal and just be clear about what you want. I'd practice talking to girls on another dating app that isn't as focused on fetish though. Good luck bro

[lo****]

Best luck maybe a more interesting approach. Hopefully your not send every person you message the same exact message. Add thought maybe personality

[RustytheFoxCoon]

Oddly for me, I had the opposite. The role I actually enjoy performing gets viewed like it’s just a facade to get someone - but oddly I enjoy the role I fit. I would say it fits the image of “nice guy” - the way they see themselves. Though I am not nice! I don’t really give 2 shits. I’ve basically learned people are always temporary anyways. When things end, just get another partner. It’s not a huge loss, just explore new experiences and forget the past partners personalities. The skills learning should just about be where the important stuff ends.

[Scarlettmiss25]

46 minutes ago, CuriousAmy said:

Thank you! Please let women answer him, it’s our opinions that are needed most here (not to say that some men haven’t made fantastic points, thank you eyemblacksheep, loved your comments!)

Let me explain what it’s like for women, we get tons of men messaging us, many of whom do not fit what we are seeking. Many message repeatedly when we don’t reply, then claiming their nice guys and that we’re missing out. What are we missing out on exactly, someone who won’t respect our decision to not engage?

As a great singer once wrote ‘Women don’t owe you shit’ and whilst it’s true it goes both ways. I message men, sometimes they reply, sometimes they don’t. No one owes anyone anything.

If people choose to message each other then they should do so in a friendly manner and without pictures of their nether regions (something that seems to be a growing issue on here recently but that’s a whole other issue). If it leads somewhere, that’s great but if not, move on and forget about them. Life is too short.

This is the most beautifully written paragraph about what it's like on this site. I posted a while back about being ghosted and yeah I was upset but two guys chose to message on the status and comment how I had done the same to them. These exact guys in question had no connection with me other than a single message which in one case was particularly vulgar language and the other was asking me to domme him when I clearly stated I am not looking for that. I was then ***d via messages because I was in their eyes 'a whore who didn't deserve a nice guy like them'. I've spoken to multiple other women on this app who at this point are suspicious if someone says nice guy, tell me you like trains or climbing or jazz. Nice is the bare minimum at the moment and some people.cant even manage that. I find its best to treat messages like being in public . You aren't expected to say hi to everyone single person you see and especially not if they say something that makes you uncomfortable and no one would fault you for that so it's nothing to do with you not being nice enough or good enough. It's just today's ability to quickly look at a profile and decide yes or no rejection or no response is alot more common. As someone who really suffers when rejected just remember it's not actually on you as they have no idea who you are and how great you can be! 😊

[PJ****]

I wouldn't worry about whether women look for 'nice guys' or anything in fact. The only advice I would give is this..

1. Work on yourself, physically, mentally and socially, try and become the best version of yourself.. understand there are always ways to improve and grow.
2. Give less f****! Don't chase the idea of being accepted/desirable/attractive or whatever.. as others have said, just be yourself, as you work to improve yourself you'll gain confidence and that in turn will catch other people's attention.

3. Be respectful 💁🏻‍♂️

Its cliché as f*** but focus on the journey not the destination.. it might not be fast but it will happen at some point.