Everything You Need To Know About BDSM Roles

[CopperKnob]

How To Submissive:

It is compulsory for all submissives to base their submission on the fact that they're really in control of their daily lives which is why they have to lose control in their personal/sexual relationships. (If that's not your deal then what is???)

"My Sir/Miss" had better be your refrain. (Are they even real if you don't put the possessive adjective before the honorific?)

In the hierarchy of submissives, alpha submissives are on top. (Even wolf researchers are debunking that theory but, we don't let things go here.)

The war cry of submissives is: "I may be a submissive but I am not your submissive." If you don't write this on your profile, you are not submissive. (If you are not submissive, why are you even here?)

All submissives have a chip inside them that activates all the good behaviour when they first hear the words "good boy/girl/person." (Bill Gates is the ultimate Dom)

You have to inappropriately, constantly tell people that your Dominant is not allowing you to come/is going to punish you/is keeping you in chastity. If no one knows that about you at all times, are you even in a dynamic? (This is the same as 'if no one hears a tree fall...)

Something about spankings, don't waste my time. I'm over it. I'm advocating to de-legitimise spanking as the most recognisable face of fetishism.

How To Masochist:

Masochists don't have feelings. Feelings are wasted on them because their brains are all muddled by desiring ***. If you are a masochist who is experiencing a feeling, drink three shots of tequila every day, while facing North and chanting to the lord of the sadists to release you of your feelings.

If you don't have a thousand orgasms per beating, you are not a masochist. Please clearly identify yourself as "not-a-masochist" in any description of yourself. If you do not meet this requirement because, the sheer of act of you guys doing things your way, in the interest of your pleasure, is making it less fun for us true masochists.

Masochists wear black. Don't come in here with your joy and pink princess dresses. As stated above, masochists don't have feelings. Feelings enable a colourful existence. 🦆 rainbows.

You must state, "But I am a masochist," as an explanation to everything.
Why aren't you tired? I'm a masochist.
Why doesn't the oil-splatter bother you? I'm a masochist.
Why do you drive like that? I'm a masochist.
Why does the sun shine? I'm a masochist. Why did you read Jane Austen? I'm a masochist (how's that for an  unpopular opinion?). If you don't say "I'm a masochist" at least fif*** times a day, does your life even have meaning? Spoiler alert, it doesn't.

The lives of masochists have no meaning. All masochists must die 15-30 times in one lifetime to qualify as Michelin Star masochists.

Quite obviously, masochists don't have safewords. What would you even base that on?

How To Daddy:

It's totally not about age-gaps or a little incestuous, but you have to date someone 20-years younger. It's not a rule! It's not. It's just something that keeps on happening, and doesn't mean anything at all.

Fuzzy chests are a must. If you can't grow chest hair, don't even apply. You're not getting the job.

Must threaten to spank people constantly, but do it lovingly, because Daddies are fundamentally gentle. You cannot want to aggressively violate little girls (the fake ones), you must gently violate them. Sing them a lullaby as you violate them.

Be a dad-like figure, but never ever so much as think or suggest it may have to do with their actual fathers. That's gross and impossible.

Always picture yourself as Dumbeldore in your heads when you are speaking. He's the Lord of the Daddies, and when you picture yourself as him, you will Daddy better.

How To Slave:

The correct pronoun for a slave is "it". Much like masochists, slaves also do not have feelings, but unlike masochists, they don't have an identity either.

True slaves cannot type a single word without applying the not-annoying-at-all upper-case/lower-case format. T/they can only talk to Y/you like this but it's no effort for T/them because T/they are just born with the ability to do that without effort. (That sentence did not take me ten minutes to write).

If you kill a slave, the law of the land doesn't apply because they're property bro.

Slaves are always calm. They never have a reaction that isn't sanctioned. They don't even breathe without permission. Really, at least 10000 slaves a year die because their masters/mistresses forgot to permit them to breathe as they slept. It's a really serious problem. We should have a fundraiser. (Cupcake stall anyone)

You don't need to worry about the very serious, complex and philosophical morality of whether wetness/hardness is consent for slaves, everything is consent for them. Actually, there is no need for consent. Go nuts. Do whatever.

How To Sadist:

Male Sadists are not disturbing or scary, female sadists are. (Don't ask me why, don't shot the messenger, I didn't make the rules.)

You must always maintain a low-key serial killer vibe.

If you aren't talking about how hot tears are to you, and comparing them to lube, what are you even doing? What else could you possibly be talking about? Bacon sandwiches?

Your sole goal in life is to "break" masochists. You know, make people who like ***, who you really really need in order to survive, scared of *** so they're less likely to do it again. (Sadists are smart. They're the smartest.)

Always be hardcore. Listen. It's very simple. Even if all you did was slap someone four times, strike em with your belt a couple times, it's hardcore as long as you vehemently insist that it's hardcore.

Sadists have no morals. That's just how it works. They have feelings, or had, but those were the first things they crushed before they turned their focus on crushing everyone else. They never want affection, or give it. They're just stoic.

How To Little:

All littles have one full bookshelf in their houses dedicated to colouring books. A little known fact about littles, they are able to see more colour than is fathomable to the human eye. That's why they're so stimulated at all times, they're seeing way more shit than the average person. Think about how you would feel if you were on acid all the time

If you don't own a tutu, get to the back of the line.

Must pretend to hate the spankings you get but continuously solicit them on every corner of the internet.

Littles have the feelings that masochists, sadists and slaves lose. They gather them all up and project them onto stuffed ***s because they're obviously not intelligent, independent individuals if they own stuffed toys. Who would think that?

How To Master/Mistress/Owner:

They're all 65-year old men. It doesn't matter who you started as, your goal is to be a 65-year old man in a velvet robe who only talks down to all other people.

You must condemn, on a daily basis, the "50 Shades of Grey" lot. If you don't do it, your kink-card starts to lose points. Important talking points for maximizing kink-points:

• Good old days.

• How various things are "old school" and better.

• How kink has gone soft ever since the internet/Gen X peeps came in (because you know, we ruined everything from casual racism to humorous sexism to gatekeeping, we took the fun out of everything, please forgive us though, the crippling anxiety from realising we can never retire has made us feel sad and no one has come by with our participation trophies for being alive, and that just hurts our many feelings)

You must act like a wise owl even if you don't know the capital of Sri Lanka. That's not important, you know life, and that's why you must always give unsolicited advice to everyone. You're a master/mistress! The world stops to listen to you.

It's not a chair, it's your throne, and if you don't have a human table, please, you're just embarassing yourself.

How To Dominant:

This is a scam to get people to make you sandwiches at all hours of the day. If you succeed, tell me how, I like sandwiches. Particularly the bacon ones.

You have to talk about belts all the time. Your wardrobe should be 90% belts. Provocatively touch your belt whenever in conversation with anyone. Wear it around your neck like that's a totally normal thing to do.

You have to love making rules.

Business attire is your equivalent of sexy lingerie. Dress like an accountant or a lawyer. Don't forget the tie pin and cufflinks.

#satire

[Catsailor69]

ROFLMFAO CK!!! There’s SO MUCH satire and truth in what you have written. It’s perfect!
Reading this objectively is a good laugh at joking on the nine’s.

[ge****]

OK I got to the bit about pink princess dresses and spit my dummy whilst simultaneously throwing my toys out of the pram....I just ordered a job lot on Amazon Marketplace from a legit seller, this was after much searching for somewhere that did them in my size and had the precise shade of pink to match my knickers and complement my chastity cage....if all that doesn't make me a masochist then I really don't know what does and I shan't be told otherwise!!

[CopperKnob]

8 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

OK I got to the bit about pink princess dresses and spit my dummy whilst simultaneously throwing my toys out of the pram....I just ordered a job lot on Amazon Marketplace from a legit seller, this was after much searching for somewhere that did them in my size and had the precise shade of pink to match my knickers and complement my chastity cage....if all that doesn't make me a masochist then I really don't know what does and I shan't be told otherwise!!

You know,.you did well to locate a job lot of pink princess dresses which match your knickers in less than an hour! Call yourself a masochist? Sounds like you had fun and it went swimmingly

[ge****]

2 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

You know,.you did well to locate a job lot of pink princess dresses which match your knickers in less than an hour! Call yourself a masochist? Sounds like you had fun and it went swimmingly

Less than an hour? How do you work that one out....it's taken me weeks, nay months...actually years I tell you!!

[Ravenous7]

there's so much truthfulness in this it makes me 🤣🤣🤣

[CopperKnob]

5 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

Less than an hour? How do you work that one out....it's taken me weeks, nay months...actually years I tell you!!

You got have way through the post, posted an hour ago before looking but, now I see, you've just been browsing willy nilly adding to your basket before you took the plunge and purchased them all. Now, if you've cleared the stocks so that there's none left for the other maso's/littles, that makes you a Sadist. Plain as day

[Fa****]

But, but, but…

You didn’t capitalise the first letter of Master/Mistress

How can you possibly know what you’re talking about?

🤣🤣🤣

Love x

[CopperKnob]

Just now, Freetobare said:

But, but, but…

You didn’t capitalise the first letter of Master/Mistress

How can you possibly know what you’re talking about?

🤣🤣🤣

Love x

BUSTED!! 🤣

[ge****]

8 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

You got have way through the post, posted an hour ago before looking but, now I see, you've just been browsing willy nilly adding to your basket before you took the plunge and purchased them all. Now, if you've cleared the stocks so that there's none left for the other maso's/littles, that makes you a Sadist. Plain as day

I was planning on sharing because I'm a nice guy..really I am (oh wait wrong thread!!) but if you're going to call me horrid names I might have to re-think the one I bought with you in mind!!

And "browsing willy nilly"? I'll have you know that as a paid up member of the bisexual masochists and submissives in chastity/knickers society (bimasicks for short) there is nothing nilly about the willies I browse!!

[CopperKnob]

3 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

I was planning on sharing because I'm a nice guy..really I am (oh wait wrong thread!!) but if you're going to call me horrid names I might have to re-think the one I bought with you in mind!!

And "browsing willy nilly"? I'll have you know that as a paid up member of the bisexual masochists and submissives in chastity/knickers society (bimasicks for short) there is nothing nilly about the willies I browse!!

I can't even. Comment of the thread!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[Deviant_Ric]

Note to self: now must learn a choice of lullabies… bacon sandwiches… tsk 🤨

[CopperKnob]

4 minutes ago, Nastycuntspanker said:

Note to self: now must learn a choice of lullabies… bacon sandwiches… tsk 🤨

I mean, it's just a suggestion, but if you don't how else are you Daddying, Daddio?

[Dy****]

At this point, Copper needs to put a book together of all her award-winning essays and publish.

[CopperKnob]

5 hours ago, DyingForLife said:

At this point, Copper needs to put a book together of all her award-winning essays and publish.

Ooo an award? I'd very much like a male mini american shepherd puppy please as my prize 🤣

[ol****]

Wonderfully observed as always CopperKnob.