The Twelve Men Of Dating.

[Go****]

A little while ago, I joined a dating site. A kink dating site.

 

I wrote out my profile, with plenty of detail, explaining the no-small talk preference amongst other things, and completed the bio that included details about the length of my kink experience (which I deliberately omitted) and my age preferences. As with here, I am listed as a Brat. But of course.

 

All very clear and concise. You would think so anyway.

 

After a couple of weeks, what landed in my inbox was, and still is, weird, rude, pleasant, ridiculous, annoying, insulting and just plain old gross 🤢

 

I decided to keep note of them, and share them with you kinky lot, cos I'm generous like that 🤣

 

So, without further ado, let me introduce you to the cast!

Mr. Original.

Mr. DomlyMcDom.

Mr. Determined.

Mr. Impatient.

Mr. VomInducer.

Mr. Direct.

Mr. OneAndDone.

Mr. Dramatic.

Mr. Opinionated.

Mr. Role-Play.

Mr. Presumptuous.

Mr. Pleasant.

 

The Ones That Were Too Short.

 

Mr Original.

This dude kept it short and (not so) sweet, telling me in his very first message: 'I'm bored' following up with 'wanna play?'

 

I couldn't even muster up the desire to Brat him for his pathetic attempt.

 

 

Mr DomlyMcDom.

This guy sent me one solitary line.

 

'Do you like extremely dominant guys?'

 

No shit, Sherlock 🙄 Not for you though dickweed.

 

 

The Ones That Couldn’t Stand The Heat.

 

Mr. Determined.

This one was really something. It started innocently enough. Three very short messages, in summary saying ‘hello I like your bio'. Unfortunately, he was several years outside of my lower age limit and several years younger. And boy did he show it.

 

I rejected politely advising he was too young. All sorted, I thought.

 

Apparently, he disagreed. He messaged again trying to change my mind.

 

Now, I don’t mind somebody giving me facts or whatever so that I might make up my own mind whether I’d like to change it or not, but I don’t take kindly to someone trying to persuade me. I’ve had enough years of that thank you.

 

So he got a short answer, “You won’t”.

 

Another message, another attempt to change my mind. My annoyance grew, and my patience diminished. “No, and no" I told him, to which he replied, “Ahh, I see how you being.”

 

I’m sorry, what? I’m ‘being some kind of way? Oh, ok. Dude, you just blew out both my patience and annoyance in one shot.

 

Brat Mode, Activated.

 

I sent a reply, of course. A long, very detailed and somewhat sarcastic response. And told him not to contact me again.

 

I could feel my blood pressure rising with Every. Single. Word.

 

And if you’re wondering, yes, he did contact me again.

 

“If you had said yes to play with me I would never try and do something your not comfortable with"

 

Can you say twatwaffle? 🤦‍♀️

 

Now, many would say you shouldn’t engage with people like this. And I don’t always. But... this one riled me; he rubbed me up the wrong way; he chose the wrong time to test me.

 

After telling him, again, not to contact me or I would report him for harassment, I got the following back:

 

“Do whatever the 🦆 you want. I don’t give a 🦆 you dumb c*nt".

 

Way to let those true colours shine through, my friend.

 

Mr. Impatient.

 

This 'gentleman' sent me a very long initial message, devoid of all punctuation, telling me how much he liked my profile and my pictures. Then he proceeded to inform me what I would look 'sexy' in (stockings, if you care to know), as well as all the things he enjoys and would like to do with me.

 

How original 🙄

 

However, I didn't see his message until the next day, by which time he had sent three more 😳 The first of these asked me where, specifically, I live. That is a hard limit for me.

 

The second of the three asked 'Is anyone even real here', whilst the third was simply the emoji's '😂😂😂😂'.

 

He then went on to comment on two of my pictures to tell everyone how I was a fake and none of the women were real.

 

I mean, dramatic, much? Clearly his approach wasn’t working with anyone, not just me. Well there’s a surprise.

 

Excuse me whilst I just stop to take some painkillers. My head hurts from rolling my eyes so damn hard.

 

The Vile One.

 

Mr. VomInducer.

This one was a real tonic. Six messages. One after the other. Brace yourselves:

 

“I like your lips.

Is it available for kiss.

I want to fuck you in the 🍑 and cum inside of it.

I want to pour chocolate on 🐱 and lick it with my tongue.

I want to suck ur boobs so hard to make it red and make it milk.”

 

I told you. Vom.

🤮🤮🤮

 

I ignored them.

 

He kept on messaging. So the next day I answered. Yes, I hear you, I know. Next time just block.

 

“You are messaging me, a stranger, and immediately forcing your kinks onto me. I did not ask to hear what you want to do to me, you did not even try to make proper conversation or get to know me. Know that I do not appreciate such messages. Do not contact me again.”

 

I’m beginning to think that the line ‘do not contact me again’ is like a red rag to a bull, because yes, he did:

 

“ha,ha u are a bitch😂😂😂😂😂I contacted u very nicely but u didn't reply😂😂😂now when I said that u immediately reply😂😂😂😂 hypocrite bitch.😂😂😂😂 🦆 off.😂😂😂😂😂slut”

 

I mean, at least I know my instincts aren’t completely shot, right?

 

The Ones That Made Me Laugh.

 

Mr. Direct.

'Don't know exactly what I am required to say in order for you to have intercourse with me. But could we just assume I said all that?'

 

Well, how could I refuse such a charmingly romantic and forthright offer as that? Gotta give him a point for creativeness, I guess.

 

Mr. OneAndDone.

 

Another one liner dude - Do guys ever put any thought into the messages they send? I mean, I know there are some that do; I've bantered, chatted, conversed and more with a few. This one though, this simply made me laugh.

 

You want to know his line?

 

'Well you're adorable and definitely getting bent over my lap'

 

Well, hello to you too, douche canoe!

 

The One That Cried Fake.

 

Mr. Dramatic.

He sent me two messages. TWO. Then thought it would be a good time to ask if I have WhatsApp.

 

When I told him that I do but don’t give out my number, he got dramatic.

 

‘So you’re fake then. There’s no reason for you to not give it out”.

 

Uhm, sure. Except for the insane amount of weirdos, creeps and asshats such as yourself.

 

He got a lecture. I was in a Bratty mood (surprised?) and on a roll:

 

“Just because a woman doesn’t feel comfortable sharing their number with someone they only just started speaking to, does not make them fake.

 

Your profile has one line and two pictures, which shows me that you aren’t here for anything other than a quick fuck. If I were you, I would remove the tagine ‘imaginative’ because it is clearly false advertising.

 

You shouting ‘fake' as soon as you can’t get what you want is a very clear indicator to me that you are:

- An entitled cockwomble.

- Not a gentleman.

- Not someone I would trust to go on a date with, let alone engage in any sexual activities that involve trust as the main element.

 

I could go on, but you’ve shown me early on, and very clearly, that you are not someone worth my time and effort. I have better things to do, like watch paint dry.”

 

The One That Came Out Of Left Field.

 

Mr. Opinionated.

My profile pictures on this dating site, are pretty tame. On purpose, of course. There are private ones for those that chat and connect, but they are still pretty tame. The most that is shown is lower face and shoulders. Similar to here, but with clothes on 🤣

 

So, when I got this guys message, I was a little dumbstruck.

 

“Lose some weight.”

 

Wow. OK then asshole, thanks for the advice. You know the ironic thing about it though? His profile said ‘positive vibes, loyal’.

 

You know I had to respond 🤷‍♀️🤣

 

“Bitch please. I am 🦆ing fabulous. You on the other hand; your mother should have swallowed.”

 

Petty? Yup, probably. I’ll just go and search for a 🦆 to give shall I?

 

The Ones That Think Outside The Box. Way Outside.

 

Mr. Role-Play.

One message. No intro.

 

“ enters home and walks around to look for you around the house

BABYGIRRLLL!!! Come here, Daddy is home”

 

Umm, sure thing dude. *Slowly backs away.

Nope. No thank you.

 

Mr. Presumptuous.

 

“I have a cute little red collar that you would look adorable in.”

 

Do you now? So you saw my chin and shoulders and decided, wow, I want to collar her. How do you know I would look adorable in it? For all you know I could have Frankenstein's forehead. Or the body of a Centaur. So damn presumptuous.

 

The One That Restored A Little Faith.

 

Mr Pleasant.

After I told him I wasn’t interested, I got a message back. 'Here we go again', I thought.

 

This was his reply to my rejection:

 

“Oh that is a shame, but thank you for replying nevertheless. Stay safe and look after yourself. P. S. Your thought out profile bio is alluringly eye catching. Sadly it is also something of a rarity out there.”

 

And that, THAT is how you do it. Thank you, that man 👏👏👏

 

DISCLOSURE: This is written from MY POV, however these are not solely traits of men. Please use your own experience and common sense to apply gender as you feel necessary for yourself.

[sw****]

Love this😂💋

[Deleted Member]

Unfortunately the quote from "Mr.Direct" is a suggested message by certain dating sites, so he isn't as creative as you thought. In fact quite the opposite 😂😂. Good read though. Thanks for the POV!

[Deleted Member]

I've definitely done something somewhat similar to "Mr. Roleplay." Got me blocked immediately. I've tried a few of these not really knowing/remembering how to talk to Another Human Being, I guess.

[na****]

Absolutely brilliant 👍🏻🤣🤣

[Diangelo1]

You forgot Mr.AlwaysHigh

[Deleted Member]

Dating sites are like trying to find water when you are dying of thirst.

For women. Its like looking for water in a swamp. Difficult to find it drinkable and clean.

For men, its like trying to find water in a desert.

Women are outnumbered on dating sites by men by like 10-1. Often when you take the time to write out thoughtful messages, read the profile, and actually ask specific questions to them, you get no response at all. 8 out 10 times, the women I message on here are bots or scammers with shitty motives. Lot of men use the simple one liners because it turns into a numbers game for them, match with and message everyone for 2 weeks, you might get lucky and get one conversation out of it that ends in 4 messages because it's ridiculously hard to evaluate people or make a real connection online.

[jt****]

You had me at "cockwomble".... this is absolute gold

[Ro****]

Pure comedy gold!!! I have experienced similar idiots on here so can share your pain lol!!!

[CopperKnob]

Hilarious for all the wrong reasons but hopefully an insight as to what some people put up with
I'm also pretty certain I've had the red collar message from a guy before. Do you Dtypes get together and discuss what you think might constitute good messages to send and then all use the same ones???😂

[Deleted Member]

My favourite was "can I fist your ass". No intro, no hello, but in his defence, he did ask and not tell 🙄😂

[Go****]

2 hours ago, sweetkinkysub69 said:

Love this😂💋

I'm glad you enjoyed it! 😘

[Go****]

1 hour ago, Pelster said:

Unfortunately the quote from "Mr.Direct" is a suggested message by certain dating sites, so he isn't as creative as you thought. In fact quite the opposite 😂😂. Good read though. Thanks for the POV!

Oh well...minus 1pt for lack of creativity for Mr. Direct, whose initial goal was to get through my filters 🙃

[Go****]

1 hour ago, DFEllis said:

I've definitely done something somewhat similar to "Mr. Roleplay." Got me blocked immediately. I've tried a few of these not really knowing/remembering how to talk to Another Human Being, I guess.

Hopefully you've now managed to find far better ways to reach out to us mere mortals ✍

[Go****]

1 hour ago, naughtynat said:

Absolutely brilliant 👍🏻🤣🤣

Glad you enjoyed reading! 😄

[Go****]

1 hour ago, Diangelo1 said:

You forgot Mr.AlwaysHigh

Nope, I did not. I'll give you a hint...4th and 5th para.

.

.

.

This was my account from my pov of my own inbox. There was no Mr. AlwaysHigh in attendance 

[Go****]

1 hour ago, TheAmazingEdBoy said:

Dating sites are like trying to find water when you are dying of thirst.

For women. Its like looking for water in a swamp. Difficult to find it drinkable and clean.

For men, its like trying to find water in a desert.

Women are outnumbered on dating sites by men by like 10-1. Often when you take the time to write out thoughtful messages, read the profile, and actually ask specific questions to them, you get no response at all. 8 out 10 times, the women I message on here are bots or scammers with shitty motives. Lot of men use the simple one liners because it turns into a numbers game for them, match with and message everyone for 2 weeks, you might get lucky and get one conversation out of it that ends in 4 messages because it's ridiculously hard to evaluate people or make a real connection online.

Thank you for explaining dating websites to me. Saves me checking out 'Dating Websites for Dummies' from the library 👌

[Go****]

1 hour ago, jtscha said:

You had me at "cockwomble".... this is absolute gold

A gold cockwomble...now that is a thought 👀

[Deleted Member]

8 minutes ago, GoodGirlBetterBrat said:

Hopefully you've now managed to find far better ways to reach out to us mere mortals ✍

I'm not perfect, but I try not to make the same mistake twice if I can help it.

[Go****]

1 hour ago, Prettysub2020 said:

Pure comedy gold!!! I have experienced similar idiots on here so can share your pain lol!!!

I'm pleased you think so! I am sorry you've experienced similar special specimens!!

[Go****]

52 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

Hilarious for all the wrong reasons but hopefully an insight as to what some people put up with
I'm also pretty certain I've had the red collar message from a guy before. Do you Dtypes get together and discuss what you think might constitute good messages to send and then all use the same ones???😂

I'm sure it will fly over the heads of those that ought to read and learn, as they flex their belts for their obligatory b&w shirt & belt combo pic.

That does not surprise me. He continues to pop up, with the same line, like some poltergeist that's immune to exorcism

[Go****]

47 minutes ago, ShallAlley said:

My favourite was "can I fist your ass". No intro, no hello, but in his defence, he did ask and not tell 🙄😂

Who needs a hello when 'can I fist your ass' tells you all you need to know?!

[Go****]

8 minutes ago, DFEllis said:

I'm not perfect, but I try not to make the same mistake twice if I can help it.

Excellent! Stick with that. Pair it with a dash of manners and a sprinkle of your common decency and you can't go too far wrong 👌

[Deleted Member]

Wow all 12 asshats. Why can't people have normal 😕 conversations in Dms? I admit I can be flirtatious. But whoa 😳. The whole point of Kink is trust. You can't have a dynamic without it. Nice observations Gg

[Deleted Member]

It is indeed a great loss that not all dominant men resemble John Norman, or at least have some of his literary skills. You'll have to make do with these guys girl.