Help!? Pet being bullied with shared Trix

[An****]

So this Morning my shared sub/pet came to me to confide that while she spends time with her Mommy (Myself and my Domme friend share her and care for her), she is being bullied by one of the other subs in her care.

The Sub who is bullying my poor baby is a switch and has taken to trying to forcing his Dom side on my pet, which makes her extremely uncomfortable. I have messaged my Domme friend about it this morning and she says it's only "playing" and it's fine. She refuses to discipline his behavior and I've noticed my Angel is starting to get anxious about going back to her mommy.

I've not seen the behavior myself however have met the other sub in question and he seemed too submissive to be capable of this kind of thing bar a few misogynistic comments that I quickly scolded him for.

I'm at a bit of a loss for what to do. My poor baby is being bullied and I'm trying to consider her best needs at heart. I've told her she doesn't need to go back and I would do my best to support her but she genuinely loves her Domme and wants to see her.

Any suggestions, I can't exactly discipline him myself, and my Domme friend refuses to address the problem as a problem. I've told my sub so far to let me know if he so much as touches her and I would deal with it but would appreciate advice on how to resolve this peacefully.

Thanks for reading, I'll try answer relevant questions if I can, replies may be slow as I am still consoling my poor innocent angel.

[bi****]

More communication with the domme - "its only playing and its fine" is her opinion but its based on insufficient information. Namely, that it distresses your sub and therefore is "not fine". So you need to get back in touch with the domme and inform her of this, explain that you cannot let it continue as it stands. If she still considers its not an issue, in direct contradiction to the evidence, then you'll have to find a new domme or set limits to only allow play without the other sub's presence.

It probably is playing, the other sub is surely just teasing too much, but that still doesn't affect the above.

[ge****]

Suggest perhaps all three of you - you, your submissive and the Domme sit down and have a discussion about it together, during which she speaks freely and openly about how she is being made to feel and let's the Domme know it cannot go on.
.
If necessary the guy can be bought into the conversation too.
.
If the Domme and/or the submissive still refuse to accept how uncomfortable she is being made to feel then she has the choice to walk away.

[ey****]

one general problem in any multi-sub scenario is when two subs don't get on.  Sometimes this can be a clash of personalities or sometimes it can be because one is trying to push the other out so they get more attention. And some subs are just a**holes.

With that in mind.

Obviously it's been raised about the bullying and this has ended in no action.

So, the logical choice.

That OK, she would still like the relationship with Mommy to continue - but - if she will not take action against the bullying then the only way this is going to work is if interactions between Mommy and sub are without the other sub present.  That it has to be treat, at best, as a "clash of personalities" and if she is unable or unwilling to make it so they can exist in the same space, then she is going to have to make it so they have separate spaces to interact in.

[TheBookCollector]

Your sub has the right to walk away from the dom and withdraw consent.
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The question is why does the domme consider this behaviour play? Has she sanctioned such play and discussed it with both parties?
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Get all parties together and talk, i suggest the same approach as @bittenkiss. You, your sub and the domme then all four people. Where the allegations are put and the other party can respond about why hes doing this.

[16****]

I think it's important to encourage her to draw her boundaries. She needs to be the one to express her consent and hard limits; especially if it's going too far. I'm very glad you are supportive of her and her safety

[An****]

1 hour ago, bittenkiss said:

More communication with the domme - "its only playing and its fine" is her opinion but its based on insufficient information. Namely, that it distresses your sub and therefore is "not fine". So you need to get back in touch with the domme and inform her of this, explain that you cannot let it continue as it stands. If she still considers its not an issue, in direct contradiction to the evidence, then you'll have to find a new domme or set limits to only allow play without the other sub's presence.

It probably is playing, the other sub is surely just teasing too much, but that still doesn't affect the above.

Hi, thanks! I've gotten back in touch with Her Domme and asked that she keep the other sub out of the equation when my pet is visiting. As of right now my Pet is still telling me more and I am steadily understanding that it's not actually playing and he is very much forcibly trying to be her Dom. I told her that when I see him I would have a word and try to solve it but really quite frustrating that this has happened in one of my subs safe spaces :(

[An****]

1 hour ago, gemini_man said:

Suggest perhaps all three of you - you, your submissive and the Domme sit down and have a discussion about it together, during which she speaks freely and openly about how she is being made to feel and let's the Domme know it cannot go on.
.
If necessary the guy can be bought into the conversation too.
.
If the Domme and/or the submissive still refuse to accept how uncomfortable she is being made to feel then she has the choice to walk away.

Ive already given my sub the option to walk away from the situation but she gets a lot from her time with her Domme and doesn't want to lose that. I've arranged a chat with my Domme friend to talk about it over coffee tomorrow.

[un****]

This really is a point that needs communicating with all of you together.
Regardless of whether the Domme sees it as bullying or not, your sub is feeling bad because of his actions. Talk about the problem, and tey to find a middle ground where all parties feel relaxed and safe in their environment.

[Br****]

I’m not into kink at all, but based on typical relationship issues like this, you should 100% sit down with her and her Domme, probably without the other sub first. Hopefully they can come to an understanding on what’s happening, after which action can be taken on her Domme’s end.

[so****]

*Bray*- you're not into kink at all? Bro, I think maybe, just maybe, you might be in the wrong place🤣but we welcome everyone, so hang out a while & maybe you WILL be into kink soon enough lol but as to this issue at hand, it sounds like a good ol fashioned communication error. Talk it out. Good luck & I hope the problem resolves Itself 🌹

[Deleted Member]

Consent and communication is paramount to us kinksters. Always has. We may be represented as abusers who exert out will on our submissive. But the reality is we get there by fostering trust and listening when limits are clearly communicated.
Your shared sub is communicating a need. And one of you isn’t doing your job as a Dominant to honor the inherent bond made when a submissive surrenders control.
I don’t know if it’s jealousy in the part of the other submissive or something else. But the fact that there is anxiety building can mean the relationship will become toxic. And could affect all the players involved. Your plan to talk things out is a start but don’t stop advocating for your submissive. And make sure that a solution is agreed upon by all parties. The affected sub. The sub causing the issues. The Domme and yourself. All have responsibilities here.
Couples counseling is not just for traditional couples. And could work here. Like any professional. Interviewing them for their skills and past experience with your dynamics works volumes.

Please ensure that everyone affected. I count four of you. Have an open. Honest and respectful conversation. And walk away with an agreement on how to address the issue.

Good luck.

[Lord_Talion]

Just play is apparently still without consent. The Domme should understand everything done and since she apparently doesn't care then it negates her time with your pet

[An****]

Hi to everyone who's commented so far! I've arranged a talk between myself, my pet and her Domme tomorrow for coffee. Originally it was just going to be between myself and the Domme but after many suggestions I've decided to include her as she deserves to be heard.

Honestly when I wrote this I was just so heart broken that my angel felt this way in a place she thought was safe and was angry that there are switches who try and force themselves on other people's subs.

As for resolving the issue, my pet knows she will never need to worry about me, and she is always free to walk away from anything but she truly does benefit a lot from her Domme and the Domme and I are old friends. I'm hoping it can be resolved peacefully but if not I may just have to issue an ultimatum that my sub not visit when the offender is around.

Also side note, and I have permission from my Sub to disclose this. She is very much into CNC, however has only recently crossed that bridge and only feels safe with me doing it. I found out that the Switch who is bullying my sub has also sprinkled rape threats in as he overheard my sub discussing our situation with the Domme (hope that made sense). So as of rn I've made it clear to the Domme that If I catch word of it again I will report the sub. She did not consent to his advances, I will not tolerate that level of abuse.

Sorry for the long rang but hopefully this brings the situation up to speed. Thanks everyone for all of your helpful advice and I will be keeping you posted!

[TheBookCollector]

1 hour ago, sonofthunder777 said:

*Bray*- you're not into kink at all? Bro, I think maybe, just maybe, you might be in the wrong place🤣but we welcome everyone, so hang out a while & maybe you WILL be into kink soon enough lol but as to this issue at hand, it sounds like a good ol fashioned communication error. Talk it out. Good luck & I hope the problem resolves Itself 🌹

This site isnt just about kink.

I guess you dont realise that you can have a D/s relationship without any kink being involved in anyway.

[Deleted Member]

25 minutes ago, AngoryBear said:

Hi to everyone who's commented so far! I've arranged a talk between myself, my pet and her Domme tomorrow for coffee. Originally it was just going to be between myself and the Domme but after many suggestions I've decided to include her as she deserves to be heard.

Honestly when I wrote this I was just so heart broken that my angel felt this way in a place she thought was safe and was angry that there are switches who try and force themselves on other people's subs.

As for resolving the issue, my pet knows she will never need to worry about me, and she is always free to walk away from anything but she truly does benefit a lot from her Domme and the Domme and I are old friends. I'm hoping it can be resolved peacefully but if not I may just have to issue an ultimatum that my sub not visit when the offender is around.

Also side note, and I have permission from my Sub to disclose this. She is very much into CNC, however has only recently crossed that bridge and only feels safe with me doing it. I found out that the Switch who is bullying my sub has also sprinkled rape threats in as he overheard my sub discussing our situation with the Domme (hope that made sense). So as of rn I've made it clear to the Domme that If I catch word of it again I will report the sub. She did not consent to his advances, I will not tolerate that level of abuse.

Sorry for the long rang but hopefully this brings the situation up to speed. Thanks everyone for all of your helpful advice and I will be keeping you posted!

Don’t call that person a switch. Or Dom(me). It’s offensive to me as a real Dom and should be offensive to you as well. Plus it perpetuates the stereotype that an authoritarian jerk is a Dominant. They are not a Dominant they are a bully. They should also be a part of the conversation. But understand if your pet doesn’t want to be near them. The way I handled similar situations in the past is to have the offending party apologize and make amends. With the other sub involved in what that looks like. If amends are made the sub may continue in my care. If not. They have violated trust and would be let go. Cause trust, respect, and safety are paramount when multiple subs are involved. Good luck juggling so many needs. I found it was too tedious and limit myself to one sub now. 😅 you are doing the right things and this is meant only as advice. And is my opinion. I think. From your description you are handling this matter well. And your pet is lucky to have you.

[TheBookCollector]

35 minutes ago, AngoryBear said:

Hi to everyone who's commented so far! I've arranged a talk between myself, my pet and her Domme tomorrow for coffee. Originally it was just going to be between myself and the Domme but after many suggestions I've decided to include her as she deserves to be heard.

Honestly when I wrote this I was just so heart broken that my angel felt this way in a place she thought was safe and was angry that there are switches who try and force themselves on other people's subs.

As for resolving the issue, my pet knows she will never need to worry about me, and she is always free to walk away from anything but she truly does benefit a lot from her Domme and the Domme and I are old friends. I'm hoping it can be resolved peacefully but if not I may just have to issue an ultimatum that my sub not visit when the offender is around.

Also side note, and I have permission from my Sub to disclose this. She is very much into CNC, however has only recently crossed that bridge and only feels safe with me doing it. I found out that the Switch who is bullying my sub has also sprinkled rape threats in as he overheard my sub discussing our situation with the Domme (hope that made sense). So as of rn I've made it clear to the Domme that If I catch word of it again I will report the sub. She did not consent to his advances, I will not tolerate that level of abuse.

Sorry for the long rang but hopefully this brings the situation up to speed. Thanks everyone for all of your helpful advice and I will be keeping you posted!

I hope it goes well. In regards to the CnC aspect just because she is happy to explore.it with one person doesnt mean that others have a right to force it on her withouther consent.

After all CnC is where someone consents to non-consensual acts. But even then there are limits such that a sub who explores CnC may limit the Cnc dynamic to exclude rapeplay. Etc.

[se****]

Switch... yes, please do not call him a Switch. He does even deserve the title! Those types makes us look bad. "Bully" is the correct name!!

[se****]

Oops... does NOT deserve a title "Switch".🙊

[An****]

1 hour ago, Sir-or-Daddy said:

Don’t call that person a switch. Or Dom(me). It’s offensive to me as a real Dom and should be offensive to you as well. Plus it perpetuates the stereotype that an authoritarian jerk is a Dominant. They are not a Dominant they are a bully. They should also be a part of the conversation. But understand if your pet doesn’t want to be near them. The way I handled similar situations in the past is to have the offending party apologize and make amends. With the other sub involved in what that looks like. If amends are made the sub may continue in my care. If not. They have violated trust and would be let go. Cause trust, respect, and safety are paramount when multiple subs are involved. Good luck juggling so many needs. I found it was too tedious and limit myself to one sub now. 😅 you are doing the right things and this is meant only as advice. And is my opinion. I think. From your description you are handling this matter well. And your pet is lucky to have you.

Aha thanks, think I'm a bit of a hoarder tho, just got a lot of care and affection to give and my subs so I enjoy having a few at a time, and they normally get on well! I agree that the "Dom" in question is disgraceful and hence why I do plan to have a word when I see him but my Domme friend is a bit protective of her subs so who knows how she will respond. Hoping this blows over and my pet can go back to enjoying her time with her Mommy again

[An****]

21 minutes ago, kiseu said:

Switch... yes, please do not call him a Switch. He does even deserve the title! Those types makes us look bad. "Bully" is the correct name!!

Yeah, definitely a bully and I've told my pet she can put him in his place if he tries it again. Hard for her some times when she's in her head space with her Mommy but I agree it's a disgrace what he's doing and gives good Dom's a bad wrap :(

[An****]

1 hour ago, TheBookCollector said:

I hope it goes well. In regards to the CnC aspect just because she is happy to explore.it with one person doesnt mean that others have a right to force it on her withouther consent.

After all CnC is where someone consents to non-consensual acts. But even then there are limits such that a sub who explores CnC may limit the Cnc dynamic to exclude rapeplay. Etc.

Exactly, she did not consent and that's why I find it so worrying that things I dare not repeat were said. It's a serious discussion for tomorrow, and I've made notes and taken a statement from my Sub so if it happens again I'll be filing a report. Nobody threatens that to my babies >:(

[bb****]

I'd just say it's time to stop talking Bout it and be about it i id go over with good friend to watch your back so you make your point punch this personsquare i. The mouth read him riot act like therez n o tommoro¹ebhim know hoe much worse it will be interesting,event it happens again ND let him know it will be you he answers if it continues or he even thinks about it then pu nch two more times so he know s there's a whole dug in the woods for him inthe middle of nowhere and you do not accept NY bullieing what so ever ..
If you can't do that I'll give you a pair my panties and skirt ..
It's your responsibilitie that girls piece of mind..
This should of ben taken care of instantly and and not even ask a online group what to do .

[bi****]

A good ball spanking should straighten him out

[An****]

Hi everyone, this will probably be my last update. Let's just say things have not gone well...

Myself, my Sub and my Domme friend had lunch together today and I let my sub speak her mind and explain the whole situation to her clearly. After which I told my Domme friend that if she wanted to continue sharing out sub she would need to either keep him far away from her, discipline him and ensure it never happened again, otherwise my Angel would not come back ( we have had a long chat about it last night and she agreed that her comfort was more important than her Domme and if necessary I would take a more hands on role for her until we found another Domme to share).

My Domme friend laughed at me, actually laughed, and said that because my sub was a pure submissive and her slave was a "switch" (he's not, he's just a dick), he had authority and it was only natural he took it out on my girl as I was not there to defend her and she simply saw it as a game rather than an issue. I'm still in shock by this, I'd never expected her to have so little respect like that. My sub started crying during coffee and left a few minutes before I did to wait in the car. I've told my Domme she doesn't deserve to have any subs and that what she said was cruel.

I've just gotten back about an hour before posting this and it's a lot worse than I expected, my sub has started having anxiety attacks and I've resorted to giving her my full attention to calm her down. Luckily her sub sister was home and could make her some food to calm her down and cheer her up a bit. She's just been silent and I'm so worried for her as I know how hard it is for a sub to have that fundamental trust of respect broken.

I've told my Domme friend she will never see her again and I have enough evidence to file a report if she tries to contact my sub. I had to take the rest of my day off work because of this and we've just been cuddling watching TV while she cries.

Her sub sister has said she will take a back seat for now and help support her but knows that what she needs right now is just time alone with me. So she has gone to visit family while I figure out what to do. I feel like everything has blown up in her face and I could use any advice on how to help her through this.

It's been especially hard for me as I have been speaking to one other little who I was eager to be her daddy and nurture her who I've now hurt in the process of this as I asked her to be patient while I deal with what's going on and giving my Angel all the love and care I can.

I'm really at a bit of a loss, everything feels so messed up and for me right now my only plan is to look after my pet, but after that who knows. maybe as one of you said I should stick to just 2 and care for them but they were excited for a new sister and it's all just super confusing. Anyway I'm rambling again. Im sorry to have left this on a bad note and thank you for all the advice you've shared.

I know this is a long one but if you could leave kind messages for my pet I think she would really appreciate it. Thanks for reading