First meetings

[ro****]

I've always thought a first meeting should be vanilla. So if there is no chemistry you can part with no hard feelings.

Am I wrong?

[Re****]

I completely agree, the first time with someone is a good way of feeling eachother out. What are their limits, their yes and no’s. It makes it easy to get comfortable with eachother and thus makes It less scary when u go another time as u have that experience and the knowledge of eachother a boundaries

[ey****]

some people feel this for multiple reasons

but you can gather a form of connection without meeting

[Deleted Member]

First meetings are the perfect opportunity to get a vibe. No expectations. No commitments. Just two kinky people feeling each other out. If the vibe is cool, move forward. If not, part as friendly aquatints.

[BigPolly]

It’s advisable but also very subjective.
I spent several years in the past only playing & with no particular interest in building relationships so for me vanilla meets were pointless. I would happily play with someone as long as there was a connection, chemistry then wasn’t important.
However your post starts “I’ve always thought….” which shows this is where your comfort zone is so stick with that, make that your boundary so that you’re not left feeling uncomfortable or unsafe initially. 😊

[MissMeMeow]

I let my freak flag fly because I can’t do vanilla after 23 years. It’s boring. If they can’t play then it won’t work. Better to know right away. That’s my 2 cents.

[MissMeMeow]

Side note these things should be discussed before Sex is involved.

[wi****]

it can start vanilla and when the chemistry is there it’s on ! … on a personal note I’ve done both and after meeting it’s just where ever the vibe is and what both people are comfortable with

[Ak****]

That would be snooze fest for me. I fall hard and fast, if you don't spark my soul on fire by personality, kiss or quirks- there's no way it's going to progress to anything sexual. Vanilla sucks

[Deleted Member]

I generally have a sit down somewhere away from the noise and depend on their rolls we'll have a mock roll play just to see how that goes if it's what we both like we continue from there and go about the discussion

[ka****]

I agree to an extent

[Deleted Member]

Yes i like to sit down and be Vanilla in the first time I meet someone and get to know their limits and kinks and what to do

[Bm****]

I think the two people should meet, get to know them and practice on each other.

[ia****]

I agree.

[ma****]

You are not wrong at all. First meeting(s) should be vanilla in a public place, even in case of meeting someone just for play. You must know that person at least a bit and there must be some level of trust built.

However, there might be situations when that doesn't have to necessarily happen. For example, in LDR, if they constantly and consistently spoke through video calls, then I'd assume that they know each other pretty well and that some trust has been already built, therefore when they might meet for the first time, they might want to spend a few days together and also play might be included.

I met someone for a scene without meeting them in a vanilla setting first. Luckily, the scene was amazing, but it could have gone terribly wrong if the person had been an ***r or someone who takes advantage of others or who is inconsiderate to others. I won't play with someone unless I meet them a few ( possibly many) times and I am in a relationship with them.

[Co****]

1 hour ago, maryioni said:

You are not wrong at all. First meeting(s) should be vanilla in a public place, even in case of meeting someone just for play. You must know that person at least a bit and there must be some level of trust built.

However, there might be situations when that doesn't have to necessarily happen. For example, in LDR, if they constantly and consistently spoke through video calls, then I'd assume that they know each other pretty well and that some trust has been already built, therefore when they might meet for the first time, they might want to spend a few days together and also play might be included.

I met someone for a scene without meeting them in a vanilla setting first. Luckily, the scene was amazing, but it could have gone terribly wrong if the person had been an ***r or someone who takes advantage of others or who is inconsiderate to others. I won't play with someone unless I meet them a few ( possibly many) times and I am in a relationship with them.

This is a great point. Depending upon how long you've been speaking to them or how well you know them can impact the decision.

[Deleted Member]

A public setting for a first introduction meeting always seems wise for all to me.

[sm****]

Iv'e always been of the opinion, if there isn't anything that clicks it's not worth pursuing  just for the sake of play, it's mentally, meaningless to me. Both parties have to have that something.

Like many say, first meetings should always be in a vanilla setting and sometimes over a few meetings to get that feeling there is some foundations to grow a relationship with.  If it's one sided it's doomed.

People do say you can get this over long online communication, but you lose a hell of a lot of vocal nuances, facial expressions and body language.  Like vanilla dating you can soon tell if they are not interested in you or you notice something is wrong/ or not sitting right.

If both parties are both just into non comital play it's a different matter.  But the majority go in to this with the outlook of a long term thing, so there has to be "THAT" connection you both can work on.

[Nylon-Nellie]

Of course first meetings should be vanilla setting, not unless you are in the minority that skips vanilla meets and jumps into playtime?

Should there be chemistry on a first date? I am on the fence with this one. I spent a year in a online relationship, I thought that I had it in the bag. Our first coffee date went well, 5 hours in total. Yes, 5hrs. Hindsight is that he should of gotten to know me as a person irl, instead of thinking 'is she worthy of my Dominance'.

I can usually tell if there is any chance of a second meet, purely by how it went....mannerisms, etc. People come out with any excuse for not wanting a follow up meet.

Get to know that person irl, before making a judgement call.

 

 

 

 

[Zi****]

You are correct sir. You can get along great in conversation but being with someone in person is completely different.