Fa**** Posted July 20, 2022 Posted July 20, 2022 I’ve read books by BDSM authors and whilst I understand they are generally romanticised fiction there are elements that stand out for me. Firstly strong female submissive. The Dominant men in the books always fall for women who eventually end up being strong in the “vanilla” side of the relationship but extremely submissive sexually (or when it is “required”). Which brings me nicely to my second point. Whilst the women are strong and speak their minds in the “vanilla” world there is always the undercurrent of knowing they are in a D/s relationship. Knowing that their D element is ultimately “in control” despite the fact that they can and do look to their s types for guidance and support where they have more knowledge or opinion. The idea of this makes me kind of weak at the knees. That there could possibly, actually be D types who could like (love) my strong, opinionated vanilla side yet control me totally and utterly in the “bedroom”. However, I like the idea that that control could extend to elsewhere, specifically where I need “correction”. I’m aware I am not perfect, I have no real desire to be. However, there are things about me that I’d like to change and the thought of having someone able to work with me through those things is heady and intoxicating. For example I put myself down a lot. It is not, contrary to belief, so that others will compliment me or tell me I’m wrong. It is simply because I believe it to be true. But I would LOVE to be with someone who would like to try and “correct” that behaviour. Obviously, the correction wouldn’t always take place at the time of the “misdemeanour” but I would be made aware there was a tally (“that’s a count of ?” growled in my ear would be enough to get my *** pounding in anticipation). It’s something I love the idea of but also feels like it could be rather burdensome to someone else. I don’t know. And I’m too new to this to know if it’s a “real thing”. I get that ultimately the only person that can change me and me thoughts and mindset is me but I still feel it would be wonderful to have the support of a D type in the form of correction for when I forget that I’m worth anything. Love X
Deleted Member Posted July 20, 2022 Posted July 20, 2022 I really connect with a lot of what you said. There are lots of Dominants who enjoy the challenge and thrill of a strong personality who chooses *them* to submit to. I have a very good Domme leaning switch friend who tells me I need a Dom really into praise bc I am very confident but I also have real areas (particularly about how I look) where my opinion of myself is in the dirt.
Deleted Member Posted July 20, 2022 Posted July 20, 2022 You seem smart, educated and very knowledgeable. it's very rare to find someone like that in this lifestyle.
MNight75 Posted July 21, 2022 Posted July 21, 2022 Oh it’s a real thing, it doesn’t happen more because many people are either too simple in their mind set to be this nuanced, or just too lazy. I prefer complicated myself, as well as nuanced multifaceted personality types who can manage more than one side of their own persona or of other peoples. It is romanticized a little but it’s not as far fetched as some people make it out to be.
Fa**** Posted July 21, 2022 Author Posted July 21, 2022 9 hours ago, Jeannot said: Very well said..lol Why lol?
Fa**** Posted July 21, 2022 Author Posted July 21, 2022 (edited) 9 hours ago, Jeannot said: You seem smart, educated and very knowledgeable. it's very rare to find someone like that in this lifestyle. It isn’t that rare Edited July 21, 2022 by Freetobare
Catsailor69 Posted July 21, 2022 Posted July 21, 2022 A most interesting and understandable posting. Yes, there are Doms that enjoy the opportunity and responsibility of being a guide in your development that you may desire. To help you to become all that you are capable of as a submissive. The reward for that can be a confident and boldly enjoyable experience for both. I believe the trick is in finding a Dom who knows and understands that. I wish you well in your growth and search.
Lo**** Posted July 21, 2022 Posted July 21, 2022 On 7/20/2022 at 10:01 PM, Jeannot said: You seem smart, educated and very knowledgeable. it's very rare to find someone like that in this lifestyle. No more nor no less than in other areas of life, I find.
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