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Confessions of a new submissive


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Hi everyone! Excited to tell my story and maybe hear some of your ideas of fun things we could try. 

A little background. I have known my top for 15 or so years, but never engaged in any kind of stuff like this with her before. We are friends, and not in a sexual relationship. In conversation, we stumbled upon the topic of bdsm and she expressed she liked the idea of dominating someone. I’ve always had submissive feelings and wanted to know what it would be like to give in to someone else, but never had a partner who was willing to engage in it. One thing led to another, and very quickly we started trying things. I think it’s been around a month that we’ve been experimenting with different things. It’s so fun! It’s so interesting to me how things that are so different can feel so similar. What I mean is that doing her laundry or cleaning her bathroom can kind of give me the same feeling as when she sits on my face or spits in my mouth. I can’t believe I have gone my whole life without doing this stuff. The ***/punching/kicking/slapping is a different sensation. I am an exercise fanatic and I find myself liking to test my *** tolerance in a similar way to exercise.  Anyways! On to yesterday. 


The day started with some mild fun play. I was teaching an online course that my top was participating in. At one of the breaks, she filled a water bottle with her piss and gave it to me so that she could watch me drink it while teaching. The drawn out *** was a nice way to start things off. 


After the course, she sat on my face for about 30 minutes while doing some work, before she went to the gym. When she got back, one of our friends came over that we haven’t seen for a while. When we last saw her, we had not started to engage in bdsm. Throughout the evening, my top dropped a lot of subtle comments about choking, slapping, and even mentioned choking me *** in a public park as a joke (she did it last week). I love listening to it. She also complimented my cleaning skills, something I am not exactly known for but have become quite good at. At one point, during the evening, she went upstairs and cheerfully returned with a wine glass full of her piss and gave it to me. I can’t describe how much i love seeing the evil grin on her face while I drink her piss in front of someone who doesn’t know what it is. 


After our friend left, things got a lot more intense. She put my ***r on (that was an interesting trip to Petsmart) and strangled me with it for a while, eventually putting me face down on the ground and sitting on my back so she could use it for leverage. While doing this, she would periodically stop to spit in my eyes, mouth, and ear (this one was weird lol). After she was tired of choking me, she left me on the ground and sat on the couch, and started to kick and stomp on me. I love the feeling of seeing her foot raised in my peripheral vision and not knowing when or how hard it’s going to come down, or the feeling of her stopping to take a break and using my face as a footrest. I know she’s going to start hurting me again, but for a moment it feels almost comforting when her heel is on my throat. Oh yeah,  she’s not a big person but she kicks HARD. More gentle (kinda) on the face but pretty hard on the upper back or chest . After she was done kicking me i kissed her feet. Im not really a foot guy, but I get a really strong urge to kiss or massage her feet after she kicks me. 


We had talked about doing some knife play but never really got into it . I went and got her a knife from the kitchen, then lay down on the couch so she could amuse herself. At first, she only really had access to my head and neck, so she played around and cut my cheek a little , but for obvious reasons didn’t take it much further. She did hold the knife to my neck and talk about killing me, and that was a pretty exciting feeling . After a while, when she moved a bit lower, I was frustrated by how much I was resisting when I started to feel even a small amount of ***. The knife evoked a visceral survival instinct. This being the case, I asked her to sit on my face and pin my arms down so i couldn’t struggle anymore, which she was happy to do. She gave me six or seven very small cuts on my chest. Nothing crazy but it was still a huge rush to give her all of that power over me. Not sure knife play is really our thing but every once in a while it definitely could be fun. Oh yeah, and once, when my eyes were closed, she used the blunt side of the knife to open my eye so she could spit in it. One of the feelings I Iove the most is having my eyes pried open (she does it somewhat regularly) and being ***d to watch her spit into them. 


I’m a little hazy on details after that but she pinned me on the floor again and hurt me for a while before choking me *** on the ground. We’ve only done this three times. It’s amazing to me that it only takes a few seconds to go out (rear naked ***), and I’m never out for more than a second or two, because I feel like I’ve been out for days when I wake up.  As I was regaining consciousness, she sat on my face and took a selfie. I’m not sure if anyone else has been ***d out in this context, but it really does give a feeling of euphoria when it’s something you wanted to have happen. For those who are worried about my safety, we are very careful and she lets go as soon as I lose consciousness. 


After all that was over I went to the kitchen and got her dessert, then lay with my head in her lap and we watched some tv before I did her dishes and we went to bed. We are actually really new to all of this stuff, and I’ve found the need for affection and physical contact after the really rough days to be extremely strong. It feels very deep and subconscious and is not something I have experienced in the past.


We’ve had a bunch of days like this now, and also experimented a bit with switching. It’s fun, but I feel like I am discovering how intrinsically submissive I am and how deep my feelings of wanting to be used for her amusement are. I love coming up with more ideas for her to play with more and hearing hers. Long story short, shit, this is so much fun!!! 

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