Mollys BDSM Tips

[Deleted Member]

Is love some advice on how to meet a play partner, as I’m finding it really difficult to find one. Done lots of talking, but am now ready to take things a step further

[Deleted Member]

To honest id prefer a Dominant who was experienced.Saying that letting an inexperienced Dom use my body to practice on might be nice.After agreeing a safe word and understanding my limits the bondage discipline side of things really could be enjoyed by both of us,and im generally willing to be beaten,either whip,flogger or cane provided i can explain where NOT to hit me.Id been fine with bondage play,again explaining that although i like to be hung from a ceiling by my neck and buggered it's necessary for me to keep my toes on the floor.Im fine with watersports,but anal sex would require the guy to wear a condom.If i was into a guy basically id let him use me to gain experience.Everyone needs to explore their needs.

[Mollysdailykiss]

Hey folks... I am just about to sit down and plan out my pieces for the next couple of months. If you have a question or topic you would like me to tackle just let me know. You can leave it here in this thread or DM me.

Mollyx

[ZeroSexLife]

I've been interested in this kind of lifestyle for a while, switch.  As the name suggests though I've had ZERO luck getting so much as a date... let alone someone to play and experiment with.  Not to mention I live in a VERY boring part of the USA... I mean hell one of our adult stores closed recently (we only had three and that one was the best).  

I do have one prospect... a Mistress though I'm not willing to do something she asked for at this stage, email contact only currently... seems sketchy is why.  She only wants to meet in her dungeon and no contact outside.  Again sketchy.

My question... how does someone curious about this lifestyle find a partner or teacher or Mistress?

[ey****]

to interject, mostly cos two parts towards the end are important.

4 hours ago, ZeroSexLife said:

As the name suggests though I've had ZERO luck getting so much as a date

I'm going to advise a name change.  There's a long complicated explanation, but there's reasons why this is both counter-productive and somewhat manipulative.  Both of which you want to avoid.

4 hours ago, ZeroSexLife said:

I mean hell one of our adult stores closed recently (we only had three and that one was the best).

3 adult stores is quite a lot in the current climate

4 hours ago, ZeroSexLife said:

She only wants to meet in her dungeon and no contact outside. 

it may be a scam.  If she is a Pro Domme, probably not - but if she isn't a pro then it's most likely a scam.

4 hours ago, ZeroSexLife said:

My question... how does someone curious about this lifestyle find a partner or teacher or Mistress?

So.

I looked up your locality - there is a munch TONIGHT.

Saturday, September 28, 2019 · 7:30 PM – 3:00 AM  

London calling, 715 Cherry St, Chattanooga, TN 37402

- this isn't somewhere where you are going to magic a partner, but it is somewhere someone curious about the lifestyle should go - to meet new friends, new people and openings to other events. 

[ZeroSexLife]

Hmmm, didn't think of the name being an issue... change that here soon.

7 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I looked up your locality - there is a munch TONIGHT.

Saturday, September 28, 2019 · 7:30 PM – 3:00 AM  

London calling, 715 Cherry St, Chattanooga, TN 37402

I'll go check this out tonight.  What is a "munch"?

 

 

7 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

it may be a scam.  If she is a Pro Domme, probably not - but if she isn't a pro then it's most likely a scam.

The moment she asked me to buy 1k worth of male bondage toys I lost all trust.  No worries there.  She did say she's not a professional, more a slave who's looking to switch it up.  However, I may buy from that online store for my self.  Had some interesting toys there... just a bit pricey.  Things such as furniture.

 

We'll see I asked for a meeting before anything happens.

[ey****]

1 minute ago, ZeroSexLife said:

I'll go check this out tonight.  What is a "munch"?

it's a social meet.  So, everyone there will be into the kink lifestyle - and it's a good chance to make friends, learn more - though, do wear casual clothes.

1 minute ago, ZeroSexLife said:

The moment she asked me to buy 1k worth of male bondage toys I lost all trust. 

yep scam

2 minutes ago, ZeroSexLife said:

However, I may buy from that online store for my self.

don't. it's part of the scam.  the store doesn't exist. 

[ZeroSexLife]

1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

don't. it's part of the scam.  the store doesn't exist. 

Heard that loud and clear.

[ZeroSexLife]

Whelp... that was a waste of time.  Nobody there into that kind of life style.

 

Really cool bar though.

Edited September 29, 2019 by ZeroSexLife

[Anah]

On 10/29/2018 at 1:31 PM, eyemblacksheep said:

but people aren't "naturally" anything.  Pretty much everything about us is a condition of our environment and upbringing.

 Our genes play a factor also. 

[Anah]

On 10/27/2018 at 2:24 PM, Jon215 said:

"You want to know if experienced subs can teach a unexperimental Dom"

No, I wanted to know if experienced subs ever seek an inexperienced Dom out, because usually they specifically ask for Doms with experience and I found it ironic since you kind of have to start somewhere even if you are a Dom.

Besides, even if it is in you, you can still be a little wary or uncertain at first. 

Yes subs do look for inexperienced Doms, although rare. In my opinion, it's not so much the experiance (although that is helpful) as it is Doms  having an understanding of the responsibility they take on. They have to have an understanding of what it means to be a Dom, a "True Dom"

 Also they have to understand the damage they can cause if they are not mindful. They have to have the willingness to grow and learn, loyalty, safety and good communication. 

[dryss13]

Hi Molly,

I arrived in London not a long time ago and I'm still struggling with where to start with the London BDSM community. Where are the places and events you would recommend in order to connect with the local scene, the fellow kinksters and/or finding some new subs?

Thank you and really great job you do!

[Si****]

How does a sub know if they are talking to an experienced Dom? I’m experienced but would never talk about an ex sub out of respect and certainly won’t talk about what I can do until I’ve got to know the person beforehand. Also one Dom’s way might not be another’s. A sub only knows if the person they are talking to knows all about BDSM but doesn’t mean they will work with their sub to find out what their limits are, their loves, likes and hates. Time and getting to know each other is the only way (just my opinion)

[Deleted Member]

On 1/3/2020 at 12:17 PM, SirGreen said:

How does a sub know if they are talking to an experienced Dom? I’m experienced but would never talk about an ex sub out of respect and certainly won’t talk about what I can do until I’ve got to know the person beforehand. Also one Dom’s way might not be another’s. A sub only knows if the person they are talking to knows all about BDSM but doesn’t mean they will work with their sub to find out what their limits are, their loves, likes and hates. Time and getting to know each other is the only way (just my opinion)

If you are experienced somehow you would have been on a fetish site for a while . It’s commun sense that you would have search for a sub somewhere? So either here or fetlife or thecage or alt.com
A sub could ask certain questions that would show if the Dom got some experiences too. Also the way he behave in the communication etc.. there is no science to it but certain hints  

[LeedsDaddy]

Every new partner is a new beginning. Your new sub will have a completely different dynamic than the previous one, so in one respect even the most experienced Dom or sub is on a learning curve. A good experienced Dom will have earned the trust of their new sub long before anything sexual happens. Straight and clear communication from the first moment, and you will learn together. Everybody has something to teach or learn.

[Redshade64]

On 11/7/2018 at 9:03 AM, MissTillysue said:

I really cant answer if experienced subs go looking for inexperienced doms, I can only really answer for myself.

When I was new I went looking for experienced subs, I was honest with them that I knew zilch and asked would they teach me a few things. I also did this with experienced doms and also dom/sub couples. Maybe I was lucky but I met some wonderfully generous people who taught me a lot and pointed me in the right direction to research more for myself

My first dominatrix was rather inexperienced and I could tell. She seemed a little bit nervous but she actually did awesome!! I went into the session completely blind. (And nervous!!) It was actually a great start for me to kind of learn a little bit. 

Edited February 6, 2020 by Redshade64
Grammar

[Si****]

15 hours ago, FabSeverus said:

If you are experienced somehow you would have been on a fetish site for a while . It’s commun sense that you would have search for a sub somewhere? So either here or fetlife or thecage or alt.com
A sub could ask certain questions that would show if the Dom got some experiences too. Also the way he behave in the communication etc.. there is no science to it but certain hints  

30 years ago, sites like this one did not exist. You found people the same way as vanilla dating by meeting up and talking. One had to be careful about how to find the right person who was open minded bout their fetishes. Just being on websites doesn’t make a Dom (or anyone else) better or safer. I’ve been playing a long time but only recently been on sites like this and fetlife. Sites like this didn’t make kink or BDSM, they just opened it up from behind closed doors and let’s be fair, it’s still being discrete about it in public eye.

[MissCalbeth]

On 10/25/2018 at 12:56 PM, Mollysdailykiss said:

New to Fetish is my column ‘Molly’s BDSM Tips’.  If you're fresh to the fetish scene and BDSM lifestyle and need some things explaining, or if you're an experienced player and would like some BDSM advice in general, twice a month I'll choose one question/problem to answer, to be published online as an article in the Fetish magazine.  

To to submit your question, send me a private message detailing exactly what you’d like to know or need help with - your privacy will be respected and you can remain anonymous if you prefer.  OR you can use this thread if you don't mind discussing your issue in public.  

*Unfortunately, I cannot enter into personal correspondence that’s not related to the advice column.

 

This is an amazing article to get especially some male sub slaves who brag about knowing it all, but end up been a jerk off. 

I would love to have a good time with a very loyal sub slave who is willing to serve me sexually and also enjoy my bondage fantasies some day and I hope I did find one here. 

Kudos! To this great article. 

[Deleted Member]

I am a submissive babygirl who has a Daddy Dom.  I’ve been interested in BDSM for a long time, but this is the first relationship I’ve had, which involves the BDSM dynamic. We just started dating in May of this year. I spend 2 1/2 days with him every week, but I’m going to move in with him soon.  I am 50 and he is 57.
 

The question is about dungeon sessions, seeing that he has his own dungeon in the basement. So he may secure me to his Saint Andrews’ cross, for practice, to get me used to being flogged and stimulated with other items, or it may be a disciplining session, because we’ve had a disagreement and he doesn’t like my attitude or I’ve broken Protocol.

 

Maybe it does matter which situation it is, because there’s different intensity if I’m being punished, but basically I have beautiful, smooth, white skin, no wrinkles at my age and I’m not used to having pain, unless it’s a backache or my feet hurt.
 

But I find that, no matter why he is flogging me or striking me with things, everything hurts and I get really pissed off, when he gets more intense. (although I really enjoy barehanded, bare bottom spankings).  
 

I’m trying to absorb the pain and understand when the hell I’m ever going to hit subspace, but it’s not pleasurable at all and I keep trying to be brave and not use my safe words, because I’m trying to show him I’m toughening up.
 

But I definitely get really pissed, even if I end up handling it. I swear a lot, which I’m sure he doesn’t like, but I don’t know what else to do, because I feel like hitting him and fighting back if I were unrestrained. I feel like he’s offending my body And I need to strike him back.

 

But I want to please him, so I’m choosing to endure it.  Working through these feelings about it is very confusing. I want to be tougher, because I don’t want him to get bored with me and take on another submissive.

 

 

[RaymondWise]

If you're looking for a relationship with someone who is dominant, experience can be one criteria. Experience might be more important is you are looking to try things out.

If it's true, as some have said here, that dominance is natural and cannot be taught, then, it might be more important to have the other relationship stuff handled for a long term relationship, with someone who is naturally dominant.

 

I thing there is only some truth to the idea that dominance is innate. Sort of true, but a lot can be learned.

 

So if someone is looking for the long term, experience is less important than all the other relationship aspects that are needed for the healthy long term, sort of thing maybe most people should be looking for.

Lots.... can be learned.

[cuddles3672]

I am fairly new on here within less then a month. I'm still trying to figure things out on some things. But my question I have let's just say I'm not sure how to ask it since it may sound a bit odd since it involves the lifestyle but let's just say one part of it is I am extremely into it and the other part has not quite but almost opposite effect. But in order to be in a think most of the lifestyle you have to be indulging both am I correct? 

[MistressOfReality]

I’m thinking that the question could go in a different direction. For example a married couple lying in bed at night perhaps reading fifty shades, one may say “Honey, have you ever considered being dominant in our relationship?” She may reply with “I never considered such an idea but we could if you want to”. That’s pretty much how inexperienced subs & Dommes could begin.

[nuovacane]

On 10/7/2019 at 7:03 AM, Anah said:

 Our genes play a factor also. 

I agree, there are several things that affect how we behave, what we are born with or our genes, our experiences and what happens to us as we change and develop, our choices and any physical and mental changes (some people's characters change after head injuries for example). In the context of BDSM that means caring for each other and nuturing and that yeah an influence on whether someone is sub (or Dom/me) happens because of who you are when you are born.