Issues with tibutes

[ge****]

1 hour ago, Unknowing said:

Thank you so much for this topic!! I am a fairly new sub and for about 2 years now off and on I have been looking for a mistress I have been scammed twice now. Most common is the gift card bul$s&it. 90% of the people I have spoken to demand tribute of some kind and because of that I have still yet to find a connection. It's a big problem for me because the thought of it happening again could turn me off of the whole idea possibility forever never getting to experience what I know has been locked up for 25 years, so I inform the mistress of that and boom done conversation.

I am a pleaser by nature and love to treat, pamper, spoil, and pleasure the person I'm with. That includes material, physical, and vocaly and would have no problem paying tribute face to face and would end up probably spending and giving alot more then asked if the chance ever came up.. so I am at a Loss in this because I can't pay tribut before I meet I have been tarnished and turn even cold when the mention of it comes up, I found myself expecting to hear it now and it's altered my attitude in general.. thanks again for the post it's the first time I really had a chance to speak on it except for my little bio status...

I guess if any mistresses read this and are in California and want to help change my preception I would love to hear from you..

The trouble is, and I mean no disrespect by this, those that seek to scam will prey on men like you because you make yourself an easy target - maybe not deliberately but by jumping feet first into any interest shown in you laying caution to the wind.
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There are plenty of red flags that can help protect you and one of the biggest is when you are contacted directly by a Domme showing interest - now this doesn't apply to every Domme that does so of course, but in my experience those that approach with immediate talk of providing what you are looking for are usually ones to avoid - those with a genuine interest will want to get to know you a little first as a person not as a submissive.
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There are many other red flags of course, but as long as there are men who ignore them there will be those that seek to exploit.
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Most scams and tribute seekers are easy to spot, or at least put you on your guard, within the first few messages if you keep your wits about you.
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If you're finding it happens to you a lot, consider changing your approach, don't go blindly contacting everyone who says they are dominant, use the forums or chat rooms to get to know people a little, most that use them aren't out to take you for a ride - or seek out local events and munches to meet people.
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The tools are there to protect you, both site provided and your own - if you use them wisely you minimise your chances of being caught out.

[Unknowing]

16 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

"being scammed" and "paying tribute" are two entirely different things

scammers are a *** in the ass and pretty much no online platform is safe from them, especially those with a lean towards dating

running online scams is a big *** market - but a lot are successful because of male behaviour.   If you message everyone who appears to be local; this is both off-putting to 'genuine' people and like catnip to scammers.  If you're reaching out, they don't even have to do the work - so whenever a guy says that a majority of people they speak to are scammers - this usually tells me they are mass/cold messaging, not really vetting the people they reach out to, and just generally being desperate and too much in a hurry.

All things which turn off the people they want to attract, but play right into the scammers game.

So you then complain about scammers and write shit like this.

It's almost like you WANT to be scammed.

Cos here is the thing, it is unlikely anyone genuine is going to go "Oh, this guy who messages everyone wants someone, I will reach out" - while it also gives any scammers a big hook.  And before you know it is "Oh, I see you have had a bad time, I'm not like the other Mistresses, I'm real, I want you to be my sub..." and then "you just need to go this fake store and buy a collar, or book a dungeon, etc" 

Like. Stop. Take a deep breath.

 

Remember so far this is about what YOU want to experience, which doesn't benefit others.  If you are going to reach out to folk, do so with someone where a shared experience would benefit you both.  Or, yep, pay someone - but actually vet them.  Go to a local house or some such.

 

Did you have this pre written? How many times have you shared your infinite wisdom on this before or do you just love hearing the sound of your own voice because none of what you speak of pertains to me or real life for that matter.
You must have your opinionated ideals pre set because you didnt read what i wrote at all. Being scammed twice in over 2 years tells me how extreamly reserved i have been that's 2 connections in 720 days. That's not desperate, or in a hurry, it's not thirsty it's not mass/cold messaging as you said.

Male behavior differes with every single person and is in no way the related to the success of scams. You know how I know that ? Look at the number of fake male military scams going after woman. My friends grand mother of 93 years old pays 1000 every month to one of these fine online Fuckers. I tried to show her I even found an identical picture on a scam site and showed her, you know what she said to me? She said if it makes me happy then who does it hurt. She knows... so in your lack of understanding of people in this world with more of those going on then mistresses collecting how does that sit for male behavior? It doesn't!! What makes them successful is the loneliness that people feel there want to connect with someone because we treat people like shit and we live in a swipe left society where nothing is worth working for anymore, don't like it buy on to the next. So just because you might have someone I'm happy for you but learn what it means to empathize.

Also Mr walking contradiction "message everyone who appears to be local" is off putting! Hummm that's funny because in your profile it says "looking for play partners especially locally" but your different cuz you don't have to reach out to people you've got over 400 clips so your good right you just sit back and let the lower folk come to you. As a man you have to reach out what are you saying a woman gets 20 times the amount of chats a man does do you think she's gonna go looking anywhere. " oh this guy who messages everyone" how would they know who you've messaged it's not public information dick head. What's desperate is the pictures of you with the Fet shirt and the mug with the book all at the same time.

Lastly it says " you don't do anything you don't know how to do because your RESPONSIBLE like that" then what the he'll are you doing responding to a post that you didn't even read or have no clue wtf is what. Not very responsible..

Oh wait I'm new to this world and don't know shit obviously but I don't see this as something "I alone want to experience which doesn't benefit others" from my perception I see it as exactly the opposite it takes at least two and with some kinks 3 or 4 to experience this world and just being human in general we all share energy, (are you feeling mine) STOP take a deep breath and don't treat people as robots to use for your next clip. What I have to offer I would hope to make a lasting impression that a person can take with them forever benefiting there lives as well as mine. But I'm probably wrong in that thinking I'm sure..

[Unknowing]

16 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

"being scammed" and "paying tribute" are two entirely different things

scammers are a *** in the ass and pretty much no online platform is safe from them, especially those with a lean towards dating

running online scams is a big *** market - but a lot are successful because of male behaviour.   If you message everyone who appears to be local; this is both off-putting to 'genuine' people and like catnip to scammers.  If you're reaching out, they don't even have to do the work - so whenever a guy says that a majority of people they speak to are scammers - this usually tells me they are mass/cold messaging, not really vetting the people they reach out to, and just generally being desperate and too much in a hurry.

All things which turn off the people they want to attract, but play right into the scammers game.

So you then complain about scammers and write shit like this.

It's almost like you WANT to be scammed.

Cos here is the thing, it is unlikely anyone genuine is going to go "Oh, this guy who messages everyone wants someone, I will reach out" - while it also gives any scammers a big hook.  And before you know it is "Oh, I see you have had a bad time, I'm not like the other Mistresses, I'm real, I want you to be my sub..." and then "you just need to go this fake store and buy a collar, or book a dungeon, etc" 

Like. Stop. Take a deep breath.

 

Remember so far this is about what YOU want to experience, which doesn't benefit others.  If you are going to reach out to folk, do so with someone where a shared experience would benefit you both.  Or, yep, pay someone - but actually vet them.  Go to a local house or some such.

 

Oh it says 90% of the people I have spoken to have demanded tribute, not are scammers. Is that what you equate to scammers someone that askes for tribute? Well shit then your first statement " being scammed and paying tribute are two different things" just flew out your all star ass huh? Where I cone from people with more experience then others teach, help, inform, lift, empower and are mentors they don't act in arrogance spouting fake shit all over... peace dude 🙏

[Du****]

17 minutes ago, Unknowing said:

Did you have this pre written? How many times have you shared your infinite wisdom on this before or do you just love hearing the sound of your own voice because none of what you speak of pertains to me or real life for that matter.
You must have your opinionated ideals pre set because you didnt read what i wrote at all. Being scammed twice in over 2 years tells me how extreamly reserved i have been that's 2 connections in 720 days. That's not desperate, or in a hurry, it's not thirsty it's not mass/cold messaging as you said.

Male behavior differes with every single person and is in no way the related to the success of scams. You know how I know that ? Look at the number of fake male military scams going after woman. My friends grand mother of 93 years old pays 1000 every month to one of these fine online Fuckers. I tried to show her I even found an identical picture on a scam site and showed her, you know what she said to me? She said if it makes me happy then who does it hurt. She knows... so in your lack of understanding of people in this world with more of those going on then mistresses collecting how does that sit for male behavior? It doesn't!! What makes them successful is the loneliness that people feel there want to connect with someone because we treat people like shit and we live in a swipe left society where nothing is worth working for anymore, don't like it buy on to the next. So just because you might have someone I'm happy for you but learn what it means to empathize.

Also Mr walking contradiction "message everyone who appears to be local" is off putting! Hummm that's funny because in your profile it says "looking for play partners especially locally" but your different cuz you don't have to reach out to people you've got over 400 clips so your good right you just sit back and let the lower folk come to you. As a man you have to reach out what are you saying a woman gets 20 times the amount of chats a man does do you think she's gonna go looking anywhere. " oh this guy who messages everyone" how would they know who you've messaged it's not public information dick head. What's desperate is the pictures of you with the Fet shirt and the mug with the book all at the same time.

Lastly it says " you don't do anything you don't know how to do because your RESPONSIBLE like that" then what the he'll are you doing responding to a post that you didn't even read or have no clue wtf is what. Not very responsible..

Oh wait I'm new to this world and don't know shit obviously but I don't see this as something "I alone want to experience which doesn't benefit others" from my perception I see it as exactly the opposite it takes at least two and with some kinks 3 or 4 to experience this world and just being human in general we all share energy, (are you feeling mine) STOP take a deep breath and don't treat people as robots to use for your next clip. What I have to offer I would hope to make a lasting impression that a person can take with them forever benefiting there lives as well as mine. But I'm probably wrong in that thinking I'm sure..

This is bloviating nonsense, and dreadfully rude. Fortunately the OP will have the good sense to see it for what it is. A “lasting impression” indeed. What a disservice to the kink community.

[Unknowing]

3 hours ago, DuchessFeuille said:

This is bloviating nonsense, and dreadfully rude. Fortunately the OP will have the good sense to see it for what it is. A “lasting impression” indeed. What a disservice to the kink community.

Ok the mug t-shirt book thing was a little rude but you don't think taking my experience and trashing it assuming many different things about my actions insulting my knowledge on the matter based on those assumptions and then even though i clearly stated how much what happend to me affected me my attitude and the way i view the whole situation decided to tell me that i wanted to be scammed and taken for my *** further saying how my experience was shit and didn't belong on the pages of this site and then sarcastically gendered a story to further mock and insult my inexperience like I am a child..

but mine was rude right and his totally ok because he did it in a amusing belittling manner where all can sit and pass judgments on a person. The statements he made were assumptions, insults, and untrue but not nonsense. Mine for the most part were factual and legitimate but nonsense... ummm seems like I wasn't welcome from the start..

[ey****]

message stats are displayed on your profile - you've sent 162 and received 102.  But even without stats, people can tell the difference between a generic (or lazy) message or one which shows you are interested in them.

I've also been in a room where a woman got a message from someone on a site, and was deciding if it was promising or not - and then another woman *in the same room* got the exact same message, so they both laughed and deleted it.

If we're talking about trashing experience.  

I'm old.   I've been involved in fetish communities for most of the past 20 years.   There are also mistakes I've made which decreased my chances of getting replies. 

I have seen others walk into problems and I've seen the balancing comments from women.   

And you might not agree with my comments.  But, without wanting to sound petty. I'm not the one being scammed. I rarely get "sure, pay me" messages back to my approaches (and, when I do, I don't get mad about it - I just say 'sorry, not for me' or hit report depending on what site it is on) - tomorrow I am filming with two beautiful people and tomorrow night I am going to play party which may, or may not, get me more experiences - or if not - I can enjoy the buffet and fire demo.   

Like, aside from filming not being for everyone - there is nothing I am doing that other people can't do similar.  

It sucks that anyone gets scammed, but, honestly, learn from this on how not to make yourself a mark.   Scammers follow patterned behaviour - it's why there's a lot of the Domme/gift card scams aimed at sub men - and why there is a lot of military scams aimed at older or divorced women.

In the case of Domme scams. A lot just set up profiles and wait for men to come to them.  A little bit vetting and patience does change a lot of results.

[ge****]

9 hours ago, Unknowing said:

Ok the mug t-shirt book thing was a little rude but you don't think taking my experience and trashing it assuming many different things about my actions insulting my knowledge on the matter based on those assumptions and then even though i clearly stated how much what happend to me affected me my attitude and the way i view the whole situation decided to tell me that i wanted to be scammed and taken for my *** further saying how my experience was shit and didn't belong on the pages of this site and then sarcastically gendered a story to further mock and insult my inexperience like I am a child..

but mine was rude right and his totally ok because he did it in a amusing belittling manner where all can sit and pass judgments on a person. The statements he made were assumptions, insults, and untrue but not nonsense. Mine for the most part were factual and legitimate but nonsense... ummm seems like I wasn't welcome from the start..

In all honesty I think you've overreacted a little here - yes eyem was pretty blunt, but having read your original post and his back I don't see anything in what he's said as being particularly wrong or even disrespectful, or even that different from my post further up, he just worded it stronger than I did.
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A regular feature here is guys who have fallen prey to scammers who invariably could have avoided it with a little due diligence and common sense being applied and being honest, as shown in my reply to your post, that's exactly the category your original post appeared to fall into the way it was written (and having read it again my take still stands).
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It's of course awful that you (or anyone else) have been scammed, or taken for a ride only to be asked for a tribute or otherwise but as I said in my original post there are plenty of tools available to you to guard against it, and most scammers are easy to spot, in god knows how many years of using sites like this I've never once been scammed, or asked for payment because I have my wits about me and don't dive in feet first to any contact I have - I'm not suggesting you do, but the indications are there if you've been taken for a ride twice.
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Taking a step back and not being so ready to trust is the way to go - sadly it's a part of sites like this as a male submissive that your chances will be limited, and with that comes an increase in people that will seek to *** and exploit that position, so it's down to you to protect yourself as best you can and find approaches that work for you, rather than seeking to lay the blame completely at the feet of those that have taken you for a ride.
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Now of course they are to blame for doing so, but with that has to come acceptance that had you of protected yourself better it probably wouldn't have happened - and that's not victim blaming but pure common sense.

[se****]

13 hours ago, Unknowing said:

Did you have this pre written? How many times have you shared your infinite wisdom on this before or do you just love hearing the sound of your own voice because none of what you speak of pertains to me or real life for that matter.
You must have your opinionated ideals pre set because you didnt read what i wrote at all. Being scammed twice in over 2 years tells me how extreamly reserved i have been that's 2 connections in 720 days. That's not desperate, or in a hurry, it's not thirsty it's not mass/cold messaging as you said.

Male behavior differes with every single person and is in no way the related to the success of scams. You know how I know that ? Look at the number of fake male military scams going after woman. My friends grand mother of 93 years old pays 1000 every month to one of these fine online Fuckers. I tried to show her I even found an identical picture on a scam site and showed her, you know what she said to me? She said if it makes me happy then who does it hurt. She knows... so in your lack of understanding of people in this world with more of those going on then mistresses collecting how does that sit for male behavior? It doesn't!! What makes them successful is the loneliness that people feel there want to connect with someone because we treat people like shit and we live in a swipe left society where nothing is worth working for anymore, don't like it buy on to the next. So just because you might have someone I'm happy for you but learn what it means to empathize.

Also Mr walking contradiction "message everyone who appears to be local" is off putting! Hummm that's funny because in your profile it says "looking for play partners especially locally" but your different cuz you don't have to reach out to people you've got over 400 clips so your good right you just sit back and let the lower folk come to you. As a man you have to reach out what are you saying a woman gets 20 times the amount of chats a man does do you think she's gonna go looking anywhere. " oh this guy who messages everyone" how would they know who you've messaged it's not public information dick head. What's desperate is the pictures of you with the Fet shirt and the mug with the book all at the same time.

Lastly it says " you don't do anything you don't know how to do because your RESPONSIBLE like that" then what the he'll are you doing responding to a post that you didn't even read or have no clue wtf is what. Not very responsible..

Oh wait I'm new to this world and don't know shit obviously but I don't see this as something "I alone want to experience which doesn't benefit others" from my perception I see it as exactly the opposite it takes at least two and with some kinks 3 or 4 to experience this world and just being human in general we all share energy, (are you feeling mine) STOP take a deep breath and don't treat people as robots to use for your next clip. What I have to offer I would hope to make a lasting impression that a person can take with them forever benefiting there lives as well as mine. But I'm probably wrong in that thinking I'm sure..

Is this how you would behave to a woman if she pissed you off?. Anger is anger, and unisex.

[ey****]

Incidentally.  I don't mean to be blunt.

I think at the moment there's a lot I am finding tiring and it's the whole "people don't message me", "everyone is fake", "everyone wants tribute", "everyone is a scammer" that is just so... 

And I get it.  It's disappointing when you send what you feel is a good message and don't get a reply. Or if conversation starts but dies out.  Or you thought someone was interested in you but it was just someone pulling a scam.

And then the whole tribute thing (whether part of a scam, or if the person is doing some form of online Findom, or if they are a Pro Domme and think you want a session - 2 of those 3 are not permitted on *this site* at all, but are on others) and especially if you are new it can be difficult to tell the difference so even if you think a kinda "OK, so, I pay this amount and in exchange I can try all this stuff I fantasised about for years" to make sure the person is who they say they are.

 

But there's things folk can do to increase their chances

Don't want to pay a tribute, for whatever reason? Then don't. It's not mandatory.  Just, kinda, don't contact people who would clearly ask for that - or if it's not obvious, then, when they ask - apologise, end the conversation and move on.

But, accept things take time and use that time to also increase your own understanding which overall increases your chances.

So that if, I dunno, you chat to someone, and she is up for a quick meet - that you haven't both wasted time due to unrealistic expectations.  Because a lot of men are unrealistic.  Even at a simple terms of "I like foot worship, she likes her feet worshipped - this is mutual attraction!" when actually there's still some form of standards of why she'd want to do this *with you* 

[BruiseWayne]

On 9/14/2022 at 1:10 PM, kiseu said:

Switch here. This might bring different views, but hear me out. Also, only my experiences. I DON'T agree/like tributes, but some times, it would be nice if we were spoiled (flowers, expensive chocolates, cooking a nice meal, and eating together at a nice restaurant!) Letting you know there is alot of Submissives that don't do anything, and expect the Dominate to do everything since they are the "Dominate".... vacuum is mildly said. Half the time, it takes creativity... WORK. Some of your "beautiful" experiences are planned out before. It was really draining for me!! I don't mind doing the work, but expect to be spoiled from time to time.

I think due to the fact that a lot of submissives are in high stress/pressure jobs or situations in their private lives they're looking for their play time to be a way to turn all that off, and part of what makes them so stressed in the first place is the burden of having to deal with all kinds of decision making and the amount of anxiety it can potentially cause. Which is why for some simply being a passive participant in whatever is happening is what the hook is. Even beyond stress-filled work environments I've heard time after time from subs 'I just want to be able to turn my brain off.' as their reasoning for why they enjoy submission so much. And if you want to play like that with a willing participant, cool you do you.

 

The problem comes in when they expect EVERY Dom to want to play like that or have that kind of dynamic with them and they act all lazy and entitled as a result. I don't mind planning things out and being in charge of a lot of stuff, but if I don't feel like I'm getting much back aside from their presence then that can become a chore after a while, yeah.

[BruiseWayne]

As far as getting scammed goes, the unfortunate reality is that like some others have touched on, scammers go after a certain type of person, and you may not think that's who you are but there's something about you or how you go about your business that falls into the certain niche they're looking to exploit. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Nobody should be victim blaming someone for getting scammed unless they were profoundly stupid about it, but the cold truth is that there's something about you that you need to be wary of that happens to be susceptible to it.

 

What that is for each individual person is different but usually some type of desperation or loneliness and I get that you don't want to hear people telling you it's YOUR fault on top of all of that other shit. I wouldn't personally use that word because I wouldn't tell a woman who keeps getting into abusive relationships its her fault either, but... BUT... like I said, there is something about you that seems attractive to those kinds of people and you have to either figure out what that is on your own and try to avoid the patterns of behavior that lead you into it or seek some professional help because there's just no teaching someone how to have street smarts or that they need to avoid certain behaviors and behavioral patterns they're blind to sometimes.

 

And just so you know I'm not just here to berate you, I've been scammed before when I was in my early 20s, and once again when I was almost 30, but since then I've figured out what made me susceptible to believing those kinds of lies and not listening to my gut ( despite my better judgement ) so it hasn't happened since and I can confidently say it never will again. So I totally get it.

 

Thankfully I got off easy each time as far as the $$$ goes, but it still happened, and it was an awful experience both times. I'm sure I wouldn't like hearing about how it was due to something I'd done wrong because I'm sure you feel like you're the victim here, not the bad guy, but you really need to listen to the advice being given because it's pretty solid. Put your pride and ego to the side for a moment and forget about whether people are handling you delicately enough or not.

Edited September 17, 2022 by BruiseWayne
some words here n there

[se****]

We were all fools at some point in our lives.... me, me too!🖐 Most times we see the signs. The problem is when you have STRONG chemistry/attraction/feelings for the person, it is harder to Let Go. The focus should be on the practises of "Letting Go".

[Im****]

September 16, BruiseWayne said:

As far as getting scammed goes, the unfortunate reality is that like some others have touched on, scammers go after a certain type of person, and you may not think that's who you are but there's something about you or how you go about your business that falls into the certain niche they're looking to exploit. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Nobody should be victim blaming someone for getting scammed unless they were profoundly stupid about it, but the cold truth is that there's something about you that you need to be wary of that happens to be susceptible to it.

 

What that is for each individual person is different but usually some type of desperation or loneliness and I get that you don't want to hear people telling you it's YOUR fault on top of all of that other shit. I wouldn't personally use that word because I wouldn't tell a woman who keeps getting into abusive relationships its her fault either, but... BUT... like I said, there is something about you that seems attractive to those kinds of people and you have to either figure out what that is on your own and try to avoid the patterns of behavior that lead you into it or seek some professional help because there's just no teaching someone how to have street smarts or that they need to avoid certain behaviors and behavioral patterns they're blind to sometimes.

 

And just so you know I'm not just here to berate you, I've been scammed before when I was in my early 20s, and once again when I was almost 30, but since then I've figured out what made me susceptible to believing those kinds of lies and not listening to my gut ( despite my better judgement ) so it hasn't happened since and I can confidently say it never will again. So I totally get it.

 

Thankfully I got off easy each time as far as the $$$ goes, but it still happened, and it was an awful experience both times. I'm sure I wouldn't like hearing about how it was due to something I'd done wrong because I'm sure you feel like you're the victim here, not the bad guy, but you really need to listen to the advice being given because it's pretty solid. Put your pride and ego to the side for a moment and forget about whether people are handling you delicately enough or not.

Do you know what’s I believe what you say. And I used get targeted by scammers a lot. Once I removed my face pic it stopped 😅 that actually hurt a fair bit. Like holy shit they see my face and assume I’m desperate and lonely 😅 When i figure this out on say there like fuck you scammers