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How does everyone feel about jealousy?

ma****

By ma****
in Kink Academy

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ma****

ma****

Posted
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Is jealousy a bad thing? Is this taught through culture or is it natural (for some but not for others)? Should we pursue to be more open to non monogamous relationships?

Deleted Member

Posted
Yes. And if it's 'taught through culture' then it's natural. Culture is part of our nature.
lo****

lo****

Posted
I never have nor will have that emotion if they want some else's why bother rising *** pressure if your in an open relationship if you get jealous it means you really are not comfortable with it if partner get jealous they are not comfortable both really not committed to open relationships if you want to play away and don't want partner to or visa versa if they or you doing that your a arsehole and want your cake and eat it simple
Sa****

Sa****

Posted
Well that will depend on if sex is a sport or love. But I am a possessive man. If I’m willing to share my lover. It would only be for sport. Never love. Let’s just say that I have never met high school sweethearts that married early and we’re still married at death. And had an open relationship. Or are you talking about lust? Someone you marry for 2-10 years then leave when things get hard. 

Deleted Member

Posted
Honestly I think jealously is a normal human emotion. It’s just being overly jealous/controlling to the point it’s abusive that’s an issue. Some people don’t get jealous, some a little, some a lot, and then there are those who are way too jealous and controlling of their partner.

Depends on the person really.
lo****

lo****

Posted
I believe jealousy should hold u together or cautious and close together not divide u or split u up cus me for real I've loved every woman I ever been with to be honest and free enough to share them with another male and please show me how good it is to them and express how much they want it n like it it's so good to hear n see them be so free of guilt and shame for what feels so good to them what u think

Deleted Member

Posted
I would say that its definitely a cultural thing, but deep down as humans we will always want things we don’t have. So, I would say we are naturally envious. And as for being “open” as long as your not hate-criming anyone or just being an asshole who cares if others are monogamous or not. We should, as a society, just not shove our noses in other peoples lives.
ge****

ge****

Posted
Jealousy in and of itself isn't necessarily a bad thing, it's how it manifests itself and how individuals deal with it that can be though.
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It's natural, and levels of it vary from person to person, for some there's none whatsoever, for others it can become all consuming and lead them to some pretty dreadful behaviour.
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It all comes back to how we display it when it happens though, because it's something we can't control it happening, but absolutely can control how we deal with it.
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In the world of non-monogamy jealousy is quite common, and for some, those that don't deal with it well, I'd question whether that person should be pursuing such a lifestyle because it can eat away at you and make you fairly miserable, and worse.
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I tend not to get jealous as such, but can get wistful, which is low level jealousy of the "wish it was me" type, but when I do I usually recognise it and keep it under wraps, as I know it's me just overthinking things usually.
th****

th****

Posted
It’s a negative, destructive emotion that is the direct result of insecurity on the part of the jealous party. It’s a pre-historic throwback to the need to protect one’s interests when it comes to passing down your genes rather than your rival.
Like the appendix, it serves no useful function any more. All it does is throws a spotlight on the jealous person’s inability to communicate thoughts on feelings in a manner more constructive and more akin to sentient adults.
You see jealousy as a trigger emotion in toddlers around 18 months which they grow past and should leave it there.
I think the abbreviated version of the word jealous that our American cousins have adopted is an incredibly accurate depiction of the emotion.
Jealousy is literally like jelly: nutritionally bereft, a inconsequential blob, an emotion with no backbone or structure. A child’s plaything.
MasterWakka

MasterWakka

Posted
If jealousy controls you, it will eat you up and can be very destructive. Understand it and work out how to deal with it early. When I was very young I would of said I had bouts of jealously. But by my mid 20s I'd grown out of it
Im****

Im****

Posted
Jealousy is a human fraught, it’s present in most of us. I think you have to just learn to reason with yourself

Deleted Member

Posted
For some it’s uncontrollable - check the prison population - it can be uncontrollable, so beware.
su****

su****

Posted
Roleplay it’s pretty fun.. it’s soft and affectionate. Being jealous also could bring the best out in you! Makes you say what you want to say and have passion behind those words.
ka****

ka****

Posted
I think jealousy is valuable. It reveals areas of insecurity or anxiety that I may have in the relationship or myself. Areas I need to interrogate for my personal development
Sk****

Sk****

Posted
I think, if you’re talking about within the context of a relationship, jealousy is related to self-perceived flaws and inadequacy: “there’s something that makes me an insufficient partner that’s causing him/her to stray/light up around a certain person that they don’t normally do with me.”

I think this is best handled by putting it (your thoughts and feelings) into a proper perspective, as well as understanding human nature and simple day-to-day interactions. It’s more about growth and maturity.

Think of it this way:

Some people enjoy sampling all the chocolates in the box. Each chocolate has a different flavor, a different texture, a different smell.

Others have already gone thru the sampling process and have learned which chocolates they enjoy most and give them the most pleasure.

In the context of kink lifestyles, I personally find that I’m less jealous. There’s an investment that I have with the person/people, because it’s about a degree of commitment and not a full commitment. There’s an understanding in place that we enjoy sampling chocolate! And although there are aspects about one partner that he brings to the table (incredible vaginal coitus) he may not like giving anal… so there’s another partner that can deliver on that, and yet another who loves to give oral. Some partners are better for conversation, others are just good at being submissive and taking every last impact of the whip, and some just absolutely love breasts and ANR.

In a kink dynamic, I understand that jealousy can crop up, but consider this: most kink dynamics come to an end once they’ve lived out their time. What’s the point of bringing jealousy into the mix?

However, I will say this - if you find that being jealous of your lover brings a certain element of healthy, expressive aggression into the dynamic that’s primal and it adds to the dynamic rather than taking away from it or interfering with it, and it ultimately brings you and your partner closer, than by all means, utilize that to your advantage, but be sure to keep a healthy perspective - never let it control you - you have to control IT.

Also, be mindful and self-reflect. Ask yourself “why” you’re feeling jealous. Jealousy can be empowering (you learn about yourself and can identify your perceived flaws and can work on fixing/accepting them), or jealousy can be destructive, you turn your anger outward and take it out on the people you care about, and ultimately make yourself appear overwhelming, needy, insecure and lacking self-confidence. Some Doms like that because it gives them power. This is NOT the type of Dom I would want for myself, nor want to be. That kind of power, to me, is abusive (unless of course, depending on the person, that’s what they want).

So, in short, jealousy has various purposes, and everyone responds to jealousy differently. Inherently, I don’t think it’s bad, but it can become extremely bad depending on the mindful machinations of the person experiencing jealousy. I personally don’t believe it’s cultural, but I do believe that depending on the level of competition (between the person experiencing jealousy and the object of their jealousy), it can become quite heated. Especially if they know about one another and are acquainted.

Chicks commonly do this to establish power within their social group/when vying for someone they’re interested in. It’s irritating af to me. I don’t have time for that petty bs, and no one man is worth fighting over. Sharing, maybe, but not worth fighting over! 😂

Hope that helps. ❤️
Da****

Da****

Posted
9 hours ago, wicklowdom said:
Yes. And if it's 'taught through culture' then it's natural. Culture is part of our nature.

I must disagree...the very fact that something is needs to be taught means it is not natural. Jealousy is not a skill we are taught. We are taught to not be jealous.

Da****

Da****

Posted
6 hours ago, superunknown1 said:
It mean the same as selfish

I would tend to disagree... just because one is jealous of something doesn't mean they are selfish..

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