Things poser "Doms" have put me thru

[lo****]

To start off, yes I am ok.. now, but have been thru the ringer since becoming a sub. I hope that my experiences will help subs spot when they are with someone who just wants to control and/or ***, and know it's not how it's supposed to be, get out. I also hope baby Doms will realize, this is not the way to be either, no matter what you may see in porns, etc.

Example1) he was so insanely jealouse that if I TALKED to another male, and he wasn't in on the convo he threw a fit. He didn't give me the option of a safe word, and once, when I gave a male friend a birthday present he verbally tore me to shreds. I asked for my release repeatedly, and he would either change the subject, deny me outright, or pretend he didn't hear me. I wound up pretending a male friend and I were having fun on the sly and letting him put the pieces of his crazy Jealousy together to I was cheating...THEN he "dropped" me.

Example 2) Again, no option of safe word. In fact he would gag me so I couldn't beg him to stop. If I disagreed with him on anything, I would pay for it in *** later. Same if I said no.

Example 3) Thought that just because we had ONE scene he was my master. NO.

Example 4) Had a few scenes together and was considering taking it farther... until he let me know I would also be expected to service his friends if they so wished. Uh.. no.

That doesn't mention the ones who assume because I am a sub I will do what they want just because they are dominant.

I just blocked someone today who basically sent me "Be a good girl and help me cum." They didn't talk to me at all, just thought that is an appropriate way to talk to a sub they have NEVER talked to.

Subs, be careful out there. There's a lot of predators whonpretend to be Doms.

[Deleted Member]

I'm so sorry to hear of your experiences, I am glad that you are okay now though. I never understand what goes through people's heads who think they are a 'dom/me' and think that this entitles them to power immediately.

Thank you for being brave enough to share your experiences, I hope people learn from this and take more caution when speaking to people.

[SpikeySpart]

Sorry to hear this was your experience, its a disgrace how you have been treated, no respect at all.
It made me sad to read your story but applaud you for having the courage to speak up.
I would also recommend reporting this person to site admin if they are a member.
Be sure to take care of yourself and seek help if you need it.

[Deleted Member]

Thanks for sharing. Rough go at it for sure.

[Deviant_Ric]

Firstly, your experiences are horrible and nobody should ever be subject to that level of *** at the hands of someone who has given themselves a title.
Any form of kink/BDSM/alt etc relationship at it’s core is the same as any other type of relationship, or at least it should be; i.e. based on honest communication and trust.

When they start with some dickhead puffing his chest out and barking orders, and then not prepared to listen and discuss it’s doomed from the off.

Predators, bullies, ***rs, or simply naive in some cases; unless they listen, discuss, care and most of all respect your wishes then they ain’t no Dom.

[ge****]

What I find really sad is that there is even a need for posts like this - but there is and they serve as a reminder to all on either side of the coin of what can happen if you're not careful.
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They also provide valuable guidance to all that it *IS* perfectly acceptable to say no, or to question as a submissive, in fact I'd go further than "acceptable" it's a right to do so when we need to - anyone suggesting otherwise is waving a massive red flag.
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I'm sorry you had to experience those things OP and am glad you appear to have come out of it the better for it but still find it sad it even has to be said in the first place.

[Mon79]

About time someone approached this I feel there are not enough gent does about and that a lot of men on here just presume that because ur submissive and enjoy sex that they are automatically goin to get it, it’s turned me quite defensive, it sounds as though you’ve had some shitty experiences I hope it turns around for u pet x

[Of****]

Yeah that’s crazy stuff. Everyone, Doms and subs have their desires and expectations on what a relationship should look like and if someone tries to *** their desires on you without discussion, you need to cut ties quickly. Stay safe out there everyone.

[th****]

Jesus Christ. Why didn’t you leave the first situation. You don’t need the permission of an abusive asshole to leave them. What the hell is wrong with people that you were treated like this?

[Deleted Member]

“Be a good girl and help me cum.” Wow, there are some lost boys out there. It’s almost as bad as the lost little girls demanding simps be there cash piggies. I can’t help thinking this site used to have more class and I’ve came to it (earlier this year) while it’s on a downward spiral with terrible clientele.

Your bio says you’ve never had a dynamic in the physical realm, but this dilemma you gave certainly seems to have stemmed from a physical dynamic yes?

[Ge****]

That’s true. I feel like a lot of doms don’t understand that essentially the sub has all the power and that it’s an honor she’s relinquishing it to you. At the end of the day though if something isn’t ok with the sub (or Dom) then it shouldn’t happen

[he****]

Hi locketheart,,,,,what you tex seem to be a running trend the new generation of so called Dom or Master Sir,,,,and yes the porn site's do have a hand in the way they think about how to treat a submissive and it is all compleatly wrong ,,,,,,,and dose need addressing by the site providers to say it is all make believe by the porn industry just to make ***,,,,,,I just tex a submissive yesterday who has had the same trouble as you and told her that her body is hers and should not be touch unless she say so as well as always have a safe word or sign if bound or taped to stop proceeding,,,,,,you should be able to get a reading of your Dom within the first 7 second and if it not right just walk away,,,,it saves all that messing about when you have to leave your Dom ,,,,,to all submissive please stay safe because there are a lot of unhealthy people out there ,,,,,Master-geoff,,,,x

[Ex****]

Thank you for this especially me coming into the kink scene. I appreciate this post more than you know.

[Deleted Member]

Submission is a gift. Vet your partners. Go slow. Ask your partner what safety protocol they follow. If they don’t have one, move on.

[Ge****]

First… I am super glad you are now safe and recovered/recovering. This is a really great topic and one that doesn’t get near enough topic… it shouldn’t be necessary but… people mistake Dominant for Domineering and submissive for dehumanized object. Neither are okay!!
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So… first: “No” is a complete sentence as a friend of mine put it last night when we were talking about something similar. As a submissive, you do NOT need to justify your answer. If you feel safe explaining your reasons, you can and should to foster deeper understanding with the right Dominant, but you owe no justification for your limits. Your limits are just that: YOURS.
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Second: there is a rule all D-types ought to follow but many do not: “don’t touch what doesn’t belong to you” and that applies to toys and people. As a submissive, unless you are in a Dynamic, you belong to YOU. You may be *a* submissive, but you are not *theirs* unless you’ve explicitly given yourself to them. Period.
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Third: safe words are there for a reason. There are two primary consent models, SSC and RACK… but the bottom line is CONSENT. And as soon as you safe word, you are revoking your consent. Any actions taken that violate or negate consent are ***.
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So how do you spot an ***r/predator? If they don’t ask about safe words before play, that would raise your antenna. If they don’t seem interested in discussing them in depth, walk away. And gags just prevent verbal safewords, they do NOT prevent them. My favorite is a stress ball in her hand. Drop it and it’s an automatic “red”. Period. Whether it was intentional or not, I’m not taking chances. And any good Top should be similar. Maybe check in to be sure, but always ALWAYS err on the side of safety. Because that’s more important than any scene.
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So I thank you for sharing while I I lament that you have a story to tell. Be well. Don’t give up hope, there are a LOT of good D types out there. But don’t give your submission lightly, even just for a scene.

[BuddyB]

Great words of wisdom. I’m sorry you had to learn it through experience!

[ma****]

I can’t speak for everyone and I’m still no expert but some of those examples (I won’t mention which ones lol) I would be pretty happy with tbh. Maybe just preference? Maybe it’s just me?!

[EMandM]

Some "Doms" are just dicks with cool facial hair 🤦🏻‍♂️

[J-****]

Even on the guy side, Dom women sometimes think out junk doesn’t hurt and that we don’t get scared too. If we can’t communicate about a scene or role-play clearly then that is a NO-TRUST situation especially when gagged or tied.

[do****]

I'm happy to see you took the advice from our other thread and made your own. I'm happy you're okay and hopefully your experiences can help protect baby subs out there. ❤️

[Deleted Member]

It consistently amazes me how uncivilized people keep behaving. Like they are incapable of basic human life beyond their urges for sex or fantasy fulfillment.

[Deleted Member]

So tired of these men calling themselves, doms but knowing nothing abt being dominant.
Its the subs who end up getting hurt ...

[Do****]

I'm sorry you had to go through all that. These fake Doms really piss me off. I do hope these experiences made you stronger. Normal communication, talking to each other (not just about D/s!) are absolute requirements before anything else.

[RJ****]

I'm so sorry you had such a bad experience. Yes, unfortunately there are a lot of fakes and ***rs. You have shown a great deal of strength however and I truly hope you find someone that will match what you are looking for. You have shown anyone who believes subs are weak that they are wrong. To give submission is a powerful act and should be recognized as that. In the future. I advise to always discuss your limits before ever engaging in a scene and certainly avoid anyone who doesn't believe in safe words. I'm glad to see strong subs warning, helping, and encouraging other subs. Good luck in your search. He is out there.

[highlandlass54]

Way too many like this unfortunately, they confuse aggression and bullying with Dominance. I’m glad you are out of this destructive dynamic.