Why just sex

[SamPup]

So after being on here for a bit I've come to notice that majority of people that I meet are looking for a sex partner instead of a Dom/sub relationship. I personally am not into sexual side of things but do have kinks such as pet play, collars, ear, tail etc. Can someone put some insight into this for me - i get that bdsm is generally sex related.
I view a love relationship as someone who is a partner that has sex as a benefit or uses it as a punishment.
Is this just me or does anyone else catch my drift?
Thanks
Woof

[ge****]

Presumably those you meet are men? If so, there lies your answer, a lot of men see this as a sex site and not necessarily a kink one, or see kink as sex - be more selective with those you agree to meet, lay out what you are looking for and only meet those that match it.
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Also BDSM isn't necessarily sex related - for some it might be, but it doesn't have to be sexual as such

[Deleted Member]

Old school BDSM was not necessarily sex related. These days people (of all genders) see kink and BDSM and swinging all one and the same (thank online porn). There are still some old school BDSMers out there! Make it clear what you’re looking/not looking for to help weed them out.

[Deleted Member]

this is not a BDSM only site. It's called fetish.com.
You can see in the list of possible preferences/interests that there's a LOT that's sexual.
I think if you really want what you want, you should be really clear about it upfront. You owe that to the potential partner. And of course they also need to be clear in that they don't want what you want. Otherwise they're just being an asshole.
But you need to be clear first and have seen signs they really understood.

[Deleted Member]

There is no difference from other dating sites. Alot of men are looking for "sex only" there too. More men thinking this site (fetish/kink) is a vending machine of easy sex.

[Deleted Member]

9 minutes ago, kiseu said:

There is no difference from other dating sites. Alot of men are looking for "sex only" there too. More men thinking this site (fetish/kink) is a vending machine of easy sex.

There are more men vocal here for a sex partner. Think about it, in vanilla sites if these guys were vocal in "looking for sex partner", most women would block them.

Edited October 6, 2022 by Deleted Member

[so****]

Because it's just the nature of humans. To just want shallow sex. As someone who can & often does separate my BDSM from sex, it makes things difficult. Bdsm often does incorporate sexual acts, but to me it fills a completely different need than sex. So to me, sex can be by itself, or in combination with BDSM. However, many times my personal style of BDSM will stand alone without any sex involved. Idk. People are shallow. Not all of course, but far too many. Idk. But I hear you & I'm glad you're making this point. Most of the people here are on the wrong app. They should be redirected to tinder or pof😂 "oh but I like ROUGH sex & this place makes finding that easy!" Yeah great but still - unless you have an interest in BDSM or kink, do is a favor & check out tinder or pof instead. K? Sweet. lol

[Deleted Member]

3 minutes ago, sonofthunder777 said:

Because it's just the nature of humans. To just want shallow sex. As someone who can & often does separate my BDSM from sex, it makes things difficult. Bdsm often does incorporate sexual acts, but to me it fills a completely different need than sex. So to me, sex can be by itself, or in combination with BDSM. However, many times my personal style of BDSM will stand alone without any sex involved. Idk. People are shallow. Not all of course, but far too many. Idk. But I hear you & I'm glad you're making this point. Most of the people here are on the wrong app. They should be redirected to tinder or pof😂 "oh but I like ROUGH sex & this place makes finding that easy!" Yeah great but still - unless you have an interest in BDSM or kink, do is a favor & check out tinder or pof instead. K? Sweet. lol

I understand Tinder, but I get confused at times. In Germany, Tinder is one of the most popular vanilla sites for people looking for Serious real relationships.

[Deleted Member]

We live in a society that is sexually repressed, and this is one of very few sites dedicated to kink dating, where we can talk openly not just about kink but our sexual needs in general.
And yes, kinks are generally sexual. They are defined as paraphilias, which are atypical sexual fantasies or urges. So don't be surprised if the vast majority here are talking about sex! 😊
You are definitely in a minority - the more niche your kinks are the harder you have to look for someone who will be compatible. Sadly that is just the way life is for the kinky!

[Jeromiah]

The person above who says the people just looking for sex should go to tinder. Please don’t redirect the sex perverts there. I think tinder should stay relationship based as it’s the only decent free dating app I’ve tried so far. There are plenty of hookup apps but I don’t think tinder is one of them. Met plenty of decent people just wanting an honest relationship on there. Sure you get the odd ones just looking for sex and that’s fine. It’s a mix app but there are plenty of actual hookup apps that advertise they are for people looking for casual sex whereas tinder is advertised for dating. I’d like to keep it that way. And fyi dating and sex is different too. Dating is the act of meeting a few times to get to know each other to find out if you’re both compatible for a relationship.

[Jeromiah]

Now here is my response to the OP. I’m the same. My bdsm needs are separate from sex. I have always wanted a domestic servant since I was a kid. So not sexual! If I wanted a slave since I was a kid it certainly has never been about sex! Mum said we couldn’t afford an actual servant so when I learned about bdsm slaves I thought great that’s for me! I realised that it was possible to acquire a free slave because these people actually enjoy the act of serving someone. So I joined a few bdsm dating sites and social media but unfortunately all I got were blokes wanted to serve me in a sexual way and when I serve me I mean serve themselves! They wanted me to “dominate them” by going on about their cocks and put them in chastity and tell them when and when they cannot or can masturbate and im like nah that’s not what I’m looking for. That doesn’t benefit me at all. What I wanted was somebody to wait on me hand and foot and do whatever I say and obey me but for it to not have anything to do with their body parts. I couldn’t care less about putting them in chastity or whether or not they masturbated. I wanted them to stand at attention, now to me, kiss my feet and hands, clean my house, cook for me and accompany me when I go out and carry my stuff, open doors for me and generally make my life easier.
I have realised that that is what some people want to do but so far I’ve not been able to actually meet anyone to do this. The majority just want sex and im like no this is not what I want. Yes I would like a sexual partner but only in a relationship and it’d be actually quite vanilla. It’s quite frustrating and I feel your ***

[Jeromiah]

Me Casey I agree I too am a paraphiliac. I do actually find sexual satisfaction just by ordering someone around and degrading them. I don’t just get turned on by physical sex acts but by having total power over someone or them me but without sex involved he he

[Jeromiah]

Mrcasey. Sorry it keeps putting me

[Jeromiah]

October 6, kiseu said:

There is no difference from other dating sites. Alot of men are looking for "sex only" there too. More men thinking this site (fetish/kink) is a vending machine of easy sex.

That’s because there’s a lot of women advertising they’re easy. So the women don’t help.

[ge****]

8 minutes ago, Jeromiah said:

That’s because there’s a lot of women advertising they’re easy. So the women don’t help.

A lot of women advertising they are easy? Not sure which sites you've been on, but, whilst I acknowledge *some* do, I wouldn't say it's anywhere near "a lot" in fact quite the opposite - the overwhelming majority of women I've encountered on sites like this one are very clear they are anything but "easy".

[ge****]

21 minutes ago, Jeromiah said:

Now here is my response to the OP. I’m the same. My bdsm needs are separate from sex. I have always wanted a domestic servant since I was a kid. So not sexual! If I wanted a slave since I was a kid it certainly has never been about sex! Mum said we couldn’t afford an actual servant so when I learned about bdsm slaves I thought great that’s for me! I realised that it was possible to acquire a free slave because these people actually enjoy the act of serving someone. So I joined a few bdsm dating sites and social media but unfortunately all I got were blokes wanted to serve me in a sexual way and when I serve me I mean serve themselves! They wanted me to “dominate them” by going on about their cocks and put them in chastity and tell them when and when they cannot or can masturbate and im like nah that’s not what I’m looking for. That doesn’t benefit me at all. What I wanted was somebody to wait on me hand and foot and do whatever I say and obey me but for it to not have anything to do with their body parts. I couldn’t care less about putting them in chastity or whether or not they masturbated. I wanted them to stand at attention, now to me, kiss my feet and hands, clean my house, cook for me and accompany me when I go out and carry my stuff, open doors for me and generally make my life easier.
I have realised that that is what some people want to do but so far I’ve not been able to actually meet anyone to do this. The majority just want sex and im like no this is not what I want. Yes I would like a sexual partner but only in a relationship and it’d be actually quite vanilla. It’s quite frustrating and I feel your ***

If you want a domestic servant to cater to your needs are you not just doing exactly what you say those men who have contacted you are doing? Putting your needs ahead of anyone else's without them getting anything from it?
.
Now you're totally within your rights to look for that of course, but are you really that surprised you haven't found what you're looking for? There are of course men and women who enjoy domestic servitude as part of their submission, but they will expect something in return for that over and above being a lackey to someone, whether that be the occasional swat or some form of *** etc
.
It doesn't sound like you want a submissive/slave at all - more an unpaid (in any sense of the term) dogsbody

[Deleted Member]

41 minutes ago, Jeromiah said:

The person above who says the people just looking for sex should go to tinder. Please don’t redirect the sex perverts there. I think tinder should stay relationship based as it’s the only decent free dating app I’ve tried so far. There are plenty of hookup apps but I don’t think tinder is one of them. Met plenty of decent people just wanting an honest relationship on there. Sure you get the odd ones just looking for sex and that’s fine. It’s a mix app but there are plenty of actual hookup apps that advertise they are for people looking for casual sex whereas tinder is advertised for dating. I’d like to keep it that way. And fyi dating and sex is different too. Dating is the act of meeting a few times to get to know each other to find out if you’re both compatible for a relationship.

Tinder absolutely was designed as a hookup app - it was the very first successful mainstream hookup app (although it actually ripped off the homosexual hookup app Grindr). I've been using internet dating since the 1980's and I remember when it was launched that location based instant hookups was it's primary differentiator.  
It has since tried hard to reposition itself as a general dating app but it's not a patch on proper dating apps like Match, Hinge, Bumble, OKCupid etc which allow people to actually search by similarities in other's profiles! On Tinder I can't exclude smokers, or choose only to see people with similar interests even. It's pretty awful IMHO other than for hookups. 

[Deleted Member]

44 minutes ago, Jeromiah said:

Me Casey I agree I too am a paraphiliac. I do actually find sexual satisfaction just by ordering someone around and degrading them. I don’t just get turned on by physical sex acts but by having total power over someone or them me but without sex involved he he

I think what you describe is absolutley right - that's true for many of us. While I certainly do enjoy sex, I can quite happily play with a partner for hours without stimulating myself, and the buzz after a good session like that is far more powerful than any orgasm.
The OP didn't say anything about getting any sexual gratification out of their kinks which is what I think is very unusual.  But perhaps they just weren't being clear / explicit about what they meant. 

[Deleted Member]

19 hours ago, Jeromiah said:

Now here is my response to the OP. I’m the same. My bdsm needs are separate from sex. I have always wanted a domestic servant since I was a kid. So not sexual! If I wanted a slave since I was a kid it certainly has never been about sex! Mum said we couldn’t afford an actual servant so when I learned about bdsm slaves I thought great that’s for me! I realised that it was possible to acquire a free slave because these people actually enjoy the act of serving someone. So I joined a few bdsm dating sites and social media but unfortunately all I got were blokes wanted to serve me in a sexual way and when I serve me I mean serve themselves! They wanted me to “dominate them” by going on about their cocks and put them in chastity and tell them when and when they cannot or can masturbate and im like nah that’s not what I’m looking for. That doesn’t benefit me at all. What I wanted was somebody to wait on me hand and foot and do whatever I say and obey me but for it to not have anything to do with their body parts. I couldn’t care less about putting them in chastity or whether or not they masturbated. I wanted them to stand at attention, now to me, kiss my feet and hands, clean my house, cook for me and accompany me when I go out and carry my stuff, open doors for me and generally make my life easier.
I have realised that that is what some people want to do but so far I’ve not been able to actually meet anyone to do this. The majority just want sex and im like no this is not what I want. Yes I would like a sexual partner but only in a relationship and it’d be actually quite vanilla. It’s quite frustrating and I feel your ***

I understand this is your wants and desires.  To me, this is a one way road "My way or the highway", and very bad energy!

[Deleted Member]

19 hours ago, Jeromiah said:

That’s because there’s a lot of women advertising they’re easy. So the women don’t help.

Yes, there are women advertising easy, but these predators (using a body to f**k) are just like women who are Goldiggers. They are looking for any easy target first, but basically a numbers game (all size, shapes, looks) until they catch one who has low self-esteem to use. Same ideas, same tatics on both men and women.